derby Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 It was 2 weeks ago Saturday that my husband of 26 years passed at the age of 53 at Hospice from heart failure with only 10-15 percent EF. What a wonderful experience to have been able to stay with him for almost 3 weeks. Although I knew the end was near, never did I realize how very much I would miss him. We have one 22 year old son that was the joy of his life as well as mine. I still don't believe this has happened and the littlest thing can make me cry buckets of tears. Trying to get out of the house a bit, but when I return home, it usually hits me really hard. Still have clothes,etc to deal with. Have not yet returned to work as he was in 4 hospitals before finally going to hospice. Thank goodness I took FMLA to be with him day and night, for that I am so grateful. Bless everyone here for what they are going thru. Blessings, Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Debbie, welcome to this site and a group of understanding people. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I'm glad you were able to spend that precious time with him. There is no time frame for the clothes etc., just take care of yourself right now. Do what will help you even if its just to rest and heal. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Dear Debbie, You will find that this is an up and down journey so whenever you feel like you are doing something you do not understand just know from all of us that it is totally normal and it hurts so bad....and you will find out that we are all here for you...my hubby "Bob" passed on 9/24/2009 and I'm on a roller coaster everyday...I'mo sorry you lost your wonderful husband...and when you come across his clothes, you will find that it is a time for tears to release the loss and hurt...I will pray for you Debbie and hope that you have friends and family to come along side and comfort you....Also God will help you whenever you call upon Him...He is there to catch your tears...Bless you, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Oh, Debbie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My grief journey began on 9/23/09 when I lost my fiancee, Brian, very suddenly. He was also 53. There are no rights and wrongs. Cry as much as you need to. Be gentle with yourself. Try to eat, drink water, and sleep as you can. Let your family and friends hold you up as they are able. Grief takes its toll emotionally, mentally and physically. We are all here to listen and to hold you up. We truly understand. May you feel God's loving arms wrapped around you in this time of grief. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Hi Debbie, Welcome to this group. I know it not a place we would wish on anyone, but this site is really a blessing. Warm and understanding people who know what real grief is. I am very sorry about the loss of your husband. Please take it one day at a time because this journey can not be rushed. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Debbie: I am so sorry you lost your husband, but this is a forum filled with wonderful and understanding people who can comfort you anytime you need help. My husband died on June 19, 2009, and I am still on a roller coaster of emotions. And I am nowhere near ready to deal with clothes. At the beginning, the only thing I did was move his toiletries and his shoes from sight - that just hurt way to much. The best advice I have received is not to avoid your grief - you have to go through it just as we all do. And take baby steps - don't try to force anything - just concentrate on getting through each moment, each day. Finally, try to eat, rest whenever you can, and maybe go for a walk (or something just to move your body). This is a tough journey, and we are here for you. Hugs, Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derby Posted October 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thank you all so very much for your kind words and understanding. Why is it loved ones try to rush us thru this? Yesterday I was reading a card I received and starting crying, just then my parents walked in and I felt guilty/ashamed for not controling my emotions. It is a roller coaster and I admit, this experience has taught me a great deal of what other women and men go through when they lose their spouse/loved one. I try to count my blessings and remember Dean is in heaven, but that does not make me miss him less. One of the worst things for me are the flashbacks of the his last day here. And then the flashback of the funeral. I suppose this is a normal reaction.? SO glad to have found this site and I am thankful for all your words. Blessings, Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Debby: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband 16 months ago to heart failure. He was 54 and we were married for 20 years. He had a heart attack and then went into cardiogenic shock, which is where the heart takes all the blood from the other organs. He was in a sedated coma for 3 weeks and then woke up, but I was told that he only had a 10-15 good heart. At first and because I am not that knowledgeable about this, I did not realize how serious that was. He was in the hospital for 5 months. He went through many ups and downs and infections. The doctors were trying to get him on a transplant list, but you pretty much have to be in good health, go figure. Actually, they don't want you to have any infections. He would have been on the top of the list. So after 5 months, he passed. Just like you, I was happy that I was able to be with my husband those 5 months. I know how hard this is for you, especially since it is only 2 weeks. Just know that everyone here is very caring and we are all here for you. Love and God Bless, Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Good morning, Debbie, Please don't feel guilty about your emotions. I still cry every day at 5 weeks. When you lose the person you spent most of your time with it is overwhelming. Your body and your mind are in shock. Be very gentle with yourself. Allow all of the emotions to come and flow. Honor all that you are feeling. My mind still wanders to the day in the hospital when Brian passed away and to the memorial service. I'm hopeful that some day these memories will move to the background and the happy memories will be prevalent. For now I know that I have to walk this grief journey one moment at a time because I never know what the next moment will hold. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. We are walking through the shadows together for now. Hugs to you. I'm not far away since we are both in Pennsylvania. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steely Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I am sorry for your loss. It's been three weeks yesterday and it hurts to breathe, move, think. I sometimes think I will never move on from this place of pain and loss. Reading this forum has been very helpful and a bit overwhelming but I have to try to deal with this and move forward. I am sending you good thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Debbie I am so sorry, this is all so new to you. Please accept all our hugs and warm support for you during this time. My husband passed 7 months ago and I still haven't gone through his clothes nor do I have any intention of rushing and... thanks to this forum.. I don't have to. I will when I can. I have heard more from others that actually regret doing anything too soon or too fast so I am giving myself permission to move slow in that area. It was easier for me to mow the lawn all summer than it was to go through his clothes. They are still with us, it is just different, much more spiritual but I believe they are still watching out for us and our children. There have been so many that have shared wonderful stories that I have taken such comfort from. Keep coming back Debbie Hugs, laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsph110 Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 It was 2 weeks ago Saturday that my husband of 26 years passed at the age of 53 at Hospice from heart failure with only 10-15 percent EF. What a wonderful experience to have been able to stay with him for almost 3 weeks. Although I knew the end was near, never did I realize how very much I would miss him. We have one 22 year old son that was the joy of his life as well as mine. I still don't believe this has happened and the littlest thing can make me cry buckets of tears. Trying to get out of the house a bit, but when I return home, it usually hits me really hard. Still have clothes,etc to deal with. Have not yet returned to work as he was in 4 hospitals before finally going to hospice. Thank goodness I took FMLA to be with him day and night, for that I am so grateful. Bless everyone here for what they are going thru. Blessings, Debbie you are blessed to have spend the last days of his life with him. if you are on msn add me: syoks@hotmail.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Debbie, I'm sorry you lost your husband...mine died of a heart attack less than a week after turning 51, we hadn't known he even had heart trouble. This place has been my salvation after this huge loss, please continue to come here, it'll help just having others along side of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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