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Larry and I were married 46 years last October. He died 11/17/07 We were married when I was 18 and he 21. I have never been alone and I don't kn ow who I am or where I belong I am having a really bad time being alone. My daughter wants me to move to Wisconsin but I have been living in Arizona for over 20 years. I don't think I can live there in the winter. I visit friend and I seem to be alright until I go home to the empty house.

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Hi....I'm really sorry, this has to be awful for you and you must feel terribly alone. It really is like losing the other part of you, I know. You were together for so long and now it's such a short amount of time that you must feel so terrible without him. It won't do any good to say that it will get better because that probably isn't anywhere in your mind or heart at this time. You just need to do whatever it is that feels right to you, each person is so different. My husband has been gone now for about 2 1/2 years so I've gone through a lot of feelings, emotions...whatever there is I think I've been there, so I am here to tell you that "time does go by" and it sure will seem very slowly to you. Just take each day as you can, visit with us, and know that you'll be fine after a while. We're here for you whenever you need us. You are important, so take care of yourself.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Ejn,

I totally understand your difficulty with the loneliness. I'm in my 60's as well and was with my husband since I was 25. We were together constantly and rarely apart. Since his death a little over six months ago I have had to live alone in a big house. It's been quite a shock and at times unbearably.

Unfortunately we now have to reinvent ourselves and identity. Not easy to do when you are hurting so badly from the loss of your husband. But gradually, day by day, you start to find little things here and there that you enjoy. You will find strengths in yourself that will really surprise you.

My husband died in late August so I'm a little ahead of you in time, but do know that there will be tiny shifts in your ability to deal with the situation. I'm told by other widows to just "hang in there" and things will seem different in about a year.

Yes, it's a long painful process. I work the phones, so to speak, and call as many people as I can to stay in touch. In the meantime, keep posting here. There are some very supportive people!

Pat

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You just tell your daughter she needs to move to Arizona. If she doesn't understand that after the Winter From Hell, she never will.

My late wife and I fled Michigan in 1996 and never looked back.

Seriously, though, it's too soon to make such a major decision in any case. Your judgment is apt to be very unreliable for a few months. Give yourself a year or so, and not only will your mind be clearer, but you may surprise yourself to find that you're managing to find life and purpose you never suspected you could.

You have tremendous resources within yourself, you just never have had to tap into them before. You can do it. You will.

Best,

--Bob

Larry and I were married 46 years last October. He died 11/17/07 We were married when I was 18 and he 21. I have never been alone and I don't kn ow who I am or where I belong I am having a really bad time being alone. My daughter wants me to move to Wisconsin but I have been living in Arizona for over 20 years. I don't think I can live there in the winter. I visit friend and I seem to be alright until I go home to the empty house.

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Patty Ann, you are so right, and I am surprised you've realized it so soon...that we have to reinvent ourselves and our identity and little by little find things we enjoy and fill our lives. It's hard, but it's true.

Ejn, my heart goes out to you, you are going through the same struggle we all have. Somewhere I read where someone said they can't read and they'd always liked to...me too, I was an avid reader all my life, reading before going to sleep and some time during the middle of the day if I could work it in...but now, I can't read, and for me it's been almost 3 years. The weekends are still tough although I'm doing better with them now than I used to. Just continue to be kind to yourself and understanding of yourself. We're here for you.

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Ejn I am so sorry for your loss and know exactly what you are saying. Steve and I started (back then we called it going steady) when I was 15 and he was 18. I was not even allowed to date until I was 16 so he would have to come to the house and sit with me and my Mom and Stepdad everytime to watch television at night. He was persistant though and he followed the rules. We got married when I turned 21 and I lost him very unexpectedly last March 7th so I just hit my 1 year mark. I too am lost even now as we were together 34 years and since I was just a kid at the time when we started being a couple I have not been without him in my adult life. We came as a pair, did everything together and now I am lost and lonely. I have yet to know who I am without him and still a year later just exist and get by day by day. I have a 23 yr old daughter still at home but she is barely there and if she is it is not when I am there except to sleep. I shop alone, I eat alone, I watch tv alone and I sleep alone...so I do know how you feel and can sympathize with your feelings. Please hang in there, I can't say it gets easier but I can say we do get through it somehow.

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Hi Ejn,

I am having a terrible time feeling so all alone and my Lou and I were only together 19 years (married for 14) so I can only imagine what losing someone after 46 years must be like.

My parents have been married for 46 years and love each other very much but my mother and father both say that Lou and I had a one of a kind marriage so she thinks I am probably going to have a harder time then some.

I think it is so hard to predict who will have a rougher time than someone else because we are all individuals with very different needs and feelings.

The one thing all of us have in common here is that we lost someone we love dearly and still miss them terribly.

Don't make any decisions now about anything more complicated then what to eat or which movie to watch. I am only in day 42 but I do know that my thinking is still not rational enough to make any kind of major decision. I want to be in the house Lou and I shared with all of his things around me. Yes, I am lonely especially at night but the thought of living some place else where he and I were not together makes me shudder! I am not ready for that.

I feel your pain and would love to hear more about Larry. It is good to speak of the wonderful times we had with our departed soul mates and to let everyone know how we feel about them. Sharing pain gives comfort; at least it does to me.

Rosemary

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Larry and I were married 46 years last October. He died 11/17/07 We were married when I was 18 and he 21. I have never been alone and I don't kn ow who I am or where I belong I am having a really bad time being alone. My daughter wants me to move to Wisconsin but I have been living in Arizona for over 20 years. I don't think I can live there in the winter. I visit friend and I seem to be alright until I go home to the empty house.

\Dear EJN,

I have never written to anyone that I do not know. Mt daughter sent me here to check out this forum. Your story was the first one I read. Let me tell you. I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my husband just before Christmas, Dec. 19th. We were married for 32 years. April would have been 33. We married when I was 21, he was 23. Like you, I have never been alone. I go to work and I'm fine. Coming home is the worst. I keep thinking this isn't real. We were supposed to grow old together. I feel so alone and really don't want to be here anymore. I'm trying to train my "outdoor" dogs to be indoor dogs because I'm am so scared and can't sleep.I constantly wake up all hours of the night.

I have two wonderful daughters but they have their own life and I don't want call them and cry on their shoulders because I'm sure they feel just as much sadness as I do. No sense in making them feel worse.

I am scared more than anything about where my life is headed. All the little things he used to do such as turn the tv or stereo on, I took for granted.He would always say "you need to learn how to operate the remotes". If I shrugged my shoulders he would then say... "Your going to miss me when I'm gone". There are 5 or 6 remotes!I simply turn the sound down and punch the off button on the tv. I don't even know what days the trash is supposed to go out, how to take care of the pool or his fish aquarium. I can't even reset the stupid thermostat or irrigation timer. I love to cook. My husband loved my cooking. Now, its a can of soup. We had our routines. Now I just wander empty room to room.

We had no insurance. His policy was for accidental death (written in the fine print). I don't make enough money to pay for everything myself, so I am cutting off a lot of things I think can live without. I am in the process of attempting to start my own home business on the side to make ends meet but then again, what if I can't make it work.

My husband's brother called me three days after my husbands death and said I should think about selling my house and moving to an apartment. Sell both vehicles and get an economical used car. Get rid of my pets. He must be thinking my life is over too.

Another thing that really makes me sad is we both really wanted grandchildren. My husband would always say "I'd make a great grandpa". But we never said anything to our girls. Having children is a personal thing so they have to decide for themselves.Neither one of them wants children. I have a feeling now that their dad is gone they won't have a reason to have children anyway. Their dad was very important to them. I'm the mom but that's it. Their dad was everything to them.I wish it were me instead of him dying.Life sucks without him. While he had his little things that irritated me. I would give anything in the world for those little irritation now. I know many people have been through the same thing but I simply don't know how they survive.

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Terlinda I so agree with you, I would give anything to be woken up at night again by my husbands snoring, or hear one on his corney jokes. Or to hear him say to me at night, "What do you want to take to work for lunch tomorrow". etc. I have wished and wished for these things to happen again, but they don't.

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Terlinda I also would give anything in the world to have my husband back to irrate me again and I would love and cherish every minute of it. When my husband was alive I would come home from work and "stuff" would be out of place and all I did was complain about it now I come home from work and everything is the same as I left it and I hate it oh, how badly I would love to come home and have things unorganized again. I use to sleep with a pillow over my head because of his snoring and I have got so use to it that I would love again to sleep that way but I am scared I wont hear if something goes on in the house. If I can have him back I would not sleep with a pillow on my head I dont think I would sleep at all just stay up all night and stare at his beautiful face. I miss hearing him ask me if I am okay that was his daily question to me I wish I can hear his voice. No, Jack I am not okay I am going crazy in a useless world with useless life without you.

I am sorry just having a hard day today and if I can have my best friend back life would be so much easier. We just have to hang in there and hope somehow things will get easier.

Love,

Marlene

Edited by mfarah
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I know, with me it was him calling on his lunch breaks (he went to work at 5:00 as I was getting off) and saying, "Hi, Hon..."

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Thank you everyone. It's times when I am alone that this forum helps me. I miss him so much I can't stand it. I found some cam corder tapes the other day and I took them to a lady to have them transfered to DVD I am hoping that his voice is on a least one of them.

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About 18 months before he died, my husband Bill developed dementia, which took away almost all of his short-term memory. He would call me at work 2, 3, 4 times a day (or more) just to touch base or ask me questions (often the same qustions over and over again). His calls didn't always come at opportune times, so they sometimes got on my nerves - though I never let him know that. He couldn't always remember he had called me earlier in the day, but when he did remember he'd say, "It's me again, your pest" and I'd laugh and answer, "Hello there, Mr. Pest."

What I wouldn't give for just one more phone call from him.

He also would tell me several times each day how much he loved me, and he'd ask, "Are you tired of me saying 'I love you'?" I told him no, I'd never get enough of it. And I never will for sure, now that he's gone.

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