Transformations On This Path

[kayc]

fae,

So glad you are feeling in a better place. I love pine trees, they're my favorite! George and I planted some pines but only a couple of them survived.

I love children's books too, and had quite a collection for my kids. My older sister is a librarian and she was great at recommending books for me when I was growing up.

Mary, I think your exhaustion is following all of the chaos you have had to endure lately. I hope you can have some time that is just tranquil for a while now.

Anne, how long have you been playing the piano? I would love that but alas, no time, $ or room right now...maybe if/when I retire? With such a late start I might not ever be able to play for anyone, but it would be fun practicing!

[feralfae]

Dear Tribe,

Last evening, I was visiting with a dear friend who is working on a site near Luxor and the Valley of the Kings. I have been there and it is a place to stand and feel ten thousand years of human history, and to soak in the sense of the continuity of humanity. She and I have known each other since 1979, when we worked on a project together.

Kathryn lost her husband many years ago. When he left, something happened which I did not realize and she never talked about. Stuart was in the hospital and she was there with him, sleeping in his room and showering in his room’s bath. She had not been home in many days. (I went through this with Doug in a couple of hospitals. It is a strange way to live the days.) After Stuart left, Kathryn went home to their house, to discover that their home had been robbed of many things, taken by his family. All of this was in Evanston, at their home on Lake Michigan, just a block from our place. Two of the people were still there, taking the silver serving dishes.

Kathryn went to church in Winnetka, where she grew up, and where I knew her parents and sister (an opera singer!) pretty well. Kathryn called their Dean, who drove down, and sat with Kathryn. She did not know if she should call the police, what to do. That is the background for this next part, because what Dean Phillip told Kathryn, and she shared with me last night.

Dean Phillip told her to call the police, and file a report, and then to gather around her only people who loved and cared for her and Stuart, and stay inside of that love. To put the other people out of her life until she was stronger and could deal with them. Let someone else handle things. Dean P told her to not put any energy into those people in any way.

You see, I was telling Kathryn last night about letting go of the anger toward the ruffians in Doug's family. Kathryn suddenly broke down (we were on Skype, as she was in Cairo for a while, where one can get such services) and began to cry, and said that the only thing that got her through the first weeks of Stuart leaving were those of us she would gather around her and who sat with her while she watched her entire life tumbling out of control. Then she told me the story. She never mentioned the thefts to any of us at the time. Dear soul. We sat together at our home and theirs, and walked along the lake for days, while she just cried and cried. But she let go of the robberies, and regrouped, and is still putting a new life together, but doing well. We laughed about her pink pith helmet. We used to have matching ones with flowers on them. Pith helmets really help in the desert sun. We made out own fun out in the field in many ways.

The point, to me, is this:

A big part of taking care of ourselves during this time of grief, especially for those of us who are very caring and giving, is to only allow loving and caring people around us. We need to really sort people. As I release myself from the toxicity, and release the energies of anger and revenge, or needing to expose and teach lessons to the ruffians, I am also making more room for loving relationships, as well as becoming better at sorting out the loving and caring relationships from the other kinds of relationships that drain or block my energy and awareness.

It is not easy to admit that I have often tried to "save" or "fix" other people. Doug did the same thing sometimes. But Kathryn said that if she learned one thing, it was that other peoples’ problems are not her “fix-it projects” as she said. Kathryn said she had to get over her crusading and fixing others, or she would have no time or energy left for her own life. Eureka!

I know that I have been bogged down in trying to make things right about the robberies. But there is another choice: let it go, get all the related energy out of my body and mind, and get on with feeling good about people, love, community, family, and life. That is a big order, but I can be patient and let it happen, and catch myself when I fall back into the old revenge/anger/self-pity mode of thinking and feeling. I know it is going to take a while, but just as we would not try to correct or negotiate with a cobra, I don’t think it is helpful to try to point out their actions to people who are just naturally biters, for want of a better word.

Stay away from the biters.

That is what I am learning. I used to try to reform, fix, or persuade biters. Now I am just going to avoid them and stay on my own path, rather than letting their antics pull me of in some other direction. Whew!

I think I will adopt the slogan, "No biters". Kathryn calls them cobras. I do not think the biters are that lovely, so I will just call them biters.

Kathryn said she is feeling a lot better with letting it all go, and with only allowing loving people into her life. We had a healing visit, crying and remembering many of the great archaeologists with whom we worked during the last 40 years or so. And we remembered the people who left a loving impression on our hearts.

And that is what we have here: a place of loving and compassionate people who can share with love, and meet us with compassion. Mary, your note to your e-friends was most lovely, and thank you.

I am so very grateful that I am a part of this loving and compassionate Tribe. And we have no biters here, thank goodness. Marty does a good job. Thank you, Marty, for keeping the biters out, if any of them have ever tried to come to the fire. This is a good sanctuary for our healing hearts.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Hi Kay!
So good to hear from you.

And nice that a couple of the pine trees survived.

Yes, I wish I had more energy to do more, but I also look around and realize that I do not give myself much credit for all that I AM doing.

I regret to say that a part of this self-care is bordering on self-indulgence, and I am skipping church more. But one chap called yesterday to ask me out to lunch after services, and I really do not want to go out with him, be seen with him, have people think we are "a couple" or anything like that. And, mostly, it is such a wonderful feeling of self-indulgent decadence to stay in my nightgown, wander around with a cup of decaf, and not need to take care of anyone, and really, not feel compelled to do anything other than maybe write here, or read a book, or snug on the sofa with a book, and just BE. I didn't get to Be for such a long time, and I am still learning how to do that again.

I go now to snug with a book on the sofa, warm and cozy under my sofa throw, and just BE for a while.

I am sending lots of love to you and Arlie, and so glad you had such a fun day at the doggie park, and a good visit with your famliy.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

“It is not easy to admit that I have often tried to "save" or "fix" other people. Doug did the same thing sometimes. But Kathryn said that if she learned one thing, it was that other peoples’ problems are not her “fix-it projects” as she said. Kathryn said she had to get over her crusading and fixing others, or she would have no time or energy left for her own life. Eureka! “ fae

A lesson to learn, dear fae… We have a big enough job to take care of ourselves. Wise words your Kathryn spoke. I think it is always better to take care of the business in our own house. We live happier and healthier lives when we focus on our own inner peace and beauty.

I think we are able to give more of ourselves when we have love and peace in our own hearts. It is something we work on and never achieve but we move in the right direction when we open ourselves to other tribal members who only have a positive and compassionate disposition.

I agree with you – leave the ‘biters’ alone.

Anne

[kayc]

I echo what Anne expressed. I, too, had those who stole from us when George died and those gimme-gimme people who wanted his things. I agree, and perhaps it does snakes a disservice to call those people snakes but that's how I think of them, slithering around and up to no good. I'm glad Kathryn had Dean around to give her such wise advice!

[mfh]

fae, I agree that we can not fix anyone to say nothing of should not. One of the first things I tell a client when they begin trt is that they are the ones that have their own answers and I will help them unearth them, hear them, etc. I am but a mirror reflecting back to them what I "see" and loving them as unconditionally as is humanly possible while they search.

That is quite a story about your friend Kathryn...

I do agree that being careful about who we spend time with as we grieve is critical. I do not want or need judgments or comments from people who do not get it. I can smell those folks coming so I protect myself.

Mary

[feralfae]

Oh, Mary, dear one,

Doug used to tell me I had a very good nose for sniffing out people! I am smiling at your gift.

I think I am just beginning to come out of numbness enough to think I can rely on that "sense of smell" again.

Glad to know yours is working well.

fae

[Cakes01]

Fae

You were right-very helpful for me as well. I do agree with you on all parts. Especially the part about having it take some time. It is good to feel all the emotions even if they are ones of anger and resentment and such. We are human after all and many of us here i think at least have every right to have those feelings. Holding on to them though is another thing. Something not useful or healthy. As you said and i've heard from Kay as well-it's their problem not ours. Thank you for sharing. Perfect timing for me i hope it made you feel good as well to share.

[feralfae]

7 May 2013

Fifteen months.

Today it has been 15 months since Doug left, and although I write this through tears, I also feel gratitude in these tears. I have so much gratitude to have had such a wonderful and loving husband. Not perfect, but in so many ways, a person whom I could admire, respect, emulate, and adore. A man of many moods, a brilliant mind, and a loving and gentle presence to everyone he met. We were very much at home with each other after the years of living, loving, and coping with life.

I miss going to church and taking communion with Doug. I miss making even the grubbiest of work projects into fun times with him. I miss impromptu picnics, when we would grab apples, walnuts, sandwiches, cookies, and water, and take off in the MG in some new direction, on some old logging road, and drive up into the mountains until we ran out of road, then stop and have a picnic. I miss dinner parties with dear friiends that often crept into the next day "over weighty conversations concerning serious matters of great import" as Doug would wryly smile and relate to people. I miss all the sharing, and the years of happiness we could smile and remember together during the later years of chemo, of the gradual loss of so much, and through the leaving. I miss being validated by the other person who shared so much of my life and work.

I am grateful -- eternally, wholly, completely, and sometimes with wonder -- for our life, the days we shared, the work we did, our dreams and plans, and the continuing presence and influence of fairness, loving compassion, understanding, and generosity that Doug left for me. I am in awe of his non-judgemental nature, his ability to accept people where they were, and to engage them, and let them know that they had been seen by him. Doug was beyond compassionate and understanding in the sense we usually think of socially: he met people where they were, whether a homeless person in need of one moment of recognition from another human being, or a scion of great wealth from Manhattan, Doug saw them as another human being with whom he would try to open at least one window of understanding, recognition, and acceptance. The stories flood my memory.

I learned so much about honor, integrity, courage, and mindfulness from my wonderful husband. He taught me how to build ice towers, how to write better, ask more effective questions, and mostly, he taught me to trust life again after losing my husband David to severe mental illness. Doug waded into life, always with good cheer and determination, with calm and joy. He waited with great patience for me to heal enough to let him into my heart. And when I let h im in, he filled my whole life with new wonder, love, and joy. I am incredibly blessed.

At his memorial service, so many of his men rose up to talk about his exemplary courage and selflessness during Viet Nam. Others rose to talk about his honor and leadership, his wisdom and goodness while he was on boards of the NRA, World WIldlife, indigenous land rights, many Peace initiatives, as well as his work and generosity in Asia and on reservations here in the US and in Canada. Quiet people stood before us all to speak of his kindness and generosity.

Others, who had climbed with him, rose to speak of his leadership and wise understanding of the mountains, and how he was the consummate Alpinist. How he had saved lives, and rescued so many, and taught others safer climbing. Others rose to talk about his philosophical works on logic, epistemology and ethics, and the discussion clubs studying his works at MIT and other places.

But I remember him mostly for the generosity of spirit and the warmth of his love that he poured into my life and heart. I remember his smile, and his strong hugs, and his fingers tangled in my hair as we fell asleep. I remember his playfulness, his delight when I would bring a new something for him to see.

People often remarked that we were like two playful children together, with all our projects and creativity. I remember his strikingly brilliant mind. I remember struggling with each other's thinking over the years, as we refined and reshaped each other's thinking to more accurately and clearly state precepts of logic, ethics, and the functions of thought.

I celebrate my incredible blessings that Doug and I found each other, and had so many remarkable and beautiful years of life together, playing in perfect pairing in this game of life.

I am reminded of the Japanese speech form of "game playing" which imparts the sense that we are advanced enough in our awareness to play at the game of life. Doug and I had that with each other. We "played at" being scholars, we "played at" being ethicists and epistemologists and cultural anthropologists and mathematicians and artists. We "played at" being climbers and artists. We saw the opportunity for play, for throwing ourselves into the game of life with abandon, being willing to risk losing sometimes for the sheer joy of discovering new knowledge, new ways of knowing, and new ways of creating and manifesting. And we were able to do all of this with awareness and intention, and I hope with a bit of grace and style in our days. Also implied in this speech form is that we play into our fate, lean into life as it presents itself. May I always have enough awareness to lean into life fully.

As I was sorting things yesterday, I found a note Doug left, a note with three places listed for me to visit in Southeast Alaska, three little islands with hidden coves. He also left a large map for me to find the tiny islands and coves. Places to visit, places to picnic, places to kayak, when I am ready. Places we talked about going, places he had been on solo kayak trips, and wanted us to go together. Before he left, his hand on his current notebook and stack of bits of paper, he told me to read these notes before July this year. I have begun reading. I know I am not ready for solo kayaking in the swells of Southeast waters, but I have yet another bright and happy incentive to continue with my PT and body repair.

This post is long, but not really nattering, so much as a tribute to my most Magnificent Husband, who is certainly the most magnificent spirit I hope to Ever ∞ enjoy. And if that little squiggle does not translate, it is an infinity sign, which will cause many of you to smile and nod.

Last year, on this date, I was preparing for Doug's big Life Celebration in Alaska, and I was almost entirely numb. This year, I am able to cry more easily, and I am also able to lift my hands toward Heaven, and from the depths of my heart, thank my Creator for the wonder and blessing of sharing my life and love with a man as wonderful and loving, as kind and present, as Doug.

As I type this through my tears, this month of our anniversary, his birthday, so many milestones, I can only say that the richness, wholeness, and wonder of our Love and our miraculous life together continue to fill me with a sense of completeness, even in the midst of the sorrow, for I have entered the Mystery of a force so powerful that it overwhelms all else, expresses all else, and is the grounding force of all else, and that force, that power, that energy, is Love.

And I know that this Love is eternal.

And for today, that Love, that eternal Love, is enough to know.

Blessings,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, that post is an amazing and sensitive tribute to your Doug. Lots of wonderful memories and through your tears, each one a tribute to your love, you share those memories here with us. I know Doug and Bill would have liked each other....so much of what you said, I could have written. How blessed we were and still are for they are with us right now. Peace to your heart, Mary

[enna]

I just came on and read your beautiful post paying tribute to your Doug, Thank you for sharing this with us, fae. There seems to be so much love on this forum. What deep love we have to share from those who partnered with us. You are in my heart today as you remember. It is a sacred time and we have so much to be grateful for as we move forward.

[kayc]

fae,

15 months...and I bet you thought in the beginning you'd never survive it! What a lovely tribute to your husband. I am just so thankful we all have each other girding each other as we go through this journey.

[feralfae]

Thank you all for your wonderful and kind notes.

The celebration continues. Anne is right: these are sacred times, and the tears are still falling, but more with gratitude for being given this love, than in sorrow for its shifting presence in my awareness.

Kay, you are so right: I never thought I would be here to see this day.

Girding.... I must go look up a passage I think in Isaiah. When I find it, I will post it, but today is chock full and I must now be off to do desk work. And the Godsons are coming home from college this weekend to take me out to dinner, so sweet.

Blessings and Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Verb

1. Encircle (a person or part of the body) with a belt or band: "girded with the belt of knighthood".
2. Secure (a garment or sword) on the body with a belt or band: "girded with a sash".

I will gird you, though you have not known Me; ... I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee (Isaiah 45:5)

There are other places it uses the word too but I like this one. It's a good word, you don't hear it much anymore.

Have fun with your godsons!

[feralfae]

Kay, I wish I could find some words of wisdom for your situation. I hate that you have so much going on, and so little of it in a happy direction. I ha just praying that things get better. That your car and your body, as well as your purse, are all in recovery mode, is overwhelming for anyone. All I can think of is to send {{{hugs}}} to you.

Mary, the other one, I am glad you are home and able to rest with Bentley, and that you have some time to get your balance back and rest.

Queenie Mary, I am so sorry that you have this additional goodbye to say. I hope it will be a healing day for everyone.

Dear Jan, You are doing so very well in going with the flow of your emotions at this time. I am not that far ahead of you, and reading your posts have started the tears here a few times. I am so sorry for your days of pain and heartbreak, and the loneliness. There is so much on this journey, and I wonder how and when things will look better when I open my eyes in the morning. Meanwhile, we carry on.

Anne, thank you for some of your recent posts that really touched me. We are almost having your weather up here: it may be up to 90F one day soon. And we have had no rain: so little that even the cactus looks forlorn. I have seen one humming bird. The daffodils are surviving on well water. So are the deer and rabbits, who are at the little pond routinely now, and staying close to this water source: there are not many around.

Harry, thank you for telling us about seeing the hummingbirds.

It has been a long day of work and tests and getting more good reports.

I hope the two photos of the dragonflies on the tent fly come through. The fly is draped over my wedging table, so the line is the cutting wire. And I have a new, tiny camera that must be idiot-proof, because it is working for me so far.

I am in a quiet time of sorting, remembering, and trying to see the future with more hope as I move further away from all of those years of so very little, and then no, hope. Today, I sorted more papers, and put away another banker's box of treatment records and test reports. People have told me that I should write a book about how we kept Doug alive for three years beyond his prognosis, and how we fought so that he outlived every prediction, and had three more years together. So, in case I decide to do this later, I am saving all the records right now. I don't think I will ever want to do this, but it has been suggested that it might help others. So I am not closing the door yet.

Hoping to find a silly movie to watch, as a good distraction from the day.

I sure hope the dragonflies fly to your screen.

fae

[mfh]

fae, spring has arrived, hasn't it. Your dragon flies are lovely...so lovely. I came home to newly mowed lawns. I could not get my NEW mower going last week even after charging the battery...must be the fuse. Anyway, I called the fellow who has mowed for me since Bill died and even a bit before...and came home to lush lawns...the best they will look all summer as we do not waste water on lawns in town. No one waters so brown takes over if rain fails to come as it did last year. It feels good now to see my flowers coming up and I hope next week to get some mulch down and do some perking up.

[feralfae]

Thank you Mary.

How lovely to come home to newly-mowed lawns, looking like a perfect place to plant tired toes, I hope. Yours and Bentley's, I mean.

We do not water out here, or most do not. Some people have put in lawns, and use ridiculous amounts of water to have green grass in the high desert. I am watering the fruit trees and bulbs right now, however, because we are in a severe drought here right now. Rain is a topic of many conversations. But the entire yard is bunch grasses, curly fescue, and sheep grass, which has another name I do not recall. The deer and rabbits help to keep it cropped, and I may need to mow once or twice each year. Doug was totally against mowing, so when there was no fire hazard, we left he grasses to go to seed for the wildlife to have more protein.

Glad you are mulching: I have been doing that here for the bulbs to conserve more moisture for them.

[kayc]

I don't water here either but my lawn is growing like weeds! Even without rain! Supposed to have rain and sun this week so it'll probably really grow then. I'm glad he cut your grass, Mary!

I have deer here and wish they'd eat even more than they do! We have laws regulating how high our grass can get, even out here in the country, isn't that crazy! Gov't controls everything anymore.

fae, your dragonflies are beautiful!

[feralfae]

(fae jumps on soapbox) government employees and politicians try to control everything, to justify their existence in a predatory institution, but we are free humans, and our thinking is equal or better than those who exist on stolen goods, e.g., taxes.

If anyone has the intellectual high ground, it is the free market ethicists. Not corporations. Not government.

Barter is beautiful!

(fae jumps down from soapbox)

We used to have a lot more rain when we first moved out here, and the lawn would have been mowed a time or two by now. But the last 7 years or so, the land is getting dryer, the pines had a beetle blight and were very susceptible due to being weakened by the drought. We took a lot of measures to save maybe 1 in seven of our trees.

Actually, we thought this was just the cycles of nature out here in the high desert. But there are 5 times as many homes on the aquifer now. It was one reason Doug and I decided it was time to move.

The library is almost half packed. Putting dear friends in their travel containers, but well-labeled so I can find a book if I am in need of doing so.

Kay, I am just sending up intentions that things get better for you tomorrow.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

I'm just trying to catch up with posts. When I'm with the little ones there is NO TIME to visit the forum. I'm "not feeling so well" today as our little Ellie would say. It's only a sore throat I hope but its a warning to take things easy after stressful days of anniversary, birthday and just looking after small ones. I feel exhausted. Tomorrow our local medieval church is open for four hours (used to be always open but was robbed so now isn't) and my local history group has committed to being there to offer refreshments to people wanting to look around the church. I have said I will do it with another member. I did it three weeks ago too. It means four hours in a cold church so I hope I feel better tomorrow. What a wonderful tribute that is to Doug, Fae. We were all so blessed with our life partners. I'm sure we must be buoyed up by their love. I do feel that somehow Pete is near me. I wish I could feel him more but when I was doing a sleep hypnosis the other night I lay with one hand across the other and suddenly it felt as though one of the hands was Pete's and not my own. Is it fanciful (or wishful thinking) to believe these things? My old self would say so. But now I cling to anything like that.

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

First of all, you need a few days of vacation and rest for yourself. Your church and the history group sounds wonderful, but if you are feeling not so well, then I think that is a clear signal that you need to take some time to rest and nap, just take care of yourself until you feel a LOT better. Here I am, on your case about resting. I am typing this while I am resting with a cup of tea from an early morning in the yard doing things.

I feel that I was blessed way beyond anything I deserved in having Doug's love. I know you understand, and have that with Pete as well. Jan, I know that there are things, events, happenings, and miracles which I do not comprehend, could not explain, and no longer try: I just bask in the glow of the love that arrives when I need it, the sense of Doug to help me stay on my path when I am feeling lost, and the gentle whispers that come when I need help figuring out some puzzle. I don't know if it is fanciful or wishful, but when so many people are now talking about these experiences, and writing about them, and after all that was said by some of the wise people who have visited Earth, I think that we can cling to these miraculous experiences and consider them gifts from our Beloved and our Creator.

In western culture, we are taught to focus on the objective measures of existence, and ignore a lot of our inner signals: a stark reversal of the subjective knowing of Jesus, Buddha, and others, who never said, "go measure the sound and the smell" but instead told us to look into our own hearts and spirits. We are not bounded by our five senses: those keep us aware that we are living humans, but it is our feelings within and our awareness of our own self and our consciousness which MAKES us humans. I truly believe, as did Doug, that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

We are first of all spiritual beings, I think, and thus, our spiritual connection is our primary relationship with ourselves, and for many of us, was also the primary relationship with our Beloved, and defined our relationships as of spirit and heart, with bodies thrown in for fun and delight.

I am not saying this very well, but I think if Pete can reach through and give you the comfort of holding your hand, that is a wonderful event to write about in your journal, share here, and celebrate. I no longer think when miraculous things happen that I am losing my mind, that I am unworthy of such gifts, or that I am delusional. I am living in a Mystery of Love and Grace, and I feel incredibly blessed that I am here to know and experience these days. You are living in this Mystery with Pete, and I think that since it is happening for and with and to us, we can make a choice to enjoy, praise, give thanks, and delight in the gift of the Mystery.

For me, it is also added incentive to get well, stay well, care for myself, be compassionate and accepting of myself, and to remember to take the best care I can of this human body which is also a gift to me while I am here.

And on that note, I will close by saying that you need to get more rest, have more time to be alone and honor your own needs and healing, and that you Must put yourself first right now, and make sure you give yourself the luxury (necessity!) of rest, solitude, time to meditate, pray, and find your way back to your own center. Accept and allow the flow of the love around you, and rest in the center of your being. Take time to sit quietly and let your body find its own state of being at rest and contemplation.

And I mean it! {{{hugs}}}
*<twinkles>*

fae

[MartyT]

Beautifully stated, as always, dear Fae ~ and applicable to so many of our precious members here. Thank you for saying this so eloquently ♥

[mfh]

fae, this is a lovely post and one we all need to consider and one i need to heed. Yes, I believe our bodies are vehicles that allow us to interact with this physical world but our true identity is spirit as de Chardin said so beautifully (spirits having a human experience). The trick is taking care of the vehicle so we can "get around" on this planet. I do a so so job of that always striving to do it better.

Thanks for the reminder. I needed it as I attempt to figure out how it applies to the things that pull me today....this is the time of the year here where activity goes to a high pitch and plays into my need to be out there involved so that I am a part of something and part of the lives of others....when my spirit says..."be part of your own soul" "honor you". I have been with people for 3 days...that is, for me, an overdose. And the scenes changed from being with my friend alone sharing and catching up, to that awful movie, to being with she and her husband who I have a hard time with. Then to the monastery with three priests over dinner, to time alone with my brother, to the several people who tested my eyes and consulted etc. with me yesterday. Even the staff and other patients were overload as it is a very friendly setting. So today...I am torn between being a part of a couple of neat events here and going to my studio to paint quietly. We shall see who wins.

[feralfae]

Thank you for your kind comments, Marty and Mary.

Yes, Mary, we need to remember to honor our aloneness as much as we honor our socialness.

I am an INTJ, and I get exhausted when I am with too many people too much. I sort myself out when I am alone. This is an alone weekend for me, arranged for two days of time to myself, and I will probably do more dragonflies, pack more of the library, and rest.

From what you typed, I think you may share some of those INTJ characteristics.

Overload is a good word for it. Anne had it and I think Jan has it as well. The only anodyne I have found is solitude, spent in contemplation, writing, studio, art, and sometimes music. If I am in a situation where I need to interact with others, I can tell when I need to find solitude by the emotional strain that begins to make itself known at a very deep level. Doug and I would sit in a room together, sometimes for hours, each absorbed in our own work or worlds, but content to share the same space. We did not need to interact on an external level, but when he was looking at me, I could feel it, and I would look up and smile back at him. It felt so peaceful that it was better than being alone. People soemtimes had a hard time with that concept of sharing space and spirit, but not words or interactions on a visible level. We did it very well together.

Now, I am learning to do this quiet contemplation alone again. I am planning for a very good weekend. I just found a bag of Pete's Coffee (decaf, thank goodness!) while I was cleaning the little freezer (as opposed to the big one which held our moose, caribou, elk, and the occasional fish!) so I am brewing some delicious decaf, going to shower after the morning walk and gardens work, wash and set my hair, and slip under the dryer with a book, needlepoint, coffee, and a sketch pad. And leave the world for a couple of hours to go live within myself, lulled by the white noise of the hair dryer. If I want music, I can slip in my earbuds. But I need this time to get back to my own center.

And the quieter I become, I have found, the more I can hear the gentle voices of suggestions and assistance that keep me on my path.

In your situation, I'd definitely vote for studio with Bentley curled up at my feet. You two deserve a day of each other and rest.

Much Love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Yes, Mary, we need to remember to honor our aloneness as much as we honor our socialness. I am an INTJ, and I get exhausted when I am with too many people too much. I sort myself out when I am alone. This is an alone weekend for me, arranged for two days of time to myself, and I will probably do more dragonflies, pack more of the library, and rest. From what you typed, I think you may share some of those INTJ characteristics.

Overload is a good word for it.

But I need this time to get back to my own center. And the quieter I become, I have found, the more I can hear the gentle voices of suggestions and assistance that keep me on my path. In your situation, I'd definitely vote for studio with Bentley curled up at my feet. You two deserve a day of each other and rest.

fae, I am an INFP as was Bill. 1 in 100 are INFP and yes, a strong I which means being with others is draining usually. Bill and I did as you did...quietly doing our thing in the same room or sometimes he would be in his wood working shop etc. Learning to be alone again (and I knew how to do that well once upon a time) has challenged me but since I wrote my response above, and "heard" what I typed I have decided to take Bentley for a quiet walk AFTER the farmers market is over and to paint, unpack, etc. A retreat weekend....solitude which, like you, is where I find my center, do my processing, and am most me. I also want to do some extra meditation to counterbalance the past week a bit. Thanks for you input today. I have copied them...they are significant. Not that others are not...but today your post just touched my soul. I need to put my foot on the brake today. Thank you. Mary