rdownes Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 So here it was a day like any other day, I actually thought it was a pretty good day almost all my grandbabies were over out of the six of the five were here and it was nice since some I barely see anymore my daughter took a picture of them all and posted it to facebook I saw it liked it and then lost it, I can't stop crying all I can think of is they will never remember their pop pop and how much he loved them the oldest is only 7, they will forget him and there is nothing I can do to stop it I am so tired of grief it always feels like it is sucking the life out of me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Robin, maybe you can keep showing your grandchildren pictures of their pop pop and talk about him and things he did with them. I made an album of Al and lots of things he did with the kids and all the things he made for them for their birthdays and Christmas. You won't let them forget him. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Oh Gin, I so agree with you! Robin, my dear, your post reminds me of the wise words of Elaine Stillwell that I included in my article, Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song, and I hope you will read that article. If your grandbabies are to remember their pop pop and how much he loved them, then it is up to you to do whatever you can to help them know and remember their grandfather. As Gin suggests, you can find all sorts of ways to keep his memory alive for them ~ and trust me, the first time you hear them share one of their memories of their pop pop with you, it will touch your soul and warm your heart. See, for example, a piece that was written by my younger son about my own father: The Power of Remembering: Grandfather's Pipe ♥ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Robin, I understand that feeling. None of us want anyone to forget our beloved soul mate. It hurts to think that somehow, the memory of who they were will be forgotten. That they will fade away into "nothingness". That's why I think it's so important to try to keep their memory alive. I talk about Tammy as often as I can. I want others to know how amazing and courageous and sweet and funny she was. It's one of the ways I can honor her. Marty and Gin have offered some wonderful ideas to keep your grandbabies memories of their Pop Pop alive. And don't forget to post your memories of him here at the forum. It will help. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Gin and Marty thank you for your words, I do try and talk about him to them my one grandson is only two so he will never have any memories, my one granddaughter has a necklace that was pop pops when he was little she is 5 she saw all of us walking around with our necklaces with Kevin's ashes in it and she said she wanted a special necklace of pop pop she never takes it off, I know I have to keep Kevin alive but I also know that my grandfather died when I was ten and I have no clear memories of him anymore I know his pictures and I know he loved me I was his favorite granddaughter I lived with him but I don't feel a connection anymore and then it brings to mind how Kevin used to talk about his dad to his kids, it just is killing me inside because I know how special they were to him and I am the only one who can share that now it is just one more hard hurdle to overcome and it feels like it is ripping at my heart 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Thank you Mitch it is definitely hard and scary and painful to think of them not being remembered you see I know me and my kids will never forget him but the little ones are a whole different story they brought so much joy to a man whose life didn't seem to joyful most of the time. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Robin, My father passed away when I was 29 and pregnant with my first. He missed out on getting to be a grandpa and he would have been such a wonderful one! My dad had a wonderful sense of humor and loved kids. He used to say, "Anyone who loves kids and dogs can't be all bad!" Beginning when my kids were small, I would tell them stories about their grandpa. I had his picture up. I saw to it that each of them got something of his. In other words, I kept him alive in their minds, and they felt like they knew him. You can do that with your grandchildren. Talk about what he liked and the ways he'd be proud of them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 I also worry about ones "forgetting" my beloved Connor.......he never had children, so that legacy is out.....Connor was such an amazing, kind, wonderful spirit, I hate to think of him never remembered! It will not happen in MY lifetime, I speak of him often......but, after I get to rejoin him.......I hope somehow, he will be remembered for the wonderful, decent, loving man he was! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Kathy- I see a part of my mission is to ensure Deedo is remembered, especially by our grandchildren. Sadly two of them are too young to actually remember this phenomenal grandma but I hope to help them know her as they grow. It is her spirit I hope to pass on. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost in Grief Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 On 10/12/2016 at 9:16 PM, rdownes said: I can't stop crying all I can think of is they will never remember their pop pop and how much he loved them the oldest is only 7, they will forget him and there is nothing I can do to stop it Rdownes, so sad to hear, but don't be so sure that their pop pop will not be remembered--love is rarely forgotten--and it sounds like he gave much love to his grandies. I was only four when my grandpa died and I did not forget him and never will. He influenced my life and the direction it took. He is often on my mind even now. I am deeply saddened that my dear love died shortly after we became grandparents for the first time. He lived only two months after her first birthday. I worried that she would soon forget such a wonderful man who was so proud of his grand-daughter and they had such a loving relationship. She is going to have her second birthday this month, 29th of October. She talks about him. She points him out in photos. She calls him Grandpa, but he never lived to hear her say that--it breaks my heart. Like others have said, it is also up to us to keep that memory alive. I never met my oldest sister, she died several years before I was born. But her photo was always hanging in our living-room wall. I looked at her everyday, she became part of my life. When I was younger than her, she was my hero, then a time came when we were the same age and she became my closest friend, I felt she was with me. All my other siblings were much older than me so even though she was the first born and older than all of us, I felt that she was my closest sister. I loved her. Then eventually I became older than her (she always remained the same age--ten) then I became her keeper. I still have her photo in my sewing room. I have hope that my one and only grand-daughter up to now, will also remember her grandpa in some way. Photos can give a deep impression. Hugs to you and your grand kids. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Lost in Grief thank you your words give me hope that they will remember him my 7 year old grandson was over today and we were walking to the park he said to me "I wish pop pop was still alive" it broke my heart all I could say was me to I found it hard to say anything else he is so little I did not want to have a brake down in front of him, I am glad he got to see his granddaughter he must have been so happy, I am so sorry about your sister I think it is wonderful how close you feel to her it is hard for me to talk about pop pop because right now if I talk about him and lose it with my kids I know they understand but little ones don't and I don't want to make them feel worse but one day I will be able to talk and smile as apposed to talk and feel heavy hearted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 I still remember my Aunt Mimi, and I was 4 or 5 when she passed...if that's any consolation. I remember her spirit, she was very sweet, and kids sense that sort of thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Robin, I hope you will reconsider your deciding to keep your true feelings to yourself in front of your grandchildren. Children learn what grief looks like and how it feels from the grownups around them. If we act as if nothing is amiss even though our hearts are broken, children may get the impression that we don't care or we really don't miss the person who has died. You can model a healthy response to grief by remembering and talking openly about how much their pop pop meant to you and to the rest of your family. Feeling, showing and verbalizing your own pain gives children an example to follow, while holding back implies that feelings are to be suppressed. Refusing to cry in front of a child may lead the child to wonder if you would cry if the child died. Children learn about grief by watching the adults around them. They need to know that crying is a natural way to release emotions ~ and when you're feeling sad enough to cry in front of them, you're in a position to teach them that very important lesson. ♥ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 1 hour ago, MartyT said: They need to know that crying is a natural way to release emotions ~ and when you're feeling sad enough to cry in front of them, you're in a position to teach them that very important lesson. ♥ That's very true.....I did cry a bit in front of my grandgirls.....not sobbing, but tears that would not stop......when the eldest asked (age 6) why I was sad, I told her that sometimes you just miss the people up in heaven and wish they were here......she looked very serious, and then said...."like when my friend moved far away and she's not gonna come back, right?" Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I was raised in a family that did NOT show strong emotion.....especially publicly....it was just not "done". I recall clearly, at age 10, breaking into a huge crying fit after the close of my beloved grandma's funeral (I'd held it in all through the service).....and my mother grabbing my arm and hissing in my ear to STOP it, right NOW!!!! My Mom did not mean to be harsh.....this was just the way my family was.....stiff upper lip & all of that. But......it bothered me enough to stick with me, all of these years! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Yes, Kat ~ exactly! Thank you for sharing that experience ~ and good for you for modeling "good grief" for your granddaughters. ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 Thank you Marty and Kat I will try and show my emotions in front of my grandbabies I never thought of it that way it does make sense I just thought I did not want to upset them more I did not think about the example I was setting learn something new every day when it comes to grief 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now