Am I Married Or Not?

[Dimcl]

I play a sport one night a week with a group that I've only met once a week since mid-September. Even through Glenn's surgery and death, I continued to go since I thought I should (except for the week that he died). When I make a commitment, I keep it and I thought it might be good to keep a routine.

I've never worn jewellry when playing sports, and as usual, I wasn't wearing my wedding rings last night. Near the end of the evening, one of the women asked if I was married and I automatically said "Yes". On the drive home, it suddenly occurred to me that, technically, that's not true, and I had to pull the car over as the finality of it all hit home.

After only a month, emotionally I'm still married, and I can't imagine ever thinking that Glenn and I are not married, but should I have explained my answer? Telling people that my husband just died is way too painful, but I also don't want to deceive people. Has anyone else had this problem?

[Perkins808]

I would say that unless you are emotionally prepared to explain, you should just stick with you are married. When you are comfortable sharing more details then you can explain what happened to your husband. I don't think you are being deceptive, just look at it as avoiding a painful situation.

I was in the ladies room washing my hands today when one of the ladies I work with looked down at my hands and asked - oh, you still wear your wedding rings?? I was left speechless.....I really didn't know how to respond! In my head I was screaming of course I still wear my wedding rings!! but I couldn't get any words out. I walked out of the bathroom in tears. I don't know when I'll take my rings off, I just know it won't be anytime soon.

[MartyT]

You may want to read the posts in this thread: Different Views On Wearing Our Rings ♥

[melina]

I still wear my wedding ring. My finger would feel bare without it. It's worn a groove around my finger, and to be honest I'm not sure I can even get it off any longer. I also strung my husband's ring on a chain. To begin with I wore the chain day and night, but finally I took it off to shower so I wouldn't damage the chain, and recently I notice I forget to wear it. Maybe that's a good sign. But my ring stays for now.

I would have trouble with the "are you married" question too. So far I only see people I know - or people who don't ask personal questions, like people who work in stores. But when I've had electricians and plumbers here, I've immediately explained I've lost my husband. Maybe it's to tell them why we can't do certain home repairs ourselves, or maybe I'm hoping to get some sympathy and a smaller bill!

Melina

[Billw]

Still wearing mine, I think she will let me know in spirit if and when I'm not married anymore. I had someone tell me the other day that she might give me the boot some day but she hasn't done so yet. BW

[LostmyHoney]

Thank you for the chuckle Bill.

I agree with what Perkins808 has said. You must be comfortable with any response you might give !

I have felt for a long time now that my Honey was the last one for me. This stems from a re-occurring dream I have had since I was a young teen. I am comfortable with the idea of never having another "love" relationship agian.

When people see my engagement ring (which will never come off) and ask if im engaged, I simple say yes. If they then ask for a date I mysteriously reply "When it's time". I have not had it go futher than that yet, but expect it will someday. I plan to wing it from there.

Rachel

[Kat2005]

I never really considered myself single although I am. The "single" word didn't even cross my mind until I received a letter from Social Security concerning my husbands disability payments. The very last line of the letter stated, "marriage ended in death". Those four little words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not once did it enter my mind that I was no longer married. It is almost a year and half and I still wear my rings. I don't know if or when I will take them off. You just need to do and say what makes you comfortable. Right now I am still comfortable wearing them.

Take care, Kat

[Cheryl]

I have felt the opposite. I feel so unmarried, keenly widowed. Sometimes all I can think about is how I'm the only single person in a room. All alone, with all these couples. All these married people. Everything I do all day remends me of how NOT married I've become. If someone asks about my status I'm quick to point out that my husband died.

I have never felt single in the wanting to date a man sense of the word, but I do feel very widowed. Sadly widowed. Wishing I were looking for love, but not ready widowed. Starting to talk to people widowed and faced with the driving to xmas party alone widowed. It sucks being a widow!

[Deb625]

Being in a relationship to me is having committment to one another. I think I am entitled to be considered as a spouse until I no longer feel the heart wrenching committment, that I still have to my "other" half. To me it would be (I guess - as it's a long time off), when I start to "feel" for someone else, to me that would be breaking my and Michael's "committment" to each other. Michael would not be mad or sad, he would be happy for me I'm sure - but the time has to be when I'm physically, mentally and emotionally ready, until then, my heart and soul are still in Michael's care and as such I am still in a relationship... Deb

[kayc]

I'm not sure what a good answer is when you are freshly grieving. You could answered "I am widowed" and then change the subject, or you could say "I consider myself married" but that might stir up more questions to them than you'd want to. Yes, all of us, when newly widowed still consider ourselves married because we didn't ask to be unmarried and never chose anything other than to be married to our spouse. However, on forms and for gov't purposes, we are considered single. If it makes you feel any better, just keep it separate in your mind...technically you are unmarried, but in your heart, you'll continue to consider yourself married. It takes such a long time for it to sink in, it's not like a divorce where there was a choice made to separate yourselves, and even then, when one spouse chooses divorce and the other didn't want it, it takes a long time to feel the difference.