Jumped Another Hurdle

[mlg]

Today, it is 21 mos without the love of my life. For some reason I have taken a step backwards this past month and done a lot of crying again. Last night though I went out to eat all by myself for the first time since he died and I made it through. I can't say it's the best time I've ever had but I did it and made it.

Hang in there everybody. Remember the baby steps.

[Korina]

Thanks, Mary Linda - I will keep reminding myself "baby steps". And I try to tell myself, when I am crying, that I must experience the grief and go through it, not to avoid it. I am glad you got through your dinner - way to go!

Korina

[valley]

Hi Mary Linda,

My Tom died 13 months ago and like you, the last few days I have been so sad and crying a lot too. Maybe it is fall. Maybe the cold coming on. I have been recouperating from a back operation and moving very slowly around my house and outside. My strong Tom would have made all of this so simple for me, and kept me more invovled.

My son planted garlic for me yesterday and I stood out in the garden with him and told him how to do it. He works so fast and is only doing it because I asked, as vegetable gardening is "not his thing". We came into the house and I was sore because of course I just had to do a few things that required bending and a little pulling, all no no's right now. I sat down and started crying and every negative thing imaginable flooded into my head. My future responsibilities and mostly.........nothing is really fun without Tom. As fun. My son felt bad but was understanding. He knows how much I miss his dad. So I did grip up and we ended the afternoon on a more positive note. I try hard to hold things together infront of my kids as I know they both suffer inside when they see me down. They love me.

I have gone out to eat alone a few times, mostly when I am traveling. I don't like it really. You cannot help but hear everyone elses conversations even if you take a book along. But the thing I do alone and I can enjoy is going to movies. Tom and I use to go to movies a lot and now I still do. The first few times were hard as I kept reaching over to the seat next to me, trying to find Tom. Now I just go and enjoy the experiences. Driving home of course there is no one to talk the movie over with. It is all these little things that make me so sad.

I can go with friends and sometimes do. But in all truth, as much as I love my friends, and I do......they are not Tom. He and I spoke the "same language" and were "real" with each other. It is that I miss. From arguments to silliness, we understood each other.

I hope you are feeling better.

Valley

[JeanneC]

Mary Linda:

I know what you a going through. I seem to be going backwards also. Alex is dead 16 months and it seems like yesterday. I feel sometimes that this will never end. That even though you have periods that everything is fine, you go through those real tough times. I am happy that you were able to go out to dinner by yourself. I haven't gone out to dinner by myself, but I do eat lunch at work by myself and eat at home by myself.

We are here for you Mary Linda.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[Maryo]

Hi Mary Linda,

I am sorry you are having a few rough days. I know some days I feel like I have it all together and then I go back to crying at the drop of a hat. I think you are so brave to go to dinner by yourself. I say brave because I have not been able to. Maybe I should try for breakfast and bring a newspaper to read.But like Valley I can go to the movies. I think I get lost in the characters and it makes me forget about my husband death for a few hours.

I hope tomorrow brings sunshine and a smile on your face.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[jrm]

MLG, 21 months is not a long time when you had your love for ever so long. I know the sadness will never go away. The tears come sometimes when we least expect them. I cried at the dentist today. My Duke and I have gone to the same dentist for years so Dr. Harrison cried with me today. He and Duke loved to talk about all our motorcycle trips. We all have those good memories. They are usually the ones that make me cry. That you for posting on this site. We all will help each other, I know. God Bless

[kath]

Mary Linda,

I see this as a huge step for you. I am so proud that you were able to do this. I remember the first time I took the kids out on my own. I was so self-conscious. The waitress was all "So, it'll just be you three tonight?" that I thought she was taunting me and I wanted to kick her and scream, that "I didn't want it to be just us three", that "their dad was supposed to be there with us" and "why did she have to rub it in my face?" I was miserable. I hope your time was more enjoyable, for your sake. Congratulations.

Kath

[kayc]

Mary Linda,

It's ups and downs for sure...I remember there was a book out called "Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Backward" (a child rearing book) and that is how I think of this grief progression...so that even when we're taking the two steps backward, we can remember that overall, we are moving in a progressive fashion. Just be understanding and patient with yourself, it'll all sort out.

[marsha]

Mary Linda - to feel like you did, and then go out by yourself? I'm proud of you. I, too, had a bad day yesterday. Today I'm going back to the baby steps as well. Day to day is not just for the early days, is it? hugs, marsha

[MartyT]

You ladies are wonderful, and I'm very proud of all of you

[LindaKoz]

Hi Mary Linda,

My thoughts are prayers are with you. I'm not going to even pretend to understand this grief journey. Just want to send you hugs and love. Know that when you need to "talk", we are here to listen.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda