kayc Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I've been helping a new lady in our church out by taking her to get groceries (100+ miles). Her husband is in prison, his family doesn't have anything to do with her, she's disabled, very poor. A week ago, his niece, Marissa Nevills, was murdered in her apartment. She is the same age as my daughter and lives in the same city, Eugene, OR. They arrested the man quickly and have him in custody, but they haven't released much in the way of details. Today I am taking the lady to their niece's memorial service in Eugene. It feels weird to attend a service of someone I didn't know, but she really needs someone there for her and since her family won't do that... I hate funerals. Someone being murdered and my daughter's age (and she lived in some apts. near where my daughter used to live) it's going to be tough. I would imagine they will focus on her life, everyone has already mentioned her smile. She never got to marry or have children, but from what I gather on Facebook, she touched a lot of people in her all too short life. All of the news reports focus on the murderer, so I'm leaving that out, but I want to post a picture of her, it just seems right to honor her memory and ignore him. (There didn't seem an appropriate place to post this, so I apologize if it offends anyone). 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Bless you for doing it Kay. I see why it is had to be a hard thing to do. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Kay you're such a kind loving soul. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Kay, you are a good woman. We love you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 So sad when someone so young is taken away by a senseless and brutal act of violence. R.I.P. Marissa. Kay, you truly are a good person and a beloved friend to many here. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Yes indeed Kay. You are very much loved by us here. And I'm sure the young lady you are helping appreciates you so much. ❤️ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 It's great that you are doing all that; it's totally the right thing to do, and it's inspiring to hear about. You're the best! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Tragedy, so sorry for your friend........and good on you to do what you did.....Such a fragile looking young lady...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 As it turned out she sat up front with family and I sat in the back because it felt awkward since I hadn't even met her. I felt like I knew her by the end of the service. It lasted about 1 1/2 hours and was harder than I can say to get through. But I'm glad I did it, she was in tears when I picked her up. My sister told me "You don't know how to say 'NO', do you!" I just looked at her incredulously and said, "I know how to say no, but this was not the time for it." Honestly! The young lady that died is my daughter's age, 34. She was going to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor. There wasn't room for one more person in the church. It was mostly young people, but all manner of people whose lives she had touched. It was all the harder because it was senseless and how her life was taken from her. The family doesn't think she knew the person but the police are tight lipped right now. It was a really good funeral, and it turned out I knew some people even though it's in a different city. This kind of makes the things you read about in the newspaper come down to home more. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Your sister's remark - just made me roll my eyes. Most people find it all too easy to say no when it comes to doing something difficult. It takes someone courageous whose heart is in the right place to do the things that most people won't do. But that's you, Kay. The world needs more people like you! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 7 hours ago, kayc said: "I know how to say no, but this was not the time for it." Well spoken Kay. Well spoken. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 My sister has what I am sure are the beginning stages of dementia. It's hard for me to keep that in mind though when she's saying something inappropriate, which she does a lot now. I've talked with her about getting checked for it but she's one of those people that never deals with anything. I guess I have to keep remembering the person she was and love her through this. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Kay, even in these last days, when Mama can talk, when she is not doped up with Haldol, she comes out with her regular mean things to say. It is like she has them imprinted on her brain. She could sometimes say sweet things, but it seemed to make "more sense" to her to say mean things. I think about her sister (one of them) and she used to call her son and daughter terrible things, regarding their appearances. She was in assisted living (my aunt) and had not been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's, but one old woman sat in her chair at the dinner table and in her 80's she told the other old woman that if she did not get out of her chair she would beat her ass. A whole "nuther" book could be written about these sisters. I have trouble with my one, I sure would hate twins, but this family had six sisters and one brother that were terribly mean. I think it is inbred. I do know people back in those days did not get far from home, but my grandfather did ride his horse 37 miles to find his bride. No kinship, (I don't think). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 It's terrible having crazy and mean people in your family. Kay and Marg-I really feel for both of you. I think we have a lot in common in our relatives that no one would wish on anybody! Speech can be tricky...since the car accident, I've been coming up with the wrong word as well as having other speech problems. The speech pathologist told me she's not sure what she can do to help me, but she's going to try. I sure hope it's not permanent, because I need to talk at meetings and use correct and professional language. Maybe the singing will help (see my post under Falling). Laura 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Kay, you are very kind. RIP Marissa. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted July 18, 2016 Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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