Talking Heals

[kayc]

Karen,

That's a very REAL consideration, and even if I could, I wouldn't get on a ladder w/o someone there "in case". It's hard to call an ambulance if you're flat out on the ground and can't move.

You're right, divorce is a huge loss, I've been through that too, but when someone treats you bad or betrays you, your anger fuels you on. With death there is no such thing. Also, you seem to get over divorce to some extent whereas with death, the grief just goes on and on. It's easier to miss something that was good than something that was bad.

[enna]

One of our Tribe has lost her battle with cancer. This is coming from my heart right now and I don’t even know if it is appropriate to express my grief here at our fire. Our dear Shannon is now with her beloved Leo and her dear sweet Mom. Her suffering here on this earth is over. And her suffering was indeed great. More than any human is called upon to endure. I am so sad. She fought so hard and lost this battle. It is so very hard for those of us left behind. We are grieving because we have lost someone very precious to us. We do not meet those who are online but our connections with one another is real and so painful when something happens to one of us.

Shannon’s SIL, Mary, has been so good at keeping us updated to Shannon’s illness. Mary has been so courageous in her devotion to Shannon and her brother, Leo. I am so sorry for your pain, Mary. Your losses are great…twin brothers (Ziggy and Leo) and now your dear Shannon. Please know that I hope you continue to remain here around our fire. We love you. We have your family in our prayers. You are one of us. We will walk with you as you share your grief with us if you choose to do so.

We are all grieving collectively. This forum brings us so close together. We are family. This is almost a sacred place…a place where we can be who we are without judgments…a place where we can talk about our joys and sadness…a place where we have one another’s back…a place where we really do keep a close watch on one another. We all have had a beginning and we all will have an end. That is the way it is and everything in-between is our gift to each other. We hold you Mary and all in your family in our hearts as you mourn the loss of your dear Shannon. Anne

[feralfae]

Thank you, Anne, for bringing this sad news, with so much of your lovingkindness around it, to this thread, here in this forum.

Blessings,

fae

[mfh]

Anne, thank you for sharing that information. I feel very sad for Shannon and all she went through; very sad for Mary with all the loss she has faced; and I feel relieved for Shannon that she will not have to go through more suffering. Yes, she and Leo are together and she is with her mom also. I will sit with this. Mary, if you read this, I agree with Anne...please consider staying here with all of us...who cared about Shannon and who will support you in your grief.

Peace,

Mary

Anne, I do not see any posts about this other than yours. How did you learn this?

[kayc]

It is in the "Loss of sibling" section, posted yesterday. I don't know if Mary will think to look here, but I'll mention it over there.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

This loss pains us all. There is an empty chair at the table--an empty space at the fire. I forget, sometimes, that we are all as mortal as our spouses. Though we join here only as scattered electrons given order by our words, it is hard to lose another voice--another piece of family.

Mary, never forget your presence is most welcome here among us. We grieve with thee, dear sister.

Peace,

Harry

[enna]

Today was a full day. Blood work, hearing tests, ENT doc visit, my Benji having another small seizure – I am overwhelmed with all of this – I have had to double up on one of my cardiac meds, my hearing has changed significantly since I had my hearing tested last – I am told that I now could use hearing aides!!! I guess I get to join the ‘elete’ healing group now! My ENT doc said that he would talk to my cardiac doc about all the medication I am on…this could have sometime to do with the change in the hearing loss!!! I don’t know. I am confused.

Thank you, Mary, for your call. You keep me grounded. I do NOT cry with very many people but you have a way to bring on the tears. I become very confused when I only want to focus on Jim’s death and find myself the center of attention!! I am so confused as to why I’m dealing with all these things that have nothing to do with my Jim’s death. I have people telling me that Benji has too many health issues. I have people telling me that there is too much going on in my life right now! Benji is a very important part of my life and I cannot even think that he will not be in my life.

I do not know why these things are in my life. I can deal with illness. I can deal with hearing loss. I can deal with a pacemaker implant, but I cannot deal with people not understanding how very important Benji is to me.

Today is NOT a positive day for me. I am not even going to try to be brave – I am NOT brave – I am NOT strong – I am weak and need a few hugs right now. Anne

[mfh]

Courage is spelled Anne

Patience is spelled Anne

Brave is spelled Anne

Kind is spelled Anne

Strong is spelled Anne

I know you hurt. I know you feel weak and scared and far from brave. I won't try to fix that or take it from you. Just know we are all here hugging you...group hugs are incredible...and they last longer than 10 seconds. I am so sorry all of this is happening. You are welcome for the call. Your email told me it might help a tiny bit.

We who were raised Catholic (whether we are now practicing that or not) do remember and I still believe that offering my pain up (?) for you is just a small way of saying....I am with you.

One day at a time and tell all those people who are telling you to get rid of Benji...to call me...I have something to say to them...and it is not very nice.

Peace to your hurting heart

Mary

[enna]

Go to sleep, dear Mary. You drive into Chicago tomorrow. Thank you, thank you. Don't forget to bring your slippers.

[mfh]

Do not talk to me about slippers as YOU sit in bare feet

[HAP]

Dear Mary and Anne,

I turn my back on you for one second and there you are squabbling like school children over slippers. Boy.

Seriously, group hug time sounds like a plan to me--with, perhaps, some breathing control exercises thrown into the mix as well.

Anne, people are stupid sometimes. But Mary is right: you are strong, brave, patient, and kind. This is one of those moments when you don't feel that way, but you are. And given everything that is going on, you are entitled to a meltdown now and then. Don't worry. We are here. We will catch you. You've helped catch all of us at least once. Sometimes you are the catcher and sometimes you are the caught.

Be well.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

Anne,

I can relate to your feelings as I feel the same way. I get really annoyed when my sister starts telling me I should get rid of Arlie. She's nuts, no way would I get rid of the most precious one in my life! My son said it's my own fault for posting Arlie's problems on FB a few months ago...I told him I'd wanted prayer for him, and Arlie is important to me, how can I just not mention him when I was worried about him? Besides, the answer isn't it disposing of my dog...or yours. We don't operate that way. If it was a child, no one would suggest we get rid of them! Arlie IS my child! And if Mary needs any help scolding these people, give them my number!

[feralfae]

Goodness, I innocently go away to read for a while, and you guys keep on going with your lives, and now I must try to catch up.

Anne, don't get rid of Benji, please. I think Benji helps to keep you connected to the larger world, and that is important. I am so sorry to hear about the hearing, though. I hope that they can figure out some better way to help you with these various medications so you have less side effects. Doug had lost a lot of hearing in one ear (Army) and since it was his right ear, I learned to talk in my "car voice" when we were going somewhere and he was driving. Funniest things we remember.

Kay, just talk here with us about Arlie, and we won't rag you to get rid of your pup.

Everyone, go barefoot as much as you can, it is great for your feet, and is a natural way to keep your foot muscles strong and functioning. As one who lost all feeling in her feet and was wearing only my running shoes, because of the spine problems, I strongly urge you all to go barefoot as much as you can and tip-toe sometimes as well while you have on no shoes. Keep those feet strong and functioning. Rebuilding is a lot of work.

I go to natter over where no one needs to read.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

I just got an infected toe, woke me up 4 am, so am soaking in Epsom salt, imagine I'll have to spring to go to the doctor with or without insurance, being Diabetic. A guy I used to work with was Diabetic and his toe got infected, he lost the whole foot! So will see what I can do, but if it doesn't improve, I'll have to go get some antibiotics. I can't tip toe because it stresses the ball of the foot and I have Neuropathy, but Earth shoes supports my feet well while exercising them, like walking in sand.

Anne, are you waiting to hear back from your doctor before you decide about hearing aids?

[enna]

Harry, we are always going to need to be watched - even you. We all have to be careful about wearing something on our feet especially if we get up at night and start walking around! A wet floor, a toy, a stumble into something, a trip over a pet, or just about anything could cause real harm to our bodies if we fall. I do go barefoot (yes, Mary, I did just say that) but it is only during the day. I used to dance barefoot and I love the feel of grass under my feet or on a cold patio or in sand and rubbing Benji's belly. He even let's me use his back as a foot stool!

Kay, I am concerned about your infected toe. I know you will be very attentive to it as you are diabetic. No, I am not waiting for any doc information before I consider hearing aids. I wil eventually go off many of the medications I am on - I fear they are poisoning my body and am really not too convinced that they are helping me. I hear fine. It is only when I have an inner ear infection in my L/ear that concerns me because of the nerve damage in my R/ear from the mastoid infection I had when in college (syncronized swim for two years to get out of mandatory gym classes)! I will think long and hard about the hearing aids. Of course if I need them I will get them...

Fae, of course I would NEVER 'get rid of Benji" - that makes me shake just thinking about something like that. I know people mean well when they think they are giving you good advice.....

Anne

[MartyT]

[enna]

♫♪ ♫♪ ♫ ♪ ♬ ♬ A AMEN. A AMEN. A AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.

~♥~

[Wifflesnook]

Oh Anne my dear partner in grief, I am so upset for you. Benji needs you and you need Benji. I wear hearing aids as does Mary, but I'm very aware that this is a small part of your troubles, which you bear with such grace. I only learnt yesterday that xo means a kiss and a hug.

From England I send

Xo

Xo

Xo

Xo

Jan

[feralfae]

Mary was just over on the eye thread.

fae

[feralfae]

Marty, Amen.

People who do not understand pack and herd animals have always been around. I pity the good animals they think they "own" more than have as friends and family. (I am not sure cats want us as family, so much as servants.) I am constantly appalled by the conditions in which I see horses living out here. No grass, chewing fence posts, hooves not properly cared after. And dogs are just plain old family, and are so entirely sensitive to our emotional states. I see how Hidey is when Jason is away for long, and I happen to see her and her grand pop out fishing nearby. And poor Sasha was suffering separation anxiety from Susan being gone I was with Sasha in Fairbanks.

Dear Anne, You are going through a lot right now. How can I help? Of course, you have my number if you need to talk. I can do that from bed or couch. Yes, of course, only go barefoot when you can see where you are going, and only if your feet will take it. It is my dream to walk barefoot in a field of young grass again, in Fairbanks, out in the forest.

I am nattering.

I am just so glad the people here understand animals. And I don't even have any right now. I need to lift my emotional energy a bit more before I get even a fish! Right now, feeding the critters who have trained us from their forest homes is enough for me. ah, the feeder is empty. Off to restock the seeds. *<twinkles>* fae

[kayc]

Marty, thank you for sharing that, that is sweet and true!

Anne, I knew I shouldn't have said anything about my toe, I have you and fae both concerned now! It feels better now that it has drained, I'm doing periodic soaks, peroxide, Neosporin, have a bandage around it to keep that in, and have open air to it with my sandals. If it gets worse instead of better, I will go to the doctor and not procrastinate...money is an option but not when it comes to toes!

And I'm glad you'll consider hearing aids.

[enna]

Of course we are going to be concerned, Kay, but not worried. You seem to know just what to do and that satisfies me.

I give kisses and hugs to my gramdchildren all the time. I do not think we ever outgrow a hug now and then.

Fae, I am really fine. I am still in a 'calming' mode and have been for many months. I don't know where that comes from! I am dealing with my grief and health and I have learned to be open about my feelings. Crying comes easy for me now especially when someone reaches out and I know that they understand. Tomorrow is Sunday. Walk with your God and be present to all of nature.

Namasté I honor the Spirit in you that is also in me.

[enna]

Today's thought is from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore who posted on FB - It only takes a moment - we all matter in our individual griefs...

Just close your eyes, just for a few moments, and breathe. Move your fingers from the keyboard, sit up straight, inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Pause. Exhale slowly through your nose. Pause. Repeat this several times. Pause. Rest here for just a moment. You are upheld. You and your grief and your Beloved matter.

[LarrysGirl]

So many days pass before I can get back here... I'm so sorry to hear about Shannon, its heartbreaking. And Mary, I will keep you in my prayers.

Anne, I can't tell you how many times and people have said you have to get rid of your dogs to me. Are you serious, I say to them. Don't you think I have lost enough... they have needed me as much as I have needed them. Of course, I am down to one, Maggie. We miss our Kasey so much, a constant companion. Ignore them Anne!

Kay, keep an eye on your toe, I hope it continues to improve.

I'm not here as much and miss the support. The job I have wears me down so badly and I stay exhausted. Had blood work done but nothing came back. I never have any energy anymore. Don't even feel like taking Maggie for a walk. I can't figure out why I've just become so tired. I miss all of you and sorry I don't stay a current. Deborah

[kayc]

Deborah,

It's good to hear from you. And I understand about being tired. I don't get on here at night much when I'm working, by the time I make the long commute home, walk Arlie, eat something, I'm done.

My toe feels better today and I'll continue to be vigilant.

Anyone heard from fae today? Wondering how her knee is doing...