Attempting2Grieve Posted December 28, 2019 Report Share Posted December 28, 2019 I'm not sure why i'm doing this. I've never reached out to people I don't know. But I can't keep making everyone sad in my life. On November 7th she had stomach pains, we went to the emergency room and we assumed it was a stomach flu or something. The ER doc said her liver was covered in meta lesions. 17 days later she was gone. She worked out 5 days a week, drank green smoothies for lunch, didn't smoke or do drugs, no history of cancer in the fam. It's a little over a month and I am still sad/angry/confused. I get it, it does happen and I'm not the only one who has suffered this loss. I'm just not sure why to go on. I'm not gonna off myself or anything stupid, I mean why keep trying? Work, Happiness, relationships? They all seem pretty pointless. We r both in our early-mid 40's and had been travelling a lot recently. She asked why we are "serial" travelling one day? I told her family might need us (we have elderly parents), maybe a pet, maybe another family member, maybe it wouldn't be possible with our work schedules. But we have time now. I never thought it would be because I lost her. I'm mad,sad,defeated, I called the guy at my fish market FishFuck, was rude to a CVS check out person, and flipped off an old lady. I'm pretty sure none of them deserved that and i probably have many apologies to dish out. About 3 weeks after she past and we had the memorial I had to leave town. I couldn't handle people knocking on my door to make sure I was eating 10x a day. i didn't know where I wanted to be but knew I didn't want to be here. I went to Vegas... I grieve by gambling and drinking. It was therapeutic at times and depressing at times. But I come home and she's still gone. Now I feel like I wanna leave again. We never argued (I know people say that and if it was because of me we probably would have but she was so easy going) but when we kidded around about differing views I would say "well my next wife won't try to drag me to amusement parks" or something like that and she would say "she can pry this ring off my cold dead hand". And then one day I had to. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, or wisdom, need to vent, or need a sounding board. But pleaaaasssse don't pray for me or say Jesus or god wants you/her (insert anything here). I take take any more of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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