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It Is All Crumbling


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Hi everyone..haven't posted or visited in awhile. I have been sad, mad, busy, and trying to avoid the reality of what we have all experiences. Not sure I will be able to anymore. I talked about this before, but I will explain why my world is crumbing. I am looking for suggestions, directions, support, whatever anyone is thinking.

I finally called the mortgage company to let them know Jeff died (one year later) They are willing to work with me a bit, but need up front money to begin a repayment and potential refinance. I don't have it. I am not making enough money to support my lifestyle (which isn't lavish by any means) so I will probably have to sell my house or abandon it (the mortgage is in his name only, so I am not liable) I cannot fathom moving back home (800miles) to my family. I don't want to, I won't emotionally be able to withstand living with them. I don't have a job there and can't imagine what this economy will provide jobwise.

I will have to leave the town Jeff grew up in, the house we built together just two years ago, the house our son came home to for the first time, and the friends he called his family for 23 years..I can't take it. I don't want to. I can't find a solution and I don't have any family with $$. I am exasperated, I am sad, I am lost and so very alone.

just reread that without realized all the spelling errors. I am usually a good speller!

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I will keep you in my prayers. I too have to sell the house, only in my case it is my parents home that I have lived in with them for the past 29 yrs (we all lived in another house before that.) I was sharing expenses with my Mom over the yrs but now that her income is gone I am finding it more difficult and have a debt load accumulated from decreased work hours so that I could take care of her while she was so sick the past few yrs. The house hasn't sold yet as we are in a slow market right now and the contract with the agent expired in Oct so I told him today to wait until March as I don't want people tramping through my house during the Christmas season. I am not looking forward to Christmas this yr -- it will be the first without my Mom -- but I have an 8 yr old son and I want to make Christmas as "normal" and as joyous as possible for him. So I'll just struggle along financially until I can get this house back up for sale in the spring and hopefully it will sell then! Hang in there, maybe God has something good for you in store --that's what keeps me going. Love and hugs.

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I too know how you feel. Due to the large medical bills we lost our home and had to move back to where I grew up. We put our house up for sale but finally the lender forclosed. We moved everything we had indlucing the horses 600 miles. I am not sure the move was worth it because I had to take a job that paid alot less then I was making and even though I have family here most of them are so wrapped up in there own lives they do not even know that I exist. Oh they did come to the funeral when Stephen died, but I have not heard from them in over three weeks. It is almost like death will rub off on them. I am really dreading the holidays as I am not sure where I will go or what I will do. I understand what you are going through and will keep you in my prayers, but there are times that I wonder if he is listening.

nowwhat

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Jenn,

I wish I had good advice for you. I know it is hard. Were you able to get social security for your son to help you out. I also know that if you make under a certain amount a month and are the caretaker of the child you are eligable for money from ss. I applied shortly after the baby was born. I dont like the money because it is like death money, but I know it will help. I hope things work out for you. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts.

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Have you tried health and human services for help with your house payment? I know they won't help me because my kids are grown and gone, but I think they might if you have dependents. A friend of mine was getting $950.00/month for rent for their family of four, PLUS food card, PLUS HMO Oregon medical. Add that together and it's more than I can even EARN! I am sorry you are all having such a rough time of it. It is bad enough to go through grief but when you add financial strain into the picture it seems like the straw that broke the camel's back. We had wanted to take out life insurance but George had diabetes and they didn't want to insure him unless the premiums were exhorbitant...now I wish we had anyway. I have four weeks to get a job or...

It's horrible, I have never had a hard time before, I don't know if it's my age or what. I've appplied for nearly 200 jobs. If I could take a low paying one I'd have one but I can't afford to because of the cost of the commute. I am lowering my salary requirements to substantially less than I was making though, I hope something comes up...otherwise I'll be working 7 days a week for low pay to try to keep my home...

Good luck, I wish you each the best. And as for the holidays...I wish there were no such thing, it's got me worried too.

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Hi WhiteSwan,

I too had to sell the house I lived with my parents for the past twenty seven years. I lived with them to help look after them and to save money and share expenses with them... I have lived in my new place for a year now but miss the other house greatly... I knew my neighbors for many years and the surrounds were very comfortable for me... Now it is like a nightmare and I hate it... I hope this helps Take care Shelley

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I have to say I just don't UNDERSTAND WHY when we are all grieving that all this other crap has to happen and just make it feel that much worse!!! Isn't is enough to lose the person we love???? Why do we have to still struggle with more of life's injustices???? I know I don't have enough money, I can't make ends meet, paying one bill and not paying another... Larry and I didn't have any kind of a fancy life, particularly during the last few years because the cost of his medicine but we HAD EVERYTHING!! And now to have to worry each day, stupid phone calls still demanding money, bills everyday in the mail, I just really don't understand that there is a purpose in this life, a plan. What kind of plan could this possibly be??? I want my old life back. Deborah

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Hi LarrysGirl,

I am so very sorry for everything you are going through, But I agree with what you said.... I too want my old life back.... Take care Shelley

P.S. I live now in a very small one room, share bathroom, share laundry facilities, share kitchen....

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I think there should be some sort of financial pardon or something for widows. To go from making two incomes to one is so hard. My husband made twice what I do. I dont have a house fortunatly. My husband got sick right before we were going to close on a house I surely couldnt afford on my own. Dont have much more to say just wanted to add my $.02.

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  • 2 months later...

I am very new to this site and have been reading a lot of back topics. I just realized how lucky I am living in Canada. Here you must take out mortgage insurance when you get a mortgage so that if either one dies the mortgage is paid out. We have no medical bills or drug bills, they are covered by the province you live in or in our case by Rick's retirement benefits until he was 65 ( he was 57 when he died june 18/06.) After age 65 you are covered by the province - I think the most you pay is 4.11 per prescription. As Rick's widow (I hate that word) his work benefits apply to me for 2 years and as I also retired from the same place, my own benefits kick in then . I kept his for 2 years as they were better than mine. He was management and I wasn't. It really upsets me that so many of you have to worry about money at a time like this - there are so many other things to look after - like how to continue living. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you and I sincerely hope that things work out for all. I can't imagine coping with mortgage, hospital debt etc. Are your credit cards insured? or lines of credit? car or truck loans? I know we bought a new truck last Dec (05) even tho we knew the truck would outlive Rick - he was not eligible for insurance at that point because of his cancer, but I now receive his Canada Pension and that covers the truck and insurance. I guess that I am very, very lucky. Jane

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Jane,

I'm glad Canada takes care of it's own better than the U.S. does. When George died, it left me financially destitute. I didn't file bankruptcy, but I remortgaged the house to pay the hospital and doctor and ambulance bills. My income was cut in half overnight and the bills came pouring in. We had looked into life insurance just a couple of months before but he had Diabetes which made him, if not uninsurable, cost-prohibitive...we procrastinated too long and were caught unprepared. Who would dream he would die the same week as his 51st birthday when he looked the picture of health? In the following months I lost my job and the stress of trying to make ends meet took its toll on me. You're right, it's bad enough what we go through without having to worry about money stressors on top of it.

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It seems like we've talked about this topic before, but I also experienced a drastic loss of income the day Larry died. Of course, its nothing compared to the grief of losing him but it certainly makes for a difficult time with worrying about how to pay bills and keep a roof over you head. We have two dogs and even the vet bills are difficult to take care of now. But, its the least part of the horrible loss of my love, my best friend.

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When it comes to that type of thing, the U.S. really sucks. Canada is so much more ahead of the game!! Look at all of us that are uninsured medically - Canada definately takes care of their own.

Yep, going from two incomes to one is really the pits. The bills, of course, don't get cut in half.... I live in a community property state, so all of his assets AND all of his bills were then MY responsibility. I have worked too hard over my lifetime to keep my credit good - not going to file bankruptcy. Fortunately I was not left with any medical bills because apparently the insurance through his work covered all of it. Thank heaven!!!

Maybe we should all become Canadian citizens......

My best to all of you!!

Hugs.

Patti

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You are all welcome to come to Canada - it is beyond belief the medical coverage and expenses in the US. My daughter had a boyfriend from Montana and his mom was left owing $85,000 when his faher died. It really seems unbelieveable to me that this goes on. There must be many who are not able to get the presriptions that they need just to survive. What about the elderly, is there any kind of coverage for them drug wise - most have some kind of a medical condition I'm sure.

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Yes I have to say Canada does take care of its own, I know it didn't take too long for Tanner and I. In the U.S do they pay your children orphans benifits?? is there such thing there?, because Canadian children who apply can collect $200.00/month until they are 18 years old, so that helps, any little bit helps when you are running ona single income. Also I was wondering Jenn, is there anyway that the community could come together and pool some money for you and your son, to help you guys out?? I know quite a few times they have done stuff lkike that around here for widows/ers, medical bills they call it a benifit something people attend a get together in the name of the purpose, and money is collected for the family. I thought maybe if this was the town your husband grew up in and you are close with everyone it might be worth a shot. Good Luck and Take care. Brooke

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  • 2 weeks later...

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