spela

I am sorry for your losses. JeepGuy and Rep1Right, I also feel alone - I must say though the reason is mostly in me, because I just can't stand stupid advice (on how I should "get over it") or jokes or the trivial things people talk about, and it's easier to be alone. Robbcity, I had a problem with the lack of energy for quite a few months, and didn't know whether this is a normal part of grief. I only wanted to sleep and didn't know how to get my energy back. I think what helps me is my dog and dog school - that's really the only place (besides my job) where I meet people and it's good to talk only about dogs and also it is good to see how they enjoy doing things. So I guess if you start to do things that you enjoyed doing before, maybe that will give you some energy. And take time for yourself. I was so exhaustet sometimes, I just HAD to take a day off of work, turned off the phone do nothing or drive somewhere. That helped too (at least for that day).

I agree with WaltC. And I am really really glad that this site is working again! WaltC, I feel that way too about my friends. I know I am the one who's been avoiding people. After weeks and months of not answering most of the phone calls people stopped calling. But I just couldn't be around them, as they would probably want to make me feel better by talking about their little problems, some guys at work who didn't know what to say even started to make jokes about something (that was very shortly after he died - I just stood ther and could not believe we live in the same world). KayC, one of my good (???) friends hasn't contacted me since he died. Not on phone call or at least email - nothing. I must say I haven't tried to contact her either. Only now I am beginning to talk to the people again. Only a few days ago I accepted an invitation from one of my friends to go out for a coffee - I probably wouldn't have but I owed her a few things that I had borrowed about a year ago - and it was ok. Only yesterday I answered a phone call from one of my best friends who has been calling me despite my silence. I haven't seen her since the funeral - because I didn't want to see anybody. Now I think, I'm more capable of being around people - well most of the time I still prefer to be alone but at least sometimes I can be around others without feeling uncomfortable. So, WaltC, there is hope for that. KayC, it IS ok to talk about your feelings. I'm sorry that the people who should be there for you aren't. But we are here.

I am sorry for your loss. Keep writing here, you'll see you're not alone.

I am sorry for your losses. Tim, I would like to say to you that you shouldn't feel you're disappointing your mom because you feel sad. Afterall, we are only human and she understands it it something you have to go through. Take care of yourselfs, all of you.

I'm sorry KayC, sometimes I think that maybe there are some things that I shouldn't write about - but then, if you don't talk about it, you don't make such thoughts disappear. I know the feelings that you have, trust me. I did feel suicidal for some time. It helped me to talk (write) about it, and knowing that I'm not alone with such feelings and I'm not a bad person for feeling that way did help (I'd like to thank my friend from this forum, she'll know I mean her even if I don't mention her name) I still feel that way sometimes - but definitely not all the time. So I think I could call that a progress. Take care, KayC, you're not alone.

It is hard to see someone you love suffering from a disease, especially when the prognosis is not good. But I had HOPE then - what do I have now?

Someone said to me, on the day of the funeral, that "it was expected he would die". NO, I DIDN'T expect that! Yes he had cancer, and yes, I was aware of the fact that statistically less than 5 % of patients with liver cancer live survive (for more than 5 years after the diagnosis) - but HE is not some statistical data. He is someone I love, someone who had so much energy, who so much wanted to live, and I believe he would we well!! And even if I had expected that he would die, was that supposed to make me feel better???? I just coulnd't believe what people say ... Someone said it is him who died, not me - meaning I should "move one", forget. Forget?????!!!?!?!!?

I'm so sorry Charlie. I have a dog - well actually two if I count my mom's dog who's almost mine as well, I don't know what I would do without them ...

KayC and Charlie ... all I can do right now is crying ... I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know how to go on with my life with joy, I don't know why ...

Thank you for your replies. KayC, I have to think about your words. I thinks it's difficult to accept the thought that I could ever be happy, as I don't really want to be? Only when I dream about him. I had such wonderful dreams, I was so happy and so safe in his arms. SOOOO happy in my dream. I wish I had such dreams more often.

KayC, I'm sorry that you're dealing with insensitive remarks. I think that's one of the reasons why I (still) avoid people and rather spend my time alone. One thing that I want to write about after reading that your cat's been missing: Janez's cat disappeared about two weeks after he died, we couldn't find him. One of our friends said maybe he went to Janez ... Interesting thing is that when I wrote about it on another forum, I got an answer from a guy whose brother who died had I think two cats, and they both disappeared after he died ... I know it's hard to ignore stupid remarks when you're already down, that's why I try to avoid any chance to hear them. But I still do. They just don't understand, probably I wouldn't either. But it hurts. Take care.

I had a few "good" days, days when I was not in constant pain and was able to DO some things. But there's always this thought: why am I still here? Why should I live and how can "they" expect me to live and be happy while this life ended for him. Oh I know we all have to die someday, some young, some old, and I know that a lot of people die young, including so many children - but I still feel it's NOT FAIR!!! He didn't have a chance to have children, which is something he really wanted. There are so many things he will be missing. Why should I live, why should I have ANY good moments, ever???? I know, you'll probably say the same thing as I would say to you, that is that he (would) want(s) me to be happy, and I am sure if it was me who died, I would want him to be happy. But it's just not fair that he had to die and I at least have a chance to live, though I don't really want to.

KayC, I read your post yesterday but didn't know how to respond. WaltC wrote what I would want to write. I just want to say that I feel the same way. And I'm SCARED - of my life, of all the years I have left and I won't see him, and sometimes I fear I can't do that. It's only been a little more than 6 months, and the thought of not being able to see him for years and possibly decades really scares me.

I'm sorry for your loss. I just want you to know you're not alone. I know how "stupid" (I would rather use a stronger word but I won't here) people can be. How can the death of someone you love be a relief??? Someone said to me once something like: we all knew he would die! What????????? Is that why that person didn't call or ask how he was??? You have done the most you could - you have given your husband all your love, ans isn't that the most presious gift any person can get? I know people want you to look ok, but not for your sake, but because your depression and tears make THEM feel uncomfortable. Well who cares about them! (yes I am a little angry) Let yourself grieve, and take care of yourself.

KayC, one thing I DO believe is that he is well, I believe that he is in a wonderful peaceful place and surrounded with love. I also believe that I will see him again. It's the time until then that I have to figure out what to do and how to live. I know how hard it is when people say such stupid remarks, when you're too vulnerable to be able to ignore them. Eventually you learn to do that and just don't listen to them. BUT that leads to spending time alone. And I do need to talk about him with someone who knows him. I went out with his sister yesterday and it felt good to talk about him - she is the only person I can talk to. Most people don't mention him, and I just hate it, it makes me feel like they've already forgotten him??? I am sure you and George will know each other. How couldn't you? With so much love between you two - he's there with you now, you feel each other's love and you always will.

I could never imagine I would ever be so lonely. I don't feel that I have friends left, they stopped calling as I wasn't answering the phone for a long time. I feel it is my fault, I know I avoid people most of the time, and that I am depressed and sometimes mean to them, when they say some stupid remarks, and I know that if I was them I probably wouldn't want to spend time with me - so what do I expect?!?? But I can't pretend that I am doing fine, I can't pretend that I'm happy or that I'm interested in their new car or something, I can't laugh at their jokes or talk about where to buy furniture (at least not with any interest). I'm sometimes hostile to people because they have their LIVES. No, nobody understands, I'm so alone. thanks for listening ...

And he calls himself a couselor???? Ustwo, I know what you mean. 6 months - more than 6 months and still, I feel like I'm stuck in a timeless zone, as I wrote to my friend from this forum, and it just doesn't seem real that the days do bo by and things happen around.

I don't even know what to write. I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is normal grief or is it depression? I don't like myself much right now. I feel like no one really cares about me - but at the same time I'm the one who doesn't answer the phone or who is sometimes mean to people who ask stupid questions and I think that it is normal that they don't want to be around me. I spent my weekend doing nothing (except taking my dog out) - I was at home, watching TV without interest and eating sweets which made me feel even worse. Sometimes I think how it would be if I died - not that I want to but I wouldn't really mind. I cried a lot in the last months - well these days I don't really care about anything. Sorry, I'm not able to write any uplifting words right now ...

I am sorry for your losses. I don't even know what to say, it really must be the hardest thing a person can go through. Please don't blame yourself. You couldn't have know what would happen, there was no way you could see into future. Take care of yourself, though you don't know why and what your purpose could be. What gives me strenght - at least in my "good" moments - is that I want to keep his memories alive and that's why I want/have to live.

Ustwo, thank you for your words! Though it was a reply to KayC, your post has given me some comfort. Thank you!

KayC, wonderul lyrics, thank you. Who's the author?

KayC, I do know what you are talking about. I've had many many day like that. It's been almost six months now. If I look back, I don't know HOW I managed to ge through it. Especially the first 3 months, I was in darkness all the time. It took me more than 3 months before I had 1 (one!) not so bad day, and then it got even worse before it got a little better again. What I keep telling myself is that I have to live because I want to keep his memories alive, and one day when I have more energy I will maybe write a book and dedicate it to him or do something similar, I can't think about it now. What has given me strenght is my faith that he's still here, with me. Sometimes I can so clearly feel his presence and I feel love and peace. Sometimes I can't feel it, and I even start to think if it was real or just an illusion and wonder if I will ever feel it again - but now I am able (I think) to remind myself that I will. And that's I think how I've managed to survive. Does it get easier? I don't know. The truth is that my days now are not all in dark, that I am in fact able to do some things, that I am more ready to talk to some people - though I must say, most of the people I can't talk to, and the truth is, I do feel alone. I can't say it hurts less, but the pain is different now, I am more often able to think of the wonderful things that we have had, and be thankful for the moments we have spent together. And that maybe can be called healing. Wishing you love and peace!

KayC, I don't know how to answer you. I did have a chance to be with him while he was dying and I know he died in peace - that at least gives me some comfort. I do believe though that your George as found his peace now, and he knows and understands that you couldn't be there, and knows that you WERE there in your heart. It's been almost 6 months for me, I don't think so much in terms of what I would say to him - I just wish I could BE with him.

KayC, I don't know how I wouldn't feel alone. I rather spend time alone than with most of the people who just don't seem real - if you know what I mean. Most people my age don't have such experience in life, and they worry about things that don't matter. There's now such a long distance between me and my old friends ...

I am sorry for your loss. I also believe in signs, I do believe that our loved ones want to make us smile and let us know that they are with us and love us. Be gentle with yourself, you don't have to be strong all the time - and tears can be healing. Take care!