All Alone

[llynch]

Im new to this site like I am new to griefing.

I lost my husband Jody Oct 26 2010 to cancer. I miss him more and more everyday. I cannt sleep I cannt eat. Every morning I wake up I get sick and throw up.

It was always just me and him. Even when he died. No one else just me and him. He died in my arms Just like we talked about. I held him for awhile and then I got him clean up and dress. His family show up 45 mins after he died. and then left two days before his service. They didnt stay 24 hours. I have been alone ever since. Jody was my best friend, my soul mate, my whole world. I was so busy taking care of him and doctors and cooking and working and now...... well now I dont know what to do. Jody fought cancer for eight years thats right he got it when he was 36 years old. big strong man. On Aug 19 2010 we lost a grandson to a doctor screw up Jody said that was enough. He was tired of doctors and being sick

. so now what. Im writing on this site to get some help I guess dont know what else to do. I hate the lonessis. I will never love again I will never be the same. If wanyone is lout there that maybe can help please let me know

Loretta lynch

[wmjsca]

Loretta,

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my partner to cancer in October and it has been a horrifying experience. He wasn't ill that long, in fact he died within four days of the diagnosis. I can relate to the loneliness and even the physical illness. Clint was my family and basically my life, too. I understand not knowing what to do. We, here in the forum, are here for each other and have experienced loss and can help and support you. It is necessary to have people who can understand loss of a spouse/partner because it is much different than other losses.

I can say that I kept busy with school and have a young son, so I really couldn't stop living, but it has been difficult to put one foot in front of the other each day. I find myself crying at any given time, the loss is so painful. I am told that the pain will diminish over time, although the sorrow remains.

I think that coming to this forum was a good idea and will help you. I attend a support group and also have a therapist to help with my grief. I also read everything I can find about the grieving process, and write in my journal to express my feelings.

I am sorry you lost Jody and hope you keep coming back.

[nats]

Loretta,

First let me say I feel your pain, heart ache, and alone feelings...I'm praying now God will provide you with some comfort....I am no expert as I am at 10 months now since my wife Ruth joined God and the Angels, things you need to do to make it easier that work for me.....cry, till you cant cry anymore, and if so cry more, eat, you are going to need energy to face this journey, I know you dont want to or feel like it but you need your energy to make this easier...sleep, whenever you can cat nap and grab as much sleep as possible your mind and body needs rest grieving takes an ernormous amout of energy out of you and wears you down....day by day, take each day as it comes do not overwhelm yourself and be easy on yourself....attitude, positive, as hard as it sounds we must look and focus on all the positive memories we have no one, not even cancer can take them away....keep comming back here it's a wonderful site we all are taking the same trip, a trip none of us wanted to take but if we help each other we will all make the journey as God intended....

May God Bless You

NATS

[kayc]

Loretta,

We're here and we're listening. I know what you mean, George was my life, my best friend, soulmate, lover, everything rolled into one. We really do feel our aloneness now. It takes a long time to work through your grief, let alone begin to accept this new life of just you, but you do get better at coping (for the most part) eventually. Just know you are not alone, there are many here going through the same thing and we can all relate. I'm sorry you lost your partner, I know it sucks big time. (((hugs)))

[Guest NancyL]

Loretta, I'm so sorry you lost your Jody. My words right now can't begin to take away the pain, but believe me, in time you will get better. I lost Don September 28th to a massive brain bleed. But he had been paralyzed for 10 years so I know the role of caregiver for many years and when they are gone, there is an awful lot of time on our hands. And yes, the lonliness, quiet house. I pushed my son and sister to go back to their homes immediately, for I wanted to grieve alone. Please, please come to this site and write us often. We're all in this together, and we boost each other up when we're down, and we cheer on first steps towards our new life. You can write us day & night, I can sleep through the entire night now, but I always check this site before I go to work and then again when I get home, so you'll never be alone if you keep coming here. Hugs Nancy

[abergsma]

So sorry for your loss Loretta.

I lost my husband very unexpectedly 3 months ago yesterday. It is very hard but you are among friends within this group and we all help each other. The holidays are going to be hard for all of us but we need to support each other. It was suggested that journaling was helpful, I started to do it and it does help. Also writing a letter to your husband.

I purchased a candle to put on the table Christmas Day to light and have my husband's spirit there. I plan on using this candle every year.

Hugs

Allana

[llynch]

Thank You all for your support. It really helps. Me and Jody always talked about the day he would be gone. But I never had no idea it would be this hard.

I Thank the Good Lord everyday for all my blessings. And this site is one of them. I just wish I could feel better. Is it normal to wake up in the morning with panic attack?

Thanks again

[Chrissie]

Lorette,

I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to a good place. We all understand exactly what you are going through and all care about how you are feeling and what you have to say. This site has been a blessing to me. I come to it everyday, sometimes to post and sometimes just to read what others have posted. There isn't a day that goes by that someone doesn't post about something that I am feeling or have felt. I lost my husband almost eleven months ago and yes it has gotten easier to go on with life, but the loneliness is just unbearable. He was my best friend and we spent as much time together as possible. He would turn down doing things with the guys just so we could have time together. I still find it hard to believe that I finally found a man that truely loved me and now he is gone. I miss him so much. Please keep coming back. Try your best to eat and rest. This is not an easy journey but we are all here to help.

Chris

[Billw]

Hi Loretta,

Sorry to hear about your husband and I'm sorry you had to find this site. I am grateful this forum is here, it has literally saved me at times. The people here offer comfort and insight. We truly understand and feel your pain. Eight years, Jody was a warrior. Cancer is a brutal disease with absolutely no regard for the people it effects. I watched my sweet wife suffer from it and it has weighed heavy on me as it has others in the group. Please take the time to try and eat and rest as much as possible and use this site to help with the loneliness. There is strength in numbers and the people here are glad to help. We are all in this together and you are not alone. I understand the anxiety also, take a deep breath and ask for help when this happens. We have to remember to breathe and be patient and kind with ourselves. Take care.....BW

[Queeniemary]

Loretta, I am so sorry for your loss, and do understand the loneliness and pain you are experiencing. We all have a story here, I lost my husband very unexpectedly to a massive coronary. I was in a hospital 1 1/2 hours away, having just had total knee replacement 2 days before. Our daughter found him, and had to tell me over the phone. We talked on the phone just hours before his death, and he was fine, no warning signs, nothing. My last sight of him was when he left my hospital room after my surgery, after kissing me, and was laughing at something we were talking about as he walked out the door. I never saw him again. It will be a year on January 13th. I am better, life is moving on, as it does, but I still miss him, and am so lonely without him. I am very active in community theater and the arts council,and I am still working until I retire in May. I stay busy, but at the end of the day it is so lonely. You will get better Loretta, but it will take time.. Just one day at a time, or one minute at a time. One day you will realize that you actually enjoyed something, and that day you will know that you are starting to heal. None of us ask to join this club, and I am so sorry that you have joined, but this forum is a great place to come for support, it has helped me through some very rough days.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Dimcl]

But I never had no idea it would be this hard.

Loretta, nobody ever has any idea that it will be this hard. My husband was 22 years older than I was, so we always knew that the odds were good he would go before me. He always looked 10 years younger than he was and he hadn't been sick in our 33 years together up until the last 2 months. Even though our age difference meant he'd probably go before me, and even though I worried about it the odd time as the years passed, my wildest imaginings back then are so far removed from the reality that it's laughable. I've actually had people say to me "I can imagine what you're going through". Uh uh, no way. Wait until it happens to them and then they can come back and tell me that.

I'm so sorry that your Jody died on the 26th of October. It makes me sad because that's the day that my Glenn had his surgery (it was also his 79th birthday) and he died 5 days later. So, you and I and some others on this site have very recently commenced this journey and we can all come here and lean on one another.

Take care, Loretta.

Di

[sunstreet]

Loretta,

I am so very sorry for your loss. We all understand here. It is safe here. My wife suicided on December 25, 2003. What you are experiencing is so normal. You are not crazy. It has taken me a very long time to get to where I am in my journey. I am recovering from dental surgery at present and not alot of energy. I wanted to welcome you here and hope you find some solace here as I have.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[susavi]

Have not been on for awhile but I am sitting here this morning and I wanted to send everyone hugs and a big Thank You for just being here. There have been several days when I have felt very bad and I come to this site and I realize that I am not alone in my journey. Some many have lost their loved ones and have offered support and love through this site and I greatly appreciate it. As we get deeper and deeper into the holidays I feel more and more alone and missing my love more than ever. I just come to this site and when I read your post I feel not so alone so Thanks. We all will make it one day at a time and will be stronger for it. May God bless all of you in the upcoming days and may all of you feel the love of the person you lost cause it is there just feel it.