Queeniemary Posted February 14, 2014 Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 We all miss our spouses, partners or significant others. I miss Mike so much that sometimes I can hardly breathe. I miss our conversations, the sharing of space in our living room, me reading, him watching the history channel with a dog or two beside him and a cat or two in his lap. I miss the long trips that we took across the country, and the long talks we had on those trips, the dreams we shared then. I miss the silly games of Skip-bo we played when the weather was bad especially and we did not want to risk getting our car out. I miss the movies we liked to watch together, and the plays we liked to perform together. I miss the food we liked to cook together. I miss so much, we all do. But I also miss the me I used to be. I will never be that person again. I saw all the valentine greetings on FB today, many between husband and wife, and felt mean spirited. Not that Mike and I would have put it on FB, but we would have said it to each other, and now he is not here to say it. I can never be as lighthearted as I once was. I cannot help but feel some sort of jealousy toward others who have been able to move forward, and have perhaps found love again. I don't think I could ever do that, because I might have to go through this terrible pain again. I so miss the me I used to be. She died right along with Mike. I am someone else, at least to me. To my friends, those who do not understand, they think I am the old Mary, but she is gone. You all know what I mean. It has been four years plus, and I feel that I look older than the passage of four years time should account for. Grief does that to you. Taking a good look in the mirror, I see many lines, and jaw line not very firm, and realize finally I am no longer young. Grief ages you. I probably don't look much different to others, but to me, the person looking back at me out of the mirror...I am not sure who she is. Not posting this to be negative, but just something that came to me today. I am not particularly depressed or anything, but realizing the me I used to be is gone, and I am sad. Where else can I share this and be understood. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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