Please Say A Prayer For Me...

[NotCoping]

It has been a little over six weeks since I lost my husband Bob. I put the memorial/celebration of his life off since he left on Dec. 1 and I knew it would be difficult for people to plan during the holidays. His memorial will be held on the 24th at our house. I need all the prayers I can get.

[MartyT]

And you shall have them, Mel ~ from all of us

[NotCoping]

Thanks, Marty.

This is the first of a three-part memorial. My husband was from L.A. and in the biz so he has a lot of frineds ( or he was there for 40 years) and due to the logistics, there will be three memorials. There is supposed to be one in L.A. planned by my step-son ( I just can't make that trip right now - 3000 miles with a dog). And then, Bob requested that his ashes be put in the Rio Grande, but I can't drive out there with our dog until it gets warm (8 degrees here tonight). That will be family only.

The one here will be "the big one". I've just been so scattered. It feels like he left yesterday, so it has been a monumental task to prepare both physically and mentally.

[karenb]

My heart is with you. I'm shaking my head as I talk because I don't know what to say to make you feel better. Please take care of yourself. We care for you..

Love, Karen

[kath]

Dear Mel,

I can't imagine having to orchestrate a large memorial 6 weeks after your loss. I was numb in the beiginning and that is what got me through it. I don't remember much about who I talked to or anything. I was fortunate that the priest gave me copies of the readings and his sermon so I can go back and read them. At 6 weeks the reality was hitting and it was all I could do to hang on. I wish the best for you. I hope you have help. Your husband was well loved and respected in his craft, so I know you will be getting a lot of love and support. He did some really beautiful work and I thank you for sharing some of it with us. Let us know how it goes.

Kath

[Russell]

Karen,

I feel so sorry for you. j,lost my mother on Sept. 8,2008. I just had 1 service. I could not go through 3 service. Than my aunt die Dec.21,2008. Her service was Jan.3,2009. I could not go because it was out of state. My prays are with you. Just take it 1 day at a time. I get a lot of help from my church. Hopes this helps. Don't know what else to say.

God Bless,

Russell

[NotCoping]

I haven't had help until now. I'd like to share this email my husband sent to me in Oct. of 2007. I poured a thousand pounds of concrete by myself to fix our front steps after I almost lost him in Aug. of that year.

"Dearest Mel......I have to write this down 'cause you wont let me tell you

directly....

I think that you are a secretly brilliant person that I am blessed to be

married to and to even know.

In the past few weeks Ive come to know so much more about you.

One that has taken on the job of re designing our porch and steps.

I'm so proud of you for learning and studying and researching all of this

cement / concrete info. Thank you so much. I wish that I could do more to

help but just staying out of the way seems best for me, offering endless

encouragement and love.

I'm sure that I'm making daily progress now, thanks to your help and the

example that you set at not ever giving up, to keep on fighting till it's

all finished and finished correctly. I hope that I've learned from that to

better deal with life.

Not to mention adding to the house value and finding a way not to go nuts

during these weeks of my recovery.

I love you and respect you and am very very proud of you.

I want everyone to know how I feel but don¹t know the best way to share this

with them. bc"

[MikeC]

Hi Mel,

I feel for you and have some idea what you are going through. I had 2 memorials for Janet. The first one was at her church 12 days after her death. She had helped plan the service before her death - choosing which hymns to sing and various other things. The minister and other people at the church were very helpful, too, so my involvement was minimal. Still, I dreaded the service and didn't feel like I would be able to speak. When the time arrived and I saw all the people in the church, I felt comforted and very much at ease - I even surprised myself and got up and thanked Janet's church friends for all they had done for her (and me and my sons). In short, it went much, much better than I anticipated.

We had another memorial for her at her brother's home 5 months after her death. I was responsible for the planning of this one, and I really dreaded that day as it approached. But again, once I felt the comfort of family and friends who had gathered to honor and remember Janet, all my apprehension left and the day turned into a very tender, sweet experience - one I will always treasure.

Mel, I am not able to pray these days, but I truly hope your memorial for Bob brings you some degree of comfort and healing.

Mike

[Karen MH]

memorial at my house...

Our Hospice of the Valley chaplain told me that home memorials are always the best--the most spiritual, warm, comfortable, wonderful, and lovely. Since I had no idea how many people would come, he also suggested that I ask people to bring a dish to share/a beverage and/or a folding chair....or nothing! Just come! Most people brought all three. Some one or two, and some none. No one felt burdened, starting with me.

Chaplain Ken was completely right. About 90 people came. A priest celebrated the Mass on our back porch (in Arizona). Friends and family overflowed into the other attached living areas with big sliding glass doors in between, etc. A friend played hymns on my piano. I made a huge bouquet of bougainvillea from our yard for under the round glass table over which the celebrant presided. Sid's ashes were in a handmade mahogany box with the Star of David in relief on the top. I placed the box on a living room bookcase shelf about chest height. So his ashes were present, but not a morbid centerpiece.

When it was time for Mass to begin, I struck a brass prayer bell three times, about a minute apart in various parts of the house. A beautiful Silence descended. Also, I had prepared a booklet of the prayers and songs (at least 1/3 of the guests were Jewish, as was my husband) with Sid's picture on the front and back covers. After Mass, several friends took over the kitchen, made a serving line, etc. I didn't have to do anything, ever, except what I was needed to do: pray, be, and receive the love of our friends and family.

Just as the Chaplain said, the service was the most wonderful imagineable. Countless people said it was by far the most lovely memorial service they had ever attended. Your Job: relax and let everybody else take over. They feel better for being able to DO something for you. Not to mention those excellent leftovers and zero cost.

By the way, two weeks prior we also sat Shiva at our house. The prayers and sharing were non-stop anti-grief nourishment. But more on that another time.

Love and shalom, Karen MH

[leeann]

Oh Mel.. Thanks so much for sharing that letter from Bob. Gives us a peek into you and him and your blessed union, and gives us an idea of how cavernous a hole you must now have within you.

You are one courageous woman. I know you feel quite less than that right now perhaps.... but it is what I see.. raw courage. And that is also what I saw in that letter that Bob wrote to you, courage.

I will keep you in my thoughts and heart especially close this week. I will pray for you. I think we will all kind of "be" there with you next Saturday.

And if it goes anywhere near how Karen's went in her home... that would be an awesome thing.

(((hugs)))

leeann

[STARKISS]

Dear Not Coping Well,

Please take care of yourself and you will definitely be in my prayers... I will ask God to assist you with what you need and to watch over you... Take care Shelley

[jackietnd1]

Hi Mel,

I am praying for you, I can't even imagine what you are going through now. This seems like alot to be responsible for.

With my Lawrence we had one service and then on his birthday me and my granddaughter took his ashes to the park where he wanted them and let them go. For my mother we had the Church Service, then a month later took her ashes to the grave yard and put them in the urn, next when they put her name on her plack we will have our last service so emotional and I am sure this is emotional for you. I am sending my prayers your way along with hugs....

In the mist of all this please remember to take care of my friend ((((((((((((((((((Mel)))))))))))))))))

Oh Mel I almost forget Thanks so much for sharing that e-mail with us, that is so sweet....The Love that came out of that

is truly amazing....

Keep the Faith

Jackie

[kayc]

Mel,

I will be praying for you...shortly after I lost George, another lady in my town lost her husband, he was an EMT/firefighter, and they had three services in different towns for him. I remember thinking I was glad my husband was not as famous as all that, it must have been very hard to go through. I know we take things one day at a time and God will give us the strength we need for that day.