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When I read your most recent post, Charlie, I thought, "Hmmmm. I wonder what would work best for this man?" So first I clicked on your name, which took me to your "member profile" page. Then I clicked on the "Profile Options" button on the right side of the page. When the drop-down list appeared, I clicked on "Find member's posts."

As I read through all the messages you've posted these last few months, I learned so much about what you do to soothe yourself as you ride this roller-coaster of grief. It's clear that you have some very healthy coping mechanisms already at your disposal, and you know how to use them (e.g., pausing for a moment to see and appreciate the beauty of a sunrise, seeing the world through a child's eyes, recognizing that your journey requires two steps backward for every one that takes you forward, etc.) I'm sure that our other members will offer you some additional suggestions, but may I also suggest that you take a trip through all your own postings since last May, and see the wisdom that is contained there?

See also this article: From Surviving to Transcending Your Grief.

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The only thing that has helped me is just reminding myself (jeez...more like trying to pound it into my brain!) that being that this is a rollercoaster ride, I have to come "up" again! And, of course, past experience has showed me that I will. I know when you are in the hole, it is hard to have faith that you will bounce out of it, but you will. Recently I went through a fairly long downslide and I was panicking about it, wondering if this time I wouldn't get back up, but I finally did. And you will too. Try to "relax" and just ride the tide until it smoothes out.

Hugs to you,


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Thanks Marty, Derek and Shell. I appreciate your insights. One day at a time. Anyone seen my friend Paul S?

You mean me? Right here. Shell tol' me wuz lookin' fer me.

I read your post, and then Marty's. Go and do what Marty says. :) Hi Marty! :wub:

Basically, been there, done that. Awakened in the morning, or had a grief attack in the day, whatever. A hole has been dug and you just can't seem to get out of it. You've been there before, and you know you've gotten out of it in the past, and you even know how you did it. But you just can't do it this time. Why?

I dunno. Depression maybe. Self-pity. Maybe you just shouldn't bother TRYING to get out of it, just ride the wave and it'll dissipate in it's own accord.

In 12-Step programs it is sometimes likened to an insanity. Not that you need therapy or medication, just the insanity of knowing something is wrong with you, knowing what to do about it, and then not doing it. Since griefwork is a recovery somewhat similar to 12-step recovery programs, the term can be applied here. I've had this insanity off and on, too.

Don't worry, it'll happen again. :o

Perhaps just reading all your old posts and maybe the topics they were in will help. Maybe all you need is a catalyst, and the old posts may be just the thing.

Sorry I've been away. Dealing with other things, for good or bad. You can always PM me, the systems shoots a notification to my email.

I've missed this place.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, Charlie:

How are you doing today?

Like Derek, I'm new at this. I get frustrated with the roller coaster ride, and my bereavement counselor keeps telling me to be patient and gentle with myself. Maybe one of this days, I'll get that through my head. :P

Take care. Your'e in my prayers.


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Charlie 1,

The loss of a loved one is an emotional rollercoaster.

All we can do is take one day at a time, & always try to look at the positive.

For instance, when I miss my mom so much that all I can do all day is cry, I look at my children & see her in them. That makes me feel better.

I wish you all the luck. I know it is not an easy ride to take, but you are strong.


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Hi Charlie,

I've actually been going through the same struggle: trying to stay positive. A teacher of mine suggested I keep a new journal of all the things I accomplish in a day. (since my current one seems to be filled with all the things I can't do) I know it seems like we don't always get a lot done, but we do.

Did you get out of bed today?

Did you get dressed?

Did you make a pot of coffee? Go to work? Talk to a friend on the phone? Come on here to share with people?

All of these are important things that we do and you can't just blow them off because... well because this is damn hard and we have to give ourselves credit for getting through it. And by waking up, you're getting through it.

So try it. Write down everying you accomplish tomorrow. (Don't forget bathing... it's an important one ^_^ ) I just started doing it Tuesday and so far it's been a nice lil extra boost.

Hope it helps!

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I'm Ok. Reading alot of other peoples posts lately. Went camping with the boys last weekend and seem to help. Thanks for all your input--I want to shake this and it keeps comin back. Pressure at work I think and pressure I put on myself.

One day at a time.

I appreciate your replies!!


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Hi Charley1,

You are very welcome, We are here to help anyone who needs it... When people come here they want someone to understand what they are going through... and also someone to listen to them... That is why this site is the greatest.... Take care Shelley

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The roller coaster ride seems to carry alot of passengers huh I am aboard and it is not a fun ride.

HI EVERYONE its been a few weeks for me I have been busy and real confused with life I have hit the 6 month mark also and I have been trying to make my self be in a good mood everyday, thats a job in its self. I try not to get in a bad mood but at times lately I have been moody and real testy like talking back in a grumpy mood. I am testy all the time and even with my kids.

I have missed coming to this site and talking to everyone how is everyone????



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