WendyJ

Thanks so much again to everyone who posted and those that emailed me privately or called instead. It was a rough day but it is now after midnight and I got through it with some wonderful memories of my Steve and the life and the love we shared. Thanks again for all your love and support. Love Always, Wendy

Thanks so much everyone, Kay you are too sweet to start this thread for me. As the day moves on my heart is breaking. I look at the calendar here at work and my heart is telling me it is a very special day, a day for celebration, yet my brain is telling me there is nothing to celebrate any longer. I just found out that on this date my daughters were going to send us on a second honeymoon as they always felt bad that on our first it rained the whole week. I am having a rough time of it today, but having my family and friends to hold me up and get me through this is so special to me. Kay nothing is really planned, wasn't sure of what I could handle. At midnight last night I lit a candle but that is about it. Thanks again everyone. Love You, Wendy

Oh Teny I am so so happy and glad I can breathe now ! How simply wonderful that her birthday is a day away from Yianny's, think about it my friend ...out of 365 days in a year her birthday is that close to Yianny's yet not on the day so she has her own special day. I wonder what they will name her, the first thing that comes to my mind is the name Hope. Hope for a new beginning, Hope for happier days ahead. Love you my dear friend. Love Always, Wendy

Talia even though we have been talking privately I wanted to respond to what your therapist told you about it taking half the time you were together to get over Marc...dear goodness what are they thinking ? First of all we never get over losing them, we just learn to accept it and continue on without them here physically but just keeping them in our hearts. Second of all if that were the case and I was with Steve a total of dating and married 36 years does that mean it will take me a total of 18 years to get over him? Now something does not sound right there to me, do you agree ? Love Always, Wendy

Amanda I am so sorry for your loss of Chad, your relationship with him reminds me so much of how mine was with my husband, then boyfriend Steve. We met when I was 15yrs old, he was 18. It was love at first site and I knew from the first minute I saw him that he was the one I would marry. We did the whole Prom thing and the dating scene and we also were never apart. When I was 21 we married and through the years we had 2 beautiful daughters and bought a home and had many hopes and dreams for the future. Sadly on March 7th of 2007 he was taken very suddenly from me from a blood clot that traveled to his heart, he was 51 at the time. Sadly also this coming tuesday would have been our 30th wedding anniversary and I will be spending it alone. So you see I do understand what you are going through even though mine was a much longer period of time because I remember all too well how strong our relationship was from the very beginning and would have been devastating even back then, like you and Chad we were soulmates. Let me tell you, you do have to go through the grieving process and as much as it hurts you have to let him go and rest. This by no means says that you will forget him or lose your memories, how could that be? Do you think I could forget all the memories I had with my husband after a total of over 30 years from the time we met ? Hell no !!! It has been 2 years now since he has been gone and I still have a hard time, how could I not and the closest people to me here know I have been through other personal hells since then and right now I am going through another but you have to somehow continue on and live, that is all they would want for us and we need to do that for them. If this were reversed and it were you that passed would you still want him going through what you are or would you want him to accept your death and go on with his life and be happy again and keep you alive in his heart with all the happy memories you two shared? If anything ask yourself that question okay? Please keep coming back to this group, without my family here I truly believe I would not have made it and we all will be here for you too. Love Always, Wendy

Talia I am so sorry for your loss of your boyfriend Marc, my husband was also 51 when he passed....way too young and way too sudden and unexpected. I had 2 daughters with my husband, who are older now but each time I look at them I see so many memories, so many traits of my Steve and that is what you will have too with your daughter. A part of him will always be in your daughter, please remember that and as hard as it is to go on, you have a precious life in you to think of so you need to try to get your rest and good nutrition. Marc is watching over you and he will be there for the birth of your daughter, how could he not? Please take care of yourself and remember to come here whenever you need us...we are all in this together and you are now a member of this family so take advantage of that and feel our love, support and blessings. Love Always, Wendy

Mary Linda I am sorry some idiot stol the mailbox...damn isn't anything safe anymore ? Did you ask at the cemetary if maybe they are the ones who took it down? Sometimes they don't want things like that up....again I am so so sorry. Love Always, Wendy

Frog I am so sorry also for all that you are going through. Many of understand all too well what you are experiencing and feeling. Please come back and join our wonderful family here, we will be there for you and help you the best we can. Love Always, Wendy

Kim that is such horrible news....one thing after another ! Please remember we are here for you if you need us and you will be in our thoughts and prayers ! Love Always, Wendy

My sweet Teny I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this week my dear far away friend, please always remember we are here for you when you need us. Love Always, Wendy

Kay what kind of keyboard do you have that has those symbols...mine doesn't have them. Wendy

Walt didn't you say that her birthday was also on the 11th ? That is rough when both dates are so close.... Love Always, Wendy

Walt my thoughts and prayers are with you and Jeannie today, remember she will always be in your heart and you someday will meet again ! Love Always, Wendy

Teny I hope you had a nice birthday, sorry this wish is late, having computer problems at home. Talk to you soon ! Love Always, Wendy

Derek, It was 3 years ago today you lost Karen, a wonderful wife and mother and I wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Carson on this day and always. You already know how proud I am of you with the wonderful job you are doing with Carson, it has been very hard I know. You also have given such wonderful advice and support to this group of us who are on this horrible journey together and I know we all send our love and prayers to you today. Godspeed to you and Carson my dear friend, sweet dreams. ((((HUGS)))) Love you, Wendy

Daddy's girl, I have not lost a parent yet although my mother has been fighting lung cancer but I lost my husband to a blood clot that went to his heart and I lost a dear friend whom was one of the owners where I work to Pancreatic Cancer. You are right it is a horrible disease to not only go through but to witness also. The best advice I can give you is for you and your Dad and your whole family to open up to one another and to tell eachother how much you love one another and talk about all the wonderful memories you all have. Do not wait till it is too late as you will never get this time back and yes you are going to cry..alot but it needs to be done and things need to be said. Make each day special and memorable, take the time to maybe read to him or do a puzzle with him or just sitting and talking can be so special to him. You will know when the time is right to do all this, especially being a nurse. I am praying for you and your dad and your family...I do know what you are going through and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Love Always, Wendy

Marty, I wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you today on your Mother's birthday. I so enjoyed reading your tribute to her, so beautifully written and she was truly an amazing woman. My mom used to also read "Little Women" to me and that is where I got my middle name of Jo. Lighten your heart today with all your wonderful memories of such a lovely lady, she helped make you who you are which is an inspiration and a loving support system to all of us here. Love Always, Wendy

Jeanne just wanted you to know I am thinking of you today as I know today will be a difficult one for you. Maybe you can go light a candle for him here through the group, I enjoy doing that on special days. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all day today.... Love Always, Wendy

Kim my thoughts and prayers are with you today on Dan's Birthday, I hope you can think of all the special birthdays you spent with him in the past. I will also say a prayer for your good health. Love Always, Wendy

Hello Maury we have missed you here. I can not say I am not where I expected to be as I really never knew what to expect, looking into the future scared the crap out of me as all I could see was being alone. I can say I am where I am now because of loving family and some very important friends here in this group, I still do not know what my future holds and I am only about 6 months behind you. I do wish I could get back my energy and enthusiasm also, some days are better than others but I am still not where I used to be. It is so nice to hear from you again. Love Always, Wendy

My experience with Anti-Depressants is they help to keep you in focus so that you can handle things alittle more rationally. They do not take all your pain away, they do not fix any of your problems, they just help you to cope in such a subtle way you don't even really notice it. You still feel, you still cry you still hurt etc. it just takes some of the edge off and of course that also depends on the dosage, I am on a very mild dosage. If your doctors feel it will help you then you have to make that decision yourself whether you agree with them. I do not feel any side effects, but that does not mean you won't. If you do try them though do not just stop taking them suddenly, you have to be slowly weened off of them or you could experience sudden health problems not to mention withdrawls. I think it is better to go back to work as soon as possible, I gave it 3 weeks as it helps to keep you busy, but the amount of time is purely an individual decision. By all means if you feel taking a couple days off to relax, go right ahead if it is allowed but then get right back in there again. The longer you take off the harder it is to get back into the swing of things again...good luck. Love Always, Wendy

Nope you are not crazy, and if they say you are..then so are we. I know what you mean about needing your job, but not being able to focus, the fact that I am at work and responded to you so quickly should tell you how much I focus and I have a company to run! LOL No seriously I am in the beginning of my 3rd year now and I email too much at work, and stare out the window too much and my mind wanders too much which makes it very hard to focus, but I am getting better and you will too..in time. That is all you have to remember right now...you need time and you take all the time you need and if people don't like it, oh well they can just deal with it because that is the way it is going to be. Listen to what your body and your mind tell you as far as needing sleep or anything else also, you do what you need to do to get back on your feet again and whatever you do keep coming here as we are here for you ! Love Always, Wendy

David'sGirlStill, You say you feel like your heart is broken and that is because it is and all the crazy glue in the world can't repair it and not one person in this world can take the pain away. The only thing that helps is time, time to heal and time to mend your broken heart enough to go on. I was married to my husband 28 years when I lost him and together for 34 years and he was my whole world, I never lived alone, I never dated other than him so I know what people mean when they say they are lost, I most certainly am. You are going to cry in public, you are going to cry in work, you are going to cry so hysterically at times that you can no longer see and wonder how you will go on etc. and you can not avoid it no matter how much time you wait before you return to work. I used to cry hysterically every day on my way home from work because I could not bear going home to an empty house, yet there was no place else I wanted to be. I no longer do that on a daily basis, but still do cry alot when I get in bed at night and just the other day I heard a song in Michael's store that my daughter used in a tribute video for him and I really broke down. People are going to say things that may seem hurtful to you, but they don't mean to, they really don't know what to say unless they too have experienced what we are going through. I really doubt the majority of people out there would intentionally say something hurtful to someone who has lost a loved one, they just know they need to say something but just not sure what. I also remember thinking the same thing about the world moving on, you see people laughing and smiling and you see families together and you think how can they be so happy when someone so wonderful and loving just died, don't they know who he was? Like me my friend you were together with your husband a lifetime and you can not get over that in a month or a year or in my instance 2 years, you just learn how to somehow go on without them physically here but know their memory will always be alive in your heart and there they will always be warm and safe and nobody can take that away from you. Love Always, Wendy

Jackie I too am sorry I did not see this post and haven't been on too much lately. I hope you are doing well my friend and my thoughts and prayers are with you as you hit this important milestone in your grieving. I know Lawrence is with you always, and as you start your second year I hope with each passing day it gets alittle bit easier. Love Always, Wendy

Hello Teny my far away friend ! I am here and I am so glad you made it through the night without a pill...CONGRATULATIONS !!! April will be a hard month for me too, on the 28th it would have been mine and Steve's 30th wedding anniversary.....that one is going to be hard for me. I will tell Derek to pop in and say hello when he gets back and settles in, right now he is on his way back home and in New Mexico for the night before getting back on the road again. Take care and I will talk to you soon ! Love You ! Wendy