Lucia Abeytia Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Tomorrow i will be having and IBP done this is a simple procedure mix between an xray and an ultrasound.....I am real nervous because they have to put the iodine dye for this test!!!! i am allergic to this dye the last time i had this i went to cardic arrest!!! Ben was there with me and i remember he told me he was so scared because he thought i was going to die!!!! They have given me some meds that are suppose to conter act this i have to start taking them tonight every few hrs....I am petrified i have not sleeped for the past 2 days.... In a way i kind of hope something happens than i will be with Ben for ever!!!! I told this to the Hospice bervement consulor today and my daughter heard me and she got so mad she said she couldn't believe she had just heard me say that!!! But sometimes i wish i could have gone with him i miss him so much...especially when something is happening they are checking my kidneys and i keep thinking why can't he be here with me...I will be alone all my kids have to work and i don't think they realize how scared i am!!!I know that Ben is going to be with me in spirit but God I wish he was still here to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright!! I hope God gives me strenghts to make it thru tommorrow!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lucia, I'm not surprised that you are scared. I get scared over the smallest of obstacles these days, let alone having to face a procedure like you have to.I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be with Ben Please let us know how you are when you return home, and I have just said a prayer for you. Ben will be there with you as you said, but I know it's not the same.LoveBoo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 LuciaGosh, I would be concerned too. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and we too will be with you... Make sure you let us all know how you are...laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lucia, dear ~ Most certainly you are in our thoughts and prayers today . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted September 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Thanks everyone....I didn't sleep at all just sat in my room and looked at old photes of Ben....I have to start getting ready to go...I'll let everyone know how things turned out as soon as i can!!!Thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeGee Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lucia,Good thoughts coming your way from me. I am new here. The test is IVP - intravenous pyelogram. It should not be painful or anything like that. It is the wondering and worrying around about the outcome of the tests that is always so scary and awful, at least I think so. And manyof us here have just been through the experience of having diagnostic tests turn out to be a piece of "bad news" or "further bad news" instead of the good news that we want to hear.Lucia, I do have a question if you care to answerit. How did it come to be that your daughter heard what you said to the grief counselor? What I mean is, did she overhear it, as in that she was in the room when you said it, or did you tell her about this expressed thought later on?In any case, please let us know how you are doing as soon as possible. People here do care.Dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Lucia, our thoughts are with you, please keep us updated!Love,Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted September 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Well went to get the test and was there 3hrs.....the dr would not do it because i am allergic to iodine and said if he did it it could kill me...the last time I had a test that required iodine dye i went into cardic arrest lucky for me I had it at a Banner Hospitol and the records were still in there file....So the did a CAT SCAN which my dr sd i need another test because my kidneys are failing I will get that done first part of next week...And my daughter just happened to walk in the room when i told the worker that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Lucia,I hope you can get a good night's rest at least tonight. Strange how they would even schedule your procedure knowing the problems you had before. I can understand your fear. We're here for you. I know it's not the same as Ben, but I have no doubt he is there also. (Probably the one who put the bug in the last Dr.'s ear.)Take care,Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valley Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Dear Lucia,Yes, sleep well. That will help. I know all these big events are so hard to do without our loved one. My daughter has said the same things to me, expressed those same concerns, when I have been down. It is a tricky balance right now for everyone. Take care and know that we are here for you.Valley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Lucia, thank God you are okay. Let us know how your other tests go, I am sorry that you have health issues to deal with on top of your grief over losing your Ben, Boo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I guess this is not my week!!! I was at my daughters yesterday and went to sit on a lawn chair and it colapsed and i fell...She took me to ER because the pain just would not go away....Thank god nothing was broken but i did bruse my tail bone and my back...I have been in bed most of the day and i just can't stop crying my mother in law called and her and my sister in law took me out to lunch which was nice...She was very upset because she could tell i had been crying....she asked what was wrong and i really couldn't tell her because i don't know why i am crying so much!!! I told her very much i miss Ben and she says she knows but no one can help me i guess.....I just wish i could stop crying!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Lucia:It is no wonder you are crying a lot - your loss plus your own health issues. All of us here have cried a thousand plus plus plus tears - don't be sorry about it. One day, I was shopping at a department store in the baby's section for our daughter. The saleslady was so nice and helpful, I ended up crying right there, and told her about my husband. She ran around the counter, gave me a big hug, and told me how her father had passed away when she was young, and her mother was left to raise her (and obviously did a good job). I guess what I am saying is that crying is normal (though exhausting)....and it is something we all have to go through.My thoughts are with you.Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeGee Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I went out today - took my mother to a medical appointment. She wanted to take me to lunch afterwards so I said okay. We got into the restaurant, gave our order and were sitting there and my mom said something about how my dad had always liked this restaurant and - Wham! - the flood gates opened!Not the out and out sobbing but the one where the tears are just pouring down both of your cheeks. I got it back together fairly soon, but have learned a lesson from this experience. Do not go out the door without a lot of tissues in your purse!But I am going to keep going out, keep trying to get on with life. Whether I cry or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Abeytia Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Finally something positive in my life...My son Jaime is going to Washinton D.C. on bussiness and he invited me and my youngest daughter Eleanor to meet him there...This was something Ben and i always talked about but never got to do...I got permission from my dr to travel since it is only 3 days....So I will be leaving Sunday night and come back Tuesday night....I am so excited and since my birthday is the Following Fri...the 3 of us are going out to celebrate....I just hope i can keep the tears from coming but i bought a case of tissue paper so i will be prepared if it does happen.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Jaime is a tribute to the wonderful father that he had, being thoughtful ... a little treat, and celebrating your birthday away from home. What a lovely son!x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Lucia,I'm glad nothing was broken...it's understandable (the tears), when you're used to having him there for you in all aspects of life and now he's not, when something comes along, you feel it all the more. I'm glad your son extended an invite, it'll be something good for a change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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