feralfae Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Oh, Kay, I am so very sorry for all you are going through now with your Mom, and I am glad that Marty has a link to help. I am concerned about your fracture, and maybe you can send the dear pup home ASAP, and just take care of yourself enough to send the darling dog home until you are stronger and less stressed. I am not sure if you are pet sitting or what, but that concerns me. Doug was in and out of hospice, hospital, back home, back to hospital, back home under hospice care. I know that hospice is part of some hospitals, and Doug could have stayed under hospice at the hospital, but he wanted to be at home, and I wanted him at home. For your Mom, I wonder how much she is comprehending. I hope that you and your family can get enough answers to make sure that your Mom's last days are comfortable and peaceful, and that hospice has all the correct instructions concerning her comfort and peace. I am so sorry for this journey you are on now, dear Kay. We are all walking with you, dear heart. You and your Mom and your family are in my prayers. I know your Mom is held in G*d's love each moment, and that you and your family are as well. Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 My dear Kay, I am so sorry to hear about what's going on with your Mom right now. Enough advice has been given to you. I have you and the family in my thoughts and prayers. I also am concerned about your leg. Please be careful. Where is kitty hiding out? Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I am stuck with the pup for 2 1/2 weeks...his dad is on a train to California. There is no one else to watch her. I am getting very stern with her in the hopes of doing some much needed training, but I have my hands cut out for me. She has never had discipline or been taught anything, she is one year old and literally, off the walls. Kitty and Miss Mocha both elected to go outside, so I'll have a hard time administering Kitty's medicine and they'll be lucky to eat with the neighborhood strays about. But I placed food outside for them and put the back light on so I can see if another cat comes...at least while I'm awake. I have appreciated all of your responses. I'm just kind of down tonight...my mom's situation is enough in itself. I wish my sister was home to talk to but she left for the casinos for three days. And my best friend went to TX, won't be back until Thanksgiving. It just is what it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest babylady Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 kay -- sending you a hug. please take care of yourself. i remember how difficult it was when i had to deal with my mom and put her in assisted living. i was on my own -- no family here, but i did have john for support. thankfully i found a great social worker who helped. his assistant took me to see 3 different places -- not far from my house. the first one was nice but freaked me out when i walked in because the house had low ceilings. my house has vaulted ceilings. the second place was beautiful -- fancy, but i didn't get a good vibe. the 3rd place was bigger. the people seemed to be well taken care of and i liked the caregiver i met, but in the end i chose the first place. it was small. the owner was from romania and cooked these hearty soups and stews -- the kind of food i grew up with. i knew my mom would love the food so i went with that one. also the owner agreed to pick my mom up at the hospital (for a charge). i tricked my mom to get her into the hospital and i knew if i picked her up and didn't take her back to her apartment she would refuse to get out of the car. according to the owner when she got my mom into the house my mom said "you have a beautiful home". Daniella (owner) answered "it's your home now". my mom did love the food, but it didn't take long for her to not recognize me. the interesting thing is the last time i saw her she did. she wanted to die and it was a blessing when she did. i worry about dementia because my mom had it and supposedly my dad had a mild case, but his mom had it really bad. hope it's not hereditary. my friend jill says it's better when you don't know what's going on. her mom died in her early 70s but her dad lived till the age of 91. he was in a medicaid nursing home, but his mind was functioning. he was miserable, but couldn't take care of himself anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Dear Kay, You do so very well at accepting what you cannot change. I am lousy about not knowing the difference. I am sorry you don't have your sister there to talk with, or your best friend. I am here if you want to talk, and probably up for another hour or so, just reading and sipping EIM tea. Making occasional notes. I am so very happy to have a dry roof and my internet back on! I missed all of you, even if it was only a day! We are a pretty emotionally close-knit Tribe here, I think. Anyway, I am pretty sure you have my number, and I am a good listener. Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 My brother is meeting with Sierra Oaks and hospice Monday. There are no home health places in Eugene. Since none of us are able/equipped to take her into our home, she will likely stay where she's at, with the additional help from hospice. I can't believe how much she's gone downhill in the last month...hard to believe that just a month ago I was able to take her out to eat and she could still walk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Kay, I am so sorry your mom has gotten so much worse in a short time. I know it is difficult to watch. When I hospitalized Bill for a while, 7 weeks before he died, he also got much worse quickly. The nurse (one I respected) told me many patients get worse slowly but many others get worse in what she described as drops off a cliff. She even drew it for me. They go along for a while at one level and then suddenly (almost) drop as if off a cliff to a much lower level and then seem to go along at that level and drop again. It is so very difficult to watch someone we love so much go through this. I know that. I know this is so difficult for you. I always hold you in my thoughts and prayers and your mom also. I am so glad Hospice is now involved. Peace to your heart, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Dear Kay, I am holding you in my heart at tis time, and sending lots of love. If there is anything I can do, let me know. Blessings, fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 23, 2013 Report Share Posted November 23, 2013 Oh, my dear Kay. You are in my thoughts and prayers as is your Mom and the family. Know that we all hold you close. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widower Posted November 24, 2013 Report Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm sorry things aren't going well. My best to you and her in this most difficult time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 I thought I'd posted after my visit 11/27...I met the hospice person, Noah. She has a new bed that is supposed to help, no rails, but it is called a "scoop bed" and is supposed to keep her from rolling out. And Sierra Oaks is supposed to step up to the plate more as well, I think it'll help having a hospice person in and out. My mom enjoyed the attention she got as three of us kids visited her (another sister stayed outside and elected not to visit). She didn't remember, of course, that it was my little sister's birthday. We have lost the mother we once had, she no longer remembers birthdays, we can no longer call her and chat on the phone. Someone in the spouse section mentioned fruitcake...that set me to tears. My mother used to buy each of us kids a fruitcake every year for Christmas. I think I was the only one that liked it, but still she got it for all of us. The last few years I've missed her fruitcakes. I feel like I've lost my mother already. There is an old person I visit and care about, but she's no longer able to be a mother to us and long since quit being a grandmother to our kids...little by little I lost her to mental illness and finally to dementia. It's so hard to go through this, and harder yet to watch her go through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Good afternoon, Kay, When Bill was in a dementia unit of the hospital for six weeks, the nurses put pads on the floor around his bed. The bed was a special bed also...just 12 inches off the floor. The pads were connected to an alarm so if he stepped out of the bed or even rolled out, a buzzer went off at the nurses station and in the room. They were blue and soft so he did not hurt himself. He never needed them but it felt secure to have them there. I would think the nursing home would have those. I understand that you have lost your mom already. Bill maintained his sweet and kind personality but he was not himself, that is for sure. I always called dementia the disease of 10,000 good-bye's because it felt like we kept saying good-bye to some part of him. I do understand. Peace to your heart, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest babylady Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 dear kay -- i know that feeling. i felt like i had lost my mother too. i've said this before. the last time i visited her she recognized me and remembered that she had 2 other daughters and named them. before that she had no idea who i was. did she know she was going? did a higher power give me that one last time for her to know me? i miss her so much. i dream about john almost every night and my mom too. sending you a hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 My dear Kay, I am with a few of the others. I do understand what it is like and I love what Mary said about it's like "the disease of 10,000 good-byes. " My Jim was always sweet and quiet those last months. He remained as he was all during his life. I remember the forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, the kids names, the people whose names he couldn't remember. I always found it so touching that he always knew who I was right up to the last time his eyes were opened. I empathize with you and I am here with you as you go through your pain. You have always said how much this forum means to you. Well, here we are holding your hand, comforting you, and sending you those virtual hugs that mean so much to some of us. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Thank you...I know I can come here and be understood. They are supposed to get pads for her floor too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted December 5, 2013 Report Share Posted December 5, 2013 Kay, I am thinking of you and holding you in prayer this time of more letting go for you, dear heart. Peace, fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 I've been missing my mom lately, and since I'm unable to drive right now, my neighbor offered to take me to see her yesterday. She isn't eating, and I don't see how she can last like that, but you can't force them to eat. I took her in her wheelchair, out to see Arlie, and he "talked" to her. It really brightened her day! It's hard when they never get to see dogs, how much it meant to her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Kay, our local nursing homes allow families (anyone) to bring their dogs (on leashes) in to the building (rooms) to visit. Is that a possibility when you go to see your mom? Just a thought. I am sorry your visits are limited right now (by your limited driving). Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Der Kay, I am so very glad you got to go see your mom. Is the neighbor who took you Sammy's dad? If so, I must take back a few bad thoughts about him... And I am glad you got to take her out to see and talk with Arlie. I hope Mary's suggestion is a good one, and that maybe next time you will be able to take Arlie in with you. Is your mom present enough to talk about her decision to not eat? Doug finally just pulled his feeding tube when he was ready to go, and did not want anything other than water. I know this is hard time for you, and I am so sorry you are so far away and not able to see her more. I am really glad you had this visit, though. Peace to you, dear Kay, and Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest babylady Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 my mom wasn't eating or drinking, but when i got her into the hospital they got her to eat a little. the nurse told me that when they have dementia they don't realize they're hungry or thirsty. that nurse brought a can of ginger ale to the table we were sitting at -- poured some into the glass and put it up to my mom's mouth. mom started to drink it. maybe a little encouragement from the nurses might help. i called the hospital several times a day and spoke to mom's nurses and got reports on how much she ate -- whether she participated in any activities -- how well she slept, etc. when i got her into assisted living sometimes she ate well -- other times she didn't, but they found she liked strawberry boost and would give her that when she didn't want to eat. the food in assisted living was wonderful. the owner was from romania and cooked hearty soups and stews -- the kind of food my mom was raised on. i remember one day when i was visiting they were preparing stuffed cabbage. it smelled and looked so good it made me hungry. sometimes when people get older their taste buds change too. that happened with my mom and i notice it's happening to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2013 My mom said it tasted metallic, so it's probably a side effect from one of her medicines. It looked wonderful! But then my mom has always deprived herself of food, worries she'll get fat! Yeah, all 80 lbs of her. They have gotten her to put on a bit of weight, she was about 72 lbs when she was first there. Arlie would not be a candidate for being around all those frail people! It'd be so easy for him to knock them down, I don't even bring him around my sister. Normally he doesn't jump on people, but it only takes once and I don't trust him to not get carried away. My son and I are the only ones that know how to handle him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 I went to see my mom yesterday, the last time I'd seen her was Christmas Eve. She looked pretty good and recognized me. She's in a wheelchair now so I can't take her out unless I have someone to help me get her in/out of the wheelchair. It's harder than with my quadriplegic sister, even though my mom is tiny, because my quad. sister is clear in the brain and understands what to do to help the process, whereas my mom doesn't. The facility is now under new management and seems to have improved. There are more caregivers and more attention given the "guests" as they call the people that stay there. My mom's bedroom looks cozy and more inviting than it did. They are trying to get her to eat, and she's put on two pounds, a significant change when someone is underweight. My mom tends to be anorexic, she overworries about gaining weight or "getting fat", something she need never have worried about. Dementia seems to have softened her. She seems more cooperative, which she never was before. She seems more appreciative. I don't know what will happen or what changes will occur in the future, but am enjoying what "is" right now. I just wish I lived closer so I could see her more. As I've talked about in the thread about my son, I don't think it's wrong for kids and parents to want to be nearby and be there for each other, whatever the situation, I think it's natural. Yeah we live our own lives, but I'm finding the being a couple hours away from my mom is a deterrent from my being able to see her as often as I like...the gas, time, etc. When I was working in town it was easier, even though it was quite out of my way and I still had to face the long commute home. Weather/road conditions are another factor. I feel for my mom, not being able to get around by herself anymore, it's hard...she liked milling around in her walker. I wish she could have remained ambulatory. She can't read anymore either and has never been a tv watcher. Her days seem to be spent in her own little world of thoughts, not altogether healthy for one with paranoia. That's why interaction and distraction is so good for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted January 11, 2014 Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 Hello Kay, I’m just reading your post tonight. I am so glad that your mom recognized you. You mentioned that your mom was in a wheel chair now. Is she getting physical therapy? That should be available to her through Medicare. It sounds like the new management is trying to make things more inviting not only for their “guests” but also for those visiting. The caregivers seem to be doing their job. Sometimes that little bit of encouragement is all most people need to eat just a little bit more. I’m so glad your mom is gaining weight rather than losing it. I wish you did live closer to your mom. You can be sure that she knows you visit her. I do not think she knows how much time passes between visits but I do think she knows you are there. I am so sorry that she does not get around as she did before. You are in my thoughts and prayers, dear lady. I hope you are staying warm and that your ankle is healing. I just love all the coats on our animal family. Mary posted the funniest video of animals wearing boots on FB. I am trying to find it. If you have not already seen it you will laugh out loud. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2014 My mom has Lewy Bodies Dementia, and with it comes falling. They don't want her walking any more because she falls. Since she also has Leukemia and they are not treating it, she is on hospice. The treatment would be too hard for her and wouldn't do any good anyway, she's almost 92. They're just trying to make her more comfortable and keep her from falling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 I took my sister to see Mom yesterday. I want her to know she is not the same as she used to be, she has softened and is more pleasant to be around, smiles more, less anxious. These are the silver lining to her dementia. It went well, Peggy was surprised and delighted at my mom's burgeoning sense of humor which her paranoia and anxiety often obscured. My mom was delighted to see us and looked well. I am enjoying these days as I know it will be harder in the days to come when her Leukemia takes hold. An exhausting but altogether good day. Now today on my agenda is to rest my ankle as much as I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now