Guest Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 Amen, Marg!!!! This sums up all of our experiences!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 1 hour ago, Brad said: Amen, Marg!!!! This sums up all of our experiences!!!! Oh my dearest Margaret,how much I understand you!I´m just a heap of misery right now and sending my love to you! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 Janka, I think we all would like to be your sister, brother, mother or father. I have two middle aged children, I have room for a couple of more. My moods are trying to be up for my granddaughter and we are on a binge watch of reruns of One Tree Hill, and this thing has got me captivated. My moods look like an EKG strip, but at least I am not flat lining, though I have a bunch of dips below the flat line. I dread her leaving, but I have to take her back tomorrow. She used to live with us and I know her mom (my daughter) feels threatened if she stays too long. One day read the story of Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn. I think you would enjoy it. Katherine lived to be an old woman with the same shakiness/tremor that I have.. Much love to you so far away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 Margaret, Haha, I love it! Looks about like it! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 5 hours ago, Marg M said: Katherine lived to be an old woman with the same shakiness/tremor that I have And she was always, always such a classy lady! Even with the tremors, she still exuded that classiness and wonderful sense of self.....and I would bet you are every bit the same....it shines through!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 On Golden Pond is one of my top five favorite movies. I always saw Deedo growing into Ethel and me into crotchity old Norman. Well I guess that isn't going to happen, now i need to find a new role model for my old age. I have yet to see a movie with Katherine Hepburn I didn't like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 OMGosh WolfsKat, you have made my night. She loved her Spencer too, but because of his religion could not marry him. I don't think she was even allowed to attend his funeral. I see so much on this site of people suffering from grief from losing a loved one and being shunned by their loved one's other family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 6 hours ago, Marg M said: Janka, I think we all would like to be your sister, brother, mother or father. I have two middle aged children, I have room for a couple of more. My moods are trying to be up for my granddaughter and we are on a binge watch of reruns of One Tree Hill, and this thing has got me captivated. My moods look like an EKG strip, but at least I am not flat lining, though I have a bunch of dips below the flat line. I dread her leaving, but I have to take her back tomorrow. She used to live with us and I know her mom (my daughter) feels threatened if she stays too long. One day read the story of Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn. I think you would enjoy it. Katherine lived to be an old woman with the same shakiness/tremor that I have.. Much love to you so far away. Dear Margaret, I´ve wept away plenty of tears tonight,now I prayed for my beloved Jan as I do every day and I´m about going to bed.It´s early in the morning,I´m still ill and sleep by day too.The bullying at work and following medical problems I have now got worse my situation and I´m not sure if I come back to that work again.That all got worse my grieving very much and I´m tired of this life when I have to be so strong all the time,though I feel that I can´t go on right now.I know that I stand up again as I did so many times to move on,but just don´t know how right now.Thank you for being here for me,for uplifting and kind words making me feel better and wish you "Good night"! Love you! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 My prayers are for you Janka. It is so hard! Gin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 Janka, you are a shining light. I do not know your work situation, but I think if they bully you, then they are not worthy of your services. Please know that you deserve more. Please know you are worth more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 Janka, I cannot fathom how anyone could bully you. You are such a shining star and so very special. Never forget that!? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 My niece sent me this......it definitely is true for me.....wanted to share with others. (No author was listed) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 “Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.” ~ Irving Berlin Mama used to fill my head with fairy tales. It took me 73 years to learn that "happily ever after" is really part of the fairy tale and at some point the king or the queen must vacate the throne. I am "blessed" to have family, but sometimes that blessing brings even bigger troubles. The king is gone, and the queen has never ruled anything. She first has to learn how to rule herself, and sometimes those interruptions, those wonderful blessings tear down bridges over the deep ravines of life and we have to find our way through a jungle of blackness. I've never been on my own before, ever in my life, and there are well meaning creatures trying to control the queen. At one point I felt strong, then I feel weakness creep in, then I feel I have to declare my independence to a world I have never been independent in, in all these years. We are all facing some obstacle to our very existence, be it fear, guilt, anger, or any of the other emotions, and there are people, your most loved people, who want to unseat the queen. I know one secret, one problem, paranoia, but that is a creeping illness that I will have to fight off. I wonder if old dogs can really learn new tricks? I hate being independent, but I hate being dependent even worse. My porch this morning is covered with cardinals, doves, snowbirds and squirrels all coexisting peacefully, as long as there is plenty to eat. A big problem in this world of ours. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 WolfsKat - The poem you posted is by Gwen Flowers. She has several wonderful poems dealing with grief and loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 10 hours ago, Gin said: My prayers are for you Janka. It is so hard! Gin Dear Gin! I´m aware of the prayer´s importance.It´s the best we all can do,especially in the hardest times,but in the happiest times too. Thanks a lot for your kind words! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 1 hour ago, WolfsKat said: My niece sent me this......it definitely is true for me.....wanted to share with others. (No author was listed) Dear Kat, me,as a poem writer,had to save the poem you posted here.Writing poems helps me the best express the thoughts running in my head,those feelings springing from my heart,all of the things I´m wearing in my soul. I´ll let them take me to where I need to go. Thank you! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 9 hours ago, Gwenivere said: Janka, I cannot fathom how anyone could bully you. You are such a shining star and so very special. Never forget that!? My dear Gwen, thanks a lot for your nice words!I really appreciate them very much. I´ll pray for you and others here to lessen the pain wearing in your lovely hearts. Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 46 minutes ago, Brad said: WolfsKat - The poem you posted is by Gwen Flowers. She has several wonderful poems dealing with grief and loss. Thanks Brad! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 5, 2016 Report Share Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) 11 hours ago, Marg M said: Janka, you are a shining light. I do not know your work situation, but I think if they bully you, then they are not worthy of your services. Please know that you deserve more. Please know you are worth more. Dearest Margaret! I finally had the good dreams tonight after such a long time.You wrote me exactly what I needed to hear.Now I´m about looking for something else while I´m not able to go back to work.Some things don't ever go back to where they were,but it´s so good to get those feelings out in sharing with those people who really understand the way I feel,and on top of having you dearest Margaret here,though far away but yet so close to me for drawing upon the strength with such a heartfelt support and encouragement I need now.I´m thankful for having found this site,to those of you who replied to my post,thank you all for being here and listening to me!I really feel a profound gratitude for the blessings in my life by now.I still feel like dying myself without my beloved man Jan,but the God,the best friends of mine and you all have been helping me through this to have a power for going on and on until I meet my dearest Jan again...in the heaven of us two...for eternity... I love you all! Janka Edited January 5, 2016 by Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 I was by myself coming to de house today, driving the whatever number of miles. My son was still here so it was not so bad. I looked at all the tiers of mountains that Billy and I had loved so much, the sunset was beautiful, or it would have been. All I saw was nasty mountains, landscapes I used to dream of living in, and I finally did. It was home, as long as Billy was with me. Now, no matter who is with me, it is de house, and that is all, just de house, and when I was leaving my daughters house I said I hated coming back to this Godless state and Billyless state. I do. But, other than carrying him in my heart, he is gone. I know I had him 54 years and most all of you wish you had 54 years, but dammit, I wish I had 54 more. It seems like only yesterday we were dating and sitting in front of the college having a hamburger together. . My mind has been on Novocaine these last few days. Okay, gonna turn on TV and use some more One Tree Hill Novocaine that Billy would have been bored to death watching. Well, he just would not have watched it. But, that man sat up many a night getting through that series Lost on Netflix. I admit. I read ahead on Wikipedia and I still could not understand that show. It seems I am going to have a lot of help getting rid of stuff, but my only purpose is to pack Billy's things away myself, no one else. I will get it done. We will get it done. And, I hope a family of children live in this house. It is a big house, a wonderful house, but this street needs new blood. Out of nine houses, we have five widows. That is sad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 Marg, after my husband died, my daughter drove me home. I kept saying, "I never want to come down this street again, never want to go in this garage again, never want to go in the kitchen again. Never want to do anything again without Al. Still feel that way. Tonight I went to the restaurant that Al and I used to go to. First time. Not nice. All these things are so hard. I only had my love for 16 years. We were both widowed and came out of marriages that were not that great. We felt so blessed to have each other. We were hoping for a lot more, as we all do. gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 I don't think I have put this on here before. It is very long and maybe it is silly for a great grandmother to love this story, but I am a silly ole great grandmother. I loved it. I showed it to my middle aged daughter and she said "Ugh, I hate waterbugs." Well, these are "water bugs" not waterbugs. I hope I don't offend anyone with a child's story, but I loved it. Water bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney.........................................Water bugs and Dragonflies : Explaining Death to Young Children" Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more. "Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return... "That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise", they said solemnly. One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above. When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!! Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before. The dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water... "I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went." And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air....... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 1 hour ago, Gin said: Tonight I went to the restaurant that Al and I used to go to. First time. Not nice. Oh Gin, I tried doing that a couple of times and just for take out and see the servers we had become friends with over years of Saturday 'date night'. Left both time with tears in my eyes. Just cannot go there without him. Maybe someday if I have someone to go with, but it will never be the same as those nights that we did every week to be solely with each other. Of course 16 years was not enough. 37 wasn't for me and over 50 wasn't for Marg. When you have your 'perfect', you don't want it to ever end. Never even renters your kind it will. It's just that good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 We had planned on the "one left" to continue RVing, and at first I strongly believed I could. Then, over a period of days I pictured myself driving the RV to the SW places we planned on going to again and the pain was like a knife. How could I ever see them again without him. I could not. I will not. The RVing was us and I loved it so much, but RVing is not "just me." I won't do it. Maybe he could have, but we had grown so much alike over that many years, I think he would feel just like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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