Not Sure Where To Post This

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

I am sorry to hear this latest news about your mom. If you need to talk, you have my number. I am sending lots of love and hugs to you, and hoping that you can find some peace and beauty in the day for yourself and your aching heart.

I am holding you in my heart, and keeping you and your family in prayer.

Namaste, Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Dear Kay,

Yes, I had the same question - why was she up and about! I do so hope that she did not break anything. Know that we are thinking about you and will wait until you post again.

Anne

[kayc]

My brother emailed me late last night...no breaks, and he took her walker home. We're thinking she needs the next level of care, that she's moved to stage 3 dementia, which is the final one. If we move her to that building, she isn't going to like it and I don't think she'll last a long time. With the Leukemia not being treated and having dementia, and the move, she'll likely lose her will to live. This is all very hard for me, I keep crying. I didn't sleep much last night.

And I have an abcessed tooth, so that means cancel all of my plans today, rush into Eugene, and incur more expenses. They'll likely put me on antibiotics and then have me come back to have the tooth extracted, it will probably run me about $1,000.00 if nothing goes wrong. This is a tooth I have a tri-canal on and had to see an endodontist years ago to have a root canal.

Another thing that kept me awake last night...our church sent a mission team to the Phillipines, Cebu City, and they arrived yesterday morning, and of course the storm hit. I don't know why someone didn't call this trip off! We haven't had any recent reports, communications are down, roads are closed, there was up to 300 mph winds, and over 235 at least. There was flooding, water 10-16' deep. Roofs came off, houses flattened. The stores are empty, no food. Nothing is open. Ordered evacuations but people couldn't get out. Airlines down, buses and boats were full. They say it's the worst storm in world history. So far, not a lot of deaths reported, but who knows, it could be the reporting capabilities. The seven people that went over there are friends of mine.

[feralfae]

Kay,

You have too much on your plate.

Do you want me to call you?

fae

[feralfae]

Oh, Kay, then I remembered: your boss put your cell phone on "vacation" which means he turned it off.

I am just so sorry for all that is going on in your life right now. I wish I could give you a long hug. I am so sorry for all that is going on in your life right now. Just when we think things are easing up a bit, it seems that so often, a health issue comes up and we are back to trying to find solutions with not enough information or other resources. I am just sorry for what you are going through right now.

{{{HUGS}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Just saw your FB post and I am so glad that you saw your Mom today, Kay. How awful that she is so brusied up!

I am also glad that you got into the dentist - hopefully, your healing from that starts now. Like fae said, sending you many ((hugs))

Anne.

[kayc]

Thank you...I took a Darvocet and two Ibuprofen last night and that helped me go to sleep, I was quite miserable after seeing the dentist, had a hard time driving home, by then the numbness had worn off. Will take a while to heal, I was quite pulvarized, he had to pull, pry, prod and hammer for over an hour to get it out! It must have been the most well seated tooth in history, to top it off, the roots were entwined with my sinuses and he was concerned about tearing them, the procedure to repair would be quite costly. Glad it's done. Building the fire back up and then heading back to sleep.

[MartyT]

Feel better, Kay, get some rest, and heal! ♥

[kayc]

Thank you! I was surprised how "under the weather" it left me. Have a fire going, my dog & cats around me and going to lay down...

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

Oh, I see the tooth was pulled. With all that fussing around it with it, I know your mouth must be sore, and then you had pain meds, which will put our whole systems out of alignment for a while after the procedure.

I hope you can rest all day today, Saturday. You take care, dear heart.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

hope you're feeling better.

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

How is your Mom? Are you all discussing what the best move is for her, if any? I am so sorry you are not closer to where she is so that you could see her more often, but right now, I am glad you have some time to rest and heal and take care of yourself. So glad you had a good time getting your hair done, too. We all need a little pampering sometimes, even if it is just a trim and a shampoo, or an ice cream cone we enjoy just because it makes us feel better.

I am off to town until this afternoon, and hope you are going to have a restful day, letting your dental work heal while you relax and rest.

Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

The hair didn't turn out so well...she put way too much blond in it, except one area that she left relatively untouched. Not happy with it. Oh well, it's minor, it'll grow out.

I had two teeth pulled, still feeling it. Took more pain medicine last night, went to sleep about 6:30, woke a couple of times during the night but slept a really long time. Still not feeling well.

My brother is coordinating with the administration of the facility and the doctors, and all of us kids. We will try the scoop mattress and pad on the floor for a while but he also took her walker home so she can't use it and they are not leaving her in her bedroom now, they have her out in the main room all propped up on the couch and move her to the wheelchair when it's meal time or for bathroom use. I feel much better about this arrangement as they can see what is going on with her. Jim told me I should take her home and take care of her, that no one will care the same way as a child, but my mom's situation is different from what his mom's had been. His mom didn't have dementia, its a whole new ball game. You have to totally proof the surroundings so they can't harm themselves or someone else. They can set fire to a place, wander off, etc. You aren't allowed to restrain them. You need round the clock care and one person can't provide that for a dementia care patient that is advanced. What do you do when you take a shower? When you sleep? It's not feasible unless you have relief help coming in...I do not have that availed to me. Believe me, I've thought about it. Plus I think she's happy where she's at. Moving her somewhere else would be very disruptive at this point, now she has relationships in there.

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

Thank you for the update. I am sorry your hair is not better. It makes us feel so good when our hair is lovely. Yes, it will grow out, and I hope you can endure that process with patience. I'd probably be out buying some hair rinse to cover over all of it while it grew out! Maybe she can fix it next time.

Two teeth! Yikes! I am so sorry! Having lost one tooth, a back molar, I am now so religious about my teeth care, and I am only hoping it helps to let me keep the rest of my teeth. I hope the pain is better today.

Kay, it sounds as though you and your family are doing the best you can for your mother. I agree that you cannot bring her home or care for her there, especially not with dementia, and yes, it would no doubt confuse her even more to be moved now. One of my friends kept her mother at home for years, taking care of her, cleaning her, turning her in the bed, feeding her. When the doctors finally relented and recommended a nursing facility, my friend collapsed from the years of care, and I sat with her for two days while she cried and cried, mostly with relief to be no longer responsible for her mother's care full time. There are some things we simply cannot do alone. You cannot care for your mother in your home. I am glad that, no matter what others say, you are not going to try.

I am leaving for meeting and brunch in a few minutes, so I'd better get my self in gear.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Believe me, it's tempting, but then I think realistically and discard that thought.

Been making cards today, so fun. I opted not to go to church, just not up to several hours out, and can't sing right now anyway. The pain medicine makes me groggy and when I'm not on it, I'm miserable. Should start improving by tomorrow, or so I hope.

Hope you enjoyed your meeting and brunch!

[kayc]

Kind of frustrated...

Yesterday I took my sister to visit my mom. In the 1 1/2 hours we were there, there was not one aide available watching over the people in the common area to make sure they were okay. My mom was left alone in bed, and wasn't supposed to be. My brother is getting left out of the loop when he is supposed to be included in meetings regarding her. He is beyond frustrated! One person suggested she might fare better in a nursing home. One thing I know is, she doesn't need any more falls! Her paranoia was kicked in yesterday, it made me wonder if she's getting her medication like she should. My brother is making calls and trying to get answers. It seems people in health care are lacking in communication and reading/recording records.

[mfh]

Oh, Kay, I so appreciate these worries about whether your mom is getting adequate care or even if she is in the right place. I do think in regards to your concern about whether she is getting her medication, you have a right to look at her chart when you visit. They must record medications. I did that with Bill's chart when he was hospitalized. My heart reaches out to your heart as you walk through these days.

Peace,

Mary

[enna]

Oh Kay, I can only repeat what Mary said and hope that you follow through with this - It only takes one time to visit a place and observe to know what the rest of the days might be like. I would be worried about all the things you observed especially the medicines! I am so sorry that this is added to your already full plate. Anne

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

I was concerned about the emotional fatigue of the day, and here you are dealing with the logistics of it all, on top of everything else. I hope you and your brother are able to get things straightened out, and that you let them know about the lack of supervision. I hope you can put the worries aside and spend a little time in peace today, dear one.

How terrible, on top of everything else, to find these worries about your Mom's care. I am so sorry. I am keeping you on the list with Karen, Debbie, others here, and I am sending lots of love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

so sorry kay. my mom was in assisted living. they only had 4 other patients. they put alarms on the patients at night because the caregiver slept, but my mom figured out how to take the alarm off. so there were times when she was walking around in the middle of the night unsupervised. a few times she fell or walked into things. she was so drugged up. after she passed i told the social worker that they did not have a 24 hour "awake" staff as advertised.

[kayc]

My latest info from Sierra Oaks leaves me with more questions than answers. I've posed my questions to my brother, who is her conservator, and am awaiting answers. He said they think she needs hospice. ??? I thought hospice assisted when someone was living in their home. She is in a care facility! And I want to know why she's been left in her room with no assistance, and why they've all been left in the common area with no supervision! Grrr! So upset! They get $5400/month for this kind of care?

[mfh]

Kay, When I hospitalized Bill, in a special unit to regulate meds, a few weeks before he died, he was on Hospice care at the hospital. No one told me that Hospice was being billed and I did not learn it until I obtained the records and after he died. I also had Hospice here at home (where he died) for him after the hospital. Some Hospice Centers have inpatient hospice care as do a couple of ours in Madison which have many beds or our smaller more rural Hospice that has just a 5 bed unit. I believe patients in nursing homes can be on Hospice Care while in the nursing home if the nursing home is in the system.

You may want to meet with your brother and create a list of questions and then meet with the social worker, the MD, and whoever else is in charge of her care there and go with questions to be answered. You may also wish to contact the Hospice program in the town where she is and talk to those folks. I insisted on a weekly meeting with the MD, the social worker and the nurse. Though those meetings did not reap all I hoped for, I at least was in the loop and getting some information and some changes were made as a result.

I am sorry this is happening. I know it is not unusual in our health care system but believe me, I know, when it is your loved one...it is personal. I will continue to hold all of you in my prayers, Mary

[Guest babylady]

so sorry kay. when the neurosurgeon told me john only had a few weeks i made arrangements with the help of the hospital social worker to get him moved to hospice. he spent 12 days in hospice. after 10 days the hospice doc said he was doing to good to stay in hospice and i had to move him to assisted living. they gave me a list of hospice approved assisted living facilities. i chose a small one -- only 2 other patients were there. he was still under the care of a hospice doctor, nurse, etc. the hospice nurse came 2 or 3 times a week to see him. after 4 weeks he took a turn for the worse and was moved back to hospice (a different facility than the first one). he passed a week later.

it's my understanding that hospice is for when you're dying.

BTW. my mom had a private room in a small assisted living facility. it cost $3,000 a month. john had a private room and it cost $2500 a month. the place was wonderful. the owners were also caregivers and their room was next to john's. they had a lot of phones and would bring the phone to john when he got a call.

how far away are you from your mom's facility?

take mary's advise and set up a meeting.

[MartyT]

Kay, my dear, I think it would help if you arm yourself with some essential information, and learn all you can about hospice. See my blog post, How Do You Know When to Contact Hospice?

[kayc]

My brother is in charge and has the final say, as he is the conservator. The doctor recommended hospice. Right now there are a number of people/agencies involved and he's waiting for this or that from them, he says the wheels turn slow. One of my main concerns is the facility where she is at doesn't seem to be following through like they should. He has talked to the administrators. It can be very frustrating.

I am two hours away from my mom's care center, it takes longer in the winter. I just don't think she should be left alone to fall again. She doesn't remember she isn't supposed to try to walk on her own. Even if she had all her faculties, which she doesn't, she's very stubborn and never listens or cooperates, so we'd still have this problem. Right now I have my own fractured leg and tonight the stupid pup I'm taking care of flew at me, landing hard right where the fracture is...made me see stars! Not having a good night.

I think one of the reasons the doctor recommended hospice is because of her Leukemia. Honestly, at this point, I can only hope it goes fast. She doesn't seem to have any quality of life ahead. And I hate that.