Being Around People

[WolfsKat]

I've noted something perhaps a bit odd.......but perhaps someone here can relate.  Or maybe I'm just a bit wacky.  I find that I really like hearing, being near  people, in a way.  For instance, I live in a MH park......as do SO many here in Florida.  My neighbors across the street seem to have a little get-together every evening on their patio w/friends.  I can hear the talk/laughter through my open windows, and it makes me feel less lonely, even though I'm not a part of it and have no wish to be. Also, twice a month they have outdoor karaoke right behind my home, in a pavilion.  I kind of like to hear it through my windows....but would not dream of walking over to be there in person. But it is comforting, in a way.....although I know that might sound crazy.  I guess I like to hear socialization......even if I've no wish to join in.  Perhaps I am losing my marbles......but somehow.....I feel a bit of solace in these things, even w/out involvement.

[mittam99]

Kat...

Whatever gives you a measure of comfort or takes your mind to a less sad place is a welcome thing. If the sound of other's socializing helps you and makes your day go better, that's wonderful. None of us are going to take giant leaps into happiness. It's these little moments that help along the way.

Mitch

[kayc]

WolfsKat,

I was just thinking yesterday how much I miss the squeals of laughter coming from outside, of hearing my kids playing when they were growing up.  It's been quiet around here way too long.  I also love to hear the sounds of people being happy, I think that's natural, and you're not a bit crazy!

[Patty65]

I don't think you are crazy, I think it is natural.  I know I'm tired of all the silence at home.  I would venture to guess that it is very healing too  During the first 2-3 weeks I thought "Have a good day" was the absolute most offensive thing anyone could say.  Now I've adjusted to that and it is no longer offensive. And we have these learning disabled high schoolers who come in and help out with our business... they are so innocent, and happy, and give me such a big smile and say "Hi Patty!" that I automatically smile back and feel the warmth.  In that one moment it feels better.  Its not a smile of pity or sympathy or "knowing".  It is just purely what it is.  It makes sense to me that you enjoy it.

[Gwenivere]

In the beginning I hated hearing the life continuing on in my neighborhood.  Now I do somewhat enjoy it.  It reminds me that I once was a part of that enjoyment.  As the anger faded away towards losing that, more energy returned.  That also helped.  My closest neighbors are a couple just starting out.  Still have thier parents visit and always something going on.  They are so new to thier journey together.  Sometimes I see them out the window when washing dishes and have to smile.  I remember those days well.  

[Froggie4635]

Since Mark died, being around a lot of activity is very hard for me, be it at work and attending a staff meeting, or at a large family gathering, or even a somewhat small gathering, like my birthday lunch last wee.  It is nearly impossible for me to try and keep up with numerous conversations, or to allow myself to participate.  My self-confidence has taken a HUGE hit.  Mark and I were both homebodies, even before we got married.  We were older, so the need to socialize wasn't a priority.  Mostly it was greed, because I wanted him all to myself... smile.  My life seems to be getting a little lighter, but the damage to my focus and concentration is messed up for good it feels like.  I still will not attend weddings or funerals; just far too painful.  Complete silence is still very difficult at home...allows too much time to "think" and realize the immense size of his absence. 

[WolfsKat]

2 hours ago, Froggie4635 said:

Since Mark died, being around a lot of activity is very hard for me, be it at work and attending a staff meeting, or at a large family gathering, or even a somewhat small gathering, like my birthday lunch last wee.  It is nearly impossible for me to try and keep up with numerous conversations, or to allow myself to participate.  My self-confidence has taken a HUGE hit.  Mark and I were both homebodies, even before we got married.  We were older, so the need to socialize wasn't a priority.  Mostly it was greed, because I wanted him all to myself... smile.  My life seems to be getting a little lighter, but the damage to my focus and concentration is messed up for good it feels like.  I still will not attend weddings or funerals; just far too painful.  Complete silence is still very difficult at home...allows too much time to "think" and realize the immense size of his absence. 

Maryann......that's just the thing......I'm rather a hermit now..........prefer being alone (with my 2 furbrat cats) for the most part......I get enough people at work to make me tired of 'em.  Connor and I were happiest alone together.....we rather "gloried" in our mutual happiness with just one another, no need for the outside world.  But I kind of like hearing the socialization I mentioned, even if I have absolutely no wish to be a part of it.......a strange circumstance, but, then again........everything seems to be strange now in this "new" life.

[Froggie4635]

Well, perhaps in some way, hearing it reminds you that life is out there, even though you are not wanting to participate in it.  This new life takes so much adjusting; some days are easier, some days it doesn't happen at all.  I get upset and want to go back in time and do what I can to change the outcome.  I like your word "gloried".  Nothing could describe it better.  I couldn't wait for his phone call every day when he was on his way to pick me up from work at the end of the day.  I hated when I had to do some special days at work on Sundays, because it was our only full day together.  

[mittam99]

In my situation, there is a terrible irony.

I live in a townhouse community that was all homeowners when I purchased mine years ago. Over the last few years the policy changed and now some of the homes are rental units. Unfortunately about 3 years ago we got new neighbors... renters. And even more unfortunately they were literally neighbors from hell. Tammy loved keeping windows open and hearing the sounds of kids playing outside and birds chirping. These people (I hesitate to call them neighbors) were horrible. Parties on their deck til 1 or 2 AM. Kids that were allowed to roam the streets after midnight with no adult supervision. And worst of all it sounded like they were trying to destroy their house inside out. It was so bad that it sometimes sounded like they were trying to break through the walls to our house. It was very unnerving. It definitely affected Tammy's emotional state of mind and I'm sure her health as well.

I'll never forget a winter storm we had where these people were throwing icy snowballs at our house. Kids and adults.

The irony? About a month after Tammy passed away, these awful human beings were evicted. Why couldn't they have been evicted a couple years earlier? I'll never know but I believe these people contributed to Tammy's death in some measure. They were relentlessly noisy and malicious.

In talking to their landlord one day I found out they did nearly $25,000 in damage to the house. All the plumbing was destroyed. The kitchen cabinets were knocked off walls. There were holes in the walls. And much more. The landlord was obviously upset and apologized to me profusely for not screening these people better. However, the last two years of Tammy's life were made even worse by their constant racket. Often happening from 11 at night 'til 6 in the morning.

Tammy and I could never catch a break. Our only break in life came when we found each other and fell in love.

 

[hollowheart]

Wolfskat, you know you're not crazy and I know just what you mean. I think we all probably sealed ourselves off from the world as best as we could after our tragedies. Hearing the world continue was the last thing I wanted to hear. Eventually, it becomes something to get involved in and actually occupy your mind with other thoughts.

Hearing it is more relaxing because there is no pressure to be a part of it.  And you do eventually get tired of the quiet.  As much as I like to be by myself, I'm a big talker, so this is like torture to me. I love discussing and analyzing stuff with people from stuff on the news to the season finale of The Walking Dead. I miss company.

[WolfsKat]

Tonight it is the karaoke.  I have my windows open (I'm in FL) and I can hear the music and camaraderie.  I have  NO wish to wander over to involve myself........but a wistful sense of "happy" for those involved.  Even if I cannot participate, it feels a little bit of good to hear "life"......even if I am apart from it.  I'm amazed at how suddenly odd my psyche has developed!

[Margm]

I think I live in a wonderland during the fall and spring.  There is a house on the other side of the street, but all the houses are situated in valleys and hills hiding them from view.  Ours is on a hill, that is our pink dogwood.  There are forests in front of us, on the sides of us and behind us.  It was home as long as Billy was here, but he wanted to leave before I did.  He found our new RV that we never lived in, but did stay a bunch of nights in.  The scenes around here are like being in a park.  And I want to live in an apartment where I can hear life, besides animals.  I won't take a picture of the dogwood this year, but it is blooming like this right now.  No, I am not going to miss it.  If Billy had loved it, it might have been different.  We are not homesteaders.  I promised Billy after he built the new oval porch that I was going to paint it.  Tonight I got out and "etched" it. I have no idea what I was doing, but I was using a forceful stream on the washer and Billy's beautiful concrete porch was kinda washing away a little.  I am still going to paint it.  But, I think I might need to make about as fast an exit from here as Billy did.  

Anyhow, WK, I understand liking to hear life, even if you don't join in.

[Gwenivere]

2 of Steves buddies are coming by tonight to use the studio.  I don't stay for that, but it will be nice knowing they are out there keeping music alive.