mfh Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 I used to like Valentine's Day...until last year when I was visiting Bill in the hospital weeks before his death. I brought him a white teddy bear...and I don't believe he ever knew I got it. White teddy bears were pretty common gifts to me from Bill...usually accompanied by jewelry or candy or something he knew I liked. So I now have that teddy bear and it brings back sad memories. This year, the first Valentine's Day without him and home with the flu (so the TV is on a lot more) I am noticing all the V-Day ads-chocolate, dinners, jewelry and more. Each one an ambush. One would think I would be used to ambushes by now but that is just the point...ambushes are always unexpected and painful. Approaching the first anniversary of Bill's death, I relive these final weeks especially as I am home "ambushed" by the flu and with lots of time to think. Anyone else struggling with V-Day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 I actually came on the site to post about Valentine's. Today has been a terrible day for me, I haven't cried like this for months,but can't seem to stop right now. I figured out that it had to be V. day that is causing me to feel this way.. empty inside. I guess the stores have to market their products, they have no idea how it makes people who have lost a partner feel. They are out for the money only. So much love and happiness is associated with the day and we are all going to be alone. Even if we decide to go to family or out for a meal it's not the same, that special person won't be there to smile and tell you how wonderful you look. No kisses and hugs this year. I hope that everyone here gets through this day with as little sadness as possible, maybe next year will be easier . Hugs to everyone. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Dear Ones, I hope you'll find my article on this topic to be helpful: Grief Rituals Can Help on Valentine's Day ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 MFH, Yes, I am struggling, a full blown struggle indeed, see my wife Ruth left to join God at 6:50 AM of Valentines day last year, Valentines day was a special day for us, she had kept every card I had gotten her over the years I found them cleaning her dresser out, we had such a Love we shared during the year but we had a special bond that day more than others maybe because we didn't have it in our other relationships....I notice every single ad, word and sign about Valentines day, it's seems as a loud, harsh reminder of her last day here...I feel the grieving growing more intense as the day approaches...I am in a new relationship and Brenda is remarkable concering this, we have had much discssion that I will never have the same Valentines day feelings with her as It will always be the day my wife left...she accepts this so well and she never really liked Valentines day with her deceased husband so we have come to terms with things as far as us, but I am sure this is going to be another tough first more so than any of the other first's but I am going to try and remain positive as I have many things to be thankful for... my love I shared with Ruth, my new love with Brenda, my 2 wonderful boys, God's guidance, comfort and blessings and I am healthy with so much life to live and knowing Ruth she will be much happier seeing me take things like this opposed to sitting around feeling sorry for myself because she is not here....because she may not be here but she is indeed still with me always, now she is my Angel waiting for me in heaven when my work is done here.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Dear Mary, Sorry to hear you are not feeling well and how that must magnify your pain. I am sorry for the pain Mary. I agree, ambushes are always unexpected and painful. I can share that just over 7 years out...it is not as painful...still brings a sting for sure..but not near what it use to be. Hope you feel better very soon. Dear Lainey, I am sorry that V-Day is bringing up some pain for you. I encourage you to just let it out, let yourself weep. Hugs to you. Dear Marty, As always...thank you! Dear Nats, My heart is going out to you. I will hold you in prayer on V-Day. I admire your positive outlook and your Faith. I offer my understanding and support and encourgement that time really does transform our pain...how much time....is not definitive....just time. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks, Marty, Good article with good ideas. I did make plans to attend a High Tea at a friend's tea house. It won't be all couples, in fact my table will probably be four women. I suspect the men won't be too interested in tea. Bil would have loved it as we traveled to England twice and had high tea there. Going with a girlfriend. Poetry will be read so hope I can maintain my goal which is to celebrate the day in a way Bill and I would have done. Small town and I am pretty well known so if I cry, people will get it and reach out for the most part. I also like the candle idea. I light one that was at his funeral every morning before I meditate but will buy a special one now for special days. One that is not associated with the funeral but with special moments to remember. Hard to do but I get it. I thought I knew grief before losing Bill having had a lot of loss and walking through others losses often but this loss is very different...and much more difficult to say the least. More than I could have imagined. Thanks for all your insights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks one and all. You will all be in my thoughts as this weekend happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb625 Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I used to like Valentine's Day...until last year when I was visiting Bill in the hospital weeks before his death. I brought him a white teddy bear...and I don't believe he ever knew I got it. White teddy bears were pretty common gifts to me from Bill...usually accompanied by jewelry or candy or something he knew I liked. So I now have that teddy bear and it brings back sad memories. This year, the first Valentine's Day without him and home with the flu (so the TV is on a lot more) I am noticing all the V-Day ads-chocolate, dinners, jewelry and more. Each one an ambush. One would think I would be used to ambushes by now but that is just the point...ambushes are always unexpected and painful. Approaching the first anniversary of Bill's death, I relive these final weeks especially as I am home "ambushed" by the flu and with lots of time to think. Anyone else struggling with V-Day? I find this time of year hard because we didn't celebrate Valentines Day in any big way, we always went out on the 12th of February and called it our Anniversary. Our actual anniversary was Aug 12th,however,we always had company from England in town in August, so we made Feb 12th OUR day... We didn't buy into the hearts and flowers and the commercialism of the day, though we did love to share some chocolate and any excuse would do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissie Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm also finding Valentines Day difficult this year. I don't remember much about last year, Tim passed away just a few weeks before so everything was just a blur. It's funny you mention the ads, because just last night while watching TV I found myself crying during a Valentine commercial. So I'm wishing you all happy memories that bring smiles instead of tears on that day and asking all the wonderful friends I have made here to "Be My Valentine" Hugs to you all. Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I find Valentine's Day very difficult...most of the men that have been in my life were just so disappointing when it came to things like this, but George was the exception. He always did everything he could to make me feel special, he was romantic and loving and never let something like that go without celebrating and making the most of it! Now it just feels empty and lonely. I have to work on Monday and polish off the day by going to the dentist. After that there's only one I want to spend my Valentine's Day with, and that's my Arlie (dog). It's his birthday so I'll probably celebrate by bringing him a new toy and playing with him, maybe taking him for a ride in the woods for his nightly walk. Hopefully it won't snow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Dear Deb, I will be thinking of you on the 12th and hope that your filled with warmth of loving memories.... Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Dear Chris, How sweet...all the friends here...to...Be My Valentine...count me in! Dear Kay, Will be thinking of you. I too have something for my "baby", my cat and will have fun with him playing.... Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I will not celebrate Valentine's Day, as I didn't celebrate the past 'Holidays'. I have had it up to here about memorials, etc. He's GONE! There is no valentine for me anymore. I am so nauseated watching all these loving couples swoon over each other; the ads; the advertised jewelry, chocolates, marriages....etc. It's really depressing. This is all I have to look forward to the rest of my life. I hate being subjected to this when I didn't ask for it, none of us did. I appreciate the things others have been able to do to cope. I'm just not even there yet. Doubt if I'll ever be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Dear Wmjsca, Oh how my heart aches for you! I hear you and validate your pain so very much! I too was once where you are at now. It is excrutiating! I also know that if feels impossible to even think on hope that it will get better. It is OK that you are not there yet...others are not there yet either and can't find the courage to let us know. You have been able to tell us, you have your voice...that is movement. None of us are going to be at the same place at the same time. I hope you will allow your Higher Power if you have one, I, and others here who are further along hold hope for you until such time as you can hold it yourself because I hold and have the Faith that you will begin to see hope through the darkness and pain that is blinding it to you for now. If willing...I offer you a hug. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I feel for all of us here. I have spent the last 3 weeks surounded by v-day cards, candy and other various items at work. Working in retail sucks at times like thease, but I have been moved to the stationary department so its not like I can avoid the stuff by going the long way around. It stares me right in the face all day long. UHHHGGGG!!!!! Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Chrissie, and everyone else here, I share the same sentiment, "Be my Valentine!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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