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heartache so bad


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:( My heart and soul aches more tonight than it has since the night my beautiful passed away Jan 9.  Why it hurt this bad now after almost 9mos I don't know.   I didn't think the pain could be worse.  How wrong was I...  

I want to sleep and dream of her yet I know I'll wake hurting because she won't be beside me.  

Butch

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I know what you mean and totally agree.  Grief and heartache isn't just emotional pain... It literally feels like a deep physical hurt.  

Hugs to you.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I'm so sorry all of us here have to endure this pain.  

 

Edited by R.Everit55
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I think the term 'broken hearted' originated from grief. It is a physical, mental and emotional pain so deep and there is no panacea. It effects our breathing (sighing so deeply without thinking about it much of the time) and struggling to catch our breath. It effects our thinking (fuzzy unfocused thoughts disorientation,  and an inability to focus on anything that doesn't involve our grief). It effects our mobility (feelings of fragility, like we could trip or fall or break) It effects our soul with a dull ache and feeling of bruising or having been punched and a questioning of faith.  It effects our bodies as a whole with knots in the stomach, rising panic, lack of sleep, no appetite. In fact if you take the broken hearted grief out of it, these are the symptoms of falling in love and loving intensely. It stands to reason. 

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I went through a divorce with 4 young kids, felt down in the dumps and somewhat lost, but the need to keep the kids fed kept me grounded,......that feeling was nothing compared to loss of a Wife of 30 years...I tell everyone the Grief I have is 10X more pain than anything I ever went through in my life combined.......I met a Lady in town here who has been Widowed twice, my question was how can you go on...answer was simple, you just do . The belief in a higher power definitely helps one out........

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You are right Kevin NOTHING compares to the death of one so close and so loved and who loved us right back. I sometimes think of the millions and millions of people who have been through this since mankind began and the millions who are suffering along with me now across the world and of those to come who will experience this  long after I am gone. I guess the lady you spoke to Kevin was right about how you go on 'you just do'

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You are so right.  When I went through a divorce, it was excruciating!  I felt the pain of rejection that I did not experience when I lost my husband to death.  BUT, all these years later and my divorced husband is just a bad memory, whereas my late husband will forever live on in my heart and I will miss him until the day I die and we can be rejoined together.  The pain of losing my George knocked me for a loop like nothing else.  It affected everything in my life!  And you're right, the pain is 1,000 fold and then some.  With divorce there also comes some relief to a bad marriage/situation, but with death, you did not WANT it to end, it was ripped from you kicking and screaming!  There is no comparison between the two experiences, they are very different. 

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This is to let all of you know that Butch is safely in the hospital with exhaustion/anxiety/depression and they will work on getting it under control so he can sleep.  Please keep him in your prayers, and also his son Allen & DIL Katie with her pregnancy.

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Butch sends his love...he's still in the hospital, Allen is keeping me posted.

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