R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Family teaches you a lot of things but they never teach you how to fill the hole they leave in your heart when they pass away and leave us forever. . I need my wife so very much. She could comfort my heart. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Indeed she could Butch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 I know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like Mary just died. I recall every second. I know now that it's true another loss can make a primary loss huge again. I'm in bed sobbing wishing the other side of the bed would be filled again by my wife. I know she would comfort my heart and make it "ok" that my mom has passed. Mary was my world my partner in crime my soul my best friend my strength and courage. I feel like I've lost that all over again. I've lost it all once I cant lose it all again. Am I making any sense. I'm so upset and so tired I don't even know. I'm just typing from my soul. And my soul hurts badly at the moment... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 I can not imagine handling another loss, I wish I could remove all our pain. I know they did not want to leave you I could not imagine having to deal with another loss without my Kevin wishing you some peace this night. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 My heart hurts for you, Butch. When Debbie died, I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by my SIL and her children and friends. I wanted so badly for Ron to be there to comfort me. Sadly, I had buried him 14 months before. I still feel that same hole that only one person can fill even after 3+ years. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 If anyone can understand, it's Karen. It's very hard having that second loss follow so close on the heels of the first one. It brings up the original loss on top of it and it is doubly hard. I know it's not the same, but I lost all of my animals after George died, and I remember crying out to God, "Can't I even have this one?! Why won't you let me have anyone/anything to call my own!" It felt agonizing! My son was in the Air Force so couldn't be with me, and my daughter moved to Eugene so wasn't around, I felt so alone...I WAS alone! I'd tried remarrying and he abandoned me. I still remember the way I felt inside. Excruciating comes to mind. You'll get through this, you'll adjust, but I can't tell you when, it's individual. I'm glad you have Allen and Katie, the boys, and Gracie. I hope you're enjoying your day at the beach today and that comfort will break through the empty feeling in your heart. You are surrounded by people that love you, I just know it's not the same as having Mary there to hold you. She does still love you though. And you will always be your mother's son, not even death can change that! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 I'm in such a blur I don't even recall starting this thread. Karen I can't imagine losing a child after my Mary. I do know the loss of still born twins of mine and Marys. And the loss of my premature twin granddaughters. But my heart goes out to you. Thank you all for your understanding and love. Butch 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Do you think it's normal to not even remember starting this thread. I feel like an idiot not even remembering typing anything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Butch, I'm so sorry you are hurting so much, I wish I knew a miracle cure that would take the pain away. I think you are acting very normal, we all have done things we don't really remember doing them when we are hurting so much. Sending you big hugs. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Thank you Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 29, 2016 Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Butch, yes it's normal under the circumstances. Besides, we'll let you know if you start showing signs of not being normal. What are friends for! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Oh Butch, There is no normal for any of us right now. Sometimes just keeping a complete sentence together is hard. You have experienced loss after loss, even more so than I have, and then there's your heart health. Don't give a tiny memory lapse another thought. As Kay said, losing another person on the heels of the first(grief wise) is so hard because of the memories of the first. On the day I buried Ron, Debbie ran crying from the grave saying "Mama, Mama, soon that will be me!" Fourteen months later it was. That one is burned into my brain forever. My heart hurts also. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Karen, reading what Debbie said and what happened is just too sad and cruel. If it were possible to give your heart some peace, I know we all would. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Karen you know the meaning of double losses back to back. My heart hurts too because of that. Bless your heart truly. ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seachelle Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Yes it is normal Butch! My supervisor came and said something to me the other day and it went right over my head. She looked at me like I was mental. She is 25 years old and has no idea what it's like so I forgave her in the moment for her ignorance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now