mkroberts16 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2014 Hi..I wanted to post a picture of the "boys" eating breakfast yesterday morning..but can't seem to get it over??? Help??? Marcia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 I hope you do post the picture. I don't think there's anything anyone can say that will help you over it. I've suffered many losses in my life and have found it takes time...Marty often says time alone does not help one through grief, but it's the grief work we put into it. There's so many ways to do the grief work, and it's going to be individual what resonates with each individual. I know the hardest loss I've ever suffered was my husband...we were so close, so in love, he was my best friend, my partner, I couldn't imagine life without him and suddenly there it was, I had to learn to live alone, without him. It's been over nine years now and I still miss him each and every day. I know it will be that way again when I lose my Arlie (my dog), because he's been my bright and shining star the last 5 1/2 years, I got him just before his first birthday. Big dogs (he's 128) don't live as long and he probably won't live past age 12. I try not to think about it but I know that day is coming someday. I honestly don't know how I'll survive life without him, but I know I'll have to. It will be up to me to try and brighten my days somehow, I will undoubtedly get another dog, but none will ever be my Arlie. He is goofy, fun, loving, smart, I love everything about him, I even love how he smells! How could another dog ever replace him?! The answer is, they couldn't. It will be up to another dog to somehow worm their way into my heart, to make me love them just for who THEY are, and it will take time and building that relationship. But always, always, I will love my Arlie. Just like I do Skye, my granddoggy that passed a year ago. No other dog could take his place. My son got another dog, Bruno, and I love Bruno, he's kind of like a mixture of Skye and Arlie, but he is Bruno, all himself. I don't get to see him as much as Skye, as Skye lived with me much of his life, but even with just the sporadic visits, I've gotten to appreciate and love him for who he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 Marcia, I got the impression that you're wanting to know how to include a photo in your post. If that is what you're asking, I hope this will help: Attachments Depending on where in the community you are posting your message at, you may be able to upload attachments to your message. There are two types of uploaders available: the default uploader and the flash uploader. Default Uploader The default uploader allows you to upload attachments one at a time. To begin, press the button. A box will appear for you to select the file on your computer that you want to attach. Select the file you want to upload. If you change your mind, you can press the button and then choose a different file. Once you have selected the file you want, press Attach the file. If there are any errors uploading the file, you will receive an error message, otherwise, you will see the attachment appear. Flash Uploader You can enable the flash uploader from your settings menu. When enabled, you will be able to easily upload more than one file at a time. To start, press Click to Attach Files. A box will appear for you to select the file or files on your computer that you want to attach. Select the file or files you want to upload. You can select more than one file at a time by holding Ctrl (on Windows) or Command (on Mac) and click on the files. Once you have selected your files and clicked "Open", they will begin uploading. If there are any errors uploading the files, you will receive an error message, otherwise, you will see the attachments appear. [source: Click on the "Help" link (in tiny print on the left side, at the base of the main page), then Help > Help Topics > Posting > Attachments] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 I transposed two words "it over" to "over it" when I read it, so my response was totally off. Sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you Marty I will try this evening!!! KayC, I meant get over feeling devastated even tho I am planning on a new pup..I miss her so much I still have not taken everythng away from kitchen where she was sleeping these last months DARN it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 14, 2014 Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 I still have not removed all of my husband's items from the house and it's been over nine years since he died. Why would you have to? If it's easier to leave them be, do what is most comfortable for YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Yes it took me 5 years to go thru' my husbands clothes and to disperse his ashes. his family was so upset w/ me. they actually said to me that something was wrong w/ me.... I took a ton of criticism for that..... You know , I came home from work tonight and looked for Bailey....I almost called my cat Bailey..but I stopped myself.....Bailey was just the love of my life more so than the others I had....I was so in love w/ her........we would often fall asleep hugging each other on the floor in the living room....especially when the ex-boyfriend had been nasty to me....( we did not live together, thank God) Oh God, I miss her so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 15, 2014 Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Just remember that others criticize what they don't understand and know nothing of, what they think or say doesn't matter with regards to how you handle your grief. If we hang onto all of their stuff for the rest of our lives, that is our business. You see, it doesn't make it "unhealthy", they would never feel like that if they were still alive, so why should they feel that way just because we had the misfortune of losing our husband to death? This isn't a divorce, we lost them against our will and wishes! The same is true when we lose our pets or anyone else. Yes, I understand how you feel about Bailey, we have some pets that stand out and we're exceptionall6y close to, that's how I feel about my Arlie. Part of it has to do with who they are and part of it has to do with our lives at the time...when we're alone I think we're especially susceptible to closeness with our pets, and all the more so if we have special needs, health problems, etc. The pets step up to the plate and meet our needs, whereas if we're busy and don't show them as much attention, we won't be as close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Boy,, I am getting negative responses from the few people in my life right now majority of them NOT wishing me well w/ another dog Hardly anyone happy for me expecting a new pup OMG this is so disgusting why can't people wish me well and be happy for me Oh should I change my mind w/ another pup??? so much negativity...why can't they support me??? This is making me so sad....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 15, 2014 Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 It would be interesting to know why these folks have to be so negative. You get your puppy and enjoy every minute with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 16, 2014 Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Their attitudes are their problem. Surround yourself with positive people and enjoy your puppy. Avoid these naysayers until you feel strong enough to deal with them...you don't need them right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2014 Yes. I hung a picture of a BT pup on my refrig today to help me ward off the negative sentiments from some "friends" Yes I am still grieving...but I can't stay in their negative atmosphere..its' too much for me to cope with It was so good being w/ breeder last Friday because dogs and Border Terriers are her life..they were everywhere in her house!!! She and her hubby love these guys!!! That's what I need more of....to them Border Terriers reign!!!!!!!! Yes it is 6 weeks now..and I still feel sick when I come home or wake up in the morning I can't believe Bailey is not here....I hate to even say that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Border Terriers are to you what Siberian Huskies are to me. It's funny how someone has an experience with a breed and that is what touches their heart forever! We have lovers of Corgis, Golden Retrievers, etc. here! I love dogs, regardless of breeds but am partial to Huskies because of their unique personalities and their way of "talking", moving, etc. Their drawback is they like to escape. Yes, I think it's good to allow yourself to dream of getting a new pup, it gives you something to look forward to, even as you grieve the special relationship you had with Bailey. Some dogs are just plain special, and it sounds like Bailey was all that and more to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2014 It It is 7 weeks today that I lost Ms. Bailey on Labor Day and you know what? it still has not sunk in....I still hate coming home...and waking in the morning when she most needed me....I was driving around over the weekend doing errands, and thought, OMG we used to go to all of these places together...... Yes..I am getting a new pup in a few weeks..but I am full of mixed emotions I realized that I put so many "human" qualities on Bailey, that I feel like I lost a person and with everything that has happened to me this year,,,she WAS a person in my singular life..therefore this is more devastating than last 3 dogs I have lost. When I lost those guys, I had plenty of supportive people in my life..now NONE I did not go to work today because I felt so depressed.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Marcia, dear, I thought of you and Bailey when I read this: Paying Tribute to My Peeps. I especially like how the author identifies all the things she learned from her beloved companion, and how her dog helped her to become a better person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thinking of you...I don't really have anything more to add, no advice, just I know how you must be feeling. Can['t remember if you've gotten grief counseling or not to help you with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Kay, yes I have been going to a grief counselor, I think about 5 visits now......she is wonderful...we talk about other great losses in my life: husband, Mom, long time boyfriend, and best friend, Bailey. It helps alot to be w/ her for 1 hour. It's 7 weeks now..and I am all over the place.........Bailey was my BEST ever friend....especially when all others leaving me. I am still planning on new furbaby..but w/ mixed emotions..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Marty thanks for the link..I will go there and read....tonight.... I am having tons of mixed emotions my breeder sent me pictures of the "new boy" today..I can't wait to cuddle him, yet feel a traitor to Bailey..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 I hope once you get your new boy you will not feel such mixed emotions. Bailey would want you to continue loving and living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 That's exactly what the grief counselor told me last night,,,that Bailey loved me and would not want me so very sad.....and she would approve of my getting another furbaby to love and care for, especially since it is the same breeder and that one couple getting a baby from this litter had one of Bailey's siblings who just also passed away also... ! OMG so it's Bailey's family. 16 years later... I felt so good last week, when I was with the breeder meeting the new boys......she is so loving toward these dogs..and gets what I am feeling.Her home is full of Border Terriers..it felt so good!!!!!!!! I still have friends givng me negative comments about getting a new BT........they have not wished me well w/ this at all..I dpn't get it.....but I am staying away from them and we have been friends for many years........so another way I am really alone! I am going up and down daily......I will get new furbaby on Thanksgiving weekend but I have such mixed emotions....... I still have some of Bailey's things in kitchen I look for her whenever I enter the door to apt..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 I don't get why your "friends" would react like that, but I'd avoid them until you are more adjusted and able to handle them. If you still want to be friends when all is said and done, perhaps you can share your hurt with them and give them a chance to explain their reaction, but I'd wait until your emotions are settled down more before opening that door. You're right, this dog is Bailey's relative! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I am so looking forward to seeing your new furbaby, Marcia. You are among people who happen to love animals. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Marcia, this is how you felt at the breeder's home. You said: "It was so good being w/ breeder last Friday because dogs and Border Terriers are her life..they were everywhere in her house!!! She and her hubby love these guys!!! That's what I need more of....to them Border Terriers reign!!!!!!!!" That means you can transfer those feelings to your own home when that puppy comes knowing Bailey is smiling with you. We can carry grief and joy at the same time. One in each hand. Both in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Since I'm not familiar with the breed, I looked online to see what a Border Terrier puppy looks like. Is it any wonder that you're in love with these adorable little ones, Marcia?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 So cute! Who could NOT love them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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