Sundays

[NotCoping]

Do Sundays seem to be worse for everyone or just me? I don't know why exactly, but I feel horrible emotionally every Sunday, and I usually welcome Mondays. However, tomorrow marks six months that I lost the love of my life.

Thanks for the messages regarding my health. I feel better, and all of my tests were fine. I'm choosing not to have the CT scan that the doctor wants. I don't think it's necessary and I don't have insurance. I'm certain that my problems were coming from my sinus infection and seasonal allergies, but sometimes the docs want to go overboard = more $$.

[mrspapajohn]

Sundays are bad for me also. I think it is because there is less hustle and bustle as there is during the week. More time to think, I guess. I hope that you get through tomorrow o.k. I know that the monthly anniversaries of Stephen's death are especially painful for me. I will be thinking of you.

Kathy

[David'sGirlStill]

NotCoping,

Sundays are worse for me too. No matter what was going on Sunday's were always for me and David. It was a tradition that goes way back to when to our early married days when we use to watch Disney on Sunday night cuddling on the couch. LOL.

You have my pray's and hugs with you tomorrow. I just had David's 3 month and it was a killer. Just know we still thier love and I believe they are still with us.

As always we are here for you.

Love

Phyllis

[Boo Mayhew]

Hey Mel

I'd concur that Sundays are probably my worst day too. Why? Not sure! Perhaps because it was a day when I always cooked a big roast dinner for us, and we'd take time out together ... time for cuddles, chats, lazy mornings. All the house chores would have been done and my laptop would have been shut down too.

I had a very low day yesterday too. And am at the 5 month anniversary this Friday. Was also relieved to get back to work today!

Take care of yourself Mel and keep posting here.

xx

[JeanneC]

Dear Mel:

Oh yes, Sundays are the worst for me also. Especially when the weather is nice and everyone is out. Alex and I would always spend lounging around and then go out for an early dinner. I try very hard to keep myself busy. Sometimes I just can't wait till Monday and that is a work day.

Love,

Jeanne

[kayc]

For me it's just weekends in general, but esp. holiday weekends. You see everyone together as a couple or a family out enjoying life and it's hard to be alone, it makes you notice all the more what you are missing...

[NotCoping]

Here it is Sunday again, and I have the Sunday blues. As I was stating in a previous post, it seems that every time I hear of someone sick and dying or who has passed, I'm a wreck. Yesterday, I thought I would do something nice to take my mind off of me. There was a high school graduation party in my neighborhood, and one of the kids graduating has cancer and could not be there and she just learned that more tumors are showing up and she has given up, so I put a volunteer crew together and shot some footage for her - the first time I've done this in a long time and didn't know if I even knew how any more. I've never met this girl, but hearing her friends talk about her, I lost it, which is something that I'm also upset about. I don't see how I can be professional and try to find work or create work if I can't hold it together for one event. I just feel lost and wonder who this person is that I am suddenly forced to be.

[MartyT]

Oh Mel, I think what you did for this girl is extraordinary, and I hope you won't be too hard on yourself for "losing it" in front of her friends. I'll bet there wasn't one among them who was not moved by your outward expression of sorrow ~ it's the stuff of which empathy is made, and you may have taught these youngsters another valuable lesson about life and love and loss. I am reminded of what these wise writers have to say about shedding tears:

But there was no need to be ashamed of tears,

for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage,

the courage to suffer.

— Viktor E. Frankl

There is a sacredness in tears.

They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.

They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues.

They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

— Washington Irving

I used to wonder if there would ever come a day when I would stop weeping for my dead child. I thought of tears as a reaction to my feelings of deep grief. Gradually I came to realize that the shedding of tears was part of my healing, like a cool salve on a wound. My tears are my gift to myself, a way of physically acknowledging the love I have for my child, a way of saying, “I love you to the innermost depth of my being.” Tears have an almost spiritual healing power, an expression of deep love for the ones for whom we weep.

— Ann Dawson

Above all, don’t be shy about crying. Crying is coping. In fact, I suggest you don’t miss an opportunity to cry – it will be good for your body and soul. Crying is at once an act of cleansing and releasing. Your tears will remove some of the toxic byproducts that have built up in your body due to the stress of grief. I promise . . . you will feel better.

– Louis LaGrand

[kath]

Dear Mel,

I once knew a young women struggling with recovery from a heroine addiction. She was a talented musician and wondered how she would be able to be in a band without doing drugs. My only advice to her was that there were a lot of kids out there that could use a positive message and would admire her for it. She had an opportunity to reach more people with her music than most of us will ever meet.

You have another talent. And it seems to be taking you in another direction. What you did for that child that couldn't make it to her graduation, even in your grief and in your sorrow, will mean everything to her. Because you cared. I think that is beautiful.

I worried, also, about finding a job and being professional when I felt so unsteady, with tears that come freely at a thought, a sight, or a mention of Bob's name. This new you is just that. It is new. It is unfamiliar and as we move along, it will become more in tune with the many layers that make us who we are. I always thought it was Bob that completed me. Now, two years later, I'm starting to wonder if it is my struggles, my challenges, my hopes and dreams that completely define who I am. Bob was a huge part of that scenario. He is definitely ingrained in my thoughts. But if I allow him to be all of me, there is not much future left. I can't change what has happened, and most days it is beyond acceptance. For now, it will take all my patience to move forward while getting accustomed to the sorrow that accompanies my walk. It has made me more thoughtful, more caring and I hope, someday, more comfortable with my total self.

Kath

[leeann]

Mel (((hugs)))

A couple things stood out to me about your post:

the first time I've done this in a long time

I found after going through a significant loss.. it's just plain old difficult to get back into doing things I used to do. Things I did without a thought previously... now seem like monumental tasks the first several times I do them again. Almost like my brain can't wake up and function!

I've never met this girl, but hearing her friends talk about her, I lost it, which is something that I'm also upset about.

You are upset because you cried? Well.. I think anyone would have cried. We have two kids in my son's class right now who are battling cancer as well. And many of us have had tears over it. How can we not? We have intimate experience, unfortunately, with what that is like.

It IS moving and I think your emotion was entirely appropriate given the situation.

I don't see how I can be professional and try to find work or create work if I can't hold it together for one event.

Well first off this was NOT a professional job you were doing ... was it? Forgive me but this wasn't a "professional" event.

It was done near your home at a Graduation Party with volunteers. You were making, creating.. a gift. This wasn't a contracted job. It was you being kind, loving and so very thoughtful.

But this was a volunteer job.. a gift. It was done in familiar surroundings in a relaxed atmosphere. With a "professional" contracted job I think you would probably have held yourself a bit differently.

Mel.. don't you think there is a possibility... that MAYbe.... you MIGHT be being.... just a teensy tough on yourself??

The bottom line.. even IF you did a contracted gig and had some tears....???? It's just emotion...it doesn't make you "unprofessional". Photogs... and other people working "events" show emotion all of the time! Nothing wrong with that.

I think how you handle yourself on a 'job' will ultimately be fine. You will focus on the job itself.. the people you are doing it for etc... JUST like you did this time.

But this time.. the person you were doing it for is a very sick... very, very young lady who just got the terrible news that her fight isn't finished. That is hard for ANYone to hear. Let alone someone who very recently lost someone they loved deeply. What do you expect from yourself?? To be a piece of steel??? How can one be creative without emotion??

So please.. give yourself a break will ya?? And remember...there really are such things as Steel Magnolias.

And I must say how wonderful I think it is that you decided to use your talent to give such a special gift to a girl who is really struggling. And further can I say how much I admire you for getting out and going to the party in the first place!

leeann

[valley]

Dear Mel,

You are a loving woman. In your grief, you still have the power to reach out in a act of kindness to others who are struggling. Bless you.

VAlley

[valley]

Dear MartyT

The quotes from writers on "shedding tears" are poignant.

What amazes me is how much I can cry. I still have such a hard time just talking about my husband to anyone without brusting into tears. When I am alone and think about him, I cry. When I walk in the garden and see something we planted together, I cry. When I open the closet and see his clothes, I cry. When I look at his truck, I cry. It can be overwhelming. I do hope that someday when I talk about him, it will be a joyful event. He was a story-teller and a fun person to be with. Yet I have not been able to find a balance inside that allows me to speak of him without falling apart.

Thank you for posting the lovely and loving quotes.

Valley

[yousha]

I could very much relate to the Sunday syndrome. I become very much emotionally displaced and depressed on Sundays. There is literally little to do as compared to other days of the week. Most folks are with their spouses; there is so much one can do to make use of the day such as reading the Sunday Newspaper (NY Times), watching the last round of gold on TV or watching the political shows as well. Navigating the web, posting, emailing, take up the rest of the time. My firm opinion is that we individuals can find more sustainable "peace", if we are fortunate to find single friends of either sex to spend this day. As a retiree, Sundays at times, is not so different as the other days of week as well. I used to look forward to the weekends when I was employed. Perhaps, I had to do chores around the house. My adult children and grandchildren are doing their own thing, so as to speak, and while they call, it does not fulfill the emptiness of this day. Please, do not recommend the usual as single, widowers/widow groups, church, library visits, etc, since I have tried them all and then some. I am hopeful of meeting a friend and or someone on this blog where I can commiserate with and or take advantage of ventilating as I am now doing, to ward off this void that I have experienced for all too long!

[kayc]

Mel, you are truly a hero! What you did is wonderful!

Yousha, Finding a friend is harder than it first appears, but it behooves us to keep trying. It does help to find someone you enjoy to pal around with, esp. since our kids have their busy lives.

[Boo Mayhew]

Mel, I think you are a beautiful person for doing what you did, even though it hurt you so much. To give when you are suffering is the biggest gift you can offer.

x