Loneliness

[Chrissie]

I don't post much because as I've said before I have a hard time expressing myself, but I had to come to friends I know would understand. I just drove home from spending a couple days with my daughters and 6 grandkids which was wonderful, but the drive home was awful. The loneliness is just overwhelming. Do you ever get over the loneliness of not having that special person to share things with, to talk to when you get home from work, who knows when you need a hug or what you're thinking, whose kiss can make a terrible day shine again? Tim has been gone 16 months, I've been able to live one day at a time, function at work, try to keep myself busy, even smile and laugh again, so yes things have gotten better but I just don't think that lonely feeling will ever go away. Thanks for listening, just needed to share this with someone.

Chris

[mfh]

Oh, Chris, I so know how you feel. I don't have children or grandchildren but anytime I come home from being with friends I cry all the way home because it is back to the lonely house, the silent walls, where Bill is NOT waiting for me. I am at 14 months so we are in the same time frame here. I know I will miss him forever. I just do not see myself ever coming home without wishing he was here waiting for me or better yet...going places with me. I too have made myself function well, get out, do my job (I am 71) and all that..even laugh but then I come home...the dog greets me and then curls up and sleeps and the silence is broken only by a boring TV program or music if I can stand listening to music. I do not know if it goes away. I do know you and I are not alone. mfh

[Perkins808]

Only our friends here would understand - how we could be standing in the middle of a crowded room, and still feel so all alone.

I have two teenage girls and a great group of friends that have been wonderfully supportive - but they will never be able to take away the emptiness that Jeff's death has created. Sometimes we just need the comfort that we can only get from talking to people who are going through the exact same things that we now find ourselves facing.

So, you maybe be feeling lonely....but you are definitely not alone.

Hugs,

Tammy

[Anne E]

The loneliness is like the 800 pound gorilla in the corner. It's been over three years and I still miss Him. It is so hard not having someone to share with who really gets me. He used to say I was an "acquired taste": since I seem to look at the world with a bit of a tilt. We had such a wonderful life. I miss it.

I have decided just to tell myself....It's just what it is and that's that. Some days I cry; some days, I just smile and move on.

I really love this site. You all know what I mean.

Anne

[Maryo]

Chris,

How I wish there was a pill we could take for the loneliness feeling. It has been almost 3 years since my husband died and I still feel lonely. Not as intense and not everyday but when it hits the tears flow and I tell myself I am ok and I have come so very far. It helps me to carry on to the next day.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Guest Nicholas]

Every minute of every day.

[just one more hug]

Chris

I don't post often either but come here every day just to feel connected to others who feel as I do. It is only three months since I lost Bill after 54 years. Right now it is 3am and I just suddenly woke up to that awful loneliness. Your words echo exactly what I feel...word for word...I too have married children and lots of supportive friends but coming home to this empty house...that sick feeling he is not here waiting for me...they just don't get it. I dread going any where just because walking through that door when I get back is so painful.

Just to share the little things....unimportant to anyone but us....the look, the hug... the just knowing he would always be there when I returned...or how I always knew about when to expect him home....to walk through the door...to see that wonderful face once again...how to ever survive this loss is more than I can ever imagine. In just a couple of weeks our wedding anniversary will be here...how do you get through that day??? Already anxious over the thought of it. For the last five or six years we have had a pair of doves on our deck..with their nest in the tree right next to the house. They would sit together with their little heads nestled into each other..love birds...and we loved to watch them...guess they reminded us how we felt about each other. For some reason..only one bird was spotted this spring...alone..sitting on the railing. It broke my heart..like some kind of a sign...Bill was gone and our doves had parted also. Just the sight of that one dove sitting alone...never spotted with it's mate again...twisted my heart so bad I thought it would stop beating. I had taken a picture of them last year and it was still in my camera. I downloaded it...through lots of tears...printed and framed it..with the caption.."enjoy the small things...someday you may look back and realize they were the big things".

Sorry...crying too much...took an hour to type this...now after 4am...did not mean to get so involved but felt good to put into words somethiong my heart was feeling at the moment. Had forgotten about the birds til I started writing about my loneliness...Thanks for listening....Carol

[nats]

Hello My Friends,

Yes indeed it can be overwhelming but finding friends and staying in touch with yourself can make it manageable, here is a piece written on just this subject....kinda of a different outlook...

NATS

===================================

Loneliness

is too close a companion for me to be objective.

It has gone home with me on long walks,

sat with me on numerous silent evenings,

stood with me in the middle of a group of laughing people,

and lay across the bed with me as I cried

because I didnt know what else to do.

It seems that even when I escape it for a while,

it is waiting not too far away.

We have had long talks, loneliness and I,

and I have to say that I have learned much more

from our journeying together.

We have become friends.

But the friendship was a long time in coming.

Loneliness did not just come into my life

with the accident that left me a widow

but it did become immensely intensified then . . .

Could it be that loneliness is given to us as a reminder

that this world was never intended to be our home

and the things of this world were never intended to satisfy us?

Verdell Davis

[ksbeachbum]

Dear Chrissie:

You express yourself very well because I couldn't have said it better. I feel that some thing daily, every minute. I was driving home from my future daughter in law's bridal shower, a 3.5 hour drive home and I cried all the way home. Stayed in the motel that Randy and I stayed in together many times and who would of guessed such a small thing would cause me so much sadness and emotion. The little things that you don't expect to turn your world upside down. The ordinary daily things. My heart goes out to you and thanks for sharing. We are all bonded on here.

Blessing to you

Becky

[Dwaynecg]

Chris,

I know exactly what you feel, Pauline and I what to have children so bad. But God had different plans for me. He brought Pauline and I together for a special reason. He knew that Pauline would need so much help later in life. I can see that now, but when we were trying to have children I could not understand that then. I envy those of you who do have children around you. As I look back I would not have changed a thing about Pauline's and my life. Because we had and I still have this one of a kind true love for her. I just wish I wasn't so alone all the time.

Dwayne

[kayc]

Yes, I feel that way all the time. I never minded being alone...when I knew I'd see George that weekend or that night...but to never have anything to look forward to, it's tough. To always come home to a quiet house, no one to share meals with or talk over your day with, well it IS just plain old lonely. And noone to help you make decisions or help out with the "stuff" of life. Yep, I can relate to that, totally.

[melina]

The loneliness is like the 800 pound gorilla in the corner.

Anne,

My 800 pound gorilla goes everywhere with me.

Melina

[mfh]

I think my 800 pound gorilla weighs in at about 800 tons...and I bet we all do. I feel lonely all the time. Tonight I went to Taliesin to a classical music concert...my first classical music since Bill died...we loved it so. I made it through but by the skin of my teeth.

I agree about the sharing. I come home and an empty house and my dog greets me. Thank goodness for my dog. I am lonely in a crowd...I am lonely when alone...it never leaves. I agree...we take those gorillas (whatever they weigh) everywhere we go.

mfh

[HAP]

Friends,

Feeling exactly that tonight. I need human contact but the human contact is never enough. And for that to be here on a Thursday night--not feeling like a good weekend ahead. Need to go read the positive thread--and post my reminder to myself that there are good things happening--and get myself moving forward again--even if i don't want to.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

It's okay to feel both feelings...both loneliness, etc., and positive gratitude for the good that is here...sometimes both feelings are there as an undercurrent lurking in our innermost selves. They are both understandable. The loneliness just automatically comes...whereas it takes effort to look for the good and recognize it. That is the challenge for us!