Five Years Ago I Heard the words that changed me forever

[ipswitch]

On 5/19/2021 at 6:45 PM, KarenK said:

Wow Marg! What happened to doctors who accepted you as a patient simply because you needed their help, not because you qualified. Makes you feel like a side of beef that has to be inspected before being sold.

Oh, I don't think so, at all! A doctor should know what he or she is good at: someone who isn't good with children shouldn't be a family practitioner, or maybe (and I've heard this discussed among health care providers) there are patients with alleged 'chronic pain' who doctor-shop to feed an addiction. Someone with genuine chronic pain would actually be better served by a practice that specializes in just that. I wouldn't be too quick to assume nefarious intent.

I'm no doctor, but a seamstress. If someone warned me that someone "almost 79, mean and cantankerous" was coming in, I'd actually be amused and taking it as a personal challenge to see if I could make her day better. But that's me.

[kayc]

The last doctor I went to would not allow anyone seeking pain Rxs.  I didn't get pain Rxs when I had surgeries or injured myself, no matter how severe!

[Margm]

No, he is in Louisiana.  They will prescribe if you come back once a month for a new prescription.  I'm not looking for Xanax.  Might have to go to a neurologist for that.  I cannot just take any medicine.  This works.  I'm not asking them to prescribe it.  It calms the anxiety and sometimes quality is smore important than quantity.  I do know how to get off of it.  The mental health situation in every state is not what it was when I went in the 1980-1990's.  An opiate would kill me, would lock up my colon.  I am very careful, but even careful does not catch you.  I fell and sat on my foot.  They said hairline fracture and put my foot where I could not move it.  It hurt, and they wrote a prescription for opiate with me telling them I could not take it.  I did not get it filled.  Tylenol is all I can take for pain.  

 

[Gwenivere]

I cannot imagine not getting pain meds after surgery.  That doesn’t even make sense.  I’m talking big surgery’s, not something minor like a day one with relative minor pain and you go home.   Even some of those can be intense for a few days and need more than over the counter meds.  
 

I think it’s getting harder to doctor shop for controlled meds.  With all the computer linking, it gets caught pretty fast even if it makes it to the pharmacy.  I’ve not tried but have been questioned if I got 2 different prescribed because one didn’t work.  

7 hours ago, ipswitch said:

A doctor should know what he or she is good at: someone who isn't good with children shouldn't be a family practitioner,

I think that is an excellent point.  Doctors also have different philosophies of care may not align with a patients.  I had to find one that best did after seeing one that would have been friction every time.  I lost my perfect doc, so the one I have now is a trial sometimes.  Just wish he could/would do more to cut down on my needing a shrink for a couple meds.  He’s not close to ideal, but I wouldn’t even know how to find one anymore with all the changes.  It’s why I struggle more than I feel I should have to.  He won’t prescribe 3 meds I need.  He’ll sympathize, but that doesn’t help my pain and anxiety disorder.  

[KarenK]

Well, shut my mouth and call me old fashioned! I just find it strange to have to be "screened" by a GP for basic health care which I thought Marg was seeking. Until I lost Ron and Debbie, I only went to a doctor once a year for new BP scripts. Aging of course combined with lingering grief changes things. My doctor requires a visit every 2 or 3 months for Tramadol which works somewhat as my anxiety drug. Lately with each passing day, I wonder what will "break" next. Hell of a way to live.

Believe me, I have met a few nefarious health care providers who professed to care for Ron's health needs over 40 years. Some of them contributed to his death.

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Even some of those can be intense for a few days

My hand surgery was downplayed as something routine/nothing, but in fact was anything but!  I already had pain, loss of strength, but after the surgery it was so much greater!  The flesh healed, the nerves have not.  Even so, my hand was greatly swollen, unable to use and yet they gave nothing for the pain beyond Tylenol/Ibuprofen and now I find out they elevate my blood pressure!  The blood pressure Rxs elevate my blood sugar.  Catch 22 and it goes on and on...

I watched my sister go a YEAR before they did surgery to correct her several crushed vertebrae in her back and if it weren't for me demanding/ordering doctors they would not have done it still!  They put her on pain meds that caused her to vomit up her regular Rxs, which threw her way off!  It took another year to heal up from the surgery, she was lucky to have her husband there to take care of her.  Now she doesn't and I have to nag her to not do something stupid, take chances!  I do NOT want her falling again!  It happens when she does something she knows she cannot.

Karen, I am so sorry for you and Ron's experience.    I'm afraid I've found doctors generally speaking to be a great disappointment.  I know many in health care are knowledgeable and caring but that just hasn't been my/our experience.

The new thing is "managing pain."  No scripts.  One thing I find extremely unacceptable are insurance companies that play doctor/God without the degree!  They want to override doctors and tell us what we can/can't have!  I asked my old one where they got their medical degree?!  They didn't have an answer.

[Margm]

18 hours ago, KarenK said:

Well, shut my mouth and call me old fashioned! I just find it strange to have to be "screened" by a GP for basic health care which I thought Marg was seeking.

If he can tweek my blood pressure into better numbers, that is all I want from him.  I do not require him to do anything for me but that.  I don't want them to "find something wrong" because I am all "wrong."  I do take Xanax, not looking for it from him, do not want it from him.  Will not go back once a month to get it from him, so the Xanax is no problem.  I have not had my shots yet.  I am afraid of them and everything else except what has kept me alive these past seven years.  One of the blood pressures is give twice a day.  One doctor told me not to  take the 2nd as my heart beat went too low.  I only go twice a year and have had to go twice since I have been here in Louisiana again.  The sitting on my foot (falling) and a "cold" (is what I will call it) and could not take the antibiotics by mouth.  The shot cleared it up.  If he does not listen to me, if he tries to push an antidepressant or a medicine that will mess up my stomach/colon, if he does not listen, I will just go twice a year to Arkansas and if need be, to the urgent care clinic.  I don't want blood tests.  I don't want life saving measures, unless the blood pressure meds help.  And yes, it sounds like I am doctoring myself.  I have taken other blood pressure meds, but nothing different since the colon rupture.  Cannot take pain meds.

[Gwenivere]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

I'm afraid I've found doctors generally speaking to be a great disappointment.  I know many in health care are knowledgeable and caring but that just hasn't been my/our experience.

The new thing is "managing pain."  No scripts.  One thing I find extremely unacceptable are insurance companies that play doctor/God without the degree!  They want to override doctors and tell us what we can/can't have!  I asked my old one where they got their medical degree?!  They didn't have an answer.

The new health care system is stressing out doctors.   Taking a lot of options away from them.  Thus my disappointment on care and building relationships with them.  I just haven’t heard of any doctors since I needed a new one that are willing to stand up to the system.  Once upon a time doctors were the pinnacles.  They called the shots.  Not so any more.  Or too intimidated to do so.  And yes, ones that won’t even consider other options leaving you trying to get blood from a stone.  My guy is like that.  It’s always dismaying when I see him.  He could so simplify my medical life, but won’t.  Either doesn’t care or more caring about his prescribing record.  Sheesh.  He’s an MD.   That’s his job!  I’ve said it before, my 2 last docs prescribed what i needed and let me get on with my life.  We’d always discuss changes but they would at least recognize my needs were unique to me.  Use the tools available.  Not lump me in to guidelines for addiction.  I am dependent on Xanax.  I’d have major withdrawal from it.  But I’d rather have that than too afraid of going out for fear of panic attacks.  BTDT.  Anyway, medicine is business now.  We suffer for it.  Like why not just ban production of most pain meds since they aren’t supposed to be prescribed to use if you aren’t dying?  Steve could have scything he wanted.  Is that the criteria now?  Having pain that curtails and impacts or ability to function is OK?  It’s like they’re saying.....suck it up.  Stop whining.  It’s very demeaning, IMO.  When did quality of life become downgraded?

2 hours ago, Marg M said:

I do take Xanax, not looking for it from him, do not want it from him.  Will not go back once a month to get it from him, so the Xanax is no problem. 

So how do you get yours, Marg?   The urgent clinic?   NO clinics here will prescribe anything beyond antibiotics or other non abuse meds.  Mine is doc won’t.  I had to get a shrink.  Feel under his thumb too.  I’m dumbfounded that Kay didn’t get a few days, st least, of decent pain killers.  We’re not junkies, but the system has been changed to now feeling like one.  I had to plead with my doc for 14 Vicodin as I can’t get the back doc to call me back.  The whole situation is messed up.  In the 30 years I’ve taken Xanax, I never felt like an addict, just a patient in need being cared for.  Now I feel I am viewed differently when I’ve changed nothing.  Never asked for more, tried to deceive any of them or misused my meds.  If anything I don’t take enough.  Now I’m more focused on them because of how docs have decided that other meds (which I’ve tried) are better and they don’t work for me.  They broke it.  Things worked fine til now. I didn’t complain except having more anxiety since last year for darn good reasons.  Now it’s all the craze to take antidepressants.  My doc would prescribe as many of those as I want.  The ultimate irony?  That makes me more depressed.  How the light on me has shifted has added to that.  I was humming along just dandy til the shackles and handcuffs came out for docs and patients.  
 

ugh..........gotta calm down.  Company coming by and I have to be social while stressed and in horrid pain.  Take my Tylenol which is so useless.  Wait for my Xanax to kick in.  I miss not feeling so labeled now.  Thank you ‘medicine for my own good'.  What a joke!

[Margm]

I go back to my  clinic I have gone to over 20 years, but it is 175 miles away.  If they make them quit giving them to me then I will wean myself off.  I need them, but have lived years without them and believe I can live a few more maybe.  I do believe in quality of life instead of quantity.  If I go to a neurologist he may have a wonder med that will take care of the parkinsonism like shaking and one pill might kill me.  I can take the Xanax and live or I can do without it and possibly still live and just warn people that I have to use my card to pay for things that I cannot enter my number because my hands shake too bad, or figure out something else..  I just cannot take some medicines because of the colon, and if they dissolve in the stomach, they could take me out.  Do I trust the doc?  No.  I trusted one who was so positive she knew what she was doing and learned I should have been in the ER from the side effect.  So far, I get two scripts a year that take care of 12 months.  I won't even ask for them from him.  If he approves me.  He might see that I am on Xanax and not take me.  I do good with the urgent care woman if I have to.  She is an MD and we get along, but she is not a family practice doc.  I think I need to find me a geriatric physician, maybe a good veterinarian.  They are kinder to their patients than MD's.    

[kayc]

20 hours ago, Marg M said:

it sounds like I am doctoring myself.

You have spent your life learning what works for YOU in YOUR situation, he has not!  We educate ourselves and armed with that education, make the best decisions for OUR BODIES that we can!  I am glad you will stand up to him for what you know is the right thing for you!  I have learned to do the same, especially in the last 1 1/2 years!  You have a plan.  Doctors wield too much power and forget they work for us!   It's a pain to look for another doctor to start over with but it's always an option I'll keep on the table if need be!

9 hours ago, Marg M said:

maybe a good veterinarian.

In my experience, hard to find.   What poor Arlie went through, no dog should ever experience.  He didn't have a good vet experience except one, once.

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Thus my disappointment on care and building relationships with them.

The "care" part seems to be gone the last 14 months.

[Gwenivere]

15 hours ago, Marg M said:

I think I need to find me a geriatric physician, maybe a good veterinarian.  They are kinder to their patients than MD's.    

I have to say I’ve gotten better care for my dog than for myself.  More response when I’ve had questions and concerns.  I’m happy for my dog.  Now if I could only get that for me.  I’ve got some top notch docs according to the med  community.   Makes me wonder  ho much worse it could be.  Don’t even want to know.

[Margm]

I don't know if this pandemic has made the doc's more selective.  All our health workers have been the marines, air force, army and all other services with this mad pandemic war.  I do appreciate them.  

"He that Consults his Physician, and will not Follow his Advice, must be his Own Doctor: But let him take the Old Adage along with him. He that Teaches Himself has a Fool to his Master."  (not sure who to give that to, it has been said in many forms, this one (I think) came from the 1600's.)

I remember them doing a thyroid biopsy on Mama, as she was going into Alzheimer's, and I will never forget, and it makes me cry to remember this.  They didn't get enough tissue and wanted to do another biopsy on her.  Mama was the bravest woman (along with my daughter, her granddaughter) and it tears my heart out to remember her grabbing both Marcy and me and begging us (her grown children), as the decision was taken away from this strong woman.  We both agreed with her, no doubt in our mind, she did not want to be put to sleep again, this was her choice and she got her choice.  

Yesterday I got the first big box down from the foot of my bed.  I had written on top "Dining room stuff" and it threw me into the deep end of misery.  It was totally filled with pictures of us, my parents, all the places we RV'd, and Kelli came over.  I could not find the picture of our five generations, but did find the one of our four generations.  The other one has my dad and grandmother with us.  You have to remember in this one, I was two months away from MD Anderson and look sick, so take that into consideration.. I look like a squat troll right now, and hurt like an old woman does sometimes.  The only way I would want to go back to that time was to have Billy taking the picture.  Me, Scott, Mama and Angelique (Angel) our first grandchild.  I got that picture out, sealed up that big plastic box and Kelli helped me pile it on top of another.  I won't go back to it.  Some things I still cannot do and I won't do.  I have memories in my head and seeing pictures is like a knife stabbing.  I know I am different.  I'm getting ready to get rid of the California King sized bed for a twin, so I will have more room.  Today, I am feeling so low, just from that box of pictures, I just don't want to move.

[Margm]

I think I have hijacked someone's original post.  Sorry about that.  Will find appropriate next time.  

[KarenK]

Marg, most of us hijack posts unintentionally. We're not trying to deter from the original post. I think it's just the way conversation among friends happens. We don't mean to offend anyone.

[Margm]

Your right Karen.  We just talk to each other, and I am happy to see George back.  I talked on FB yesterday with some friends I worked with 10 years.  I came from another state and this group of women, who knew each other forever, took me in, made me feel more at home than I had even at the huge impersonal hospital I retired from a year before.  We talk occasionally.  Our group was disbanded (after I retired again) and transcription was eliminated.  But, I felt totally at home with this group, as if I had known them forever, just like we are on here, you get to be "family" even though we have never met.  

[Gwenivere]

Some titles of threads are aptly worded to accommodate anything.  They had an original purpose at first, but the words invite other experiences that fit.  Like your If You’re Going Thru Hell.  I’ll use that on a really bad day.  Threads are like rivers. They twist and turn.  Especially the long ones.  The important thing is to get those thoughts out there so we aren’t sitting alone with them and shared with this family.

[Margm]

Oh. that is good because I just talk everywhere.