Feel Like Screaming

[Lindak]

My husband passed away Sept 4 2006 the days are long the nights are longer, somedays i feel like screaming i have no interest in anything, not my job or friends. Going to the doctor doesnt help they seem to think a pill solves everything. Anyone else feel like your world is slipping away?

[Taika]

Linda

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 7 months apart.At that level I know how you feel. Your husband would want you to go on and live on. I know my parents want me to be strong because I am. So take it easy, maybe try a yoga class, it is great for balancing mind, body and spirit.

Taika

[dpodesta]

Lindak,

I lost my wife on April 6 of this year and know where you are coming from. The first few weeks and months are very hard and it will seem like there is no end. For my self, I took the antidepressants my doctor prescribed. They didn't change who I was or the way I felt, however they lessened the impact. They allowed me to feel but they leveled me off. Think of it like a roller coaster, you have the very highs and the very lows at the begining. After taking the medication the highs and lows weren't as deep. Each of us has to decide for ourselves tho, so if you don't want to take them then don't. All I can say is to keep coming back to this site and posting what is going on. I have found so much help here to get me through this that I just can't put it into words. Try to focus on today, don't worry about tomorrow, I know that can be easier said than done.

Derek

[lorikelly]

Lindak

i understand about the screaming, today i fell on the floor screaming and crying. i needed to. i had to. i could not stop. it has been 3 mos that my mom is gone and for some reason this week it feels like it just happened. i can only hope and pray that it will get better for us. Derek is right, it is like a roller coaster and no matter how loud you scream you can't get off. if you need meds take them, if not then try something else. i take xanax for the anxiety attacks but only when i am desperate. my prayers are with you. lori

[chrissy777]

LindaK,

I lost my husband to cancer July 5th of this year. There are days still where I just want to scream. I pleaded with God to give him back and I actually thought there was a way to bring him back. In the beginning I didnt know what to think. After the fog leaves you and you have to tell yourself that he is never coming home I think that is the hardest time. I had a few days where I did scream. I didnt answer the phone or talk to anyone I just spent all day screaming and crying. I also had some better days. With time thing got a little easier, but it gets harder in other ways. I had doctors tell me I could be put on medication but was pregnant at the time and didnt want to take anything. Now that I have the baby I still dont want to take anything because I dont have depression, depression has me. We went through something that anyone who went through it would be depressed. Dont get me wrong antidepressant are good and can help many people, but in my opinion we are suppose to be depressed I mean we lost our other have part of us died. I am sorry for your loss and I think the best medicine is to talk about your feelings I come here often to talk to others that understand my feelings and everyone is so wonderful here. Take care of yourself and it is ok to scream

[LarrysGirl]

It will be eleven months soon for me and today has been one of those days!! No one comes around, no one says hi how are you, the lawnmower won't start, and I can't think straight. I want to scream at God for taking him. It just doesn't make any sense to me still. He wasn't ready, it wasn't time, the transplant was supposed to come. Why has this happened. I don't want to be left behind without him. I do take an antidepressant and I think it helps but it doesn't take away the need to scream today!! I know how you feel and I'm sorry. Deborah

[Roswell]

LindaK,

This is so fresh and new to you. Words are short, and I am sorry to find you here under such circumstances.

At one time or another, everyone here has screamed.

Your world is not slipping away, it's changing. Unfortunately, we have no control.

God works in mysterious ways, may you find him! We're all in this together.

We may not be able to heal you, we will comfort and provide for you. We will stand by your side.

Hope that you find peace and tranquility here.

Reverence and warmest of wishes,

William

[spunkye]

Dear Linda,

I'm so sorry for your loss - my husband died August 24 - and sometimes - more often than not - I still can't believe it. I haven't screamed in a while - but I do cry a lot. This is a very painful time and I know what you're saying when you say you don't want to do anything or talk to anyone.

Just within the last week, I've been doing more than I have in months - he got sick months before he died and I was pretty isolated. After he died, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry - or wander around the house and eat - well, eventually that got very boring (and fattening), but no matter how hard I tried, I still didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I still don't usually answer my phone, 'cuz I just don't feel like talking.

During all this time I kept praying for comfort and release - and I found this site and I'm just beginning to feel less raw - that's the only word I can think of to describe it.

Keep coming to this site and sharing - you'll find comfort and understanding here - and what you're feeling and what you're doing is pretty "normal" considering the circumstances.

Love, Benita

[Lindak]

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and advice. I dont think i believe in God anymore how could he be so cruel? I was raised in church but after Richards cancer i have to wonder how any God could let a person suffer like he did.

Im sure once i accept the fact that Richard is gone i will once again seek God but right now he brings me no comfort.

Love to all

[Charlie]

Dear LindaK

I am so sorry for your loss, and I know the pain is so deep right now. It is hard to realize that this has happened and that they are gone.

I lost my husband of 46 years to cancer Oct 20, 2004 and this Friday will be 2 years now that he is gone. I want to tell you that the pain will go away, but that would be false, it does lessen and you are more able to cope with the loss. I still cry, but not as often, I still wish my old life was back, but not as often, I still want his loving, caring arms around me, but not as often, and I still miss him so very much.

Just take it one day at a time, and you will be able to get thru this horrible life experience.

I am trying to build a new life, but most of my life was with my Charlie so this is all so new to me also, but if an old lady of 66 can do it, so can you.

My prayers are with you.

Grace

ONLY YOU

7/1/38 -10/20/04

[kayc]

LindaK,

I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. Grace answered you well...we do eventually adapt somewhat, but the pain is never entirely gone...rather we are changed forever by this event.

I think feeling angry with God for what has happened is fairly common. We rail at Him, thinking He COULD have stopped it, why didn't He? All I know is, we live in an imperfect world that He does not currently reign in...one day He will reclaim it and things will change...for now, this world is a temporary place to sojourn and the world to come is our permanent home. As such, we experience a lot of pain in this world. It's crummy to say the least. You DO have the hope of seeing him again and being reunited, and eternity together will pale the short time (in comparison) on earth we have been pulled apart. It's okay to feel angry with God, go ahead and tell Him how hurt and mad you are...He's big enough to take it and He feels for you. He won't be mad at you for expressing your honest feelings. Like Grace said, it will get a little better with time. It kind of goes from a gut wrenching wound into a dull ache or heaviness. Occassionally the piercing revisits us, but most of the time, it is just an altered state of heaviness that we have learned to carry. Keep voicing yourself and do whatever you can to reclaim your power, it'll help you.

[Charlie]

It kind of goes from a gut wrenching wound into a dull ache or heaviness.

Kayc you said it so well, that is exactly what I feel inside, this dull ache and this heaviness like your heart is too much of a burden to carry inside you. I wonder if this sadness inside will ever go away, sometimes it feels like the wound has healed but the scab still hangs on.

Never really understood death the way I do today.

Grace