Had a strange day

[rdownes]

 I was  walking in to start work tonight and I saw a lady I had worked with many years ago back in 2004, I have seen her since then quite a few times while she was not a friend I hung out with outside of work she was always a nice caring person who I talked to one year I did not have money to buy my kids costumes she went to the store manager and she told him the situation and he bought them. I was getting ready to go to my register and she was checking out she said "hi how are you doing" I said " I am surving my husband passed" she said " yes I heard but you are a strong women" I was blown away I have never considered myself a strong women not when Kevin was alive and certainly not know when everyday is a struggle just to make it through another day I don't feel strong I feel broken, empty and lonely does she see something I don't are we stronger than we think and feel we are, do we ever feel strong at all.

[kayc]

Robin,

I think she was right.  We may not FEEL strong, we may not like the fact that we have to be strong, we'd rather have our husbands here to rely on and sometimes we get so friggin' tired, the last thing we want put on us is that we're strong...yet aren't we?  The fact that we're still here, that we've somehow kept going, doesn't that show a strength?  Doesn't it take strength to survive what we have?

[JHCP]

Crazy right? A lot of my friends called me strong after the passing of my Jack. I hear it so often actually I've started to believe it! It was jarring the first time or two though. I felt like the weakest most vulnerable person yet ppl saw ME as strong? It just means you don't see it in yourself but exude that trait. Others notice. Own it and be strong! It has helped me so much realizing that I was stronger than I perceived myself to be. Good for you!

[Margm]

We are strong.  We get up every morning.  We do what has to be done. We live because the only other choice would be not to live.  I have heard how strong I am.  My son says it.  We are strong because we have no choice.  Being somewhere that we don't want to be, doing things we don't want to do, wanting to curl up in bed and avoid the world.  If we do that, our minds are so active and we think.  Thinking too much is dangerous, so we are strong and avoid thinking too much.  

[Marie Lee]

Hang in there Robin... :-)

I guess maybe we are...certainly am not feeling strong these days.

I need to get into Holiday Season for my grandson....I just cannot get into it this year.

love to all..

[rdownes]

Marie, I know it is so hard I have no Christmas spirit this year I know it is here the tree is up and grandkids stockings are hung but I feel nothing, not even extra sadness I just feel nothing I feel I have been so low for so long it can't get any lower than feeling nothing maybe next year will be different maybe not maybe this is just me now hugs to you

[kayc]

It might take a couple years or more but it will likely come back somewhat...of course it won't ever be the same, but we learn to appreciate different things about the season.  Instead of snuggling up with George enjoying the Christmas music and t.v. specials and excitedly planning each other's surprise presents, I enjoy the holiday mood of people caring about each other...and my dog enjoys the Christmas tree lights.  (If my cat has noticed, she hasn't let on.)

[Brad]

I personally don't have much desire to decorate just for myself.  If there comes a time when the grandkids are expected then I'll throw some lights up, but just for myself it isn't worth the effort.  Of course I fully expect to get an earful from Deedo when we meet once more.  She really was a Christmas spirit three hundred sixty-five days a year.

[Marie Lee]

Hi again, I was just thinking...I thought I had made progress with grief...even went on a date...

But this Christmas Season seems to be pulling me right back to where I was at the beginning of this journey.

I am thankful for family and friends that won't allow me to just give in completely and shut the world out..

Much love to you all...May God gently hold us in His care...

Prayers for Peace,

Marie

 

Hugs everyone ...

[Margm]

Don't decorate, just buy a little fiber optic tree for each room.  Then, if you want to take it down, take it down.  i don't think I'll take mine down ever, until the little fiber optics quit..  Brianna decorated a big tree in her room but we both like the fiber optics best.  They are interesting night lights.

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Brad said:

but just for myself it isn't worth the effort.

This is one of the things I've learned about self care...if it's something I'd enjoy looking at then it is worth it even if just for me.  I am worth it, so I do it, even if no one else will see it. 
I was surprised my son spent the night here last night as he usually rushes in and out and only comes here once a year or so.  Last night he commented on how nice my tree looked and I was glad someone else got to see it.