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Its so hard to beleive it has been 5 months since my world was shattered. I had dreams about Jason last night which hasnt happened in a while. They had no meaning but at least he was there. He felt so alive to me. I woke up feeling like I could open my eyes and see him here, but once again I woke up alone without him. It feels more like 5 years sometimes. I miss him so much. I went back to work yesterday after being out for 6 months and it is so hard to get adjusted again. Things changed alot there and I am confused as it is. Being a nurse you really cant afford to be confused. I will get the hang of it in a few days I guess. I feel like I am just babbling on and on. My mind never stops it seems like I cant turn it off. I have trouble sleeping, and focusing. I hope it gets easier. Well I hope its not one of those days. Thank you all for your help and support through these tough months. It helps so much to have a place to turn to. Take care everyone and God bless you all.

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Chrissy - Wow, it's hard to believe that you've been here with us for 5 months already. It's amazing how fast time goes. I just passed 2 years since I lost my beloved husband....haven't figured out how I managed to get to this point.

I'm so glad to hear that you have dreams of Jason - that's him coming to you to let you know he's OK and around. I'm sure you'll be back in full force, with work, soon. Kind of like riding a bike.....

We're so glad that you are part of our "family". You KNOW we're always here for you!!

Hugs to you and that sweet little baby!!

Patti

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Chrissy,

Tomorrow will be 8 months for me and I remember the 5th month all to well. I didn't get to have a bunch of time off from work, but I remember when I returned it took me about 2 months before I was even close to functioning like normal at work. I know in your profession, you will need to be able to do that a lot quicker. The confussion will get better, it seems like the last couple of months have really started to be clearer. My mind was doing the same thing as yours, I couldn't get it to slow down. It was going so fast at times, it was hard to decipher what was going on. I found that if I started writing down what I could of what was going on inside my head that really helped to sort it all out and slow my mind down some so I could rest. I will be praying for you and hope that this helps.

Love always

Derek

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Chrissy

i am going on the 6month mark and i can't believe it either. i say alot i haven't seen my mom in 6mos. it is so strange. i hope that work will get easier for you, it has for me. it does help to be there. i work at night for a vet hospital. the down time is the worse for me. just take one day at a time and we are here for you. lori

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Hi Chrissy

I'm almost at the 5 month mark here too, I know what you mean when you say you can't believe it's been 5 months, I can't believe I've been without Trevor and raising our son alone for 5 months already. I couldn't imagine going back to work right now, I'm thankful I have a year off for maternity leave, I know you will get back into the swing of things though, it always takes awhile even in better situations, it's bound to be a harder for you because of the roller coaster your life and emotions have taken. Hang in there the days/nights will start getting easier. (That's what I tell myself when some days are harder then others)

Hugs, Take care!! Brooke

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We have a unique group of new moms with infants at our time of loss on this site. I think that we often put off pieces of our grief because we need to function for our babies. I went back to work after three months because it was the end of my leave and I needed to work. I am certainly not in nursing, but I am in charge of a large staff and the need to think quick, multi task, and be friendly and inspiring to my team was difficult. I had a wonderful group of people at work that understood my state of mind and supported me when they could. I wonder Chrissy if this might be good for you in a sense...you are focused on helping others and seeing how lucky you are to have a piece of Jason with you forever. I hope you find your groove and please don't resist those days that you just need to feel sad. The harder I fought to keep it at bay at work, the harder it was to be a good mom when I was at home. Find a place to gather yourself and know that these moments will happen.

Lots of love and luck as we begin this new chapter in your journey.

Jenn

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Chrissy,

I can relate somewhat as I just started a new job after being off for 5 1/2 months...I added to it a long commute and I'm having a hard time adjusting to the long hours and lack of sleep. I need my mind so I can learn and do a good job and it's really tough...you have a baby on top of it. I will keep you in my prayers, I'm sure it'll get easier as you get more used to it. I remember my six month benchmark as being tough, it varies a bit for each person, but I wish you the best in these upcoming days.

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Thanks everyone for your kind words. Last night wasnt as hard as my first night back. I guess it will just take some time. That was the longest I was out of work since I started nursing. Kay C Thats right you just started work again too. Its not easy with the added confusion we have from losing our husbands. I forget very easily so I was trying to write everything down like you said Derek. Thanks again everyone.

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Hi Chrissy,

On the 19th it will be 5 months for me. The way I feel at times it feels like it could have been yesterday. I was so depressed last night and today. I cried and cried.

I went back to work two weeks after Doug's death. I thought if I stayed out any longer I might never go back. Unfortunatley, financially I had to go back. The people at work are so supportive. I am so lucky to have so many people that care about me.

I went to a Hope for the Bereaved support group meeting on Tuesday. The counselor asked what is the hardest part of grieving for you. I said the loneliness, the yearning for Doug to be here with me. I need so badly to hear his voice, to touch his face, to hold him in my arms. It tears me apart to be without him. Actually, every part of grieving is the hardest. Don't you agree?

Terry

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Terry,

I agree. I also agree that the lonliness is so hard. I come home from work at night and I feel sp alone. I have my son but I want the companionship I had with Jason again. I think somethings feel like only yesterday, but for me I feel like I have been alone forever. Thank you for your response and take care.

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