Talking Heals

[mfh]

Stephen, I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. Remember we are all here to listen should you desire that. In the meantime I will carry you in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

PS Being called a kid at age 73 made me smile

[kayc]

Stephen,

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now and hope it rights itself soon, but know that we understand. I kind of have to play it by ear myself, with the impending loss of my granddoggy, I've been real emotional lately.

Anne,

You removed the picture of the fudge? I don't see how that could be offensive, but I was hoping to reference it for the future. I'm a sucker for fudge and some days we just need a pick me up!

[HAP]

How could anyone offended by a picture of fudge?

H.

[kayc]

Maybe because it's a picture, not the real thing!

[MartyT]

Dear ones, Since I am the one who first mentioned it, I will take full responsibility for sharing the information ~ That way, Anne won't get in trouble and no one can accuse us of advertising on our site ~ right?! The best fudge in the entire universe is, in my humble opinion, Doug Murdick's Fudge in Traverse City, MI. I usually get the plain chocolate, but recently I tried the double chocolate, which is made with dark chocolate, and it is deeeeeeelicious. I'm just saying . . . ♥

[HAP]

Now i understand. Thanks Kay.

H.

[kayc]

Hey, nobody can fault someone for being biased about fudge, it's a personal preference! I'd like to try it...

[enna]

OK, so here’s what I took down – I never even thought of it as being advertising – I was so excited to get my package in the mail that I could hardly wait to share it with you.

I suppose I should put this on the ‘positive’ thread instead of ‘talking heals’ but I wanted to thank Marty for her kind words. Thank you, Marty, and I agree with H you really do know when to let us natter and when to add your wisdom.

This is definitely a positive for me today. And since we are all so “wonderful” I decided to share my chocolate with you. My Doug Murdick fudge arrived today from Traverse City and I couldn’t wait to taste it. It’s not that I didn’t believe Marty when she said that this chocolate is the best but as a chocolate lover I had to check for myself. I ordered the double chocolate and the pecan chocolate this time. I tasted both. I liked both. They are very, very creamy. Yes, all right, it’s very, very good, also. Because you are all too far away to actually taste it I took a picture of my fudge and now it will go in the refrigerator until maybe tomorrow! They have eighteen delicious, creamy kinds. Am I going to have fun for the next two years deciding on which flavor to order next! I better sign up for Life Time Fitness while I’m at it. Let’s see, how can I tie this into grieving – there is a saying that we hear over and over again – take care of yourself – that’s it – I’m taking care of myself.

ps – I hope the pictures are not advertising because then I am in trouble!!

I am home. My lung procedures took awhile but no overnight stay. I will not have results until everything is read and sent to my pulmonologist. He will decide if they are going to do a biopsy of the nodules after everything is read. A respiratory therapist came in and pounded on my sides for ten minutes – So what are you doing?” “Opening up some airways”, he said!! I just laughed. I won’t bore you with all the medical stuff, but if you ever have this test you better not be claustrophobic because you are enclosed in this big machine and they make you do things with your nose plugged and your mouth in some contraption while they shout directions at you! I did have fun with the gal who did the procedures – I let her know that I was having trouble hearing and won’t be seeing my ENT doc until next week – so she and I played a little game called, “Can you hear me now?”

I did make one mistake when I went to the hospital – my reading material was a book by one of my favorite authors, Alan D. Wolfelt, titled: Understanding Your Grief – well that was a big mistake because I had a real grief burst right in the room I was in waiting for the procedures. Fourteen months and I’m still breaking down – this is going to be a forever journey I fear.

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

This is all just nattering.

All of life is a forever journey, one way or the other, is it not? I love the song "The Highwayman" for its message.

Grief—at least here for those of us who are in this Tribe—is a part of our lives. We agreed to play this human game, and since we are all having this level of pain, I can only assume that I asked the Headmaster for this learning Game, and that I volunteered to stay while Doug made an early escape. That is all I can figure out, as tears stream down my face. That is why I am here, right now, right here. *<twinkles>* Writing this. I get some very good lessons from this adventure, this Game.

I think we have added this level of grief to those lessons we decided to learn as a part of our growth. In some very significant ways, it has already made me a lot more aware of the problems when materialism is of more matter than Love. It is so very fascinating to me to witness this human manifestation of what is a perhaps a human fundamental until we learn better: we believe that by collecting stuff, we can buy happiness. Nothing wrong with stuff, just let it not be a higher priority than Love and Joy. I have far greater Faith than I had a year ago, for who knew, in the midst of all the rascals actions, that there existed so many Angels just hanging out around this and other fires, ready to step into my life and help to heal me? I mean, really, who knew??? Not I. That has exponentially deepened my Faith. And my understanding of Miracles. *<twinkles>*

I think what is one of the most special things about this Tribe is that we meet on the common human ground of grief, and we are all brave explorers, making this new, barely-charted, emotional triathlon of a journey, each one unique, but all of us with a willingness to dig deeper, learn more, become more aware. And also, all of us with the courage to open our hearts again to loving each other here around this fire with great compassion, sharing, and also—I must say this, for I observe that it is a truth—all learning to sing the One Song a bit more in harmony every day. It is very beautiful, is it not?

Thank you Marty and Anne, for making fudge a part of the journey. I think chocolate was already the official food, although I have no idea why.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

Thank you for the report on your day as well ... got carried away with the nattering.

(I no doubt picked up that word from my Brit Grandfather. Actually, he was the very nice chap Gram married after Poppy had been gone a few years. Another officer, but British. A birder. He would tell us all to stop nattering when we were on birding outings with him. Other times, we were to recite or sing while marching, I swear! It was great fun, though. *<twinkles>* See how well I natter when not constrained?)

So now, we will all be waiting with you for the results. I find it interesting that they are giving you some inhalation therapy. That is very good, a very good thing.

I am sitting here now, envying you enjoying a nibble of fudge. I am trying to figure out if my body can manage a half pound each couple of months, so with this first round, I will try to be conservative and see how long I can make it last while enjoying it fully.

It has long since been determined that in this house that one small rectangle of Maya Gold is not sufficient: two is about right for good or normal days, while shadowed days call for at least double that amount. *<twinkles>*

I hope you are feeling hopeful, and that you are having a lovely evening visit with Benji.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Hi Anne, So glad you got to come home and it seems that though tiring and noisy, there was no invasion by needles or knives which is the good news. Now I will wait for results as will you and everyone else. I know you must be so tired of all these tests, doctors, invasions of your body, medications for you AND Benji. More results and let us pray they are better than anyone expected them to be...

Remember all those tests are tiring so I think a good dose of fudge and a good night's rest is in order. Speaking of fudge I know that if I order that fudge...I will have little self control as I seem to be doing comfort food these days and have put back on the 7-8 pounds I lost in the spring...Oh well.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

[mfh]

Anne, so glad we connected this evening. I hope you get a good night's sleep after your long ordeal today...the tests sounded challenging as you described them to me tonight. Rest now...and yes, a few pieces of the best fudge on the planet....

[enna]

Thank you, Mary, for your kind words tonight. It made me forget all the 'stuff' I went through today. I can't believe how very stupid it was of me to bring a grief book with me today. What was I thinking!

Fae, have a wonderful day tomorrow. I have no idea how disciplined I'll be with the fudge! I am sure that I will not be as controlled as Marty. It is indeed a very creamy, delicious fudge. Let me know how tomorrow goes. I plan on a quiet day playing with Benji and getting things back in order after the carpets have been cleaned.

Today was the first day that I really thought about "when is enough, enough?" I will post on that at a later time.

[KarenK]

Anne,

So glad these initial tests are over & done with. I hope you don't have to have a lung biopsy. Whatever comes, just remember the doctor's words "I'm going to fix you."

I'm having a very lonely week. Here it is Thursday night and I've not spoken to another person since Monday at the bank. Pretty crummy existence. Not that I can afford to go anywhere, but just for something to do, I was looking at motels online in cooler parts of the state. Well, that wasn't a good idea, because all it did was remind me that I would be going alone and that was too sad. If I had the funds, I would probably go somewhere new anyway, just to get out of the heat. I could just go up to the cabin, but in reality, it would be way too quiet. I had the cable disconnected last November. And no matter where I would go, I can run but I can't hide from "alone".

Will be waiting for your test reports.

Karen

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Anne, I hope the results of the tests will be good. Fingers and toes all crossed. (yes, I'm a space alien if I can cross my toes--but you knew that.)

Peace,

Harry

[mfh]

Anne, you are most welcome. And bringing a grief book with you is not stupid...That test sounded very tiring to me so I hope you are resting today...a lot!

fae, since it is 97 there today, ouch, I do hope you will lay low today. You said you might stain early and later in your post you said you thought you needed not to stain....I hope you stick with the latter and just take care of yourself. Your body is trying to heal and you know what you would and have said to me about that

Karen, I am so sorry your week is so tough. I have had lots of tough weeks and know how that feels especially when tough includes loneliness. I hope this weekend goes a bit better though I do know weekends can be difficult also. How about calling a girlfriend and going to lunch or for a walk together?

I need to get some shoes today for that wedding. I tossed out my high heels years ago and all my shoes are comfortable SAS so now I need something a bit dressy, contemporary...but still comfortable. I don't believe in stilettoes for me. We have a store here in a nearby rural town called the Shoe Box. If they don't have it there, it is not made....it is gigantic.

Trying not to think about next week...

Mary

[enna]

My dear Mary,

You just give me a belly laugh - stilettoes for someone who more often than not does not ever wear shoes! I'm glad you recognize that they would NOT be for you.

Thank you for distracting me with our phone visit last night. It calmed me as you usually do when we talk. The tests were tiring but today is a new day and I rested well last night!

Karen, I am hearing you. I'll PM you this morning. We are not that far from one another that a lunch is possible. Who knows, Tatum and Benji could even have a play date!

fae, I posted over on your thread a while ago. Have a restful day everyone. Please keep our Shannon in your thoughts and prayers.

[mfh]

Getting ready to walk Bentley as it will be warmer today. Unlike you,Anne, I did not sleep last night. I was up until about 4:30 so naps are in order. Notice I said naps (plural).

As for shoes, a client's daughter has 125 pair including a lot of stilettos....I do not know how they walk in those.

Glad to distract you last evening. Glad it helped.

Peace

Mary

[enna]

sunny AZ - 111 degrees today - it is dry here and I love it.

Mary, why no sleep? Are you worried about next week? You always say it helps us to talk about it. Naps you will need to take.

I found this on FB today from Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief

"Love is an amazing energy force. It can open you, strengthen you, and allow you to be generous. It fills you, expands you, and uplifts you. It takes you to a sacred place. Know that love is not erased by death, nor does it end when a person's form exits this planet. Love is an enduring energy that is woven into your soul and will give you the strength to engage with life."

[enna]

Something to think about as we journey through our grief.

[feralfae]

Thank you dear Anne,

for two beautiful images and two beautiful sets of word smithing. I often feel I have the courage I have today because I can feel Doug with me. He brings a lot of patience and long-range strategic thinking. I believe that it is Doug's energy woven into my soul that has kept me going these long days in the shadow. Occasionally now, I come out of shadow and into some light, real sunlight.

When I focus on Doug's mind/spirit, and need an answer to something, it usually comes pretty fast, anywhen from five minutes to a day or two. I imagine that you, Anne, and you, Mary, and many others here have found that when we ask for help with some issue, don't you find indications of the direction, a few words from someone, a phrase in a book, a posting on the internet, or even an advertisement may give you the key? I have given up not anticipating miracles. It is the other side of PTS: it is Pre Healing Serenity, maybe, PHS.

No levity intended, but perhaps some joy on many levels. For you see:

It is 100F here right now in the deep shade, nothing on your 111F, but hot enough here so that everyone is noticing. I am rather enjoying it, because it is very dry, a light breeze, a sky the colour of Doug's light blue-grey eyes, and I can go out into the heat, spend a few minutes (on the shady side of the house) and then come back in to the cool of the closed-up house, which, while solar in design, is also earth-bermed on three sides. The lower level, sunlight basement, where there are the library and gym, etc., stays cool, and the upper level, with its reverse air system, does a good job of keeping it about 20F cooler than outside. I will spend the evening down below, doing little things and riding the airdyne. And foot PT, of course. I can already tell the new therapy is working. This is very great.

Well, that was a lot of nattering. Now it is time to ... no, wait, it is not time to do anything: this is a day off. A day off from just about everything. Fresh lemonade with stevia is called for, I think. I know some of you have fudge. I am still reading MacDonald's "North Wind" and it just keeps getting better and better. A true saga, and I can see how he influenced so many later writers such as Lewis, Tolkien, even L'Engle. His story-telling is good, and his plots are remarkable. True swashbucking, reminds me a bit of Sabatini as well.

I wish I had better sets of words to say how much I hope your eyes both heal beautifully, Mary, and I do think they will.

Anne, I want to hear that you do not need a bioposy, dear heart, and also that you have discussed Ayurvedic practices as an adjunct to all else your new Doc is doing. I push you to discuss this with him, please.

Kay, I know you are hoping to be with your son when the time comes. I have walked with a dear friend through the loss of her dearly loved dog, who was a brilliant, creative, loyal Blue Healer. And another friend lost his long-time buddy, Henry the Corgi. When he went to get another dog, he asked Henry's spirit to pick out the dog, and sure enough, a Texas Hound nosed up to him and found his hand, and licked him. When he got her home, she knew where all Henry's toys were hidden. Very nice turn of events.

Karen, I am hoping you are holding up all right. I do hope maybe you and Anne can meet for lunch. That would be a delight for all of us, I think. I have not been keeping up here as well as I might. I hope things are as peaceful for you as they can be right now.

Harry, you are remarkable, and a superb role model for us all.

I am praying and thinking of Shannon, Mary, and their family as I type this. What a hard time for them all. Our dear Shannon. I know we are all surrounding her with our love.

There is such beauty and richness here. Thank you all for welcoming me at this fire. I am blessed.

I have about given up holding fixed beliefs, I think. I have given up not believing in almost anything: I go to meditate on whether or not there are any reliable paradigms, realizing that in all versions of reality that might exist, probably not so much. Adventures.

Although, as Mary and I discussed earlier, I do think we are given some basic structural rules, having to do with gravity and goodness. *<twinkles>* Just my own theory. The house really does look more peaceful, calmer, and more a part of this place, where the staining is done. I am happy with it so far.

Well, although I can meditate any time, this seems to be a good time of day for me, between 4-6 or so in the evening.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

As for shoes, I hope you find some you like, Mary!

A year ago I replaced my 68 pairs of shoes (yes, 68!) with Kalso Earth shoes/boots/sandals/slippers. As they run $119-$169/pair, you can imagine it gets rather spendy. I sold my best heels on eBay, donated the rest of my shoes to St. Vinnies, excepting the sneakers that were well-worn. Upon embarking on this venture, I discovered Kalso Earth had done away with their men's line completely, leaving them hanging, and are going more towards "fashion shoes", as if we need more of those to choose from! They hold the patent yet could very well leave us women who need their shoes in order to walk in semi-comfort, hanging. So I decided to buy a lifetime supply as this is the only thing that brings me the needed relief from my Neuropathy and Morton's Neuroma. I knew it could get expensive. Somewhere into this, I discovered the secret that many people buy Kalso Earth shoes, try them out, and decide they are not for them! And they sell them on eBay at a fraction of the price! So I now have stacks of them in boxes for the day I need new ones and I'm set for life. I don't really care if they're "in fashion" or not, I only care that I can walk without excessive pain. And since they relieve the pressure off the ball of the foot and put it back towards the heel where my feet can take it, they are for me. I'm in heaven, whether they look fashionable or not! No stilettos for me!

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I'm just back from a wake tonight and have to be up for the funeral tomorrow. Another of Jane's uncles died this week--this one of ALS. She would have gone to his funeral, so i will in her place.

These things are difficult. They bring on too many memories. And I seem to be in the midst of a full run of them the last few weeks--three within the last month.

Shoes, God but Jane had a lot of them. What looked comfortable in the store so often proved uncomfortable when she actually had to wear them. I will never understand why women's shoes are designed to be instruments of torture. I gave away so many pairs of shoes that she had worn just enough she could not return them to the store. She eventually found a style she could spend the day in comfortably--but we both worried they would some day stop making them.

I stumbled on a thought today in my head I need to meditate on at length. I'll eventually write a piece from it, I think, for somewhere: I live in logic and reason based on concrete evidence tempered by love and compassion--or I live in love and compassion tempered by logic and reason based on concrete evidence. I swing between these two similar but very different states depending on what is needed in that moment for that particular situation. It is how I have always lived--but increasingly so since Jane's illness became an issue. It is only recently, however, that I have begun to realize consciously that this is what I do. And only today did I finally find the words to explain it to myself.

I think, too, that this is what many of us do here--and that it is one thing--among many--that makes this community so special. We have love and compassion for each other, but we are also children of reason and logic and evidence. When someone new comes through the door we shower them with love and compassion, but those emotions are tempered by what we have learned of the grieving process from our own experiences and that of this community. We don't just mouth I am sorry for your loss; we quickly take real concrete steps to offer comfort and advice they need to hear at that moment. Someone quickly steps in with concrete advice about eating, sleeping, staying hydrated and the other elements of self-care that make those first months endurable. That advice comes out of our own experiences in the early days of our own suffering. I remember someone telling me about those things within hours of my coming here--and I find myself repeating that advice to others--not because it is traditional but because the evidence of our own experience assures us of its wisdom.

At other times logic, reason and evidence come first--but love and compassion come right along with them. We couch those things in ways that express not only what we have found to be true, but most often do it in a compassionate and loving tone that engineers and lawyers--married to logic as they have to be professionally--rarely master and bring home with them. We are all of us in terrific pain--but that pain rarely leads us to shout at each other or inflict pain on each other. We are careful with each other and gentle with each other.

But, as I say, I need to think on this some more. You will understand, I think, because you have all practiced this here and do not need much explanation. But I need to think on all the ramifications before I share this idea with a wider audience that has not had the hard experience of grief to sharpen their understanding of it.

Of course this may all be a bunch of horse hockey that makes no sense to anyone but me.

Peace,

Harry

[feralfae]

Harry, It all makes very good sense.

Thank you.

fae

[feralfae]

Actually, I came here to post this for Anne and all the rest of the chocoholics ... its about chocolate. fae

http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/the-empty-pickle-jar/store/