Lost My Husband, My Life

[BeBrave]

That's how I feel. My husband was tragically killed November 1 2014.

I'm lost and alone. I don't even know who I am. I'm on mute.

Reaching out to other's whom have traveled this journey feels right.

BeBrave

[MartyT]

You've come to the right place, my dear ~ and I am so very sorry for the reason that brought you here. Please know that we are thinking of you, as we welcome you with open arms and caring hearts. ♥

[BeBrave]

Marty

Thank you for your compassion. It's simply hard.

BeBrave

[kayc]

I am so sorry you lost your husband. I lost mine nearly ten years ago, sudden heart attack.

I know how shocking this must be to you, it jolts every aspect of your being. While life will not be the same again, the intensity of the pain will eventually lessen and you'll learn to carry him inside of you and reach for him whenever you want. I hope you will continue to come here, this place was my lifeline and there are a lot of wonderful people here who understand and we'll be here to walk this journey with you.

[BeBrave]

I'm trying to be strong. Seems it's getting worse, the crying

grieving the farther away from the death. Is this normal?

BeBrave

[BeBrave]

Thank you kayc for your words of wisdom.

[enna]

My dear BeBrave,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know that anything you feel is normal at this time of your deep grief. You do not have to be strong at this time. Your loss is like no other. Those of us who have gone through this pain understand the raw hurt.

I can tell you from experience that talking about how you are feeling is healing. We who are here know the lost feeling.

The journey you are on is going to be a long one. For right now please take care of yourself by staying hydrated and keeping nourished. Follow your own heart and do what is good for you. We are here and we open our hearts to listen. This place you have found is a safe one and those who come here find the strength to move through our grief ever so slowly.

Anne

[Queeniemary]

BeBrave, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I lost my husband nearly 5 years ago to a sudden massive coronary. You have come to a wonderful place where many people will understand and will be there for you. I am so very sorry you had to join us on this journey, that none of us wanted to travel. Take care of your self, and come back often, you will find help here.

QMary

[BeBrave]

Anne

Your comforting words and support are heard.

Truth be told, I'm tired of being strong, being pushed

to make decisions. I'm not ready emotionally nor mentally

There to make long term decisions just yet that affect my

financial situation. I'm I incorrect or get it done so

Others can move on.....?

I'm okay with bills and such. Running our business as this keeps

me distracted.

I'm seeing a Doctor during this process too.

Marjorie

[BeBrave]

Thank you QMARY for your compassion.

[annew]

Dear BeBrave,
I am so sorry for your loss; I understand the shock, many of us here know that.
I am so glad you found this group. It is so important to have a place for grief.

Please keep coming back and let yourself be supported.

AnneW

[HisWife]

When we say we are "so sorry for your loss," they are not just words - we've been where you are and those words are filled with true-felt compassion. I lost my husband in February of this year and have received so much compassion and care from others on this site as we continue on this journey of grief and sorrow. There is no right or wrong way to grieve along with no timetable, so whatever you are doing or decisions you are making are the right ones for you. As Anne mentioned, make sure you're taking care of yourself even when you don't feel like eating or drinking. The only other advice someone gave me is not to make any major decisions for the first year. I know right now it's imagineable to think the gut-wrentching feelings of grief will ever lessen, but 10 months into this journey I can say the raw feelings of grief and emotion are slowly lessening. I hope you will come here often to find solace and peace. Sue

[bluelady]

BeBrave,

I am so sorry for your loss. I do know what you are experiencing as the memories are still very fresh in my mind.

I am looking at my two month anniversary tomorrow of my beloved's passing. With each passing day, like you, I seem to get worse. I miss him more now than I did immediately after his passing. If you haven't done so yet, you might want to seek out a grief counseling group in your area. Thanks to some of the others here and in my group, I have begun to heal a bit, but that raw pain is still present. I cry all the time and haven't touched anything in our house yet. Everything is just as he left it on July 26th when entered the hospital. The people here have been where we are, so take their words to heart. You will find that many things you are experiencing are shared by almost all of us. Although we are all different in our grieving process, we still share many of the same emotions and some of the same experiences. I certainly can't speak from much experience and am hoping, as I am sure are you, that one day things will ease and my high stress level will reduce to the point that I can begin to experience a normal life, one that no longer includes the man I still love so very much, one that is now empty and without much meaning, one that no longer has any dreams or thoughts for the future. You have come to the right place to share your thoughts, cry and learn from others.

Hugs to you,

Linda

[BeBrave]

My heart is broken but all of you here are being held close.

Simply not enough words to convey my gratitude to each one.

Each day is a gift......I'm passing along words of love comfort

for today.

[enna]

Grief in Doses

I would like to share something with those of you who are new to having lost your husbands that helped me when I lost my Jim in May of 2012.

I did not understand it at the time but looking back I can understand what the phrase “grieve in doses” means. In my first months of loss I was dazed and really had no idea where I was or what was going on. I spent days in bed under the covers or watching funny movies or eating junk food. I’d cry until I had to change my pillowcases and I really did scream in the shower as the water poured over me. I would even look in the mirror and talk to the person looking back at me ~ many times not even recognizing who it was!

I believe that we are protected from the full impact of our losses so that we don’t go insane. Slowly, we begin to settle into the reality that our loved one is gone and we are left to continue on until we connect again.

We are unique in how we grieve and later in how we mourn ~ both are necessary to our healing. It is perfectly normal for us to go about our daily lives and set aside times when we do our grieving. Someone said, “There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is only your way.” After all, we are learning to live a “new” life and no matter how we look at it ~ it is hard work.

I find that grieving in doses is a positive thing. I still have those days when I fall apart and I think I always will have them. The difference today is that I accept that this is how it is going to be and I’m all right with it.

I urge you to go to the griefhealingblog here on this forum and read the many articles you’ll find there. And, if you’re like me, you’ll need to read them over and over again to begin to understand what grief is really about.

The more we understand what grief is the better able we’ll be to handle it. This article I found from the griefhealingblog is a good place to start, I think.

http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-of-loss-and-grief/

Anne

[kayc]

Marjorie,

Yes what you are experiencing is normal. Our grief often ekes out in doses that we can handle...in the beginning we have the shock period that I think kind of numbs and protects us. Later as reality begins to sink in is when the real grief work begins. It's important to express ourselves and not hold it in and it helps to do so with those who've been there and understand. Sometimes family and friends have not experienced it and would like to help us but have no clue how. This forum is a good place to start. Are you seeing a grief counselor? That can be a big help. There are also grief support groups and that can help but doesn't take the place of a grief counselor.

[BeBrave]

I am seeing a grief physiologist.

In the brief time I've posted.

The tremendous amount of support

care and love I've received has

been a God send.

Marjorie

[kayc]

I'm glad...that's how I've felt here too. It will continue.

[annew]

It's hard to imagine life beginning again and I thought I would feel better than I do after a year....I have so much anxiety about survival, some of which is not based in reality, just my dependency on him for emotional security. It feels so much like I cannot survive emotionally, I am so down, drained, and tired so much it seems there is no recovery and it's hopeless. I don't even want to try, it feels as though I have to push myself through everything. I am getting the things done that need doing but it's actually gotten tougher.....and I am so afraid now all the time. His illness lasted so long and took all the quality of life we had worked so hard to get to....and then he died. It all feels so wrong.

[kayc]

Anne,

I'm sorry you're feeling so drained and tired. Many people feel that the second year is, in a way, harder. For me, it was probably three years out. There will always be times when you'll feel set back, like when you lose a job or have medical problems, and you don't have him to lean on. But in this journey we also learn about our strength and resilience. You probably aren't feeling that right now, but even when you're exhausted and down, that doesn't mean you don't have strength and resilience...it just means you've been through so much, you're feeling depleted. It's important to take good care of yourself so you can feel as optimal as you can (even if that's not too much). Trust us when we tell you we have walked where you walk, even though every journey is unique, there are similarities too...enough to know, understand and care what the other person is going through. We'll be here for you...as long as it takes! I've been here nearly ten years, this place has been a lifeline to me. The friendships I've made here are rich, as we share in our daily triumphs and struggles.

(((BIG HUGS)))

[BeBrave]

My arms surrounding each one today.

Anne, I too have those feelings and thoughts.

I'm holding you close in prayer.

It's simply hard.

As Kay states....take care of your wellbeing. Easier said than

done, I know.

Warmly

BeBrave

Marjorie

[annew]

Thank you so much for your encouragement, Kay. It means so much to me to be understood. I am so tired, so drained, I can barely move. It is so good to hear that others have been through it and know I will survive and that others want to be here for me. Much love to you, Kay. I am so grateful for your kindness to me in all this confusion and fear. <3 AnneW

[annew]

Thank you, Marjorie. Your hearing and your hugs are so dearly felt and so appreciated. Blessings on your sweet heart.

AnneW

[kayc]

Anne, I'm feeling that way myself today. It will pass!

[Confused&Lost]

I really hope that what you're saying is true. I lost my husband on Nov. 22, 2014. I feel so sad, confused and lost. I cry everyday. Some days I just can't think straight. I can't sleep either. I just wish this would all go away and I could see him again. I miss him so much and just get overwhelm with grief. I'm trying to be strong for my kids, but it's so hard some days.