Gwenivere Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Brad, you are not alone when it comes to having things flair up and have even small things making us feel like we can't take care of ourselves. Humbling to me because of all I did I never thought I could for Steve. It's hard to be alone with illness. It so intensifies how we always helped each other. You are fighting some big battles. I can get stomach pains and I get freaked out it is some devastating illness now. We get deleted for battles. NN did give some excellent advice. You are taking care of yourself, so don't forget that. It's just so much more intensified now. Another reminder of the grief. Seems everything revolves around that for us now. I can't think of anything I do that requires energy without knowing that is sapping what little I have. As someone once posted, that we get done anything in a day is a triumph. Keep taking good care of yourself. Deedo would want that for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Oh Brad, I'm sorry...sometimes we really just need them here, don't we! Prednisone is one of the miracle drugs, albeit a last resort one. It performs wonders but comes with its own price. I hope you heal soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted November 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Brad, I hope you will be feeling better soon. I haven't had many health problems since my husband died. He always took good care of me. When I do get sick I know it will be difficult physically and emotionally. The past few days I have sorted through our storage areas. I threw out and gave away most of the stuff. I hired a helper and good friend to help me. It was hard to do this. I cried and thought about my lost future with Andre. Yet, when I finished I felt better. I kept photos and some favorite things. Because I now have more space, I can go through the stuff I kept easily. I continue to miss my husband very much every single day. There are times when I don't think I can go on alone. I cry and cry when I'm alone. I want him back with me. In the year he's been gone I've done what he wanted me to do. I'm making friends and building a new life. None of it will ever replace him. He will always be with me. I know he is happy with what I'm doing. I'm still in a lot of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Not looking for sympathy just sharing a Uff Da moment. On top of all: hacking up a lung, splitting open a wound, Crohn's flair, feeling crummy, woke up at three with last nights storm having blown snow/sleet/rain into furnace so now breaker trips every time I reset and I have no heat. Mayo will want me there for wound and furnace/electician here for breaker problem 200 miles apart. Thank God for great neighbors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Oh Brad, I am so sorry you're having such a rough time of it. You are in our thoughts and prayers ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Furnace is fixed and I'm a certifiable idiot. Hand will just takes weeks to mend instead of days; not a big deal just minor annoyance, and someday I will shake this virus. Things starting to look up; amazing how being warm helps. Time for me to switch focus on what really matters. Thanks for the love and support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Oh Brad, I think that is what we are all here for. To try to help each other "get well" or just to feel better. I think I would be in my living room running in circles constantly if I did not have this forum to go read. I have not been sick yet, still have problems with my colon rupture, but it is an everyday thing. I just watch my temperature. I know if I get sick then I will just lose it. He was my nurse. It is raining here and that song "raining in my heart" is all that comes to mind. I put on my Facebook page the words to Little Orphan Annie, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow." Take care of yourself Brad. We have not had real cold weather in this part of Arkansas. I miss Louisiana right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted November 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 I'm having a hard time today. I woke up tired. I woke up missing Andre so much. It's noon and I've been crying off and on since I woke up. We were retired so we were always together. We enjoyed each other's company. Without him here with me, I'm so alone. I have to do a few things at home today. I have the most difficulty when I'm home alone. I just want to go back to bed and cuddle with my dog. I feel so empty inside. I wish I was with my husband. Or that he was with me. I'm trying to live this new life, but the pain of grief makes it difficult. I'm going to make it, but this is so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Brad, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it. We had snow all day yesterday, I stayed in, today my truck is finally running after installing a new battery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Brad, yay, I'm glad you got your heat back. Sometimes when it rains it pours, but the sun eventually comes out. Just take care of that hand, wrap it up really well, I feel like any hard or fast movements are causing the stitches to break. Glad you are feeling better.Margaret, I had to laugh at you saying you'd be running around in circles in your living room. I agree! I couldn't come here I think I would have shot myself by now. I really thought I was going to go insane, mostly because finding any sort of grief help and support was so hard. I"m sorry I had look for it at all, but to be so in need and having to look so hard and long for some support was terrible and made things that much worse.It's funny that you all had your spouses as your helpers and those to pamper and take care of you. My sister was the same for me. It's really easy for me to get debris or dust in my eyes and I have a lot of eye wash that I used, not to long ago I had an attack where my eye bothered me for days and she squirted eye wash in my eye and tried to help me clear it. No one else would do that for me. Any time I had a cut or did something to myself I'd show her and she'd quickly get some antibiotics or tell me what I should do, she'd be very concerned. Now I have no one that cares about that stuff, or if I show my mom she will just looked grossed out but that's it. I miss that pampering too, someone who really cared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Oh Brad. That's awful I hope your hand isn't too painful? Did you get a good dressing on it? I've only had a minor tummy bug, but it seems you've outdone me on every level. Now you wouldn't be showing off by any chance would youSeriously, take care of yourself my friend. You are precious x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 I'm having a hard time today. I woke up tired. I woke up missing Andre so much. It's noon and I've been crying off and on since I woke up. We were retired so we were always together. We enjoyed each other's company. Without him here with me, I'm so alone. I have to do a few things at home today. I have the most difficulty when I'm home alone. I just want to go back to bed and cuddle with my dog. I feel so empty inside. I wish I was with my husband. Or that he was with me. I'm trying to live this new life, but the pain of grief makes it difficult. I'm going to make it, but this is so hard. Oh my heart broke reading you two were retired, so even more time to be together. I know all your days revolved around each other. I now know that feeling all to well when someone so involved with your day to day is no longer there. Take baby steps. Do something that you liked to do even when be was here and it was just your thing. Those are the baby steps I'm taking. It doesn't work every day, but sometimes it gets me through. One hour at a time.I look at shows that were my favorite, or play games that were my thing. It makes it a tiny bit easier than doing something me and my sis both enjoyed so I'm not sitting there the whole time wishing she were enjoying it with me. But it's so very hard. Their absence is like a neon light flashing. This grief is like carrying a cinder block everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Debi - Of course I'm showing off. Actually I showing how dependent I was on Deedo. She could make all my owies go away. The hand doesn't hurt at all just need to keeep it good and clean for the next 6 to 8 weeks while it granulates from the inside out. More of a nuisance than anything. I'm glad you tummy is better. Mine's responding to the prednisone. On the bright side I eat like a horse while I'm on prednisone so my weight will go up. HH - the stitches were removed on Thursday and then Saturday I pushed a shopping cart into a rack and split the wound open; it hadn't healed up well enough for the stress I put on it. Not a big surprise it was pretty tight to being with. Kayc - Glad you got your truck running - you need it where you live especially with Winter around the corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 18, 2015 Report Share Posted November 18, 2015 Brad, I love that Deedo made all the 'owies' go away. We all seriously need someone in our lives to make the owies go away. I found my husband responded to a little head stroking with the words 'there there'. It always did the trick. You have certainly been in the wars my friend. Please take good care of yourself. xx Kay did you install the battery yourself? Anyone who has a clue about a car again is a hero (or heroine) to me! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 No, I know how to, but they're just too heavy for my wrists. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 The fact you know how to is enough for me. Kay, I salute youxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2015 Report Share Posted November 19, 2015 It's pretty easy in theory, there's just a couple of cables to attached...if you know how to charge a battery from another car (positive to positive, negative to negative), you can install one. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 That went right over my blonde head Weirdly though I can wire up a UK plug but then it isn't like any plug in the world...!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 I can plug in my digital camera to the computer and pictures magically appear. Does that count? Of course I haven't really figured out how to do anything with them. Must be a blonde thing too. That or the fact I haven't the patience or motivation to do anything fancy. Just give me email and a web explorer and I am happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 With you all the way Gwenivere 2 Blondies alike mind you secretly impressed by digital camera thing by Ssshhhhhh don't tell anyone! XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Just read "The Next Place" written and illustrated by Warren Hanson. It is a child's book that gave me comfort. It would make a great Christmas present for the young and those of us who embrace our inner child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 I'll look out for it Brad It's a poem? We must embrace our inner child. In true Deedo spirit I think that is the very best of us. Having a bit of a bad night and trying so hard to fight it. The flashbacks are tough. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 I have been reading Rumi. Some of his works are inspirational. I don't think I uploaded the picture correctly. I am computer challenged. (A few others too). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 You have done it all perfectly Margaret. Spread Rumi around. Because he always got life even almost 1000 years ago... the same rules apply - the same humans are breathing and feeklng -. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 I wrote my sister, the teacher, thinking I would be smart and let her know I had discovered an ancient poet. Now, she is the political one. She watches the news programs and I try to watch a comedy on Netflix to keep my wax wrapped brain intact. Here is what she wrote me. "Yes, once I discovered Rumi's poems, my first thought was that he must be some new contemporary poet. I did not explore him then, but when I began to teach World Literature and ran across him among the Medieval Troubadours, I was quite impressed. He has been popular for all the the 21st century now. There are others from his era, too, who write as if they might be walking among us today. I think we can thank new translators who do not feel they have to use a Shakespearean dialect to render the translations." Well, of course she knew of him. I barely scraped by in school but that girl was a failure if she made less than an A. I was proud of C's and B's. But, she writes poetry herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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