Why No Dreams?

[melina]

I've been wondering why I haven't had a single dream about my husband since he died six weeks ago. I think about him more or less every minute of the day while I'm awake - so why isn't he in my dreams? Is it because my mind is working on him all day and turns to other things at night? Or is it just because I don't remember those specific dreams? I know there is probably no good explanation, but has anyone else had this experience? Or has everyone had dreams about their loved ones?

I wish I could see him in a dream - a good dream. But so far, nothing. The closest I've gotten is a vague dream where I knew he was somewhere in the house, but not there beside me and I couldn't see him. I long to see his face and hear his voice - even if it's just while I'm sleeping.

Melina

[Perkins808]

Hi Melina,

You and I have so many similarities that it is scary! I too have been wishing every day to have dreams about Jeff. Every night before I go to bed I stare at his picture, I tell him I love him and I beg him to visit me in my dreams. I have only had one dream - I dreamt I went to my high school reunion and a man walked in beside me. When I turned to the side to look at him he was wearing Jeff's shirt. I looked and thought I could see Jeff's hands. I went to the bar to get us drinks and when I turned back to the table I couldn't find him. There was a man sitting at our table, but his face was blurred.....I couldn't see his face. The dream ended and I was so upset - I just want to see Jeff's face, to hear his voice.

My girls have all had dreams about him, I mentioned to my 15 year old that I was upset that I hadn't had a dream where I can see him.....and her words of wisdom? Maybe that's your body's way of protecting you Mom. Maybe you're not ready for him to visit you yet?

So that's what my hope is - that someday when I am ready, Jeff will come to me. Until then I have to make do with my memories and thoughts that I have while I'm awake.

Tammy

[melina]

Tammy,

It does sound like we share a lot of the same experiences - ones we could have done without. One of our four sons told me a dream he had a couple of weeks after his father died. He was sitting in a room with a lot of people and was feeling very sad. Then his father came and sat down next to him on the sofa and talked to him - told him things were going to be fine. My son said that in his dream, no one else could see his dad - just him. What a great dream.

I also talk to my husband before I go to sleep, begging him to come and visit me. But so far it's just a vague feeling of someone there - but I'm never sure who. I can never see his face. I talk to him several times a day actually - usually just "let me know you're here with me" or "help me through this".

Melina

[Lindakay]

Melina, I could tell you about my dreams or visitations that I've had. I can't make them happen at will. Wish I could.

I wanted to see my Scott's face too. First visit wasn't his face. But he proved it was him in sending a vision of an open hand. He held my hand all the time. In public, in the car and in the middle of the night when he knew I wasn't sleeping. It's what I miss the most. You have to be receptive to the dreams. That means relaxed too. You need to get rid of the frantic feeling. For your health's sake. John Edwards said in his book to speak to them often. Out loud. They choose when to exert the energy it takes to come in a dream. They said in several books. If they have crossed into the light, they can only communicate in a dream.I read the book Medium after the women the tv show Medium was modelled after. My girlfriend would listen to what I told her. She sent the books and I learned a few things reading them. I don't claim to be pyschic at all. I have a sensitivity they say. Some people have real abilities. I'm just open to those I've loved and lost. My dad knew what mom told him about my dreams. I told him before he died.He said he would come visit and he did.

Linda Kay be patient. Talk to him calmly and with love.

[Marion Claire]

Earlier this month which was 4 months after he left us for 6 nights in a row he was here for a short while every night. One night I did see his face and heard his voice and saw him walk which he couldn't do in the last weeks at all alone. It woke me up each night. No more since then. That was just before his birthday that I was worried how to survive alone and wonder if that was why he was here and after getting through that day I have had no more. Hope so much he comes again before too long. Too see someone you love look whole and healthy is such a blessing. Praying it wasn't just those 6 nights. It does help so much. Hope we all get good dreams sharing with our loved ones who are gone now. Hugs to all,

[kayc]

Melina,

I only had one dream about George and it was about a year after he died. I wondered the same thing, he was such an integral part of my life, why no dreams? I don't know, I guess we'd have to ask an expert. But he's in my heart and on my mind all the same.

[redwind30]

Melina, It has been five months since I lost my husband. I had my first dream about him last week. I have heard some people say the dreams start right away; others say they don't have dreams for a long time. But, as I think back over our eleven years together I had very few dreams about him. I guess I am just one of those people who either doesn't dream or I don't remember my dreams.

[kath]

My first and last visit from Bob came the first of November, 5 months after he died. I had just crawled into bed and he was there. I saw only his smile, but I recognized him instantly. I said, "There you are. I've been waiting for you. Take care of the kids. They're having a hard time." And it was over. He didn't say anything, didn't need to. It was beautiful and comforting and I'll never forget it.

My friend said the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest at that time of year. So, don't give up.

[Korina]

While I have had lots of screwball disjointed dreams about Scott, I had the dream where I believe he came to me for real at about 8 months. Throughout, though, I have had several signs that I believe are from him. I guess there is no timetable. Oh, and when I did have the dream, it was when I was in that half awake half asleep state, and while I am no expert, from the reading I have done, it is in that state that we are apparently more open to such communications.

Take care,

Korina

[Queeniemary]

I also have had a lot of disjointed screwball dreams about Mike, not even sure if it was him or not in the dreams. However, I have had only one that I really thought was him, and that was a good 5 or 6 months after he died. In the dream he was alive, and I had just come back from a trip. I ask him, joking, did you miss me at all, and he said, Yeah, I missed you a lot. When I woke up, I remembered that he was gone, but the dream made me feel good. I do talk to him all the time, and I feel him here. He helped me find my blood pressure machine when it was lost. My doctor wanted me to keep a log of my reading for a couple of weeks. I started hunting the machine, I had seen it only a week or so before, and put it up. I searched the house over for a couple of days, and finally went and stood before Mike's red rock urn from AZ, and said, alright Mr. B, help me find this machine, I know you know where it is. 10 minutes later I found it in a place I had already looked. I really think he guided me there! I do think sometimes that it is hard for them to come in a dream during the time when the grief is the most pronounced. That is just my opinion. Tammy, I think your daughter is very wise. Our bodies probably do protect us until we are ready.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[melina]

This might not be related, but it's something I just remembered. Ever since my husband was a kid, he had this strange ability - not sure I should call it an ability, but I don't know what else to call it. When he went to bed he would close his eyes and be able to see this landscape - kind of a medieval landscape with a village, buildings and everything surrounded by trees. The older he got, the more detailed the village became. It would only happen when he was going to go to sleep - but it was the same village each time.

A few days before he died in the hospital - and we didn't know he was going to die then - he told me that he'd begun to see this landscape and village even when he just closed his eyes for a few moments during the day. And the last time he mentioned it he said that for the first time he saw people in the landscape. There were people lined up in the village, and it looked like they were waiting.

He was a very logical person - never believed in anything supernatural. He was not religious either, but was open to the possibility of "something out there we know nothing about".

I don't know why I'm mentioning this - but it occurred to me while I was wondering why I hadn't dreamed about him.

One of my sons was home for the weekend. I asked him if he'd had any dreams about his dad. He said he had them all the time - they were outside together, walking, shopping, talking. I still don't get why I don't have these dreams. Wouldn't it be amazing if I could have a dream about this landscape and village - and see him there. Wishful thinking. It's been one awful afternoon. All I want now is one good dream.

Melina

[sunstreet]

Dear Melina,

I hear your anguish at not having had a dream about your husband. I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I don't have the answer for you. I can share that for myself the more I let go of what "should" be happening is when more healing occurs. Thinking of you.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[LostmyHoney]

I too have been asking my Honey "Buck" to come to me in a dream and take me fishing. He loved to fish but by the time I came into his life he was sick and didnt ever feel up to it. We did other thing around the house, like a role playing game online and shooting pool online. We took a trip to the coast so I could say Ive been in both oceans, and one to the smoky mountains to ride the rails. He was always worried that he wasnt enough fun for me but I finaly got him to understand that he was just what i needed and wanted. He was perfect for me! I have had some dreams where the person I saw didnt look like him but when I woke I felt so peacefull, content and satisied that I knew he had been there. That was how haveing him here with me made me feel.

Rachel