enna Posted April 12, 2013 Report Share Posted April 12, 2013 In Darkness Comes the Light The last several days have been ones that caused me to question “Why?” I know there is no answer to this question but it still doesn’t stop me from asking it. Why is there so much pain when you lose someone so precious to you? Why do we have to go through so many hardships? Why do people we love have to endure hardship after hardship? Why go on in this earthly life when we have been ripped away from our soulmates – the one who has completed us when we were together? Today when I took Benji for our walk I thought about these questions. I battled in my mind that there is no reason for me to only look at the darkness. Here I am in sunny Arizona basking in the sun with temperatures in the 80s. I should be grateful. After our time in the park, I went over to Memorial Park where I have a remembrance paver identifying Jim as a pilot serving in WW11. He was so much more than a pilot. He was a son, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a Christian… Today I did more crying than thinking. My heart ached but I sat there for a while. I really have no reason to see only darkness so upon a friend’s suggestion I’m going to try to turn my attention to those things that bring joy and happiness to me. Benji, grandbabies, a rather healthy mind if not body, playing the piano (I’m getting better), pinning (I’m addicted), reading, listening to music, gardening, being outdoors, sitting by water, watching sunsets, baking, eating (well, what I’m allowed), meeting friends or talking to friends, and being a member of this ‘tribe’ of very special people. I don’t know if it will pull me out of this curtain of darkness but it will be a reason to focus on what I do have here as I wait for my time with Jim again. One thing I decided to do was open The Box that has been sitting on top of the fireplace since Christmas and read some of the messages my family and friends wrote on index cards about their memory of Jim. I was waiting for the first year of death to read the notes. To my surprise many of the messages were addressed to me telling me how lucky Jim was to have me. How he loved my cooking no matter what I cooked. The kids thanked me for taking care of their dad, friends were kind in their notes remembering how Jim loved to be at the ballpark keeping score for the Senior Softball Association. His golfing buddies remembered his good swing and the conversations over beer. His disposition never changed. People liked being around him. I love him. He kept me grounded. I am trying to figure out who I am now. I knew who I was almost eleven months ago. Today I am not sure. Anne ….the photo is a picture off The Box Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now