Lost my husband after 3 months of marriage

[Clematis]

It sounds awful to have lost him so soon and at such a point...

[Sherbear512]

My heart is so broken and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel like everyone is expecting me to be OK by now. Not even close to Ok

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, Sherbear512 said:

 3 months into the marriage when he died. I would do anything to have him back. The pain is almost unbearable.

Sherbear, I don't know what to say having the love of your life ripped away just as it was beginning.   There is  never a good time to face death, but this is by far the worst I have ever experienced.  Loss of purpose is so normal and you will come to hate that word.  The world changes and our former normals become unpleasant things.  We have all tried to bargain anything we have to get our loves back.  If only we could.  It's so hard not to be able to tell someone if or when it may become bearable.  As is often said, be kind to yourself and feel what you must.  That is the most normal thing you can do.

[kayc]

Of course you're not okay, how could you be!  My husband and I were just beginning our fairytale romance 3 years and 8 months into our marriage, we only knew each other 6 1/2 years but we were soulmates and clicked through and through.  I felt like we just put our lives together just to have them ripped apart.  I wish we'd met sooner and had longer together.

My heart goes out to you.  I hope you let your family and friends know that you will always miss him and that grief does not go away after a certain period of time, but it will take you a good long while to learn to live with these changes.  Maybe your grief counselor can give you something to have them read to help them understand grief.

[Margm]

Sherbear, you have all of us to talk to.  No one could splatter their feelings on this forum any better/worse than I do.  I bleed everywhere.  So, whatever you have to say, however you want to say it, there are people on here who have the same wounds as you, people who feel your pain, people who can understand where you are coming from better than any man "on the street" whether they are your best friend or your pastor, ............we know how you feel.  We share.

[mittam99]

11 hours ago, Sherbear512 said:

My heart is so broken and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel like everyone is expecting me to be OK by now. Not even close to Ok

Marg is so right. This forum is a place you can come to for understanding and even some sense of comfort. I remember in the earlier days of my journey when I honestly didn't think I could survive the anguish of losing my Tammy, members here gave me some enlightening words. It helped. And as you can see, I am still here today. Matter of fact, many here now look to me for sage words of wisdom to help them in their struggles. Believe me, the outside world does not understand our loss. Don't get me wrong, they do care but they don't have an inkling of what this feels like.

Please continue to post here. Post ANYTHING that you are feeling. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Mitch

 

[Sherbear512]

Thank you all for the posts today. I read and reread all of your responses a lot to remind myself Im not alone.  I went to see my grief counselor today and cried through the whole session. Felt good to let it out and she convinced me to take care of myself a little today. Ive been taking short weekend trips with my mom and trying to distract myself for a little while, but when I come home its back to reality, back to work and my grief and sense of loss seem to multiply. Missing him while im on a little trip out of town feels so different than missing the empty spot on the couch or in the kitchen while I cook. He always planned great trips for my birthday week. Last year was extra special bc he took me to Fiji and we got engaged. He was planning a trip for us to go to New York and Niagara Falls this week bc my bday is Thursday. I am just going to accept that this week is going to be extra emotional and hope for a better week next week.

[iPraiseHim]

Please know that many of us do understand and care. 

May is a rough month for me because;

1) I met my wife on the 2nd,

     2) My Mom's birthday on the 7th;

           3) Mother's Day (Mom passed away 8 years ago;

                 4) my wife's birthday is the 17 and 5) mine is one week later. 

May last year was the pits for me because it was the first time NOT with my beloved bride.  Allow yourself to grieve, cry, scream, shout, write, journal post,  whatever gets your feelings and thoughts out.  It is safe here to just express yourself.  There is no expectation here to be up or down, happy or sad. I find it is important to express myself it even if it sounds like the same old broken scratchy record. 

You grieve deeply because you loved your husband deeply.  Most of the outside world just doesn't understand this grief journey each of us is on. As you are able, come here and let the group love and help you as they have helped me and all the others here who share and care.  Shalom - George 

[Dew's Girl]

Sherbear, 

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  It just isn't fair.  I know that we've all felt that we've been robbed of something essential to us.  I imagine that you feel the same way.  I also know how difficult it is to lose your love at such a young age.  We look at all of the decades ahead of us and wonder how we can possibly go on for even another week, let alone 30+ years more without the one person we need most.  

For me, I've found that just giving myself grace and not trying to push myself too much works.  Even after almost a year and a half, I still have to take each day one step at a time and allow myself to do what I need to get through it.  Sometimes that is just giving myself space to cry or permission to still not be ok.  Sometimes it is forgiving myself for being ok for a bit and laughing at a funny story or enjoying time out with a friend.  

I hope that you are able to find some measure of comfort here, even if it is in knowing that others are feeling the same pain and understand.  

Amy

[kayc]

Sherbear,

My first birthday without George was tough because he always made a big deal out of it and the stark contrast of not one person wishing me happy birthday on my bday just pointed out his absence all the more to me.

You're right, just getting through it and hoping it'll be better next week...

Still I hope your day has something good in it and Happy Birthday.

[holdharp]

Hello sherbear,

 

So so sorry to hear about your losses and what you are going through. Even though i know you feel so alone just know that your not alone and you will get through this and find happiness again in your own time.

 

I too lost my husband of 20 years at the age of 42 in an instant on April 11, 2015. He had a congenital heart defect that had went undetected. We were in the middle of building our new home and he just collapsed. We never had any children (by choice) so when the visits from friends and family stopped and everyone went back to their daily routines loneliness and reality set in. I had a lot of the same feelings you have and felt the he and I were both robbed. Everything was so perfect what would i do now?

 

You should stay busy, get back into a routine as soon as you feel able. Your counseling will help you as well. As you know you will have good days and bad days and cry a lot; just try to focus on what he would want you to do and i am sure that is to move on and most importantly to be happy.  When i  find myself having negative thoughts i always replace them with positive thoughts of the times we shared together. I continue to honor him in many ways with a memorial spot in my home where i like to keep fresh flowers in remembrance of him. I have planted trees and had a one year remembrance cookout with his closet family and friends. It feels good to do things to keep his memory alive.

 

 I have accepted my loss and am moving on... and now dating someone. Looking back i didn't think i would be able to date anyone and especially not so soon. Its amazing how you think you would do things certain ways but until you are in the position you really don't know. Not a day goes by that i don't think of him and miss him tremendously. I continue to grieve as i move on with life, but i choose to be happy because i know that what he would want me to do. I feel like hes cheering me on and i get strength from that. Im attaching a poem to share i wrote a few weeks after he passed. Hang in there and remember there is no right or wrong amount of time on grieving do it at your own pace and whats best for you. 

 

Pushing Through

 

Pushing through is what I do, day after day trying to find a way, a reason to stay ….without you.

 

 

 

It’s hard to do missing you, your smile, your touch meant so much. I grasp the loving thoughts, the memories and such.

 

 

 

Pushing through is what I do, all while wondering why it happened to you. Why something so perfect had to end so soon. So many questions with no answers to.

 

 

 

Loving you was worth this pain, in loving you so much I gained. Through your strength I will find a way to make it through another day.

 

 

 

Pushing through is what I do, but not for me - for you. For I know it’s what you would want me to do. I must carry on and stay strong, I hear your voice cheering me on, so pushing through is what I will do with the hope to someday again be with you.

 

 

 

A Tribute to Jason by Amy May 24, 2015

 

[Jgillen]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband one month ago.  I can't believe a month has passed.  Yes, the pain is almost unbearable.  People keep telling me that Mike would want me and the kids to move on and be happy.  I am hoping that I can fulfill this tall order.  I hope you can find new reasons to get out of bed and start smiling.  Thinking of you!! 

[Guest]

Jgillen-

Welcome to our forum.  One month is so raw and so fresh, I'm glad you found your way here.  The pain is all consuming.  Right now you need to just focus all of your energy on yourself.  I believe you will find that those who are telling you that Mike wants you to move on don't have a clue how devastating your loss is.  Right now I would recommend you find a grief therapist if you haven't already.  Also look into face to face support groups in your area as well.  While nobodiy's grief is identical, those of us who are grieving can relate to the myriad emotions that will flood over you.  We can help and at least you won't be receiving many well meant but empty and useless platitudes like those who don't know grief will share with you.