Paths

[hollowheart]

23 hours ago, kayc said:

As for the moving to the mountains and becoming a recluse, that's where I live, and they FIND you!

LOLOL!

[Margm]

@Kay and HH:  No kidding

[hollowheart]

This is really an appropriately titled thread for me today, as I'm really sick of this 'path' I'm on and I need to vent (again).  I hate it with a passion and like many of you, I hate the hopelessness and helplessness of it all.

I'm hating my job today. I got no sleep last night, even with a sleeping pill. I get to work and it's very busy which is not helping and I already fumbled a couple of things so what a nice start to the day. Then My stupid boss annoys me, he is always giving me his return packages to tape and return (lazy and cheap) instead of just taking directly to the mail room. There are 2 people sitting in there doing nothing. Why is he giving it to me?!?

Then I find out yesterday that we need to move, even though I sorta knew that was coming. But I thought of you guys because some of you have to deal with that and I get how sad and scary and depressing that is. What I like about our current area is that it's near bus and train lines (walking distance) near a Walgreens and grocery stores are close. Post office and Target and Walmart are close. It's a decent area.

My aunts friend told her about a place for sale but I don't know how convenient it will be for me to take the bus to and from work and my aunt and mom are not worried as they are retired. My mom goes "well, you go look at it with her and decide" so I sorta feel like pressure now, like the decision is all on me and if I say no I'm ruining it for everyone. I just feel so alone and vulnerable. Me and my sister were the only people still working and could understand each others problems in that regard, now I have no one to get me.

I always wanted to move, but I wanted her to be here with us. It won't be exciting, it will be sad and miserable and strange. I also had been paying off bills so I can get my own place, but the place they are looking at has an apartment that me and my mom would share, so I'm going right back into the same situation of living at home. It just made me feel like even worse, just trapped. I just feel sick.

Everything I am doing is forced upon me. I know many of you can relate. All these changes are changes I am forced to make and I have no say. I'm just stuck. If my sis were here I'd have someone to commiserate with, who would understand where I'm coming from. But I have NO ONE! I can not believe this is my life. I can't believe how absolutely horrible my life became in a matter of months. Had she not died we would still be doing exactly what we had been doing. Losing someone sends a spiral down more than people think. It usually does not end with the funeral.

I'm trying to see some positive in it, but it's very hard. I'm not good with change, especially when I didn't plan on it and especially without her here. I was actually in the middle of some life changes before this happened and I was happy with them. But now that's all gone to hell.

Sorry, I just had to spin out for a minute. No other way for me to get it out.

 

[kayc]

HH,

I'm sorry you're having a hard day.  My last boss used to dump everything on me, all of his personal stuff as well as business.  He'd write a hot check and expect ME to keep it from bouncing!  His banks kicked him out for fraud.  He's lucky they didn't press charges.  He didn't pay his payroll taxes for over a year and left it up to ME to get him out of trouble with the IRS.  I can only tell you how glad I am to finally retire!  There is an end in sight, no matter how many years away, just keep looking for another job meanwhile.

I hope you find a place to move to that will be positive for you.  

[hollowheart]

Kay, thanks for sharing. I know those kinds of bosses. Even when they cause the problems you are still somehow responsible and the one to blame if it doesn't get fixed.

I think that's another reason I'm sick of administrative work. They think because we are women we somehow turn into witches and speak some sort of incantation over the computer and make everything perfect in 5 seconds. Besides them believing they are too good, I'm sick of the notion that the only person who can put paper in the copier is one or two secretaries. Ridiculous. You'd think we work at NASA they way they act when it's out of paper or they get an error message.

Today has sucked since I woke up.

[Guest Janka]

Dear hollowheart,

we seem to them an easy target until they get to know how strong we are.They just forgot that "cane has two ends" and everything they have done to us will hurt them later.As said my dear Ana (scba),we must not wish them anything bad.It´s just a question of time and one day they´ll understand.It´s all up to us.They should be ashamed,not ourselves.

Hugs from Janka

[kayc]

HH, I know, it's just like when the company was having financial problems and canceled janitorial, somehow I was the only one who would run the vacuum or clean the toilet or take the garbage and recycling out (way down at the other end of the building), even when my right arm was broken!  I was amazed the stuff everyone would leave for me, well it wasn't in my job description either, I'm just the only one that had the work ethics that made me a hard worker.

Janka, you're so right, I believe in karma.  The bible tells us not to gloat over someone else's downfall, and I know vengeance belongs to God, not us, but honestly, some of these people are their own undoing.

[Guest Janka]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Janka, you're so right, I believe in karma.  The bible tells us not to gloat over someone else's downfall, and I know vengeance belongs to God, not us, but honestly, some of these people are their own undoing.

Dear Kay,

I fully agree with you.I can even tell you one example.One of my very good friends from the past,whom I also helped the most (he was at the bottom then),got better later and disappeared without saying something.I tried to call him to get to know what happened but without any answer.He was that kind of leech I added to my group of the "leaves",that means of the people who always disappeared after the good times were gone.It´s long ago,but lately happened something that reminded me him again.One friend of us both from the past told me that he is ill now.Kay,I´ve learned that I have to pray for everyone and for those who hurt me too.It seems to me hard but I have to.There is no other way.As Karen wrote here,it´s between me and God,not between me and him.So beautifully written!

With love Janka

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Janka, you're so right, I believe in karma.  The bible tells us not to gloat over someone else's downfall, and I know vengeance belongs to God, not us, but honestly, some of these people are their own undoing.

Karma is as close as I can get for hope people that do bad things will feel what they have caused others.  God and vengeance does not make sense to me because those emotions are beyond what I think a diety would possess.  We may never know what happens to people that hurt us if others, but I do hope there is some if checks and balances.

[Guest Janka]

7 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Karma is as close as I can get for hope people that do bad things will feel what they have caused others.  God and vengeance does not make sense to me because those emotions are beyond what I think a diety would possess.  We may never know what happens to people that hurt us if others, but I do hope there is some if checks and balances.

Dear Gwen,

you can call it as you wish for,it is always the same.I believe in God.

Hugs from Janka

[kayc]

Janka, so true!  I could write a book on forgiveness.  I just counseled with a friend the other night that was struggling with it.  I told her you have to start with understanding what forgiveness is NOT, then learn what it is, what it's for, it helps to understand that. It's really for US, oftentimes the forgiven person doesn't even know or care.  I have seen people refuse to forgive and it changes them, makes them bitter.  I don't want someone else to have that kind of power over me that they can cause me to change!

[Guest Janka]

20 minutes ago, kayc said:

Janka, so true!  I could write a book on forgiveness.  I just counseled with a friend the other night that was struggling with it.  I told her you have to start with understanding what forgiveness is NOT, then learn what it is, what it's for, it helps to understand that. It's really for US, oftentimes the forgiven person doesn't even know or care.  I have seen people refuse to forgive and it changes them, makes them bitter.  I don't want someone else to have that kind of power over me that they can cause me to change!

I like it very much!

Janka

[Margm]

Some days it feels like I am in the middle of the ocean, just treading water, no land in sight.  I get in a panic in water, I cannot swim.  That was a big thing to Billy.  He loved to swim.  Last night I dreamed I could turn over and touch him, then I remembered. I just went back to sleep.  Fifty-four years is a long time.  I know how lucky I am/was.  Sometimes I just do not feel lucky.  If I move on, I will displace people, so I will keep treading water until I can't.  

[kayc]

You were lucky during that 54 years...now it doesn't feel like it so much.  The deeper the love, the harder the grief.

[hollowheart]

On 2/9/2016 at 9:44 PM, kayc said:

 I have seen people refuse to forgive and it changes them, makes them bitter.  I don't want someone else to have that kind of power over me that they can cause me to change!

This how my sister with a cousin. He was a drug addict and made our lives hell and got into with her all the time. But somehow he was ALWAYS coming into money some way or another while we struggled for every dime. She couldn't stand him and I hated seeing her hating him so much. It's another issue I have with her death, she died and he's still going on. Not fair.

I understand maybe not saying 'I forgive you" but I always told her to just let it be. I learned over the years that even though he was getting money he was not happy. I felt like Karma would catch him sooner or later and that you are making yourself ill being mad at someone else. I used to do that all the time. I still get that way from time to time, I get so mad and jealous over someone elses news or lifestyle and hate on them. But it takes time to finally say 'forget that' I am not going to do all that. It's not worth it.

The sad thing is that before all this happened to me I felt like I could deal with any problems, now I just do feel sorry for myself and feel 'why me?" when I see others being happy. I know I will never really be happy again and that hurts and brings on that jealous anger.

Life is really exhausting now.

 

[kayc]

I've found it's easier to take when I let go of all that and don't worry about what other people have or don't...comparisons seems toxic to us although we've all done it.

[Gwenivere]

I agree with Kay.  Comparisons never do us any good and if anything make us feel so much worse.  Also, we really don't know what other people that appear happy or better off than we are are really dealing with.   I know there have been times I was shocked finding out things people were handling behind the scenes.  Just like people can't see our wounds in passing.

[kevin]

HH......KayC, Administrative Assistance, Secretaries or Office Boss........please never under estimate the Power and importance you are to your department. I had , or shared, a number of Assistance that were my personnel Computer instructor , copier repair person, keeping the day productive, made me productive, told me when I was wrong, told me when I was right, re wrote my presentations, proofed everything, and set up our Budgeting with a universal program .........Admin Assts are the Core of the organization....Boss's come and go, staff pretty well remains steady....... 

[kayc]

It's not the position we hate, it's how we were treated in that position.  It wasn't always that way.  My favorite one was Creative Composites (they made military airplane parts), because it was a great fit.  My boss was organized and methodical, like I am. I loved the employees, the work environment. But the last place finished me off, the boss was a moron, and employees were young and uppity and they'd waltz in to work whenever the felt like it, take long lunches.  It was beneath them to empty a garbage.  They thought themselves "better than" but in reality they had a lot to learn.  The tone for a place starts at the top and trickles down, so if you have a boss that's an idiot, not a whole lot you can do with the place.  You could give him pointers all you want, he wouldn't take them.  He never listened to advice, no matter how much he paid for it, whether his attorney, accountant, let alone me.  I was pretty much finished by the time that job ended.  I knew what I was worth, but unless your boss has the brains to realize it, it doesn't do much good.  I basically saved the man from prison, but he may get there yet.

[Margm]

After 43 years of knowing medical secrets, why am I not surprised at Billy "falling through the cracks"?  I'm not surprised at anything pharmaceutical or medical.  

[hollowheart]

Kay you are so right. I believe support staff are invaluable, but the 0.3% of bosses that feel that way are hard to find.  The "maid like mentality" they also expect is what annoys me. I just noticed over the years how much worse these positions have gotten. The pay is still from 1990 and they want 1 person to do an 8 person job and they expect top notch up to date skills and you're still looked down upon.

I know every job has something bad about it, but these positions are for the birds. I fell into admin work and it's definitely a trap. I'm also back to receptionist work and that's even worse. This job along with my horrible life now is doing nothing for my moral. I really feel like I have nothing now. The moments of happiness are so fleeting I forget they happen. Even with this job I at least had fun times with my sister to look forward too, now I don't even have that.

This job doesn't always have bad days, this is just a really sucky week. But overall I had something else to look forward too. Having nothing now even makes the good days bad.

[kayc]

HH, I feel for you, I know all too well what you're talking about, after 45 years of being Office Mgr & Bkpr.  I like reception but it doesn't pay as well, Bkpg pays better so I opted for it.  My favorite jobs were ones where I had a variety of duties and didn't just sit and do the same thing day after day, more challenging and interesting that way.  I've saved companies from embezzlers, helped put them behind bars, I could write a book with the things I've seen and done in my career.  I'm just glad to have it over at last.  Although I have to admit, if Creative Composites was still in business, I'd work until I was 70, at least!  But then it was local, I didn't have to commute 100 miles a day for it.  And I was appreciated and treated well.

[hollowheart]

Kay, I can't add 1+1 without a calculator so bkpg is waaaay above my head, lol. I did reception at another job but HATED the extra work I had to do. I had to send out case status updates to all the clients for every attorney (almost 50) and it just got tedious. Then I had to type up each one, and print it out so they could proof it so its' like I was doing the work twice--doing it once then looking it up again and sending them all once they were approved.

I hated the work so of course that made me grumpy and mad. That is my middle name, lol. I hate reception. I get tired of being tied to the desk and expected to be in charge of petty stuff like paper jams, filling the copier, even putting staples in the electric stapler.  I'm still trying to figure out what else I can do because it's depressing to think all I'm good for is refilling a stapler. 

It's not like it's beneath me, I"m just tired of it.

[MartyT]

HH, my dear, I notice and appreciate that you've been reaching out to other members, offering your compassion, understanding and support ~ and I want to acknowledge and honor that. Clearly you are moving forward in your grief, and you deserve credit for that. ♥  

I'm wondering: Have you ever considered hiring a life coach ~ someone who could focus on your strengths and abilities, and help you plan the steps you need to take to find a job more suited to your interests, talents and skills? (A life coach is not the same as a grief counselor; the focus is different, and it's something you may want to think about ~ if not right now, then at some later point.) 

Here's an article that explains the services a life coach has to offer: Why Hire A Life Coach?

[scba]

I've quit my job yesterday and I must be honest: I haven't felt so light hearted for a long time, as today. Probably on Monday I'll freak out for being unemployed. But today it feels well. I know I took the right decission after a month of tolerating a very bad-disrespectful boss and horrible colleagues.

It is ok today, and one day at a time. I will be able to sleep today. 

Kay, the advise you gave to take action now is very true. Thank you