Nancy J. Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi Boo,Thank you for the kind welcome. Yes, I lost my husband one month ago. We had been married 23 years and had the most wonderful relationship. Three days after we met he proposed to me, we just knew we were meant for each other. Last October my husband developed a bowel obstruction, which led to liver and kidney failure. He was in a coma for three weeks. When he came around he had hepatic encepholopathy and was hospitalized for 5 months. From there he was in a nursing home for three months and I brought him home for the last two months under hospice care to die. His brain damage prevented him from remembering how to walk along with a good portion of his memory and ability to understand his situation. HE did not understand he was sick nor know what was wrong with him. I too (as others have shared) learned to be his full time nurse and never left his bedside. Caring for him was a gift. Earlier today was my first time on this site and reading the stories from everyone was extremely overwhelming. I am by myself with little or no support since we had moved to Arizona from California and had not yet established a new circle of friends. I am managing but it is very hard as you know. One day at a time, as they say....Love, Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Nancy, welcome to our family. Well done for posting, I know how hard it was for me to post for the first time, but you will not find a more caring and compassionate group of people than those here, nor a finer counsellor.Don't worry if you find that your "topic" has been moved. Marty MAY move it to the "Lost a Spouse Board". There again, she may not , but thought I'd mention it, just in case.We've already been talking through personal messages, so I'll sign off for now ... I think I have talked your ears off enough.HUGSxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Nancy, dear, as Boo said, welcome to our family, even though we're so sorry for the reasons that led you to find to us. Since you now live in Scottsdale but with very little support, you might consider contacting the Bereavement Office at Hospice of the Valley (602-530-6970) to learn what bereavement resources are available to you through our agency. See also Hospice of the Valley / Special Programs / Bereavement, at http://www.hov.org/program_details.aspx?id=1. You are embarking upon a long and challenging journey, but you don't have to travel all alone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valley Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Dear Nancy,I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Like you, almost instantly Tom and I knew we belonged together. It was like magic. 23 years of a wonderful relationship is a tribute to both of you. When you say "caring for him was a gift" it speaks loudly of the partnership and love you shared. You share. The day the doctor told both Tom and I that they found a tumor in Tom's lung and it plunged us into a new battle we knew nothing about, a fearful place, it also pulled our relationship into a new realm......we had always loved each other, but now each moment had a possible ending which we had never really considered. Please take care of yourself now. You may be new to your community, but please know that we also are a community for you. Again, please accept my sincere condolence.Valley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrspapajohn Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Nancy - - There are not words to express how my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband in a similar fashion eight months ago and I still remember the rawness and pain. Like you, we moved to Arizona and because we were so isolated by his illness, local friends were non-existent. I really hope that you will contact me. Nothing can ease the pain, but if you need someone who has shared this horrible experience I am here. My e-mail is kpapajohn@cox.net and I am available at any time of the day or night.Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi Nancy,I am sorry for your loss. I am pretty new to this site but I find it a great comfort to log on everyday. Alot of times I am feeling the same emotions as others who are posting about their loved ones .Take care.Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Nancy,I am sorry you lost your husband...this is a good place to come to, safe and understanding. There are a lot of people from AZ here, are you near Phoenix? I think there's a group that meets there now and then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyman Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Dear Nancy Very sorry for your loss I understand what you are going through I lost my Tanny only 2 months suddenly after massive heart attack aged 35 we had been together nearly 15yrs. We were a couple as soon as we met moved in together 3 months later I pretended to be getting $30 less pay than I was so I could buy engagement ring; we were married 8yrs later. IT is our anniversary on Sunday.Best of luck 1hour at a time if that is what it takes. Shyman Australia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 NancyhusbandI join with the rest of wonderful people that welcome you here and share our heart felt sorrow for the loss of your husband. Your relationship with your husband surely sounded so wonderful and blessed. Please know that we are here for you. The kinship, understanding is so wonderful here and we all really mean it when we say we want to be there for you. I have found a griefhsare group in a local church here and the program is invaluable to me. It meets once a week. Look on www.griefshare.org to see if there is one in your community. They also send out daily emails that I have found helpful as well. Please be so kind and gentle to yourself as you go through this journey. They have said that the depth of our love is the depth of our grief because we would never be grieving unless we loved and you obviously had a once in a lifetime wonderful love...cherish that....God Bless keep writing.laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy J. Posted September 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2009 Thank each and everyone of you for all of your kind words and support. I will be taking a tip to see both my parents and my mother in law and I will be thinking of all of you. God Bless you all until I return. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Trying to figure out how to reply to this forum....guess I got it...lost my wife a month ago...liver failure. Lots of reasons, but can't get my mind around any of them. Ted in Phoenix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 Nancy and Ted: I have said it many times before...people here really understand. Keep posting or reading - whatever helps! And I am able to smile though with an ache in my heart, thinking about how and unexpectedly and hard Scott and I fell in love, 20 years ago. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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