New Here..an Intro

[daddyslilgirl]

Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 33 year old mother of 2. I lost my Dad 7 months ago. He got sick on Thursday night and passed on Tuesday morning. I live in Ny and my parents live in Az, but I was able to get there on Sunday and am so very glad I did. They said they knew he hung on till I got there. I am the baby of the family and Daddy's little girl. He was my hero, My first love, the only one I could count on. I took care of all that needed done and was the strong one, because that's what Dad would have wanted me to do. And then I went home and am left to pick up my feelings. I haven't hardly cried, but when I do, it was for days. I have done everything I know how to do to keep his memory alive.

It isn't getting easier, in fact I think it gets harder. My family (mom and siblings) don't hardly talk to each other and they bring me in the middle. My mom is having a hard time and instead of dealing with it, she gets mad at everyone. I know she's hurting but she told me that I couldn't possibly hurt anything like she does. I try to take it with a grain of salt, but it hurts, cause I do hurt and maybe not the same way she does but I think I hurt the same amount. He was my best friend and I don't think we could have been any closer. We talked every day , more than once a day. And they would come and spend the summers with us on the farm. My dad loved it here, Mom did not. He would spend hours in his and my garden, feeding the animals, working in the barn and helping us restore our house.

I miss him so terribly and I can't seem to feel better. I am sorry this is so long and thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope I get to know you all better. Thanks for listening.

[STARKISS]

Hi Daddyslilgirl,

Welcome to the Website, I am sorry for your losses. But you are in the right place... The people here are fantastic and they really do care about what you are feeling.... I lost my mom in April of 2005 and my dad in August of 2005. Again welcome to the site and keep posting you will find help here... I will keep you in my prayers Shelley

[Trudy1964]

Hi Daddyslilgirl,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom in July 2006. I don't post very much. I mostly come here to read. It helps to feel better to know that I am not alone in my journey of grief. It is quite a roller coaster ride. And not a very pleasant one...

Keeping you in my prayers,

Trudy

[lorikelly]

Hi i am sorry that you lost your dad. i lost my mom this july and can relate to how you ae feeling. keep coming here the people are great and it does help to write it out and read other peoples posts. you don't feel alone here. take one day at a time that is all we can do. lori

[dpodesta]

I lost my wife 6 months ago, and while I haven't lost my parents, I know that the hurt you are feeling is just as valid as your mothers. You have come to a wonderful group of people here and it won't take long to feel like one of the family. Take it one day at a time.

Derek

[Leann]

Hi, Daddyslilgirl: I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in June (on Father's Day. Not only did I lose and awesome Dad, but I lost my best friend in the world. Like you and your Dad, we talked daily; now that I don't have that, I feel adrift. It sounds like we both truly have special gifts in our Dads. I'm so glad you found this group; it truly helps me a lot. When I feel folks around me don't understand, I can't wait to get to my computer and talk with my online family about it. I know they truly undertand.

Hugs,

Leann

[LoriW]

Daddyslilgirl,

Welcome and hugs to you. This is a warm and welcoming place where we all can express our feelings of loss, sadness and anger. I have felt healing by coming here. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad....basically it's the pits...I know. Hugs to you and visit here often, someone is always here to listen and talk.

Lori

[Taika]

Hi, My dad died December 30th and he too was my hero. He believed in me loved me sooo much! I was angry that he died and could not grieve with my mom because i was so sad, i dont know i just couldnt go to that place with her. My parents were married for 50 years and she loved him too. My mom suddenly passed away in August, the doctor said she died of congestive heart failure, really a broken heart. If I had gone to that place of sadness with my mother maybe she would still be here, i dont know... But I do know that I miss her terribly and wish I had been more compassionate to her after my dad passed away. As much as I was hurting over my dad dying I now know that my mom was hurting 100 times more. I am sorry mom.

[shell]

Daddyslilgirl,

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the way your mom has reacted. After my dad died, my mom, to some degree, acted like it was only her grief too, so I know how you feel and how hurtful that is. I have noticed that with older people sometimes they seem to become very self-involved after a death. And please, I don't want to offend anyone by saying this! But my mom is 86 and my neighbor is the same age and several others I have known, that were in their 70's or 80's, seem to have reacted the same way. As though they are the only ones who are in pain. Maybe they are just too tired to handle thinking of anyone else at this point and I try to "take it with a grain of salt" (as you said) but it is painful. It also makes me feel lonely, like I can't count on my mom to be there for my pain. We've always been so close that it is hard to see her change so much.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

[daddyslilgirl]

Thanks all for your kind words. I am so very sorry for all your losses. I'm glad I found this place, Thanks again...

I have always been there for my family, listening to thier feelings and trying to help them. And if it weren't for my hubby and kids, I'd probably got nuts. They are what keeps me strong.

I know Mom hurts, and that is probably why she says what she says. But why push away those who can share in your pain? My sister lives less than a block away from her, and now they aren't even speaking. And me who is thousands of miles away is in the middle.

I knew what a major part in our world my Dad was, but to have the family fall to pieces after his death, never occured to me..I figured if and when he passed, it would be me who would be no longer "part" of the family. Though that holds some what of truth, it seems to be even more so those out West. Thanks for listening...

[shell]

I had heard about people divorcing when a child died and families splitting apart after a death and never understood it. But now I can see some of the things that happen and why it does. I won't go into all my theories about this, but it is a weird thing that happens. Like you said, why push away the people closest to you that can share your pain? But so many people do. I think for many different reasons, but they do. It then becomes another huge job, and hurdle to get through, to try to keep everyone together after a death. I had no idea that grief would bring about so many different problems. It is truly overwhelming at times!

Hang in there everyone!

Hugs,

Shell