mkroberts16 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Thank you all.....3 weeks tomorrow...OMG.......I still get my breathe when I walk into the kitchen..and yet I can look at her lovely 2 portraits in the living room, or my screen saver on my laptop...does this make sense??? I am trying to spent more loving time w/ my cat...(who came into Bailey's and my life 1 year ago)...but as we all know cats are different. She's a cutie I have never had a cat in my life......she kind of found Bailey and I one very cold snowy night up here in CT, as I was walking Bailey...she came out of the dark shadows and followed us for a couple of nights I finally saw she was living under the stairs of a nearby building.....so She became part of our family....... But Bailey was w/ me me over 16 years....thru a lot of life experiences........she was always there!!!!! I am so thankful for finding this site...you have all been wonderful................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 22, 2014 Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 Some cats can be quite loving, I've had some that I still miss. It really depends on the cat. They can be very independent though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 This is Marcia, Bailey's mom. Today is 3 weeks.....I did not go to work today, I feel so awful. I just can't do anything..its an effort to move today...I don't know what more to do to cope. being in the apt is just not comfortable at all...I just want to keep going away from here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 I'm sorry. I hope the functioning starts getting easier from you, is your boss understanding of your situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 Yes she is being very understanding and compassionate My breeder sent me a message this morning that no little girls are available anywhere closeby and asked me to consider a little boy. I told her i just can't wrap my head and heart around this..... I think because it is bringing out just how alone I really am now compared to just a few years ago and now it is really highlighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 Hi Marcia, Losing your beloved Bailey will take time to adjust to. You are still so new to this loss. In our grief we will have those up and down days. That is the price we pay for the love we received and gave. You will always miss your Bailey but it will get easier. I am sure that you will know what to do about getting another dog. Only you will know when it is the right time. No matter what animal you get it will find a special place in your heart just like Bailey did. There are so many of us here who are animal lovers. My heart hurts for you and I do understand the pain of losing a beloved animal. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 I am sorry she does not have a boy. Listen to your heart....he or she will be yours for a long long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 No..she has only a boy..not a girl..but I will have to re consider..cuz I ahd my heart set on another girl had my 3rd session w/ grief counselor tonight..she is so good! of course after all the loss in my life..I should be "used" to this awful feeling but NOT It's been 3 weeks and she says....it is so early in the process........ this past weekend was the worst...in 3 weeks..I think because the shock has worn off and reality it trying to set in I can't get my head around this...... I am all over the place.....went to work today..but very difficult "I was not really there" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 24, 2014 Report Share Posted September 24, 2014 Came across this tonight and thought of you. http://www.vetstreet.com/dr-marty-becker/5-strategies-for-surviving-the-loss-of-a-pet?WT.mc_id=mbfacebook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2014 Thank you for thinking of me... I will re-read it over and over.......I appreciate your kindness and compassion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2014 This is Bailey's mom, Marcia I am going to be a "new mom" in about 7 weeks...(Oh, Bailey sweetheart, dont' be HURT) Bailey's breeder had a litter 5 days after Bailey left me, and there is one little boy available..so he will be mine in about 7 weeks Bailey's breeder is a sweet, compassionate breeder..whom I have stayed in touch w/ all through Bailey's life (photo Xmas cards every year, etc) Oh, Bailey, please understand why I am doing this, I loved you so darn much I have to have someone from a long line in your family tree to love again......because I miss you so terribly... Oh, I hope this is good I am TOO alone My emotions are all over the place. over this....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 24, 2014 Report Share Posted September 24, 2014 Marcia, I am so glad you found a little boy and that you can let go of worrying about Bailey's feelings. They are not truly his...they are your feelings of guilt or just wondering if you are doing the right thing. I think those we love who have died have only a desire to see us be peaceful so enjoy getting ready for this new little furbaby as you also grieve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh Mary...so nicely said..thank you so much Yes...get ready for a new furbaby WHILE grieving too very well said This pup is really from a long line of family....cousins, 1/2 siblings etc..and the same breeder so a natural choice for another Border Terrier to love who is Bailey's family, really You are so right.....I am worried about my feelings of guilt and wondering and not hers........she knows only LOVE My friend said tonight that Bailey is wagging her tail for me.....OMG......... I am still all over the place w/ feelings, thoughts, and tears................................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Marcia, I am so happy for you and for the new little dog that needs you. Mary's right, Bailey isn't feeling that way, you are. Bailey knows you're a good mom and I think she'd want someone else to experience your love and comfort like she did. In heaven there is no jealousy, and she's waiting at the rainbow bridge to greet you AND the other pets you've had in your life. Bailey also knows how hard it'd be for you to be alone, you both needed each other, it was a two way street...secretly, I think she's happy for you. She wouldn't want her mom to be sad. I've had males and females both and I don't see a lot of difference other than the males like to sniff/pee on everything whereas the female will just go and be done with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 So happy for you, Marcia. I'll be waiting to see pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh...I hope this is right....but I think it is the ONLY way for ME to go at this time...... yes..my long time vet had said the same thing: That Bailey & I were very important to each other my life centered on HER...especially lately....... Yes, I am little concerned about a BOY pup....but the breeder says I can train him not to pee on everything from the very start....she is going to start him going on flat ground at all time...so lifting his leg will not be as strong a behavior.... OMG......mixed feelings keep churning in my brain...even tho' my heart say's "yes"...???????? thoughts????? Thank you, all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 For what it's worth, my family of origin always had female dogs, and so, when I grew up and had dogs of my own, I always resisted getting a male ~ until I got my first one, a darling Cockapoo named Muffin. Years later my beloved Beringer came to me, also a male. Like you, I would have preferred a female, but the litter that was available was all boys, and I was ready for a puppy. Today I would not hesitate getting a male dog. I can assure you, from personal experience, that male dogs have their own way of making their way into your heart ~ and they are every bit as lovable as females! I have a feeling you are about to fall in love, all over again ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 25, 2014 Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Marcia, I have only been blessed to have two dogs in my life-both male Goldens. My next dog will also be a male and I find myself hesitating to get a female. You have always have females and hesitate to get a male. Marty the same i.e. hesitating back when to get that first male dog. I think it has to do with what we know and have experience with and also how we relate to the pup. I have friends with dogs of both sexes and they are all content with their dogs no matter the sex. The bonding you do with your new furbaby is probably the most important piece. I am listening to Following Aticus (Aticus M. Finch named from To Kill a Mockingbird- is a male Schnauzer) and it is all about the bond between he and his "owner" Tom Ryan. http://www.amazon.com/Following-Atticus-Forty-eight-Extraordinary-Friendship/dp/0061997110 Bentley, my current furbaby, who will be 11 years old next week is only now lifting his leg once in a while to pee. He has, for reasons unknown, never done that. He rarely pees on every smell as we walk...though he does smell everything his nose picks up. He is gentle and loving and cuddly and weighs in at 77 pounds. He is slowing down some now with his age and his lymphoma slowing him down but he still plays like a puppy on many evenings. I think you might consider just letting go of male/female so that you do not have expectations that you turn into reality just because you expect them. Just think of your new furbaby as well.........your furbaby. Forget male and female and fall in love with your dog. I attached some photos of our male dog, Bentley, so you can see how loving and cuddly a male dog is. With Bill at about age 3 A few weeks old Age 10 curled up for a nap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh....great sentiments thank you....I am just having so many mixed emotions about my decision..you know...too soon,.....hurt Bailey...what others will say...you know the stuff....I am hard on myself, anyway, in case you have not noticed! You are right don't think male vs female...just lovin!! and caring!! This boy comes from a distant line (16 yrs) of Bailey's family and the same breeder...same farm!!! I hope that makes her feel better.... I could have gone to N.H. to another breeder to get a female,,but wanted to "keep it in the family"....and the breeder has been so wonderful.................. Thank you all...you ROCK!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2014 Mary what a cuite patoootie a giant love!!! so cuddly!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 26, 2014 Report Share Posted September 26, 2014 My dog only took two weeks to housebreak (I got him just under a year old). Here's my "baby"...I never got to see him "small". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2014 Well, I have very mixed emotions over my choice to get a new pup.....it makes me feel better in a way then worse in others.....when I think of Bailey....I don't know what else to do??? I know I hate my apt w/o her here....I feel so sad and depressed w/o her......I just can't wrap my head around what has happened in the last 3 1/2 weeks.......OMG was I wearing rose-colored glasses??? not dealing w/ reality???? when it came to her??? I simply can't get this all in prespective accept,,,it...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 27, 2014 Report Share Posted September 27, 2014 Confusion and shock and trying to get our heads around loss are very common. When do you have to let the breeder know that you want or do not want her pup? My guess is that sooner or later, like all of us who love our pets, you will get another Border Terrier....and it is possible that because your love for Bailey is so deep, you may feel guilty or confused even a year or two years or more from now. You may have to just go to your head and make a decision and then try not to second guess your decision. Why not set a deadline for yourself regarding whether or not you are going to take this little boy. then make a decision by that time and then let go of the back and forth. It is about timing as opposed to whether you will get a dog or not. Will you feel any differently if you wait? No one knows. It is early for you to get your head around the reality. No one can answer this question for you. But second guessing yourself over and over is not helping you. I wish I had an answer for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2014 I have made a deposit on a new little boy he is 3 weeks old..I saw his picture yesterday he will come "home" ina bout 7 weeks so givng me some time to "adjust"???? Yes..getting my head around this is not happening right now........but I know I can't go w/o another furbabay to love..I'm too alone I'm a little excited but deeply grieving at the same time?????? Thnk you for your support it is so very soothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2014 It is Sat 9/27 I will be out of town to visit friends until Tuesday 9/30. Won't have access to computer Please don't think I have left the site..... I will post on Tuesday Thank you for your on-going support & compassion.....I feel so "all-over" the place......no peace Marcia, Bailey's mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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