mlg

Yes, I tried the reboot and it's still there. Now on this it is at the top but when I hit the regular reply it is right in the middle.

Marty, My girls with be with me as much as possible and once I get out of the hospital Shadow and I are going to stay at my mom's house for at least 1-2 weeks. She couldn't pick me up but she could at least call for help if I got in trouble. She loves Shadow and wouldn't be able to make it for a month without seeing him. Once she's with him every day, she may be glad to see us go home though. I know things will be OK but it's just not the same without Tom here. By the way, I don't know if anyone else has had this happen but the "tool bar thing for the font, special prints, etc. is now down in the middle of the reply box so you can't see what you are typing in the middle. I've tried to click on it and move it but it won't budge.

So happy for you. I hope things continue to go well. Keep us posted.

Would like to ask all my old friends for some prayers this week as I prepare to have my knees replaced on Thurs. This will be the first surgery I've had on my own and the first time I've been a little nervous. Had a little scare on Tues. when my EKG was read as a possible heart attack but the stress test was negative so every thing is now a go again. Thanks in advance.

Thanks Kath for doing this. I don't get on as often and forget to look at the calendar. Boo I hope you are continuing to move forward. Even though I don't post or send messages as much any more I still think of all my "old" friends on here. You are a wonderful person and only deserve the best.

J I didn't try this for 6 mos after Tom died and then only read for quite a while before I posted anything. A grief counselor or a grief support group or both are wonderful ideas. Most of us find that you are basically numb for the first year, so just breathe, eat and do what you can to keep you going. Keep coming here because hopefully you'll get some help. You can put anything on here. Sometimes it really helps to just let off the steam.

Finally on Thursday night I felt "normal" again. I was asked to go out to eat not because I was a widow, but because I was a nurse and a friend. I didn't think that would ever happen again because it seems the only people who want to include me are my widow friends. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and they have helped me immensely but I am someone other than a widow or at least I used to be. It just felt so good and I had a really good time. So there is hope everyone. I'm sure Tom was smiling down to see me so happy that night.

Just breathe and eat (even if it's just a little) for today, it's all about you and no one else. You have to give yourself some room to grieve. You can help your nephew tomorrow because for him, it should be all about him. You can cling to each other tomorrow and walk at least part of this road together.

Linda I am so sorry and know that this brings a lot of your previous grief back to the foreground. If you have to go back to a minute at a time and you'll get through this. Already said that prayer and hope that his son isn't alone in a strange country. My prayers are with him too.

Please say a little prayer for our friend WendyJ today as another year passes for her without Steve.

Teny, I think most of us feel your pain, it's just that some of us handle it better than others. For me it depends on the day - some are good, some are TERRIBLE. When it's bad I go back to a minute at a time because that's all I can handle. I still can't look the future. I take one day at a time. Just know that Yiany is there beside you even if you can't see or feel him. He has not deserted you.

Linda I'm sorry you are having to go through this, but it has been 2 years and it still hurts. Tom died the month before my 60th b'day and that one just about killed me. He had wanted to give me a surprise party and my daughter had to finally tell him it just couldn't be done. I wish I could help you but all I can do is send a ((HUG))))

Gary, Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us teetering on that edge. It seems like sometimes you take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. At other times we can march forward for quite a while. I don't know what sends us back to these forlorn places but I know I am worse when I get overly tired. It doesn't say how far out you are, but I am a little over 2 years and have many "dark" days (more so at night when I'm all alone in the house). Just breathe and keep marching even if it is just in place for a while.

I agree for the most part. I know some people think about the "date" (the numerical aspect - like th 18th of every month) which I never obsessed over. The actual anniversary of Tom's death has not been as bad as I anticipated as far as him dying. I just have problems with the fact that people will come to Mass for him and then it's like everybody just separates. I don't know what I expect but I'd just like to hear someone say something about him, I guess. Tom died on 1/18 and then our anniv was 2/6 Valentine's day 2/14 and my b'day 2/23 so Feb is actually worse for me. Valentine's day this year was absolutely TERRIBLE this year. It was one of the loneliest days I have felt in 2 years. Last year I was in FL with 2 other widow friends and I think just being with someone helped. This year the weather was not good so no one wanted to get out and all the "love" stories, movies and songs all weekend really got to me. So I guess what I am saying is a lot of it depends on the frame of mind that you are in when the actual day gets here. It's a shame but it seems if we keep ourselves busy we all do better, but I wish I knew how we could be OK and just be ourselves.

Lucia, I have no doubt that you will make it through this day. A prayer tribute - what a wonderful idea. Do you ever feel guilty when you say something to God, like please watch over him or take good care of him. Sometimes I say those things and then think I'm insulting the Lord because Tom wouldn't be in heaven if He wasn't taking good care of him. Maybe that's just my quirk.

Just me And when you say that first thing and know it has helped someone you will be surprised how much it helps you also. That being said, there will also be times that the site does make you feel bad. Each new person who joins takes the "chance" of being hurt because it brings back memories, but that's not all bad. It lets us recognize our own feelings are still there. You may find you even need a break from time to time, but all in all I think you'll find it helps.

Happy B'day to my friends Marty, Shelley and MikeC and thank you for helping me through these last 2 years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARSHA. Hope you have a wonderful day and don't have the snow we are getting but it is beautiful.

You just breathe and take it a minute, an hour, a day, a week , whatever you can handle at this time. Don't ever be "afraid" of breaking down because you can't keep it bottled up inside of you or you will explode. I think many of us sadly have found that most of the grieving has to done alone because no one knows how to "handle" it unless they've actually gone through it. There is nothing to petty to ask on here so keep coming back and hopefully someone will be able to put their arms around you for the moment.

Ron I never once said that I did not like you. This is not what this site is all about. For me anyway and I think for most it is a place where we can freely express our grief and hope there is someone out there that is a little further along as well as those going through it at the time that can offer words of wisdom that may help us. This journey is no fun and is a windy, hilly journey and we just try to put up road signs to help those just starting the journey. I was not trying to psychoanalyze you or insult you but letting you know how many of us have felt so you would know what you are feeling is "normal" at this point. In defending Marty, I was just trying to get you to see that maybe you had taken what she said in a wrong way. I was sure she did not mean to offend you as you can see in her post. I have not lost my mother, but I have lost my father and at the time thought it was the worst thing in the world because I was such a daddy's girl. It took me several years to be able to accept the fact that he was gone. I did this mainly because of the love and support of a wonderful husband. Well, 2 years and a week ago I found that the grief I had for my dad was minute in comparison to the loss I have felt since losing my husband. It is something that I am not sure I will ever be able to accept. I have a huge hole in my heart, just as you do. I am glad that you got to spend the wonderful time at the end that you did with your mother. So many have not had the time or opportunity and I'm sure envy you. She must have been a wonderful woman to want to go through her life with you and your celebration of her life sounds wonderful. One thing Tom wanted was for everyone to raise a drink to him at the funeral dinner and I had a hard time getting them to stay for this. That was one of his last wishes and I know he would have been so hurt that they felt so little of him, but begrudgingly they did and thus, I was able to fulfill one more of his wishes. It sounds as if you have gone to some kind of counseling, but have you tried a face to face grief support group? I found that it really helped but there are several different kinds. The one I did best with happened to mainly be other widows and widowers so they had gone through/were going through a lot of the same things I was. We could bounce things off of each other. Even the others who had lost a different loved one helped a lot because some parts of grief are the same no matter what. I hope you continue to come here and that someone will give you what you are looking for. I have to agree with Kath that by not letting us OLDIES help you that you are doing yourself a disservice but if that is what you want then so be it. Each person's grief is their own and they have to handle it in their own way.

Ron I think you totally misunderstood what Marty was trying to tell you. First of all, without her none of us would be able to use this forum because she started it all. We all owe her a lot. If you read about her you will know that she HAS gone through this process and that is why she started this. She would be the first to say that each of us has our own grief and only we can go through it but she can and will help in any way that she can. I am two years and a week out from the loss of my husband and if you are like most of us you still have a really bumpy road to go down. You are still in what "we" call the foggy stage or numb stage. Most of us at about 9 months hit a brick wall as we start to come out of that stage. Each of us goes down this road at our own pace so no one can tell you when it will end for you. There are people who didn't even start "grieving" for 7 or 8 years out. They kept everything bottled up inside them. If you read some of the old posts you will see that most will tell you that you have to hit it straight on and work through it because ignoring it will only prolong it. I know sometimes it is hard to read the posts on here and at times they set us all back, but when you are able to give that first helping hand it will start bringing you out of the darkness.

I read this today and was particularly intrigued by the comment: No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. Boy, I think we all know how true that is. I included the entire "poem" because it was pretty good. A Birth Certificate shows that we were born A Death Certificate shows that we died Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . .. . Relax . . . And read this slowly. I Believe... That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other. I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if We understand that friends change. I Believe.... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I Believe.... That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life. I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't. I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.. I Believe.... That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time. I Believe...... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.. I Believe.... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I Believe.... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I Believe.... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I Believe.... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, But, we are responsible for who we become. I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find Out a secret. It could change your life Forever. I Believe.... Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different. I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of Hours by people who don't even know you. I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help. I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. I Believe.... That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did.. 'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything. Thank you God for all the wonderful people who help us throughout the journey of life... May Angels guard you and guide you.

Talking of OLDIES Has anyone heard from Jo got the keys? I'm almost afraid to ask but hope things are going well for her. If you've heard anything would you please post it here?

Marty Without you none of us would be here and wouldn't have gotten the help from others on this site. I'm sure we all toast you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

I too have problems with this. I would however rather check widow than single. Unless forced to as with an income tax return I will always check married. I still wear my wedding ring and had his cut down and put it on first and then mine. I feel it often especially when I am talking to him.