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April Is A Sad Month For Me


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Before 2005 April was a “happy” month for me and our family.

Spring was here – warmer days – hope for the future existed.

It was the month for my wife’s birthday and also for our youngest son.

Then on the 13th of April 2005 Jeannie died from cancer, only 3 months after her initial diagnosis, and my life changed forever!

She had survived severe disability with MS for many years, but always seemed to have a positive outlook on life. I retired from work early to become her full-time caregiver, and “life” was reasonably “good”.

2006 was the first full calendar year that I was classed as a “widower” and having just finished doing my tax return I now realize yet another “loss” from her death. I get to pay our government significantly more tax dollars despite a minimal increase in my earnings.

While this new tax “bill” did not come as a total surprise the amount of the increase was a hugh part of my disposable income. It hurts to be reminded that I no longer have her here with me. I would gladly pay even more taxes if I could have her back…but that is not to be. :(:(

I am really not sure why I am writing this here, but I felt that I had to say it “out loud”.

Please understand that even if one thinks they are “getting a little better” there will always be something that brings you back to the reality of life and its losses.

Thanks for being here and your support over the past two years. :):)

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When you filed your taxes did you file yourself as a quailifed widower. I know that you get about $2000 more of a deduction than filing as single. You are able to claim that status for 2 years after the death. I hope this helps and know that I too understand what is like each time that your martial status is required on some form or other.

Derek

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When you filed your taxes did you file yourself as a quailifed widower. I know that you get about $2000 more of a deduction than filing as single. You are able to claim that status for 2 years after the death....

Derek

There is no such exemption for "qualified widower" here in CANADA. One can claim widow/widower status for the full calendar year of the spouses death, but after that you are considered to be "single" again.

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Walt,

As a fellow Canadian, I just had to comment. Our 'marital status' tax laws are such a slap in the face for having loved and lost. That must add so much extra pain to an already huge sorrow. I've always been frustrated by the way 'singles' are penalized. It's not right. I'm ashamed of our government so often, and this is another one of those times. It's so unfair! And you're right...there's always something....

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Derek - The qualified widow/widower status(exemption) ONLY pertains to people that have minor children. That is why you get to file that way....and us, with no minor children left at home, get to file single! I personally think that there should be an adjustment period for widow/widowers of like a year, so you have time to "adjust" to a different filing status. To go from having 2 incomes and filing married/joint to having 1 income and having to file single is a HUGE change. I ended up having to pay the IRS the year after I lost Charlie because of that change. Of course I didn't have the money because of THAT change.... Fortunately for me, 2006 gave me a refund so I was able to offset what I still owed them from 2005 with my refund and now I'm paid in full with the IRS!! Yea!!

I have since changed my W9.

Life stinks without our loved ones!!! Too many things change and I don't like it!

My best to you, WaltC. I know you are at your 1 year mark. :)

Hugs to all of you.

Patti

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I sure know what you guys mean about writing that word on the tax form. That was another "eye opener."

In my "woman's church group" this morning several women were talking about their husbands not going to church with them and it just popped out of my mouth, "I guess I might be lucky because my husband is always there with me." They were quiet. There are little things, aren't there?

Karen

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Hi WaltC,

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling, But as for me I am single and have never been married so I really do not know much about the Tax deductions... But as you posted about April being a happy month for you before 2005, It was also a very good month for me until that year... My mom died April 18, 2005 and now my favorite uncle has also died in April but the year was 2007... So now I dread the month eventhough the nice weather is here.... Try to hang in there and I will put you on my pray list and ask God to help you find your way along your grief journey... Take care Shelley

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Hello to you all,

I could not resist commenting on the dialogue about taxes. I can certainly understand the financial pain that so many of you are experiencing because of the loss of your spouse (mate). Despite that Jack and I were in a committed relationship for 27 years I did not have to experience what you describe when he died – rather we had to experience it the entire time we were together and committed to each other – because we were always recognized as “single” despite our committed relationship. Moreover, there was nothing we could do about it. For all those years we paid taxes as “single men” when we were in fact as “married” as any heterosexual couple – just unrecognized by our government.

Therefore, when you think about the injustice you feel due to your current increase in taxes, try to remember that it could have been even worst if your government never recognized the relationship you were in and you paid that higher tax continually throughout your marriage.

My taxes remain the same – high – because the government still sees me as single – despite the reality of what Jack and I had all those years. At least you had the blessing of having your relationship recognized for the loving commitment that it was.

I fail to recognize the thought process of our government and why any of us should be penalized for being single – and I also fail to recognize why my government could not see and recognize the love Jack and I had for all those years.

Welcome to the world of the “singles” tax – but count among your blessings the fact that your love was legally recognized for the years you were together.

My love to you all,

John

Dusky is my handle on here.

Love you Jack.

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Dusky,

I hear what you're saying, I guess we never realize how good we have/had it until we hear about someone else going through something worse. Today I read in some "CALC" literature the same things you mentioned...that a heterosexual couple never experiences what it's like to face discrimination because of their relationship, or to lose a job because of it, or to be asked to leave their church because of it, or worry about visiting their loved one in a hospital because of it. Of course, being George's wife didn't help me when he was dying...they still threw me out so I couldn't be with him and encourage him as he met his maker. But our government has a long ways to go before it treats us fairly or justly. Our tax laws are just one part of that, but a hefty part to those of us who struggle to have heat or transportation or food. I have struggled financially since George died. Half our income goes and our expenses and taxes go up. Does that make any sense? I didn't get a tax refund this year, I got hammered...I had nearly $6,000.00 in medical I didn't get to claim and I was out of work half the year...even though I had taxes held out of my unemployment, I still got to pay more taxes. George and I used to get refunds. Go figure. But you're right, Dusky, the injustices you've suffered are way greater. I'm sorry, little by little, things are changing. In Oregon, they just made some changes that are a step.

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.....count among your blessings the fact that your love was legally recognized for the years you were together.

John

Dusky is my handle on here.

Dusky - I am sorry for the injustices that you have suffered, but I find no "blessings" in the fact that my love for Jeannie was "legally recognized" for the great years that we were together. And I find absolutely no comfort in knowing that some others, like yourself, are mistreated by the tax system.

I just HATE to be reminded, in any way - financial or not - that I am "single" and not married.

Good Luck to You with your book and Video! :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Not to mention the magazines, bills in the spouses name, that hurts everytime I have to see it, and the creditors could care less..

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