Transformations On This Path

[mfh]

Is this like Big Brother, only Big Sister???

I am truly taking it easy today.

No, it is like Big Brother... I am taking it easy also, Anne. I made dog bisquits...that is all I have accomplished today. Did not even paint...too tired from the week. Remember...I am also watching you!!!!!

[mfh]

Anne, I think Tara Brach is the real thing. I have her latest book but I have a pile to read here and think I will do Daring Greatly first as I listened to Brene Brown's second book in the car. I really like her message. She is the real thing too. I love real people

[feralfae]

HiM and Anne,

I have found Tara Brach gives me a great deal of wisdom. She is very generous with her learnings.

Brene Brown is perhaps more emotionally accessible, and less intellectual, by just a bit, but both of these women have very helpful messages. Brene Brown speaks to my longing for courage through vulnerability; Tara Brach speaks my need for rational anchors to metaphysical concepts.

Jan, if if is morning in England and you are reading this, I say to you ... Stay home from Church today unless you feel 110%, minimum. Your body is telling you it needs resting and healing time. Listen.

I skip off to forage for wild rice and Moroccan sauce for a late dinner. More library cartons are packed, but I cannot go back to the dining room hutch today.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

I agree that Brown is emotionally accessible. Watching her on Oprah verifies that. She has a website, 3 books, blog etc. Tara is indeed more intellectual but warm and kind also. I love both of them.

When you say your are off to forage for food I see you first out in the woods finding things to eat and then bending into the refrigerator doing the same. I smile.

[Wifflesnook]

I do honestly feel a little better and I walked the dog two miles this morning. I'm just off to this cold dank church (it is!) but, I shall tell my co-worker that I'm not feeling too good and shall sit down a lot. Thank you for your concern. I shall,survive!

[feralfae]

Hi Jan,

I know you will dress in warm clothes, and please, if it is warmer outside, go stand in the sun or better, sit in the sun. I truly hope that you can leave early.

So glad you had a nice morning walk.

It is just now 6 AM here, and the sun is beginning to peek through the forest. It is supposed to be 90F today.

When you get home, you may want to take a warm shower or bath to warm your body from sitting in the cold church.

And we are all watching you, dear one.

fae

[Wifflesnook]

I stayed for a while and then my friend told me to go home! I'm in bed now getting warm. Got to walk dog but ts raining. Shall rest a while.

[feralfae]

I feel pretty accomplished being up and posting even earlier than Mary, who is usually first on here in the mornings. I hope she is sleeping later than usual, and that she and Bentley are snug and resting.

Mary, I forage for mushrooms, huckleberries (only two bushes here in the high desert) but also strawberries later from the garden, and the perennial chives, asparagus, rhubarb, and mint. But yes, it was the refrigerator forage last evening for the rice and sauce.

The sun is up, and I have the unexplained and unexpected luxury of a full day of no appointments, visits, meetings, or errands. I could go to church. I could join friends who meet after services for coffee. I could drive to a bird sanctuary or wildlife refuge. But. I may not get dressed, but just quietly tour our home today, feeling Doug in all the corners, among the empty bookshelves of the library, and in the living room where he would sit as long as he could, and then where he would recline on the long sofa, pillows all arranged, to watch me and smile.

I picked up the Velveteen Rabbit to read it again, and burst into tears, when I realized that when we meet, mirror, and welcome another spirit into our hearts, we are letting that person know that they are very Real to us, and they give us back that same sense of being known and loved. Doug and I share a love for the Little Prince, and I think we have every production we could find, plus a few copies of the book. He would have loved the Velveteen Rabbit, too.

Love. Human Love between two hearts. We validate each other's spirits with our love. We open a place in our very being for the other to be safe, alive, seen, and validated for the precious presence they are. We give them the gift of our absolute trust, and they give these same gifts back to us. We give each other a home of the heart.

We dare to dream together; making our dream larger and more alive than one can perhaps do alone. We encourage them on their quest for inner knowing, as they do for us, and we join each other's journeys of heart and spirit. We lift each other above the routines of life, and show each other our uniqueness, our beauty, and our radiance. These, to me, are some of the gifts of Soul Mates to each other. When we have children, we extend this circle of Grace to include them, for they are created and born into this circle.

I think it is only fitting that we do not consider much or often the fact of death in the scheme of our lives, in the scope of our dreams, for we know each other to be the gift of immortal love in our hearts. And then one day, we find that we must leave this body, or they must leave theirs.

Then, through the sorrow, the tears, and the broken hearts, we remember again the days of our hearts opening, of that validation of spirit, and we know, simply and completely, from our hearts and from already having the knowing of their love and presence in our spirit and heart's energy, that they are still here, within and at the same time, everywhere.

I am not saying this very well, but I know, as sure as the sun has risen, as sure as there is a bird singing in the apple tree, and as sure as I am that Doug loves me, that he is still here with me, and has a knowing and love for me that has nothing to do with the body from which he escaped, and everything to do with the love we shared between us. We are One, and that does not change with such a trivial thing as cessation of life in a body. Doug needed to escape.

I am so very grateful that we had a life together, that we could celebrate that life of love through our work, our play, our loving, and through our bodies. I am grateful that we met each other at a spirit level. I am grateful that we love, above all else, each other's spirits and hearts, and that the loving we share lives on, here in my heart, and I know in Doug's spirit, where we dwell with each other in such beautiful joy and in loving counterpoint of mind and spirit. That is not lost, nor dissipated. It is merely beyond measure by standard human means.

Today is Mother's Day, and I am remembering my adorable Gram, who loved and taught me in so many ways, and loved her own Soul Mate so remarkable well, and gave me good examples of loving. My remarkable governess, who taught me French, a bit of Latin, a lot of poetry, how to draw, when to take my gloves off and when to leave them on, and how to properly eat a meal with the Queen, although I never had to do so. She was almost like a mother to me, since I did not have a mother.

And I remember my Godmother, the concert pianist, who lost her husband and son in a car accident, and never really recovered from it, and would play out her dark moods with music pounded out on her concert grand, so that I was often awakened at strange hours when she could not sleep. I was sent to stay with her and help her after the funerals, but I was only a child, and not really up to the task. I just hugged her a lot. I remember her rocking and asking, "Why both of them?" so many times.

And I remember Doug telling me about his poor mother, who did not believe in hugging or kissing her children, for fear of spoiling them. And she was weary of children, and Doug was the seventh, and both he and his next older brother knew they were not wanted. Doug needed to be wanted so very much. He had not known that at home. So that they all grew up not understanding human tenderness, and I had to teach Doug about hugging and tenderness, which was an interesting challenge.

Which brings me back to Doug. He learned love here in this house. He learned that he could be safe and open at the same time, and that no one would walk into his heart and do him harm there. That I would walk in and warm his heart and bring him love. He used to talk about that and smile with wonder at the remarkable miracle of love in his life. He was so happy to have found love at last, and to have found me. And his finding me was the best miracle of my life so far. I say 'so far', because I am still here, and there is room and time for more miracles.

There is room and time for more miracles for all of us. I know we may not be ready to open our hearts to more miracles quite yet. It happens right on time, I am told.

But as I pack the house and make ready for whatever miracles and adventures are before me, I know that there is just too much love in the world for us not to have our hearts filled with love once again, whether from flowers, nature, the sky, our children, friends, family, or whatever other miracles may walk into our lives and Meet us as we continue on our journeys. Bless us all this day. We all have miracles before us as we make this journey through grief and loss, and each day holds miracles, when we are out of the fog and numbness enough to see them. I do believe that we have not been abandoned by our Creator, even if it feels that way sometimes. It is my weeping eyes that are veiled and cannot see the beauty, and not the lack of beauty before me.

Here's a miracle: I am sitting before a lighted screen, typing this. Light glows on my face and hands. This fire where our Tribe gathers is a safe place for the heart. How wonderful that we live in a time when we can share the warmth of love with others who are so far away in distance, but who are beside us in spirit and healing. And we wonder if there are miracles, when we make them around us every day.

Happy Mother's Day to us all!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Oh, Jan dear one!
Stay very warm today, drink lots of warm beverages, and rest, rest, rest.

I am so glad you are home and getting warmed up again.

Now stay there.

Much Love,

fae

[mfh]

I stayed for a while and then my friend told me to go home! I'm in bed now getting warm. Got to walk dog but ts raining. Shall rest a while.

I will be back later but I needed to respond to you, Jan, and tell you I am soooo glad you left and went to bed. I KNOW I did not realize how tired and exhausted I was in the first two years after Bill died. It took a lot of people reminding me to listen to my body but I could barely hear them as I had not listened to my body/gut for a long time. I just kept on doing and doing and doing for five years taking care of Bill, publishing a magazine and doing all the work for that (interviews, ad creation, layout, distribution, etc.), seeing clients in Madison and then here in my home office, taking care of the dog, finances, repairs, moving, meals, and so much more. Putting the breaks on is still very hard for me. I hope you can benefit from my experience. Your pup will survive without a walk on a rainy day. You are probably more tired than you can know. What I learned here is something Bill did for me as well as he could since he and I were both too busy in hindsight. People see in us things we miss when our focus is elsewhere. People here saw me doing things that were beyond my capability at the time and many things still are. I now "waste" (that is what it still feels like even though I know I am healing) entire days and even more as I let my body heal...and I do only a fair job of that after all this time. A habit of ignoring our own needs is easily entrenched in our brains-(neural pathways)-as well as our behaviors. Now, after being off track for too long, I am working to get back to where I was, in a sense, not that I can ever go back there because I am a changed person but back to habits that I abandoned during the five years of caregiving...and to creating new habits that I should have done for many years...i.e. not being so busy. Bill and I were too busy even with our long walks in the woods, our daily meditations, our listening to music...and more...we still took on too much and we both knew it and ignored it because we only looked at the now and not at the whole picture. So now, I am working ever so hard at just being...failing miserably some days and succeeding on others. It all starts with "stopping" , honoring ourselves, listening to our bodies and gut and monitoring calendars in view of our needs. I am soooooo glad you are home.

Peace, Mary

[Wifflesnook]

It's a lesson I badly need to learn Mary. I have always been defined by activity. Pete used to tell me to slow down. Our daughter , now, tells me to slow down. I feel I have to achieve things every day, and now that Pete isn't beside me I think it's even harder for me to do nothing as its when I'm doing nothing that I have to confront my loss. My friend, as we sat in the church today, said Jan you haven't had the time to grieve properly for Pete. Have you thought of going on a retreat? And I responded that partly this is true, but I do have time between three weekly visits to Rainie and the girls, to be on my own to grieve. But instead of doing this I try to fill my day with activity. I still find confronting the reality of Pete's death too hard to face fully. It seems strange when I am so obviously alone. Pete isn't here. But I'm not accepting this. But maybe this is because, as Fae says, he hasn't gone? He can't sit quietly with me whilst we chat and share a glass of wine pr two. But nevertheless he is here? Oh I sometimes think I'm not entirely rational. I seem ok but inside I am not.

Anyway I am indeed lying in bed now. And yes, it won't hurt Kelbi if she doesn't get an afternoon walk. Can a dog be bored? I think the answer is yes, and I find myself worrying about her being bored. Se is sitting in her pen in the garage right now, as if she was in the living room she would be rushing about trying to get my attention. She is remarkably puppy-like for a seven year old. But she is a 'working' field spaniel and really should be set to work. But I do my best for her so I won't feel guilty.

So I will rest. I won't feel guilty. I'm still coughing and feeling tired. These times of low level illness should be telling me something. You are telling me something. Rest, Jan. be still. Look after yourself. Thank you for your lovely messages.

[mfh]

We live in a doing culture..world culture...but as some genius, not sure who, said...we are human beings not human doings.

I have to say that I am glad Bill and I did a lot of what we did because he loved so much some of our doings and would not have had a chance to do them e.g. our RV life. He was in his glory most days and I loved the life most days. Some days it had its drawbacks but it was life. We moved to the mountains and we both truly loved Ouray and hiking and the magnificence that surrounded us. Other things that we did also. But on the whole, we bit off more than we could chew too often...and now I am attempting to change all that for myself but the caregiving years just deepened the habit I had created of ignoring limits. So it is a journey and I go forward 4 and back 3 some days but overall, I am making headway. I hope you can relax and be still and just let the grief come as you need to and want to. Just be in the now. Easy to say, eh?

[Wifflesnook]

Oh yes and the feelings are so hard. I went out into the garden tonight and remembered so many wonderful evenings sitting in our summer house drinking wine and talking. The conversation feels so unfinished somehow. We were together 50 years and never said our farewells. But then how could we have done? I know both you and Anne and Fae were with your husbands when they left and some of us on the forum didnt have that privilege. But I'm not even sure how that would have helped Pete and I considering that whenever I broached the subject (before the stroke) it had to be ended as he couldn't even discuss it at all. But now I have to think about it every minute. Without him. And since I discussed everything with him I am floundering.

It sounds as though you lived quite a life of change with Bill at some points. An adventurous life style for some of the time. And I would have found that a bit hard as I like stability. But if you had Bill you had stability. Like you and Bill Our centre of gravity was each other. Now we are floating and I feel scared. The tears from being alone in the garden remain on my eyes and I feel that chasm in the centre of my self which I always circle around and sometimes try not to even acknowledge. It's 9.30 pm here and I shall make a hot chocolate and watch some TV on my ipad as a distraction. I sometimes wonder if confronting my reality instead of avoiding it would help me? But somehow I don't think it would. I would go to pieces, have to try to rebuild myself, but Pete would still be dead, so how would that help me? I think my way, of distracting myself with reading novels, learning more about quantum physics and how reality is a mirage, looking after little grandchildren, walking the dog, watching TV, and all the time talking to Pete, thinking of Pete, trying to connect with Pete, is the only way I can live, even if its only a quarter of the lfe I used to have with Pete. We are all struggling with this. I know I'm not alone. It's something to know.

[mfh]

Jan, I think what i have learned is that we must, in the end, follow our own hearts. We are the only ones who have our answer. But I also know that others have valuable input for us to consider because they see things that perhaps we do not want to see or just do not see for whatever reasons. So I welcome input and then do what I see myself needing and wanting to do.

I am sorry you and others did not get a chance to be with your husband(s) when they died. I believe that would be quite difficult for me. I know it was and still is difficult for you and I am so sorry. He IS with you. I truly believe that Bill would be no place other than at my side and within me. Since he is energy now...he can be mixed in with my energy since we are mostly space. That is where I believe he is. I always feel as if I walk in two worlds since he died. it is not a new feeling but intense since Bill died. I feel like I live with one foot in each world.

Take care of that throat and get rest. Before you know it you will be heading to Raine's. Take advantage of these days. Please!!

[Wifflesnook]

Yes I too feel as though I have one foot in each world. Other people don't know this about me but that is how it is for me. And that is how I want it to be. And I too feel that our energy can blend even before I too die. I wish I felt this more tangibly. It's almost an intellectual knowing, rather than an emotional one. But it is how I feel, and it helps me.

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

There are some lovely introductory, free, sample meditations here.

http://www.soundstrue.com/guide/meditation/

Although I still cry every day, I am finding a lot more peace by doing a lot more meditation. I cannot say enough good about meditation.

Is there a chance you could take off a couple of weeks to have a "stay-cation" for time to focus only on your own heart and spirit, and to have a time of at least 10 days to focus on your needs, sensations, feelings, health, rest, eating, and all the self-caring and compassionate and loving focus you can bring to your own unique and precious being?

I took almost a whole month, and simply put myself first for 28 days. It was a truly wonderful, healing, and miraculous journey. I took all of February, which was also the one year month of Doug leaving on the 7th of February.

Having done this for myself, I came to understand and identify more of the the huge energy shifts, reconfigurations, redefinitions, and healing at a fundamental level of my being that was underway.

I have changed my obligations, diet, sleep, meditation priorities, and so much more, and I am much healthier, more peaceful, and more in touch with the quietness that carries love and direction from the Universe, or Creator, or G*d, or Buddha, or the name of your choice.

I cannot encourage you overly to gift to yourself this time of retreat and self-communion, of meditation, withdrawal, and inner healing and focus. It has helped me in more ways than I am able to articulate. It has allowed some light into my life, and it has helped to shed a great deal of heavy shadowed energy. I am not through grieving, but I am a lot better.

Mary may know some perfect meditations.Many here will be able to give good suggestions. I used the 28 Day Soul Coaching book, and learned a great deal about myself, which was a wonderful benefit.

I use some from Sounds True's files and there are many meditation options here: http://www.soundstrue.com/guide/meditation/#!state_link_29

I don't know if any of this is helpful, and I know we each must make this journey our own way. I thank you for your insights, honesty, and sharing here, Dear Jan. I send much love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

Yes Fae. It is helpful. Because its clear that my new life is divided into sections. The times I spend with my daughter and her little ones and the times I spend on my own, I think I need to attend to how I use the time I'm on my own. I haven't really done that. It's just one distraction after anther. It doesn't really work. I feel that going away on my own, say on a retreat, would not be what I need. I feel best when I am in our home. I feel Pete is nearest to me here. So I think I will increase the meditation (great link you sent) and try to cultivate a quiet mind. I sense we are all doing this in different ways. But maybe if I tried to do it in a more structured I would feel I was making some progress in my new life. As I wrote that I felt the strong urge to wipe it out. My heart tells me I don't want progress. I want to go back, back back. But my mind tells me I can't go back. One thing I do know, and that is that I am blessed by having the wisdom of this forum.

I had an awful night, waking frequently coughing. It's a dry tickly cough and I know I have to take it really easy today. My body is telling my mind to slow slow slow down.

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

It took a while for me to focus on myself enough to know I needed to do Something. For a while, I was caught up in working, attending to others, and being lost.

More than anything, I wanted to go back to the days prior to the cancer diagnosis. I wanted to be having fun again, to be able to pick up and take off for anywhere at a day's notice, to have our passports always ready to go, to be able to play, laugh, have wonderful dinner parties, bonfires, work in the forest, and just enjoy life. I wanted the three plus years of chemo, tests, doctors, weariness, sleeplessness, hoping, disappointment, desperation, and surgeries to be not just over, but to have never happened. I wanted my life back the way it used to be. When I began my month of meditation and retreat, I though I would somehow, magically, make myself over to feel the way I did five years ago.

After Doug left, people thought that now that I was not busy taking care of Doug, I was available for them again. I was working long hours, trying to do my job and Doug's job. People needed rides to and from the airport. People needed me to bring our chainsaw to help cut dead trees. People needed me to do so many things. And it was easy to slide right in to caregiver, caretaker mode with others after the years of caring for Doug.

But after I began to come here, and sit by this fire with this Tribe, I began to get glimmers that I needed to find out what I needed.

I did not leave my home for my retreat, which I why I called it a stay-cation. I stayed here, with Doug all around me in and out of the house, but at least I was in my own home. It was familiar and safe here, and I knew where things were. I seldom answered the phone. I meditated hours each day. I put everyone and everything on hold, and took the whole month. It was hard at first, because there were no distractions to pull me out of memories, but it also gave me time to accept the changes and to begin to find out what I needed.

Then, I slowly came to have a sense of myself again. I came to begin to have some self-compassion, and to be in touch with and explore my own needs, the healing needs of my very tired and stressed body. I began to be responsive to me. I learned to give myself the same level of self-caring I gave to Doug and to others. Yes, a few people were inconvenienced that I was not available for Their needs, but I simply drew a circle around the month of February, and repeatedly told myself that if I did nothing but sit and cry, it was still my whole, long month to take care only, exclusively, completely, and compassionately of me.

I very slowly found myself again. Not all of me yet, and I still slip back into helping people more than I should and not honoring my own needs. But if I had not taken that month of quite retreat, of stay-cation; when I put up notes on the doors that I was writing and to come visit only by appointment; when I seldom answered the phone so that people could not find me (they could leave a message); when I went to the grocers only once each week to buy fresh foods to cook and eat; and when I gave myself time to figure out what this spirit and heart needed to heal, then I think I would still be walking around a lot more numb and disconnected.

I don't think it is so much about structuring meditation as it is granting ourselves time for the inner healing. Staying busy and distracted with giving to others and caring for others makes it easier in some ways, but I think the deep healing takes space, time, and attention as well as intention turned to our own inner being, and our needs for healing, solitude, silence, and self-compassion.

Perhaps taking off a couple of weeks from visits and grandchildren sounds radical, but I think that you need some space and time for being in touch with yourself, and learning to focus on yourself, and being with you. Put the Historical Group on leave for a while. Live with you and your precious pup, and make that the boundaries of your life for a while.

Having that process interrupted or on someone else's schedule is less of honoring you. The process is very organic, and that is why there are retreats and get-away places: we need time to get back into and in touch with ourselves, and to discover ourselves, after years of being in a sharing marriage, or being a caregiver, or even after being in a family situation where our role is the giver and nurturer. We need time to bring our own lives into focus in an entirely new way.

You are the most precious and significant person in your life. Look at you! You are a marvelous being who has been through the worst of life. You need a lot of attention, caring, and loving. You need a healing break, and a break with healing you as your intention. Better a break than a hospital stay!

The world will not end if you take a month just for you. If you cannot take a month, take at least two weeks. It is not selfish. It is survival.

End of lecture. {{{hugs}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

I know that you addressed the above to Jan but there is much in what you said that so applies to all of us who are grieving. I think we all at some point wish that we could go back to the 'before' of our loved ones ilnesses. My reflections these days are on so many good memories of what our life was about before Jim got sick. Oh, I have those last moment memories also but I am learning to let them come and then blow them away.

My home also is my retreat. Since I was already retired it was easy for me to stay secluded and try to come to grips with what had happened. My life for five years was about being that caregiver/wife. And thank goodness for HOV it changed to wife/caregiver. In the beginning of our journey it consisted in watching for the little things that would tell me that things were not just right. I believe it is important to reflect on our 'new' life and work on making it the best each one of us can do.

We are indeed unique and our grief is unique. The tools available to each one of us will guide us in the direction of wholeness. Thank you for your words of wisdom, fae. We are indeed all members of the same tribe.

Jan, my dear friend, you will emerge from your grief as the beautiful person you are and continue to search for just what it is that makes you so unique.

My comfort is knowing that we do not walk this journey alone. Anne

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

Yes, these times are entirely unique for each of us, and I hope I was not coming across as trying to fix Jan with things which worked for me. Coming to grips is still a one day at a time job for me. I did not mean to make it seem that I had answers for another, because of course I do not. I just wanted to share what has helped me.

I vividly recall the moment when Doug told me he was going to leave in a short time, and the shift I made then from being caregiver/wife to being wife/caregiver. My entire mode switched to just loving him every minute then, and not worrying about the things the hospice people were doing. Mostly, and I type this with tears streaming, those last days were spent in loving, kissing, holding hands, being in love again, and not letting the cancer or the illness come between us in our love. We shared a last glass of wine - a sip. We reminded each other of Plan B. We just held on to each other and cherished each touch and smile, each gesture and sound of our voices as we spoke of love to each other. We talked about how we wanted to say goodbye. And also, how we would say hello again.

I am more grateful for those last days than I can write or say, but I am so very thankful that we had those days and the beautiful time to say good bye. I am so sorry for all of us who did not have that luxury. For even though we were saying goodbye, we were also saying, "I love you always. This is not the ending of our love. This is just an interlude. This love will endure." And so it has.

Yes, I think for each of us, no matter what the circumstances, no matter how or when our Beloved left, we need the time of reconciliation, of finding who we are and can become now. Learning to turn to ourselves again after years of marriage, happiness, then illness, loss, grief, and acceptance is a huge journey of unique sights, feelings and sounds, unique emotional upheavals, and unique sense of loss -- for each of us here.

And we each find healing and find ourselves again in unique ways.

I am so grateful we do not walk this journey alone, for if that were the case, I would be entirely lost, I am sure.

Blessings to you, dear Anne.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

"Yes, these times are entirely unique for each of us, and I hope I was not coming across as trying to fix Jan with things which worked for me. Coming to grips is still a one day at a time job for me. I did not mean to make it seem that I had answers for another, because of course I do not. I just wanted to share what has helped me."

Oh my dear fae, I hope that what I wrote did not make you think that I thought you were trying to 'fix' anyone. If my words did - I am so sorry. We all say things in our own way and it would never be in my heart to even think that we are here to 'fix' another griever.

Your words are beautiful and I know that when we speak them we are only speaking from our experiences and from our heart. Love you, Anne

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

No, not you: the tone of my "lecture" caused me to want to write a disclaimer.

Thank you, though, for your sensitivity.

Love you,

fae

[kayc]

You guys are so funny! Watching each other...

I'm glad Bentley likes his treats, I'm sure he doesn't care about the shape.

fae, the choc. syrup sounds good, but I haven't heard of pink salt either.

and Mary, snow??? I almost feel guilty for having enjoyed some warm days this last week. Now the rain is starting.

fae, how sad that Doug didn't know his mother's love, but alas that was common thinking in that time. (Dr. Spock) At least he knew love with you!

Mary, I like that "human beings" not "human doings"

Jan, I hope you'll practice staying home and not doing a darn thing all day long! I know, it takes practice, it doesn't come easy to some of us, but we can force ourselves. Yes, dogs can get bored...when Arlie is, I usually throw the ball for him (in the house)...one good thing about having a house where nothing much matters, carpet is wore out, etc.

Jan, I don't think there's such a distinct separation between our worlds, but perhaps they overlap somewhat. I too believe they continue their energy existence...I can't imagine George just "ceasing to exist", he was way too great an energy!

Oh Jan, I hope you get to feeling better and can shed that provoking cough!

Anne, it is comfort to me that none of us need feel we walk this journey alone. You are all my family and dearest friends.

[Wifflesnook]

Phew I can't respond appropriately but I will say, to Fae, thank you, what wonderful counsel which speaks to my heart. I remember back to when I first came to this forum and was amazed at how people almost always said just the right thing. And this is such a wonderful gift because we all know how easy it is for people to say the wrong thing. Or not necessarily the wrong thing but fail to say the right one. A stay cation is what I shall aim for Fae. I haven't done a lot today but have incorporated meditation as I always try to do. I shall aim to increase it. My cough isn't any better but it isn't worse either. It's nine pm here and I'm in bed and about to make my usual hot chocolate. Jan

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

I just hope you are by now resting and sleeping, and that tomorrow you will feel better, and rest more.

Sambucus might help you. It is effective against many virus.

There are dark clouds coming over the Divide at 9:40 PM Mountain Time. I am hoping we get a LOT of gentle, soaking rain. Everything is terribly dry.

I want Bentley to be well, Jan to be well, Anne to pass her tests with superb reports, Mary to get some rest, Mary in Arkansas to be having some peace from the services, and Kay to get paid. And Kristin to get her business launched successfully. The cards are cute. Nice motto, too. Shannon, if you read this, I hope you are feeling better, stronger, and more in control of at least a few things.

I must sleep. Tomorrow is airport runs, a full office day, morning lab work, which means they are going to poke my arm, and then PT and packing more cartons. The library is almost packed. All those empty shelves make me feel very displaced. But I am enjoying Campbell's Thousand Faces again.

Please all sleep well, feel better, and have wonderful dreams. Bentley, you be well especially.

*<twinkles>*

fae