Different Views On Wearing Our Rings

[Marion Claire]

People have several different views on wearing or not wearing your wedding rings when your spouse passes away. My aunt told my mom she was wrong to keep wearing her's but she still did. My husband did not want to be buried with his ring on. So I had it sized to fit my ring finger and had it welded to my rings. It feels so great to wear it. Course at my age we have been together many more years than we weren't. A lifetime together... I know this wouldn't be what many would want to do, but it works so good for me...

[Korina]

My mother in law still wears her rings, and her husband had been dead for almost 20 years. It has been over a year, and I still wear mine - for now, it works for me. I had a pendant that Scott gave me 3 years ago set inside his wedding ring, and I wear that on my necklace all the time. I guess for me, it is a physical symbol of our love. I haven't taken it off since it was set last July.

Korina

[kayc]

Your husband must have known you still needed his ring...worse than he did. It's none of anyone's d**n business if people continue to wear their rings! It makes me so blasted mad when people get into someone else's business and tell them how they should be doing when they haven't a clue! Tell them when they've lost their husband and know what they're talking about to give you a call and you'll be more apt to hear them. Grrr! I'm glad you had his ring resized and find comfort in wearing it. I still have George's band and mine, mine is too small and can't be resized because it's platinum and yellow gold both but I'm on a quest to lose weight so maybe when I get another 37 lbs off I can wear it again. His ring is just like mine with the infinity symbol but without a diamond cuz he was a welding fabricator and didn't want anything getting caught while he was working. I designed the rings and at the same time he designed a necklace for me, we both had inscriptions put on them and to our amazement when we were done, they were identical! We always did think in tune with each other.

I say people do what brings them the most comfort, to h**l with what anyone else thinks.

[Korina]

Kay - I just wanted to say I hope your dog is going to recover - I know how much our dogs and cats mean to us!

Korina

[Queeniemary]

Well, I am still wearing my rings, at almost 8 months since Mike died. I don't feel a need to take them off, and as has been said before, it is just up to each of us how we feel about wearing them. Legally, I know I am considered single. In my mind and heart, I am still Mike's wife, sooooo the rings stay on. Blew me away when, after Mike's death, I made a new will, and I was listed as a single woman. I don't feel single. At this point in the journey, I cannot imagine wanting to date or go out with anyone, so why would I take them off. But it is personal, and what ever feels right for each person, is what they should do. I don't think there is any "right or wrong" to this question, and I would resent very much anyone telling me I should take them off!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Billw]

My line of work is not jewelry friendly, I can't wear my ring or watch to work for safety factors (moving machinery). But I do wear it all of the other time I am not at work. We bought a very simple set of bands when we got married, we didn't have a lot of money at first but we loved the rings we had. Through the years our incomes changed and we were able to significantly upgrade her rings and she loved them dearly. She deserved to have nice things, I was very happy we could do that, we both worked very hard. About a month or so before she passed I lost my ring, I used to take it off when I worked in the garage and set it on my bench or tool box, I searched high and low and never have found it. I went and purchased another band and she was ok with that but we were both heart broken that I had lost my original. I continue to wear the replacement band hoping my old ring will show up some day. She wanted the boys to have the rings she was wearing with the larger stones so I gave those to them. I still have her original little band that we got married with. I don't make any excuse or worry about weather I wear my ring or not, as far as I'm concerned I am still married and I am proud to wear my ring, my heart will let me know when something changes..............BW

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

You may want to read this lovely post on today's Widow's Voice blog:

Our wedding rings are no more.

His was so huge. My 6'6" husband had fingers that matched his size. When he died, I removed his ring and put it into the ring box that I kept my diamond in.

I don't remember when I took off my wedding bands. Long enough so that wearing a ring on my "wedding" finger feels odd.

I needed something that would represent us, who we were, who we will always be. Read on here: Ours to Mine

[Billw]

After posting yesterday about losing my ring, it really started to eat at me again. I looked a few more places tonight and I was feeling bad again about it being lost. I have mentioned from time to time when I ask my wife where she put something, I usually find it shortly.(this has happened several times since she has been gone) I had been in the bedroom looking again tonight with no luck. As I walked down the hallway something told me to open the hall closet, in the bottom of the closet is a one gallon jar she always emptied my change out of a bowel where I threw all of my stuff at the end of the day,the jar was almost full. I brought it into the living room just now and emptied it on the floor, about half way through the jar my ring tumbled out on the floor. After having a good cry I thanked her for telling me where it went. It has been lost for close to a year and we looked all over for it I know it bothered her that we couldn't find it. I know she is as happy right now as I am.........The gift is always there when I ask..BW

[Billw]

The last post counts as my something positive post for the weekend, I couldn't come up with one yesterday. Thanks for being here guys....God bless.

BW

[Jennalee]

I will wear my ring until it's time to move on. I'm not sure when that will be, but when the time comes, I'm sure I'll know. In the meantime, that ring is on my finger, not forever maybe, but for right now, and I love it.

BW, I'm SO GLAD you found your ring!! If you haven't already, you should go ahead and post it in the "Something Positive" thread.

[Queeniemary]

Bill, I am so happy you found your ring. I have done that many times, ask Mike to help me find something, and invariably I find it.

Mary (Queeniemary ) in Arkansas

[Billw]

Thanks Mary,

I was devastated when I couldn't find it, now I feel like I got a small piece back. I have asked her several times to help me find something and it has worked. I have put coincidence out of my mind anymore, I believe in the connection that we share with our soul mates when they leave, it gives me great comfort to know she is still with me. BW

[MartyT]

Heartwarming story, Bill ~ thank you! ♥

[Marion Claire]

What a wonderful story Bill. Yes together you found something that meant a lot to both of you. I am so happy for you!!

[west]

I loved the story. My ring is still on and actually too hard to take off both physically and sentimentally.

I also love that your wife helps you out. there are so many times when I ask my husband to intercede for me especially when my kids are having a tough time. It is good to know that I am not the only one who does this.

[Billw]

I truly am a fortunate man to have the connection from time to time, it's always there when I ask. I can taste some gratitude again today and it feels great. Thanks again guys. BW

[LarrysGirl]

Even though I've been here almost 5 yrs. I still would like to say I have my rings on, for me personally, there was never a question. Why take them off? Also, many many times Larry guides me, if I can't find something he always shows me where I need to look. It brings me comfort. Deborah

[Cheryl]

Wearing my rings made me feel like I was in denial about Mark's death. Forcing myself to take them off helped me face that he was physically gone. Our rings are together slid over a spiral sea shell we found on the beach. It's my little memorial, I have pictures of us on the beach on either side of the rings. In a strange way it makes me feel closer to him by having our rings together. Since he can't wear his it seemed right for mine to be with his. Sound weird?

I know some people think I'm showing a sign that I've moved on or I'm ready to date. But I don't care what they think. It was a very personal decision and I don't feel that I owe anyone an explanation. Nor do I think anyone should take their rings off if they don't want too. I understand and respect that we are all diffrent and our rings are so personal. I wear a pendent of a circle with small dimonds around my neck everyday. It was the last piece of jewelry Mark gave me and he was so excited to give it to me. I remember telling him," This represents our love, a never ending circle". He said, "Oh I just thought it was pretty". Typical guy!

[Korina]

Bill - great story!! I haven't asked Scott to help me find anything, yet, but others have and he has helped. He has, though, helped me in other ways over this past year.

Cheryl - hilarious! When Scott proposed to me, he walked in the door and tossed a rose on the couch. I thought, "Is he nuts? He never gets me flowers, especially from those ladies who sell them in bars (he had been out with friends, and unbeknownst to me, picking up the ring as it was custom made through this friend's jeweller). I picked it up, realized it was fake, and I don't know how long it took for me to figure out it was a ring box. I opened it, was speechless, walked into the bathroom where Scott was brushing his teeth, and all he said was 'don't lose it'. I love it - it was so Scott!

Korina