Not Wanting To Leave The House

[lorikelly]

I find myself just wanting to be home, i thought doing stuff would make me feel better but it doesn't. i go to work in the evenings and can't wait to come home. even on the weekends i am the best when i am at home with my husband and boys. i get so anxious when i go out and i don't like to see other people with there moms. Crazy. i like to get into bed read or watch tv. does this happen to others? i thought keeping busy would help but i am content to be home. i can wait to sleep at night, but i have to take my sleeping pill to do that. maybe this weather doesn't help and the time of yr. hopefully the nicer weather will help. thanks for listening. lori

[Sandra-T]

Lori, I just read your reply to Michael, and then looked to read this. I exactly have the same feeling, I do NOT want to leave the house, not at all, not even for something I would enjoy. I hate being around people, crowds especially. I have no idea how I am going to Christmas shop for the rets of the family. This happened even before my Moms illness, but has gotten worse daily since. I know the nausea and upset stomach all the time, and the insomnia, and you want to sleep so bad and can't. Its all there, I guess I am not alone, and if I got that much from coming to this forum, it has helped me. I am sorry you are having such a tough time with guilt also. I feel bad cause I was mad at my Mom this summer and didn't see her for a month. (This was before we knew she was sick) She was not always easy..but I wasted time, and though I don't think she knew I was so upset, she obviously must have noticed I didn't come around as much. Its something you get stuck with later, when you would give anything to take the time back, and be more understanding, more available, etc. I think every single person in our situation feels some guilt about something.. Maybe its because we are all only human, and cannot be perfect. I pray that our families are in a beautiful happy place now, and that we can think of them that way, and not as we saw them last.

Take care

Sandra

[KittyLove]

Hi Lori---

I know what you mean. I feel so boring! I am in my early 30's w no kids and the thought of making 'small talk' at a holiday party with some random person makes me want to bathe my cat instead!

At times I just feel overwhelmed with all my emotions, that the TV has become my new best friend. I cant believe all the TV I watch now since July, the passing of my gpa.

But everyday I force myself to get out of bed and think positively and remember 'this too shall pass'.

KL

[Blackie]

I have tried to do all the "right" things. I found a job that would keep me connected to people, I joined a gym and make myself go two or three times a week, I try to eat healthy foods (when I can eat), I joined a garden club to try and develop new hobbies and friends. But I find that all I do is watch TV and sleep. And I have never been a TV watcher (at least that means I'm not watching reruns). It seems that nothing really helps me (although I do wonder how much worse I would feel if I hadn't done those things). Everyone says that in time I will feel better and come to terms with my new life. But then I read posts here of those who are still suffering years later. I really don't think I can live like this for years.

I also find being social and making small talk virtually impossible. I know that I make others uncomfortable. For me sleeping and watching TV get me through one more day to that point in time when I really want to join the world. I sometimes wonder if I'm not avoiding something and that it's my own fault for not trying harder to become a more normal person. But I guess I just don't have the strength that having my man next to me provided to move on.

It's been 7 months (217 days) since I've been so completely alone. I no longer cry constantly so I suppose that's progress. But I'm still searching for a reason why I should even be here. And I don't feel that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. This experience is far too painful for the short 27 years that preceded it. While everyone around me keeps talking about moving on with my life and how wonderful the next 27 years will be if I give it a chance, I will never let that kind of attachment and dependence develop again. Which means that I will live with this loneliness for the rest of my life. So I'm just trying to get used to being this sad forever.

And I'm very sorry for being so depressing when I really wanted to offer some help and support.

[STARKISS]

Hi LoriKelly,

I too find it hard to go out of the house, I do it for the kids but I only have a small time limit outside the house and than I want to be at home.. I have not even gone to see my dog in such a long time because of the fact she is at my brother's and I am at my house and just the thought of going there I get a very nervous feeling in my stomach... I guess we will just have to take it one step at a time and see if that helps Take care Shelley

[shell]

Hi all,

I would rather stay home too. I've said before that I think being around other people is just too much stress...trying to be pleasant company, not being able to cry if you want to, the whole "front" we have to put on for others. It's just so much easier to be by ourselves and "hidden" from the world. I think it's normal and also that we're so tired, we can't afford to do anything extra that adds to that tiredness. But I'm sure in time it really will change. How much time, I have no idea, but someday we will feel like participating in life again. We just have to hang on and glide until then.

Hugs to all,

Shell

[Sandra-T]

Hang in there Blackie, I guess it takes time, and perspective. I don't want to make small talk or pretend to be happy, or do much of anything either. From the looks of this forum, we are all in a similar place. I guess it gets better with time, but of course it doesn't go away. Just the major pain gets better, the sadness lingers. Thats ok though, cause we can then remember the love, and not just the horror of the end. At least I hope that to be so, and all my faith and studies tell me, that at some point, I can make it through the day with out crying. I lost my Grandma in 02 and I thought that would not get better, but it did, although I still have moments of extreme sadness. Overall, I can think of it more peacefully. Then again she was much older than Mom. Mom went too soon. As I am sure yours did also,. I can only hope it is prewritten somehow and supposed to be this way, and we will know why somehow, someday.

Take care

Sandra

[MarieR]

Hi all...

I can REALLY relate to not wanting to leave the house. I think in grief we feel so unbelievably vulnerable...home feels safe...or the safest place to be. For the last year since my friend died, I have felt like alot of the things I used to do are so unimportant now, so trivial. I've also noticed my willingness to put up with crap from others is gone. My filters are gone..I'm hurt, I'm pissed and my priorities have changed. I also notice that my ability to deal with stressful or painful events is greatly reduced...I get uptight and dizzy with any added stress. I have felt really afraid that i was becoming a hermit...but I think this is time that we need to ourselves. I don't want to expose myself to any more harm or potential for harm...so home feels safe for now. I do go out, but not as much as I did. Everything requires so much effort and energy...emotionally and physically. It is frustrating when you used to be so much more active as I was. It's wierd...like I'm in a movie and every now and then I'll get this "subliminal bleep" on the screen and it shows me rejoining "life" again...it makes me feel encouraged and also tells me to be patient. The time is coming when i will again join in with life. I am restructuring (read:getting my poop together) and after day to day steps of moving forward, I will see that the new normal has become my comfort zone, my life...and I'll have been swimming in it for a while before I realize I'm doing it. So for those of us who feel better at home...I say good..be as peaceful as you can, wherever you can.This is tough stuff...hard work. Our defenses are down and we are exposed...or so we feel. So protecting ourselves is good, as long as we are not shutting down. We have to continue reaching forward and that may mean 3 steps up and two back...but so what. This is a struggle and we're gonna feel like crap as our bodies, minds and hearts process all that has happened.

We'll live to raid the sale racks again...when WE feel like it...so give yourself room to work the process however you choose.

love,

Marie

[sad in az]

Hi Lori

I am also feeling the same way. It's all so empty and home seems to be the only place that I do not feel that way. Every morning I go through the motions of trying to get ready to go and then it all hits me and I stay in more often than I should. I do ok once I do get out but do not want to be around more than one or two people at a time. I look around at everyone doing all there holiday stuff and say to myself-how can you just all go on like nothing happened-don't you know my world fell apart? Of course I know logically that they do not know my world fell apart but that is how I feel. Like Shell said, its the putting on the front and small talk that is so hard-if I hear are you ok one more time I think I am going to scream. At home we can just break out crying and no one can see.

sad in az

[lorikelly]

The worst is happening to me,i am having paniac attacks. i have the anxiety attacks but now the paniac ones. they are so horrible and scary. they seem to be getting worse. i am back to waking up with that sick feeling in my stomach and the diar again. i had one good month and now wham. i am so scared trying be so brave for my husband and boys. i am a mess.

last night a bunch of girls from work always get together for the holidays.i didn't want to go but felt i had to. i hide the way i am feeling at work and not one person has asked me if it is difficult this time of yr. we went to someones house and i lost it. i tried to hide it as best as i could. my legs started to tremble so i sat at the table so they could shake. then the dizzy feeling and the panic hit. i told them my son was sick when i left and couldn't stay long. well i pretended to call home and then said i had to leave he needed me. i hated to lie but if i didn't get out i would of collapsed. i was a wreck going home, took a zanax in the car and then it took me about 2 hrs to settle down and them finally fall off to sleep. i was crying to my husband.

the worst is tonight is my christmas party for work and i responded yes. i should of said NO. i have worked there 14 yrs and this is their 20th yr owning the hospital so it is a big one. i am sure if i can make but not sure how to get out. i will try taking my zanax all day and one before i go hopefully i can do it. i will also have my husband so he will know if i am not doing good. pls pray for me, i feel like i am going crazy and i am so TERRIFIED. i believe pray is powerful pls if you don't mind pls ask God to take this from me. i want and need to be a good mom and wife. my mom wouldn't want this from me.

i have also decieded to start the lexapro , i will start next thurs since i am off from work incase i get sick fromit.they say this will help with the attacks also. i hate that i have to take meds, pls pls pray for me.

thanks for always listening to me. lori

[Trudy1964]

Lori,

I'm not sure if you read my response on the other site. I started taking lexapro for some of the same symptoms. I was scared to take it. I didn't want to wake up 3 years from now and start grieving all over again. I thought I could do it on my own. I almost took a leave from work. I just didn't feel like I could help anybody else because I couldn't help my own self. The lexapro helps bunches. I still feel very sad sometimes. Had a melt down decorating the tree the other night. I'm sad now. But I can take care of my family like my Mom would want me too. I hate Christmas. After the holidays I may even increase the dose. I'm not sure if it's the season or if I'm still depressed. I will pray for you. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Know that we are all here right beside you. God Bless.

Missing My Mom,

Trudy

[Bebekat]

Lori,

You should do what YOU feel like doing. What is best for you. Do not feel obligated to go to the work Christmas party, even if you said you would. Last year was my first without Tom and I did not go to the Christmas party. It is such a hard time of year. There are a lot of things that you probably will not feel like doing right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. And believe it or not, it will get better. Not all at once, not even so you will notice. But, slowly, you can look back and see how much it has gotten better. Don't ever expect to get over the loss, just get through the day. And if the medication helps, take it.

[Sandra-T]

LoriKelly, Hey girl, hang on, take ALL THE MEDS THEY WILL GIVE YOU, is my theory. I think you should be allowed to grieve and not have to participate in events you don't want to. The pressure of all that and the holidays in general is just making you have more attacks. Don't feel bad about taking anything that will help. Mine helps. Not so much that I don't feel horrible, but keep me from meltdowns most of the time, and obsessing less on the end, which was real bad at first.

Please take care of yourself,

Hugs

Sandra

[Laurie]

Oh Lori, I know how horrible those panic and anxiety attacks can be. I also felt like I was really losing it and just freaking out. I went to my doctor at a spur of the moment during one of these times when I was totally out of control driving home from work. So he was able to see the condition I was in. That was when he put me on 300 mg Wellbutrin and the Xanax, one pill three times a day. I don't understand why you are only taking them as needed. Within a few days, the difference I felt was huge. I haven't tried Lexapro, but my therapist did say that alot of her patients find it works very good for them. I mentioned that to my doctor, but he wanted me to stick with these. I have a Christmas get-together Thursday night with my friends from work too. I'm really not in the mood but I think (hope) I'll be OK. Don't feel like you HAVE to go to that work party tonight. If you don't feel up to it, then just skip it. I can't imagine anyone not understanding why you'd miss it this year. Try taking that Xanax 3 times a day (if that's how it was prescribed for you) That was the only thing that stopped that terrified, out of control, crazy feeling for me. I pray for all of us here, but tonight I will say an extra prayer for you and your husband and boys, and for you to start feeling better soon. Love, Laurie

[lorikelly]

Thank you all for answering me. i will do my best about tonight.

Trudy,

I was wondering what dose you are taking and how much? Did you get any sideeffects this is my big concern? thanks for any advice you can give me. Lori

[Trudy1964]

Lori,

I am taking 10 mg now. I'm going to see how I do after the Christmas holidays are over. I still feel I am probably a little depressed now. But I feel this is expected with these dreaded days coming up. I had no side effects what so ever. Some of my friends did say they gained about 5 pounds. I'm also on topamax for migraines. That causes you to loose weight. My sanity is worth that much. With everything you are going through right now, you don't need the extra stress. If its going to cause you a panic attack, stay home. TAKE CARE OF YOU. You are the only one who knows what you can handle. That's right out of the mouth of my counselor. I'm praying for you.

Take care

Missing my Mom,

Trudy