Transformations On This Path

[enna]

This is good news, Fae. I am so glad that the report is that the fire is under containment. I am sure that even a shower is better than none. I hope the CAT will not be necessary to use. Take care of that tired body of yours. You have been working very hard! I will be looking for updates.

Kay, you continue to amaze me! What a beautiful soul you are - noone should have this many tribulations! Did you ever get paid? You will need to catch up on your sleep tonight. Anne

[feralfae]

HI Kay,

Yes, I, too, cannot imagine that the car repair place will not make good on the black mark. They must have set something down on the hood.

I am sorry to be so caught up in my own drama here that I am ignoring things out "There" but really here by our own fire today. Between all the dear friends calling to see if I need a place to sleep (we have not been put under evacuation orders yet however) and trying to get things done to leave, I hope, I am beginning to feel that I am not supposed to go to Alaska right now.

I am just trying to stay calm and float on the river of time each hour right now.

We are all in need of a week of retreat and rest, I think. Life is just too fast and society too importuning.

Off to try to get emails working which they are not right now.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

I got the mark off with Sun Brite. They told me not to use anything containing wax, etc. for the next three months while the paint is curing (they use water based now for environmental reasons) so I was afraid to use a buffing compound on it. Sun Brite is safe but a great stain remover/cleaner, just never tried it on a car before!

Still waiting for $, I called the client whose check we're waiting on, said they mailed it the 8th, have a hard time believing it, we'll see if/when it ever shows up.

fae, wish I could share this rain with you! I'm concerned about you doing too much, you don't need meetings, etc.! When can you rest? Let us know when the fire's contained so we can rest easy!

[feralfae]

The fire near me is out. We had a little more rain today. Thank you Kay. {{{hugs}}}

I must sleep.

I have a good story for tomorrow, though.

There was cigar smoke in the house again for a few minutes today. All I could do was smile at how Doug would light a cigar in the house after he was too ill to go outside, and take one tiny puff, and douse it. His lungs were fine, but he did not have the taste or smell left to really enjoy them the way he once did when he could only smoke them outside, usually when he had another man here. The last one he lit, he doused it out in Calvados, and left it out of the humidor until it dried, then put in back in the humidor, to save for next time. He also made a humidor in a birch tree in Alaska, from which I am to retrieve the cigars for his Spirit Brothers to smoke and toast him with Laphroaig very old Single Malt Scotch. (I could join, but really, would you?)

A good day, but too long, too much, and too tired now.

I am still trying to take a day off. But the fire is out, the taxes are signed and mailed one day late, with a letter about the fires, so they can check on that, for sure. No taxes were due, anyway.

They are still working on the server here.

Blessings to you all, and I am going to figure out time off soon.

I hope Saturday. I have meetings I must take tomorrow.

I may not make it to Alaska unless I fly. I am rethinking a lot of things.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Such good news about the fire being out, Fae. I hope you did get some well-deserved sleep. I love the story about the cigar and there are times when a taste of that Single Malt Scotch doesn't sound bad at all! NOT! Your Friday sounds like it has to be busy so I hope you will be able to take Saturday off. We will be watching! Update when you can. Anne

[mfh]

Kay, so glad you got the mark on the car taken care of and let's hope that things stay stable for you for a LONG time.

fae, glad, so glad, the fires are out near you. I do hope you can take the weekend to sleep and rest and do not much of anything.

It is a rainy gray day here...a relief frankly. Unlike most people who get down when it is gray, I feel wrapped in it and comforted. I see two clients today and am going to a small concert tonight just up the road. There is a young man here who was a boy soprano when Bill and I met him 10 years ago. Now, at 20, he is an accomplished college student and opera performer with a tenor voice that is incredible. He counts on my support and loved Bill..a sort of Dad figure to him. He is singing tonight to raise money to go to Italy for a 5 week program with his instructor and with a young woman who sang two weeks ago (from here). Tomorrow, I am going to Sundance in Madison to see Free the Mind, a documentary that opened in about 8 cities on Wednesday, about meditation and consciousness and health and PTSD in soldiers, etc. That is ALL I am doing tomorrow. The movie was made here at least in part. It is here only for a few days as is typical of the Sundance Theatres. It will feel good to get out. The gal I am going with is someone I have never spent time with but who I know. She is about my age, has cancer that she refused to treat with chemo/radiation etc., is an angel in town as she helps others so much, is an atheist (so we have interesting conversations via email sometimes). The doctors told her 3 years ago that she had 6 months. What can one say?

[kayc]

fae, so glad the fires are out! And I hope you really do rest now that the taxes are sent off and you have so much done already...I hope you pace yourself.

It is cold and rainy here and will be all week, I had to build a fire in my clean fireplace (I thought I was done for the year!), it's only 50 outside.

Mary, I'm glad Bentley is well enough that you can attend your young man's concert! That must be so special, we have no such things here, the nearest place would be 60 miles away at the Hult Center and very expensive at that.

Anne, I haven't heard much from you about how YOU're doing lately, I hope all is well...

[feralfae]

Gratitude...

Thank you all for these wonderful messages and the sharing.

I read Shannon's post about Leo, and then wrote to her, and that brought back a whole flood of memories and tears, so now I am looking around here for some solace for myself, and finding it in all the loving sharing we have here. You are each so special to me.

Harry, you are doing a lot, and maybe you could just go on a meditation retreat for yourself for a day. Mary is right that you are having loss, stress, maybe tiredness from all you do. And, yes, I often feel that I am too old/young to be in this situation, and like you, I pray for clarity and, for me, more inspiration, because I feel that I am making the motions of living more than living since Doug left.

Anne, your sense of beauty and your love of life shine through with each flower, note of music, and you are so generous to share this beauty with us. I feel as though I have been on a lovely stroll through a flower garden, filled with many of my favorite flowers, while a orchestra plays uplifting music from just over the garden wall. My Gram would have little teas and concerts in her rose garden, and your flowers and Strauss brought back memories of being 6 or 7 and walking among what seemed to be very tall rose bushes to a child, listening to Bach being played from the little gazebo in the center of the rose maze. I had not thought of that in probably 50 years or more. Thank you for the flood of happy memories from childhood.

Mary, I am so very glad that you are invited to write again. In your sharing here, you manage to draw me in to your life, your observations, and your emotions, and give your words a sense of intimacy and emotional realness that bring alive both the story, and my own emotional involvement in the life of others. Thank you for opening your heart and allowing us all to witness and share your vulnerability and love. You set an inspirational example for us all. Congratulations on a well-deserved honor, and thank you for sharing yourself with me, and all of us here.

Jan, how I love being a witness to your journey, to your learning to care of yourself, how you are learning to live with and express your emotions. I know it often feels easier to swallow the beginnings of tears, to carry on, and yet, you help me to know that it is healthier, more healing, to let ourselves walk though the pain of loss and to begin to find ourselves in this new life, here in the middle of the pain. Our journeys are fairly close in time, and I am so very grateful to have you to lecture, because almost every time, they are words I need to read myself. Thank you for sharing this fire, and for being a part of this Tribe. Your honesty and openness help me to navigate my own way.

Kay, dear Kay, you show me courage and loving compassion. I have no idea how you do all that you do, endure all that you endure, and how you manage to bring patience and understanding to so much of life. Your warmth and openheartedness with us all here truly sets a high bar of compassion which I hope I will reach some day. You hold out the gifts of understanding and empathy at times when my own painful emotional responses to other's pain leaves me trembling and in tears. You manage to 'pull it together" and offer words of comfort and validation. What an amazing and generous spirit you have! Thank you for your loving spirit, and how you can express love in so very many ways to us here. Thank you.

There are many here -- Marty, Mary in Arkansas with her corgis, others whom I have not mentioned. I am just too exhausted, so please forgive me.

I am pretty well collapsed today, still under the covers. Everything feels overwhelming today, because I am just totally exhausted. It has been a good week, but not enough time for me to rest and reflect. And my body is sore from moving a lot of cartons, packing things, and also cleaning (note to self, call cleaning help) company, and visiting a couple of friends as well. The fear and tension from the fire has left me even more drained. I go now to make decaf, and to put on my robe and then I will have happier things to write about later.

I love you all so much, and I am grateful beyond words to have this fire and this Tribe.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, I am so glad and relieved to hear you are still under the covers. And glad you are safe and your home is safe. I hope there were not deaths or loss of property due to that fire. I hope you stay in bed all weekend.

I truly do not know what the invite to submit a piece to Huffington means. It could be that anyone who wrote after the big event here was invited and they will pick and choose. Whatever it is, thank you. I am going to meet a friend I have not seen in a year+ for lunch and we are going to see Free the Mind, Richie Davidson's work on meditation featured in it. He is at the UW heading up the Center for the Investigation of Healthy Minds. The movie opened in Madison first in the nation, on Wednesday because of Davidson's role I assume, with Davidson leading a Q&A afterwards and the movie sold more tickets than Iron Man, Star Trek and all the movies at Sundance. That says something about our society's need and interest in finding inner peace as it is a documentary about meditation with kids and vets with PTSD. I just posted the link to the event in the quotes section. I just walked Bentley and stopped at the farmers market hoping to come home with some freshly picked organic asparagus but the gal was late coming so I missed it as I needed to get home. Bentley was a hit there as always with kids and adults but more important he got exposed to rabbits, new kittens, other dogs, and goats along with kids and people. It is all good for him as his life was rather sheltered as I took care of Bill and even after Bill died.

Stay in bed or at least "waste" the entire weekend. You know what I mean.

Mary

[enna]

My dear Fae - you are not the only one resting today - many of us seem to need it and I am so glad we are taking one another's gentle advice.

You are a treasure in yourself. You have brought much to our 'tribe' and I thank you for it. By now, you know me as the 'flower lady' - I am glad that the beautiful things I find bring joy to some. You will be in my heart in a special way way tomorrow. Rest up and know that we all gather around our fire sending love and care and kindness to one another.

Anne

[feralfae]

I noticed that I have been feeling very tired and aching. Very sad, and some sense of hopelessness, of nothing making a difference, of the futility of trying, even as I have had a very busy week. A lot of the time, I felt as though I was going through motions, and was on some automaton setting.

Well, what I have not wanted to glance toward, or think about , or sit with and meditate about, is that tomorrow is Doug's birthday and our anniversary. (He was terrible with dates. This way, our anniversary would be on his driver's license.) He was quite a goof in some ways. But a dear one. Last year on this date, I was in Fairbanks, speaking at the two-day memorial Celebration of his life, with people gathered from around the Earth, and so many wonderful tributes. I am going to stay home tomorrow, too. My friend Jenny is coming out tomorrow to help with packing, but we could both use a day off, so maybe we will just sit and visit and maybe pack one box.

Mary, you are right that I need to "waste" some time. I have done the laundry today, but not a lot else. It is a cool, cloudy, occasionally rainy day. Perfect day to stay in and read, nibble toast, and eat something comforting.

Doug's friend and mentor sent a nice note. The retired pilot, who is also a missionary to PTSD street people. Amazing person. In his 80s. For Doug's birthday, he sent a card and this quote which Doug loved so much:

“Infinite striving to be the best is (hu)man's duty;

it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.”
~ Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I am not sure what I will do these next many hours. Maybe just nothing. I have the video of most of the tributes to Doug from last year tomorrow. Maybe I will watch it tomorrow.

I know my closing line was "The Most Magnificent Spirit I hope to ever ∞ know." Still true this day, and tomorrow, and ∞.

Any normal year, I would be making a Torte au Chocolat Callebaut, a fresh raspberry sauce, Doug would be planning a Moose Tenderloin or fresh salmon dinner, there would be wine chosen, champagne and glasses chilled, probably his favorite old, old ones with the big bowl and open stem, so that the bubbles rise from the base of the glass, and then flower out over the broad, open surface of the champagne. Before dinner, or guests, Doug would give my my anniversary gift. Once it was a bracelet he bought in India. Once it was a necklace he made for me. Once it was a lost wax brooch he made for me. Once it was new crampons. So many beautiful gifts.

The celebration: There would be sherry for guests and hors d'oeuvres. And port and cigars for after dinner. Or scotch. I have a bottle of pretty ruby port for those of us not attuned to old, crusty, tawny ports. Which are also nice. We would be polishing the house. We could be here, or in Alaska, but the festivities were identified by certain fundamentals, as Doug would say: a jeroboam or larger of wine for the meal, from one of his favorite vineyards, created and crated and shipped and set down the year before; very good cigars; everything gluten free and organic as possible; his favorite basmati rice; asparagus, if fresh, braised, and available; guests that were happy to be an audience for Doug's stories.

And we would end the night with the torte, champagne, and full rounds of appreciation toasts for each other. Probably outside around a fire in the fire pit. Prior to the meal, there would probably be a show of the latest first ascent, or darned difficult ascent, of some person, somewhere in the world, doing Alpine climbing in grand style and tradition. Much fun. I would take people on a tour of my studio, and they look at whatever had just come out of the kiln. This year, Jenny and I will talk quietly and share Doug stories. And talk about her maze she built, my kiva circle, circles of Grace, and so much more.

And Doug's spirit will be smiling down on us and delighting in our day. And I do have a bottle of champagne chilled, and the champagne glasses are not yet packed. So we will have a nice day, and I will celebrate our anniversary with a friend.

One of the directors came over from another town to sign the tax returns, and he was also a very close friend of Doug, so we had dinner here, then he was looking around for Doug's humidor, which I had put away so that I would not need to look at it all the time, there on his credenza. We hauled it out and his friend chose a smaller cigar. I know nothing about cigars, except that I ordered them as a present sometimes from Doug's favorite tobacco merchant. The I ceremoniously poured the small snifter of brandy, and he lit his cigar, and retired to the deck. But there was the smoke in the house for a bit, and I could smell it, and my heart overflowed with memories of Doug smoking a cigar, maybe six a year, and savoring each one.

I am realizing what I was too numb and preoccupied to realize last year: future parties will not have Doug stories as the central theme. He was a superb story-teller, one of the very best, and story-maker, too.

So, I think I will go meditate now. Perhaps on being so aligned with my spirit that I know I am being my best, whatever that happens to be for this time, this day, this hour, this minute ... may I have the courage to be led. I hope my faith continues to be restored. It also seems to work best when I live from that part of my being.

Well, tomorrow is also Pentcost Sunday. Good day to pray for inspiration.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Ahh fae, I just put in another thread that I am wasting my day today...it seems all of you push yourselves with your frantic schedules, accomplishing this and doing that...me, I just live. I'm not trying to accomplish anything. I do my housecleaning and laundry and cooking, etc., I go to work, I survive that horrible commute as best as I can, I walk Arlie religiously, I go to church and do my music ministry, I keep up with a couple of friends, but really, my life is pretty low key. I like it that way. I like to take time to enjoy the beauty and listen to the rain and enjoy the sun when it comes. I like the quiet. I hope you have a good day with your friend tomorrow, and I'm glad you'll have somebody with you then. Enjoy a good cup of coffee or tea and catch up with your friend. The packing can wait a day.

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

Well, I, for one, think your life is very stressful. For so many reasons. But who am I to argue you into feeling stressed if you do not?

Good for you!

Yes, we may pack nothing. I am rethinking my whole plan for going to Alaska. I still have options.

Back to meditations.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

“I noticed that I have been feeling very tired and aching. Very sad, and some sense of hopelessness, of nothing making a difference, of the futility of trying, even as I have had a very busy week. A lot of the time, I felt as though I was going through motions, and was on some automaton setting.”

Well, my dear Fae – tomorrow is your anniversary remembrance and yes, another birthday remembrance of your Doug. I am glad you will have a friend with you to share memories. I hope you make tomorrow a free day from any packing.

I have found that it is good to just sit sometimes and do nothing. Our memories of our spouses will come and go from now on of that we can be sure. Hopefully, we will learn to build a new life for ourselves always around the love we have/had for our gentle spouses.

I will think of you and try to imagine how very delicious your Torte au Chocolat Callebaut with fresh raspberry sauce really is – I have an addiction to anything chocolat so it should not be too hard!

My prayer for you tomorrow will be that you have peace in your heart and know that we are here sitting around a fire holding you in our hearts. The candle I light in your Doug’s memory will light our tribal fire tomorrow.

Anne

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Fae

I too will light a candle here in cold Yorkshire for you and Doug. Blessings from Jan.

[mfh]

fae, I was thinking of you as I drove to Madison today...and your sadness with this birthday and anniversary...a double trigger. Plus you are exhausted...the combination makes for tough times. You and Doug will be in my heart and in my thoughts tomorrow and I, too, will light a candle in your and his honor. This fire burns on.....Mary with peace and love...one in each hand.

[mfh]

fae, I do understand the feeling of futility and of being an automaton...and when those feelings coincide with birthdays and anniversaries they are even more difficult to deal with. Throw in the fatigue also. Bill and I had meaning in our lives individually but somehow, in a way I can't explain, the meaning I had that was just mine intermingled and overlapped with his and then the meaning of our life t/soulogether wrapped it all up in a bundle...making it impossible to sort out. So now I am, like you and all of us, trying to figure out my new meaning and purpose...a raison d'etre, if you will. I am not there yet and you are just beginning your journey and it all takes time, patience, letting go, hope, trust, ENERGY, and more. I, like you, am working on all of it while I also attempt to heal and recuperate.

I went to Madison today to have lunch with a friend...one I can be me with...so consoling. We then went to see Free the Mind, a Danish made film that was entirely about the study done here in UW-Madison at the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds. The focus was on pre-schoolers at the UW experimental school and on vets dealing with PTSD after being in Iraq. Bottom line was that we watched before our eyes, little children (some with issues) and struggling vets learn mindfulness along with breathing and yoga moves. They had a control and experimental group and ran it for JUST 7 days, 3 hours a day. The results were amazing. Absolutely amazing...one little boy was terrified of elevators as he got stuck in one ALONE once..and it showed how terrified he was but in 7 days he walked right in carrying his "snow ball", a glass globe filled with bits and pieces which he shook to symbolize his fear and agitation and then calmly watched the little things in the ball settle explaining that he, too was calm. The vets saw improvement in anxiety and sleep...big time. Ann and I left the theatre feeling as if we had meditated for 90 minutes...very calm and very peaceful. Both of us said we need to go home and meditate which I will do shortly. She is a meditator also. The flip side of that is after stopping for a few groceries (I love to shop in Madison-very different than our rural stores), the calm left me and I was in tears most of the way home...so lonely for Bill.

On the way in to Madison, I was thinking about this roller coaster of grief we live on and realizing that, at least right now, it feels like the Bob's roller coaster I rode in Chicago as a kid who loved Riverview Amusement Park. I still remember how it slowly chugged its way to the top and wham...down to the bottom..stayed there a while and slowly chugged up another hill...stayed there a while and wham...back down. I see that happening several times a day right now. Within it is a certain peace and acceptance and knowledge that it will go on and I will have level times (hours rather than weeks or even days right now for some unknown reason) but it is a wild ride. And today was like that. Now throw in the fact that you are packing to move, have dealt with a fire all week, have Doug's birthday and your anniversary ON the same DAY, and the fatigue as well as your body healing and your beloved gone...that feels like a full day(s) of roller coaster riding. There was another roller coaster at Riverview called Flying Turns...need I explain? I send you my love and as Marty mentioned (in referring us to the child's book which I looked up) all of us are connected and right now we are holding each other up especially those who are dealing with special days or are so raw and new---as are you. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you celebrate Pentecost tomorrow...the Spirit hovers over us and within us AND between us. Love, Mary

[mfh]

Ahh fae, I just put in another thread that I am wasting my day today...it seems all of you push yourselves with your frantic schedules, accomplishing this and doing that...me, I just live. I'm not trying to accomplish anything. I do my housecleaning and laundry and cooking, etc., I go to work, I survive that horrible commute as best as I can, I walk Arlie religiously, I go to church and do my music ministry, I keep up with a couple of friends, but really, my life is pretty low key. I like it that way. I like to take time to enjoy the beauty and listen to the rain and enjoy the sun when it comes. I like the quiet. I hope you have a good day with your friend tomorrow, and I'm glad you'll have somebody with you then. Enjoy a good cup of coffee or tea and catch up with your friend. The packing can wait a day.

Kay, I have to say that housecleaning, laundry and cooking feels like major accomplishments to me. I hate housework. Commuting as you do also sounds like a huge accomplishment as does your music ministry and as I look at recent months your life does not feel (to me) low key with crisis after crisis. I think each of us has our "stuff" in our lives that feels different to each of us but I see all of us accomplishing a lot....including getting up every morning. I admire all you do...wood piles, sick dog, and that job where you are underappreciated if appreciated at all....I applaud your accomplishments.

[enna]

Remembering your Doug today, Fae. We carry you in our hearts today and always.

[kayc]

fae,

My George's birthday is June 14 and he passed on June 19, Father's Day, so I understand about bdy and anv hitting you all at once, it seems for me that whole week is just tough and heavy. You are in my thoughts, you and Shannon and I lift you both up in prayer.

I have had a peaceful day of not accomplishing anything and it felt good. I don't mind housework, Mary, it's just part of my routine so I don't think about it unduly, just get it over with so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend.

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Poor, dear people with PTSD. Doug had that when I met him. But we healed him, loving together. We met through our work, and knew so many of the same people before he ever found me! I think you and Bill had that same running in tandem for years sort of lives. It is all so very fascinating. Ah, yes, I, too believe that spirits are energy, unlimited by the restraints of manifestation into matter. Photons, I think. But I am studying more QM these days. Catching up for the last three years of mostly caring for Doug's body.

PTSD: one of the symptoms of the disease of war, manifested through a Planet's people. Doug wrote about that. Easily cured by the elimination of war, for starters. Then we may need to allow children to divorce their parents.

It is going to all get so much easier for loving souls to live here on Mother Earth once we have given up the concept of anyone having any right to initiate force against another human being for any reason whatsoever. Sort of how cannibalism is now such a taboo in the cultural matrix that it is only excused, and then not easily, in cases of near death starvation in unrelenting circumstances. And cannibalism is now a repulsive anomaly of all humankind, ending not all that long ago. But we are a young species.

Without financing through taxation, every one of the insane politicians, kings, and generals would be forced to abandon at least the psychosis of warfare and go back to self-defense. They will probably still try for fraud. They never learn. Which is why I was laughing today: I found a photo of Doug today, talking with the brother who would later come into our home and rob him, and it is so funny: I had never noticed the expression of sincere skepticism on Doug's face as he listens to the brother. I just laughed and laughed. Of that brother, Doug was often quoted by many as saying, "He is a politician, what did you expect? If his lips move, he is lying." And Doug would laugh and laugh, most robustly, about his brother the liar. I had never noticed that look on Doug's face before. Wow. It is a very funny joke from Doug, to get today.

And I am smiling today, because I found a note Doug left for me in a portfolio I had to get out. Doug said I was the only woman who ever loved him no matter who he was that month, week, day, hour, or minute. He had a lot of grief, anger, and gulit when I met him. He left with a lot of love. Mary, I think you did that for Bill, too. Maybe not anger, but whatever it was, you transformed it into joy. I have seen the photos! You two had it, for sure. All the wonderful, healing things you two did together, wow! I think there are many Paths beginning to open now for you,Mary. This HuffP may be the first step of a new journey for you. *<twinkles>* My dear, they know who you are. *<twinkles>* It is a beautiful distraction from your eyes, too. *<twinkle>*

We always seem to teach that which we need most to learn. Remember to only take on as much as you think of as play, Mary. I have been lecturing Jan, and the proverbial Alaska mosquito has come home to bite me in the rump. I am sooooo stubborn about not paying attention to Me, My Self, my Precious Self sometimes. I have a calendar for special dates for our people here, but of course I am not on it. Duh!

Yes, Dear Mary, I think we are still caught up in the tandem missions we had with Bill and Doug. I am not sure we leave the missions: maybe only shift the path a bit with the subtle application of individual spirit "English" or "hiking out." This is still a very good game, while we are here on Earth. I think there is so much good happening all around us. People are becoming more loving, and therefore, the darkness is finding fewer places to reside. I really do love what is going on all around our home planet.

But, I have found only a few threads of my new Fabric of Life that I am weaving. Slowly, I am adding some new colours and a few zipdeedoodahs, as Doug called my little golden lusters that I fused on to my porcelain, or special threads I sewed into things. Some patterns, some icons of my new life, are beginning to emerge. Dragonflies, for sure, but that is a continuum since I was six. Are there any weavers here? Other potters? Does anyone else here have a chop? We are a small Tribe, really. We have so many talents. I am amazed at the richness of interests here. This is a good fire.

And speaking of fires. Doug's candles are burning here on Aunt Virginia's desk. She was one of the other women adventurers and explorers in the family. Doug used her desk the last months when he could not go to the office any longer. They would have loved each other.

Whew. I am nattering.

But I am going to get through this. I am so glad Jenny is coming tomorrow. She knew and loved Doug. We will have a very good visit. It is difficult to explain Doug to people who did not know him: he was such a genius, and a polymath, and adventurer, that people had trouble taking in the hugeness of his personality and life, and yet he was also the most gentle and loving person I have ever known. And he knew how to play on a magnificent scale, even better than my scale, which was Google-visible things. Gosh, how I miss my playmate.

The Kleenex tower groweth. I don't care if I have red eyes and red nose tomorrow. I am having a good time remembering other anniversaries and birthdays. I can smile and cry at the same time.

fae

[Cakes01]

Oh Fae, reading you describe how you and Doug shared your anniversary brought tears to my eyes. So very beautiful. I am lighting a candle for both of you right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[feralfae]

Thank you, Dear Ones, for all the love, for the candles, for the sharing, and for the compassion.

Thank you so much for the candles. That is beyond kind of you all.

I am going to leave here now to go read some love letters and find another box of tissues.

Blessings, much love, and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Good Morning, this Pentecost Sunday.

I am having a peaceful, meditative day so far. Thank you, each of you, for the emotional support and validation. No packing today, just visiting and resting and meditating.

Back to meditations.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Do what is in your heart. Our candles are all burning, dear Fae.