Music

[Chai]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum category for this,

I almost put this in the poetry section, but, that's poetry, And this applies to every type of loss, so I couldn't put in my current haunt, the Loss of Parent or Grandparent forum...

I have been listening to music that makes me both happy and sad, because it reminds me of my dad. Some of the lyrics make me cry, and some make me smile.

I should probably only share the happy stuff, but no, this site also acknowledges the sad feelings, I feel.

So, I don't mean to make everyone sad, but I wanted to share a song:

by Enya, "If I could be where you are"

Where are you this moment?

Only in my dreams.

You're missing, but you're always

A heartbeat from me.

I'm lost now without you,

I don't know where you are.

I keep watching, I keep hoping,

But time keeps us apart

Is there a way I can find you,

Is there a sign I should know,

Is there a road I could follow

To bring you back home?

Winter lies before me

Now you're so far away.

In the darkness of my dreaming

The light of you will stay

If I could be close beside you

If I could be where you are

If I could reach out and touch you

And bring you back home

Is there a way I can find you

Is there a sign I should know

Is there a road I can follow

To bring you back home to me

Listen: link

-----

So...I was wondering...anybody else having any experiences with music and how it is affecting/helping you in your grief? I was wondering if anyone had any more songs they could share...

[AnnieO]

I had a reading with a medium and he told me my dad kept singing a song and showing him the song. I knew the song but couldn't figure out what it meant to my dad. I walked out and got in the car and it was playing on the radio. I have heard it so many times now and often when I am having a bad time. Not sure if this goes along with your post, but I love hearing the song and feel like its a "hello" from my dad.

[MartyT]

Chai, dear ~ see Songs That Make Us Remember Our Loved Ones and Music: Helping to Heal Those Who Grieve

[Chai]

Dear AnnieO, would you mind sharing your dad's special song with us? I would love to hear it/read the lyrics. I have found that music is really helping me - helping me to notice my feelings, helping me to take deep breaths.

MartyT, thank you so much for those wonderful links.

If I could, I would like to share another song:

by Enya, "Last Time by Moonlight

The winter sky above us

Was shining

In moonlight,

And everywhere around us

The silence

Of midnight.

And we had gathered snowflakes;

Remember

The soft light

Of starlight on snow.

Oooh, remember this,

For no-one knows

The way love goes.

Oooh, remember this,

For no-one knows

The way life goes.

We walked the road together

One last time

By moonlight,

As underneath the heavens

The slow chimes

At midnight,

But nothing is forever

Not even

The starlight

At midnight

Not even

The moonlight...

Oooh, remember this,

For no-one knows

The way love goes.

Oooh, remember this,

For no-one knows

The way life goes.

Listen:

----

My personal connection to this song is, it reminds me of a beautiful beach walk I did with my dad this past August. It was late at night, and we walked along the beach, enjoying its beauty, the sound of the waves, the feel of sand underfoot. I don't know where this beach is in LA, but I want to figure out a way to go back there. My dad is gone, but the places that he brought me to, beautiful places in nature, are still there. I want to go back to them, being at these places makes me feel a little like he is still here, with me.

[Chai]

I accidentally double-posted...this is me going back and editing...

On another note, were any music artists/budding musicians out there inspired to write songs for their loved ones?

[AnnieO]

My dad's song to me is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w. Its an old song but I think there is a remix out there now too. I have heard it many times when I really need it. I bought a new horse a few months after my dad died. I was on my way to pick him up, I was alone and was thinking how excited my dad would have been to go with me. I said out loud, "dad , I wish you were here to help me pick up my new horse"....the very next song that came on, was that song. My daughter was having a really, really tough week at college, I had just hung up the phone from talking to her and started crying, my barn radio was on and you guessed it, the song came on. I told my dad, 'I am glad you are here with me, but your grand-daugther really needs you"....my daughter called me back and was crying....she told me " you won't believe it, but grandpa's song just came on my car radio". I know many people would think this was all just a fluke, but I don't believe it is, what-ever it is, makes me feel my dad is still watching over us. I am not sure how much you know about my "story" ...but my dad lived a life filled with guilt, pain and turmoil....I think his song is his way of telling me he is in a better place and at peace.

[MartyT]

On another note, were any music artists/budding musicians out there inspired to write songs for their loved ones?

You may be interested to know that one of our members is indeed a song writer. Her name is Katie (babybrat07). See, for example, these posts:

Race for the Cure

Sand and Water

New Song

Circle of Life

Christmas Angel

Angel

New Song

My Grandpa and Birthday Pal

Andrew's Hell

My Grandma

When

You can read more about Katie and her writing on her Web site, here: http://www.freewebs.com/lil_writer/

[lucia]

For some reason the Christmas Carol called What child is this? reminds me of my mom, that used to be her favorite carol.

[Chai]

AnnieO, I really think that your dad is watching over you and your daughter. That is a wonderful, powerful story you told, about how he was there for you and your daughter through his song. I think it really speaks for the power of love. Love reaches beyond any boundaries, beyond death, beyond worlds to come to us. It is like the original formula for peace and happiness, and even the smallest thing can bring a feeling of love into our hearts. Thank you for sharing your song. That song is very touching, I feel like it is very warm and full of light, as sun-shiny as the sunshine it speaks of.

Lucia, what a beautiful carol your mother enjoyed. I know it is sad, but it is also sweet, to have a special carol like that to think of as the holidays come upon us. I think that is a beautiful carol, too. Thank you for reminding me of it

MartyT, Katie's poems are amazing! And she has also shared some amazing songs. Thank you for sharing those!

One song that I really take comfort in, but also makes me sad, is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCyH9dCOVoQ. I particularly like how Josh Groban sings it. YouTube it! It's beautiful and haunting...uplifting.

[kath]

Chai,

I take a lot of comfort in music. The song played at my nephew's funeral today was Brad Paisley's When I Get Where I'm Going. I've gone back and watched it over and over again. It is beautiful.

Take care.

[AnnieO]

Chai,

Just wanted to share something with you that happened to me yesterday.

I realized you and my daugther are the same age, and same year in college. She and I are going thru a rough spot right now and I am really sad about it. Friday I said out-loud to my dad. "I could sure use some re-assurance that you guys are with me, I need to hear the song today." I went to bed and realized I didn' t hear it all day but also realized I didn't have a radio on all day. So, yesterday I went down to feed my horses and turned on the radio and again said, "Dad, don't make me lose my faith that the song really is from you." (you know where this is going don't you?) I went into the feed room and when I came back out into the arena, guess what was on the radio? THE SONG!!! I cried so hard I had to sit down on the ground. I got up, cranked up the volume and it was just blaring all over the barn, it was great! Thank you for making me think so much about music and how it helps to heal. I hope you can have a peacefu day today.

[Chai]

Kath, I can relate to that song "Where I get where I'm going," too. It is a very sweet and wise song that makes a lot of sense.

AnnieO, I am so happy that you heard that song! Sometimes we doubt, and it is tough in those doubting moments to find comfort. But then something comes along to renew our faith and our tiny comforts again, I think. Lately I have been realizing that, because of all the hikes I did with my dad, nature in general reminds me of my dad. So I am getting comfort just by looking up at the beautiful way the sun and clouds look in the sky.

It sounds like that song came on the radio just when you needed it most, Annie!

Another song I find poignant is Allison Krauss's A Living Prayer

It is a religious song, yes, but I think we can also look at the lyrics as a message from our loved ones. When I heard this song, I feel it is telling me, your dad is there in your heart and lives on within you. He is speaking to me in this song, telling me to be happy and live life on, and to try my best to make my dreams come true, to fight for the life I want, the future I want.

Music is definitely special. Thank you for the good-day-wish, Annie. I went this weekend to visit some old friends, friends of me and my dad, and it was wonderful to be around such an affection group of supporters, where I could feel like they acknowledged my loss, felt for me, were willing to listen if I asked for it, and also, I feel like they did not want to "distract" me from my grief; they wanted to support me in it, acknowledging my feelings.

[MikeC]

For me right now,

, especially the Etta James version, is absolutely the saddest song I know. I have loved this song from the moment I heard it. It used to remind me of how lucky I was to have found Janet after being alone. Now it makes the pain of being alone again almost unbearable.

At Last

At last, my love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a song

Oh, yeah, at last

The skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped up in clover

The night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill that I have never known

Oh, yeah you smiled, you smiled

Oh, and then the spell was cast

And here we are in heaven

For you are mine

At last

Mike

[Guest moparlicious]

The song by Brad Paisley When I get Where I'm going is one of the songs we played at Dan's memorial. Just Dance by LeeAnn Rimes is a another from our oldest daughter, that was a song her dad sung to her. Our song was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLc_Vug7mS0. The last song played at Dan's memorial is a song by Avril from our youngest daughter to her dad. I Miss You. Hearing that song by Brad Paisley is a song my son dedicated to his dad for his father had strength and courage even as he was struggling to take his last breath. Love, Kim

[Chai]

Oh Mike and Kim...your songs really touch me. They are sad songs of longing, some of them. Kim, I was especially touched by "When I see you smile." But, happily we still have photos of our loved ones smiling...perhaps those can help us to go on.

I was recently floored (pretty literally) by "So Far Away" by Carole King:

So far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn't help to know you're just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood

Holding you again could only do me good

Oh, how I wish I could

But you're so far away

One more song about moving along the highway

Can't say much of anything that's new

If I could only work this life out my way

I'd rather spend it being close to you

But you're so far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn't help to know you're so far away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely

Nothing else to do but close my mind

I sure hope the road don't come to own me

There's so many dreams I've yet to find

But you're so far away

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore

It would be so fine to see your face at my door

Doesn't help to know you're so far away

These songs may feel sometimes like they are re-breaking our broken hearts...but somehow I think they all help us, even the sad ones.

[MikeC]

Chai,

Thanks for reminding me of So Far Away - it is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite songwriters. I was listening to Eva Cassidy's Songbird cd on my trip back from my sister's house today. The song I Know You By Heart is so beautiful and bittersweet. Here is a link to the song – the pictures are nice but the audio could be a little better:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISipJs6I1w4

Here are the lyrics in case your computer can't do music:

I Know You By Heart

Midnights in Winter

The glowing fire

Lights up your face in orange and gold.

I see your sweet smile

Shine through the darkness

It's line is etched in my memory.

So I'd know you by heart.

Mornings in April

Sharing our secrets

We'd walk until the morning was gone.

We were like children

Laughing for hours

The joy you gave me lives on and on.

‘Cause I know you by heart.

I still hear your voice

On warm Summer nights

Whispering like the wind.

(Oh oh ohh…)

You left in Autumn

The leaves were turning

I walked down roads of orange and gold.

I saw your sweet smile

I heard your laughter

You're still here beside me every day.

‘Cause I know you by heart,

‘Cause I know you by heart.

Mike

[WendyJ]

Oh Mike what a tear jerker that song is, I cried my eyes out ! Thanks for sharing that, what a beautiful song sung by a beautiful lady whose life was also cut way too short unfairly.

Love, Wendy

[shhh65]

Lately this song has been one that touches me.

Here are the lyrics:

How far are You, how close am I

I know Your words are true and I don't feel them inside

Still I believe You'll never leave

So where are You now

You're all I have, You're all I know

Your breath is breathing in my soul

Still I am gasping, aching, asking

Where are You now

Cause I just wanna be with You

I just want this waiting to be over

I just want to be with You

And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour

Every inch feels like a mile

Til I won't have to imagine

And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There

So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare

Our destiny, til You come back for me

Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You

I just want this waiting to be over

I just want to be with You

And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour

Every inch feels like a mile

Til I won't have to imagine

And I finally get to see You smile

I just wanna be with You

I just want this waiting to be over

I just want to be with You

And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

I just wanna be with You

I just want this waiting to be over

I just want to be with You

And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour

Every inch feel like a mile

Til I won't have to imagine

And I finally get to see You

Every minute takes an hour

Every inch feel like a mile

Til I won't have to imagine

And I finally get to see You smile

[STARKISS]

Hi Chai,

For me it is My heart will go on reminds me of my mom and Bridge over troubled waters reminds me of my dad... I think these sounds do this because I heard them on the day they died... My grandmother is remember when I hear the song Yesterday... I believe songs do trigger our emotions because if I hear any of the ones I mention I get tears in my eyes...

[lucia]

My brother used several nice songs for my mom's memorial dvd, this is one of my favorites:

I will be the answer

At the end of the line

I will be there for you

While you take the time

In the burning of uncertainty

I will be your solid ground

I will hold the balance

If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life

I won't break, I won't bend

It will all be worth it

Worth it in the end

Cause I can only tell you what I know

That I need you in my life

When the stars have all gone out

You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently

Into morning

For the night has been unkind

Take me to a

Place so holy

That I can wash this from my mind

The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life

I won't break, I won't bend

It will all be worth it

Worth it in the end

'Cause I can only tell you what I know

That I need you in my life

When the stars have all burned out

You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently

Into morning

For the night has been unkind

[Chai]

Lucia and shhh65, the songs you both shared are very beautiful, and very sad. They make me wish for time to turn back. Thank you for sharing them, it is good to feel the sadness, to take a moment to just let it flow over...

Starkiss, I know what you mean about certain songs! They make a tear come to the eye all of a sudden. I like having songs like this, for some reason, to just...have, for sad moments, because they seem to articulate the sadness in a way I can't seem to articulate to myself.

[mlg]

Chai When you started this thread, is was really wierd because I had just been crying because of some songs I had heard. Even though I cry, I find comfort in some of them too. Here are some I really like and the last one, made me think of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yx4nuK0Z1-k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oweLo-IbY2Q

and this is one especially for you

[Chai]

mlg,

Thank you for your sweet sharing, and that song for me. It made me sad, but it's sweet, too. I really feel that the songs you chose are soo emotionally powerful, they are those floating, slow songs that really brings the tears. They are all very special songs. Thank you for sharing.

I'm always on the hunt for "particular" songs that make me think of my dad now...some would say it's unhealthy, but, I dunno, I like listening.

[Chai]

Thanks to mlg and Barry Manilow, I've found another heart-wrenching, but hopeful, glorious song:

And this one, oh it's so sad, "If I'd have known," but it's beautiful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfZFqC1mte0

[mlg]

Chai

Here's another one that I heard this morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Okd9MiMoLJc

I'm like you, even though they make me cry, they say so much of what I want to say that I am comforted too