Sharon3 Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Father's Day is just a week away and I can feel my anxiety and sadness creeping up. I think of my husband every day and the life that was unfinished but I don't think every day about my son every day loosing his father. I can remember my son saying to his Dad...what can I get you Dad for Father's Day or Xmas or whatever the occasion was. The answer was always the same..."I don't need anything...just some time with my son is gift enough"...and that time ran out and I am so sad for my son because fathers and sons don't always say what is in their heart but it was clear they had a deep love and respect for each other. My husband died suddenly from a heart attack and we never got to say goodbye or I love you. I made a DVD with music for my son for Father's Day of all the pictures I could find of them together and will give it to my son with tears on Father's day. It was the toughest thing I have made so far but I know my son will treasure it..................but these special occasions and the days leading to them can make you crazy....like today, just the anticipation of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 I can totally identify with everything you have said. Pat was moved to hospice three days before Father's Day last year and died two day later. I knew this would be a really difficult time but I didn't realize it would be this hard. My emotions are all over the place right now. My son is away and I know he really wanted to be here for the anniversary of his Dad's death (June 23rd) but the program he is in for Med School doesn't end till June 25th. Pat was a golfer and Nick is following in his Dad's footsteps. He loves to play golf. This would have been such a good time for them. It upsets me so much that my son will be missing out on things like that with his father. I have already ordered my Father's Day balloons, so I will be going to the cemetary on that day to let them go. I have gotten balloons for alot things ...... Christmas, Anniversary and Birthday. It just makes me feel like we are still celebrating together. That may sound crazy but it works for me. The CD is a wonderful idea. Your son will cherish it forever. What a great idea! Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Hi Sharon I know about the anticipation, all last week i have been anticipating my husbands birthday today June 13th, my insides have been like a pretzel the last few days, we also did balloons, and my grandkids attached notes and watched them go up to heaven to grandpa, very very sad, and tough day. I love the CD idea, but I don't think I would know how to do it. Take Care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Scott died 2 days before Father's Day last year. Getting through Father's Day was bearable only because I was surrounded by family and friends who put together a special dinner for him. It would have been his first Father's Day, and I was in shock as only a week before, I had been out shopping with our daughter for a Father's Day gift. Of all the firsts, I think this was the hardest for me (so far). I expect this year to be difficult, as well, but regardless of what the occasion is, I have found that planning it, with both quiet time and time with our friends, has worked for me. Take care, Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHeiss Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 I have been feeling anxious as well. My dad is still alive and I am thankful for it, but he is very ill. He cant do any of the things he once enjoyed. I don't even know what to do for him for Fathers Day. The cancer spread to his brain and he has issues seeing and focusing with one eye now. It will never be the same. I can't even take him to the movies because he is ill feeling and can barely see. He does not want to eat a lot so cooking his favorite spaghetti and meatballs is just not going to work. I can't buy him all the toys he once enjoyed because he is too frail to enjoy them. What do you get a father who is dying? I have no idea. Fathers Day is also my 1 year anniversary with my husband and my wedding day was the last time I saw my dad "looking good" as in normal he looked like my dad and now he looks almost like a stranger. I know I will be neglectful to my 1 year anniversary date so I may make the day special and about my dad. I feel bad for my husband but he gives me my space. I am rambling now, sorry about that. Thank you all for listening to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 My husband died on Father's Day, so I have two death days to remember...Father's Day and June 19th. Plus his birthday is today. I hate Father's Day and I hate June. I'd just as soon skip it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 My husband died on Father's Day, so I have two death days to remember...Father's Day and June 19th. Plus his birthday is today. I hate Father's Day and I hate June. I'd just as soon skip it. Yup, June 19 is the day Scott died, too. At least it wasn't right on Father's Day. I used to love June - last month of school, longest day(light) of the year. Now....well, it is hard. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 15, 2010 Report Share Posted June 15, 2010 June used to be my favorite month too, now it is just to painful, his birthday was a first very difficult, now fathers day, this is so awful for all of us, Take care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Claire Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 I lost my husband of over 55 years on May 2nd. I am trying to forget that tomorrow is father day. Know I can't but wish I could. Lost our only son 3 years ago, so this year I will have no male at father's day. I am dreading even waking up in the morning tomorrow. So many events, Sept is birthday, Dec our anniversary and then also the holidays. Barely made it on those days after losing our son, and this year don't know how I will get through them.. Lots of here I know are going with so much the same feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billw Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 God Bless you Marion, Just take a minute when you wake up and remember the good stuff about your husband and son, keep those close to your heart through the day. I'll be praying for you. Take care. BW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Hi All, I went to my two therapists and was asked how I felt about Father's Day approaching I told them that it would be hard but I will get through the day... I will take the scrapbook out and look and remember my dad... I know my dad did some bad things but it was not all bad, what father would leave it job it lunch hour and take his four kids a hot lunch to school each day... I have been through a lot of therapy and I am really beginning to forgive my dad for what he has done... So even though I still can not say I love you to him I do appreciate all the good things he did for me...Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Hi Marion, I want to tell you how sorry I am for both of your losses, I lost my husband suddenly after 44 years, I know how much your heart aches, there is no easy way to get through tomorrow, but somehow we all will, do you have any other family that you could spend some time with tomorrow?, or friends, it might be good to be with someone for part of the day, It is horrible this journey that we are on, God Bless Take care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Marion: My prayers are with you. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Marion, Having just lost a spouse is been bad enough, but to have lost a son also must be heart breaking for you. I am so sorry for you. Today is Father's Day and I hope you are coping with your grief. Do you have other family (children,brothers or sisters) that you could use as support today? When I lost my spouse, people would ask if there was anything they could do for me. Most of the time I thanked them and said I was fine even though I wasn't. I finally realized that these people were trying to help me cope and it is wonderful to have these people for support. If you have someone you can do this with, take their genorosity and lean on them as much as you have to. Things do get better, as you've experienced already. Be kind to yourself and know that all of us are thinking of you today . Hugs, Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billw Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 Not one fathers day went by that my wife didn't make special for me. She thanked me for being a positive example in the boys lives. Over the years they have turned into the a couple of the most respectful young men I know today. ( I am not partial at all as you can tell). These two young men 29 and 30 have taught me more about life than most adults I call my friends. When my wife died they were right there holding her other hand with me, just the way she wanted it. That night our relationship reached a whole new level. Today the oldest stopped by with his girlfriend to wish me happy fathers day, I read the card and held back the tears, these kids are the greatest thing in my life today. They lost their mom and have had a lot of grief of their own to deal with but they have stuck close and checked up on me regularly. The youngest will be by tonight, he had to work late today but he still called to check in. I spent three hours with him talking one on one about everything in the world last week, what a gift. God bless my wife and those boys they truly have given me a reason to be on this earth. My thoughts are with all of you having a rough time today, it just isn't the same without our partners here today. BW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 Hi Marion Hope you got through this day ok, glad that it is over, well we always made a fuss on father's day, making dinner and everyone coming over, everything in our lives has changed, and I don;t understand why or really how to get used to it. But we just don;t have a choice, I wish I had a magic wand and could change things, but it dosen't work like that, so we just have to get up, try to get through our day the best we can, some are better than others, and go to bed, that is what life has become for me. what a shame, Praying for peace for all of us Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now