ardeer0630 Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 It has been a little over three months now since he left me so suddenly. I have been making some progress, I know, trying my best to have a conversation, cry less, think a little less by keeping myself so busy at home and at work. I began seeing a therapist last month, which helped a little. But tonight, as I'm driving home, it just hit me so hard that I just lost it. In the car, I looked and sounded crazy talking by myself, talking to him, asking so many questions and crying so hard. I thought it was getting better -- I miss him so much! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hi Ardeer, some days are so much worse for no apparent reason. The other day I picked up some food at a local restaurant. Al and I used to go there and knew the owner and some waitresses. I have been there several times since he died and it was tolerable...just the normal crying. This time I barely made it to the car. Cried hard all the way home. Why was this time different? Don't know. This is such a hard journey! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Ardeer, I talk to Billy all the time when I am driving. Four months here. I think we probably all do this. I tried screaming into a pillow, but it made my head hurt. I yell at him sometimes. This is a good place to come and find out everyone loses it often. My heart is with you. Keep posting. We understand. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Oh Hon, been there! I'm sorry. I know how bad it hurts. I've cried so hard I've had to pull over in the car because I couldn't see the road. I think after a long time you get kind of numb, I guess they call that acceptance. You know they aren't coming back and the grief bursts don't hit as often. But always, always, he's on my mind. Always, always, he's in my heart. Each and every day I miss him, a thousand times over! And time doesn't change that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 ardeer, I thought just like you. I cried through my entire therapy session last night. It was terrible as I thought I was doing a little better. The last few days have been awful. My sister is constantly on my mind, and when the weekends get closer I get more anxiety and sadness. I think I"m "getting better" then I think the cold reality hits that it will never get better the way I want it too. I talk to myself all the time because I'm my only company. Sad, but true. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCP Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 11 hours ago, ardeer0630 said: It has been a little over three months now since he left me so suddenly. I have been making some progress, I know, trying my best to have a conversation, cry less, think a little less by keeping myself so busy at home and at work. I began seeing a therapist last month, which helped a little. But tonight, as I'm driving home, it just hit me so hard that I just lost it. In the car, I looked and sounded crazy talking by myself, talking to him, asking so many questions and crying so hard. I thought it was getting better -- I miss him so much! This is something that happens to me on a regular basis. I too threw myself into work to keep busy, I am fine when I am there, or when I am with people. But the car can be brutal on the way home from work especially! I'm almost a year into this and I still break down. Don't beat yourself up! Nobody around you can hear you that matters except for you and your loved one you are talking to. It is therapudic, as long as you are not unable to drive safely! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartm Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 I got home from work today and it was nice outside so for the first time this year, I went out on the terrace and essentially "opened" it for the spring by moving the furniture into place and so forth. We have two reclining chairs: one on each side, one was his and one was mine. I sat in his chair and became overwhelmed with sadness. We sat out here every day from spring through the fall chatting, reading on our Kindles, listening to music, napping. We just loved it. Now I am out here alone feeling how wonderful it is to sit outside but at the same time so terribly sad that we will never sit out here together again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ardeer0630 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Thank you all for your comforting words. This is the place I find the solace. That's why I come here and read your posts and it does make me feel better. Because I know we all feel the same thing. Last night, when I came home, I did some reading and found below an article that I'm sure some of you read before. I feel every word of it. http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/12/18/5-lies-you-were-told-about-grief/ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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